Is this the start of an eating disorder?

ready_to_rise

I'm kind of weirded out. I was describing my eating habits to my doctor and she said I sound like I have some early symptoms of an eating disorder - non-purging bulimia.

Basically I eat 1200 cal a day, but sometimes I go under. In the past, I have felt guilty for eating 1200 because I thought it was too many. I lost about 3 kilos by doing that and I was very happy with the result, even though I think I might have been punishing my body. However, I started to read about "starvation mode" and I got scared that I was slowing my metabolism more (I have Hashimoto's thyroiditis) and I stopped tracking.

Without tracking my calories, I can easily lose control. I gained back the three kilos and two on top of that. I started to eat compulsively - not huge meals or massive binges but sweets, snacks, and anything I knew was "forbidden". I would feel guilty but satisfied doing this but I was not at all happy with my body (and I'm still not).

I've started tracking again and along with light exercise I'm starting to lose an average of 1 pound a week, give or take. I think this is the right way to lose weight as it's gradual but I still have some strange eating habits.

Basically: If I stop tracking I lose control. To maintain that control, I think I go a little overboard. Once I get exhausted of maintaining control, I go back to eating compulsively. So I have these cycles of strict and uncontrolled, and those cycles can last hours, days, weeks or even months.

Here are some other habits I have noticed:

- I often skip breakfast, and feel happy about doing so.

- I only feel like I have deserved food if I have been fasting or exercising.

- In the past, I have seen giving in to hunger as a weakness.

- I sometimes feel weak because I haven't eaten.

- I get scared that I'm being too strict or too nice to myself (I'm very confused.)

- When I look in the mirror sometimes I think "you look alright, maybe you're losing weight" and then five minutes later I feel fat again. People say that I'm skinny but I try to hide my fat under my clothes. They don't understand how I feel at all.

- If I eat a lot of food at the one time (usually in public, such as at a restaurant) I start to feel weak, sick and nauseous. I don't know if this is physical or psychological. However, I never NEVER purge. I have thought about it but no. I kind of fear vomit so I would never do that to myself.

Sorry for writing so much :ohwell: I just want to know if these behaviours are normal or what you might consider "disordered eating". I know a lot about eating disorders (I suppose you might call it a fascination) but I have never thought myself to be a possible victim of one until now.

Thanks in advance for any advice

Ninkyou

Your relationship with food does sound unhealthy, whether it's a disorder or not. Seek professional help before it becomes more out of hand.

MJ_Watson

More so than your actions, your mindset sounds unhealthy. It's easy to tell yourself "Well, I don't throw up!" or "I still eat some things!", but an eating disorder is not that black and white. I struggled with an ED myself (anorexia) and recognize A LOT of the thoughts you described in your post. I would honestly recommend seeking a professional to help you reorder your thinking before this escalates any further.

Fuzzipeg

try visiting the "food can make you ill" website.

food in itself can cause some of us problems. I am not saying you will definitively find your answer there, but you may be able to gain an understanding of how some foods affect some people, may be you.

all the very best in becoming the well rounded personality you really are.

arikag

Hi! Your post really resonated with me. I have recently (over the past year) lost about 20 lbs (which was weight I needed to loose), and while trying to maintain, I've dropped down to an un-safe weight for me.

I've been trying to gain back some weight so I can have my period again, and it's very challenging- I feel like I either need to have complete control, or I go wild! I have these "healthy" eating cycles for 4 or 5 days, and then I have a day where something will set me off, and I need to eat every sweet thing in sight, to the point of excess; a bloated, uncomfortable stomach, and lots of disappointment in myself. So this part, in particular, really got to me:

Basically: If I stop tracking I lose control. To maintain that control, I think I go a little overboard. Once I get exhausted of maintaining control, I go back to eating compulsively. So I have these cycles of strict and uncontrolled, and those cycles can last hours, days, weeks or even months.

I don't really have answers, but I just wanted to say hi, and that I'm out here too, working on the same things! I think for me, I need to talk to a nutritionist, but I also think that cutting myself some slack would be helpful. Instead of trying for perfect every day, and ending up with a few "perfect eating" days and then bingeing, I think I just need to allow myself 1 small treat per day or something; to make intentional space for food that I love, even if it's not healthy or necessary.

Anyway, good luck, friend! Friend me if you'd like to talk more!

TavistockToad

Your doctor tells you that you have disordered eating, so you ask strangers on the Internet if they agree with your doctor? Are you trying to find people who say 'no, what you're doing is completely normal, carry on'?!

jetlag

Here are some other habits I have noticed:

- I often skip breakfast, and feel happy about doing so.

- I only feel like I have deserved food if I have been fasting or exercising.

- In the past, I have seen giving in to hunger as a weakness.

- I sometimes feel weak because I haven't eaten.

- I get scared that I'm being too strict or too nice to myself (I'm very confused.)

- When I look in the mirror sometimes I think "you look alright, maybe you're losing weight" and then five minutes later I feel fat again. People say that I'm skinny but I try to hide my fat under my clothes. They don't understand how I feel at all.

- If I eat a lot of food at the one time (usually in public, such as at a restaurant) I start to feel weak, sick and nauseous. I don't know if this is physical or psychological. However, I never NEVER purge. I have thought about it but no. I kind of fear vomit so I would never do that to myself.

There is no rule that you have to eat breakfast. Meal timing does not matter. However, feeling happy that you've skipped breakfast is different.

Nobody "deserves" food. You NEED food. Food is not a reward, it's a necessity.

The "giving into hunger = weakness" thing sounds like a problem to me.

I sometimes feel weak when I haven't eaten, too. So I eat.

You are being too strict with yourself. If you were the parent of a 5 year old, would you treat them like this?

The mirror/baggy clothes thing is normal, if you actually are overweight. You haven't said what you weigh. One minute I look in the mirror and think I look smoking. Then I'll walk PAST a mirror, catch myself unawares (tummy not sucked in, muffintops a-go-go, hair all over the place) and I'll think I look like 10lbs of crap in a 5lb bag. They probably don't understand how you feel because you ARE skinny and your dieting is scaring the crap out of them. Like I said, you didn't say how much you weigh.

The last one sounds like a panic attack to me. You should not get panic attacks ever, let alone when you fuel your body.


I think it sounds like you need help, but then I think you know that too, which is why you made this post in the first place.

flumi_f

I'm less worried about the total cals you're eating, as I am about your relationship to food and when you deserve it. Might help to talk to a professional about that, before you're in loop, you'd rather not be in.

Good luck!

violetense

Not being a medical professional, I can't say for sure that you have an eating disorder; how ever, I can tell you from past experience that what you're describing definitely falls under the categorization of disordered eating, which sounds similar but can be very different. You might benefit from talking to a psychologist about this, or consulting your physician for reccomendations on support groups, face-to-face or online; being a recovering bulimic, I have learned that it's best to get things under control before they escalate, which they inevitably will. Please seek help if you feel comfortable doing so; I think you would find it useful and I think it would make you feel better. And if you ever need to talk, feel free to message me, okay?

Wishing you the best,
bekah

sweet_blasphemy

I'm kind of weirded out. I was describing my eating habits to my doctor and she said I sound like I have some early symptoms of an eating disorder - non-purging bulimia.

Basically I eat 1200 cal a day, but sometimes I go under. In the past, I have felt guilty for eating 1200 because I thought it was too many. I lost about 3 kilos by doing that and I was very happy with the result, even though I think I might have been punishing my body. However, I started to read about "starvation mode" and I got scared that I was slowing my metabolism more (I have Hashimoto's thyroiditis) and I stopped tracking.

Without tracking my calories, I can easily lose control. I gained back the three kilos and two on top of that. I started to eat compulsively - not huge meals or massive binges but sweets, snacks, and anything I knew was "forbidden". I would feel guilty but satisfied doing this but I was not at all happy with my body (and I'm still not).

I've started tracking again and along with light exercise I'm starting to lose an average of 1 pound a week, give or take. I think this is the right way to lose weight as it's gradual but I still have some strange eating habits.

Basically: If I stop tracking I lose control. To maintain that control, I think I go a little overboard. Once I get exhausted of maintaining control, I go back to eating compulsively. So I have these cycles of strict and uncontrolled, and those cycles can last hours, days, weeks or even months.

Here are some other habits I have noticed:

- I often skip breakfast, and feel happy about doing so.

- I only feel like I have deserved food if I have been fasting or exercising.

- In the past, I have seen giving in to hunger as a weakness.

- I sometimes feel weak because I haven't eaten.

- I get scared that I'm being too strict or too nice to myself (I'm very confused.)

- When I look in the mirror sometimes I think "you look alright, maybe you're losing weight" and then five minutes later I feel fat again. People say that I'm skinny but I try to hide my fat under my clothes. They don't understand how I feel at all.

- If I eat a lot of food at the one time (usually in public, such as at a restaurant) I start to feel weak, sick and nauseous. I don't know if this is physical or psychological. However, I never NEVER purge. I have thought about it but no. I kind of fear vomit so I would never do that to myself.

Sorry for writing so much :ohwell: I just want to know if these behaviours are normal or what you might consider "disordered eating". I know a lot about eating disorders (I suppose you might call it a fascination) but I have never thought myself to be a possible victim of one until now.

Thanks in advance for any advice

Wow, you sound a lot like me. I'm sorry I don't have much practical advice to offer except that I know this perception of food is not ideal, but I do it anyway (since I was around 13 years old), so I know exactly where you're coming from. I guess I've never really thought to mention it to doctors, I just go in with the usual complaint of not being able to lose weight and keep it off "no matter what I do." It's not something I really ever talk about with anyone because it's just a "normal" part of my day that's so second nature it'd be like telling everyone about how brushing my teeth or my shower for the day.

Your post actually kinda gave me chills because it sounds like something you could have ripped out of any random page from my life. So yeah, no real constructive advice here, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone and if you ever need someone to lend an ear, feel free to hit me up