Struggling with maintenance

twdlove89

This is my first ever post so please be gentle.
So 3years ago I weighed in over 15stone. After having my daughter I had a health scare and had my gallbladder removed due to infection.
After this I thought I needed to sort myself out so downloaded MFP and brought an elliptical trainer.
My goal was 9 stone.
My problem is now that I reached 9stone but kept losing. I’m now 8st 11lbs.
I’m struggling mentally to get out of the mind frame of losing weight and just trying to maintain.
I have an Apple Watch and aim to burn atleast a minimum of 300calories a day.
I work 15hour shifts and my job role as a support worker doesn’t really give breaks so I struggle to eat even 1000 calories but I’m still burning calories as I’m always running around or supporting individuals out and about.
At home I now have a treadmill so every day off I’m on it.
Eating wise at home sometimes I won’t eat untill about 5pm and other days I do really well with a balanced breakfast, lunch and dinner. I do enjoy a weekly takeaway and won’t eat the whole day so I know I won’t feel to guilty about eating all the calories.
I check calories on EVERYTHING and weigh EVERYTHING. I like this control over my food consumption.
I don’t check my calories per day as I do it per week Monday-Sunday.
I know I’m trying to maintain but I’m not comfortable unless my calorie consumption for the week is under atleast 4000 calories(this does include the exercise I burn).
I don’t want to keep losing weight as I’m worried it’s going to effect my health but I’m struggling with my mental health.
I have loose skin and I know it’s not fat but I see it as fat. It’s like a constant battle between a voice of reason and a voice of doubt in my head.
Just want to know that I’m not the only one struggling. I know people will say and have said “oh just eat more” but it’s easier said then done. I’m terrified of putting on weight because I feel like even if I put on a little bit then it’s not going to stop and I’m gonna be back at 15stone again. I know it sounds daft because I will take control before it gets to that again but I am TERRFIED! I don’t want my daughter to ever see me so unhealthy because how will it effect her.
I’m sorry for the essay, I just want to see if other people are struggling the same or have struggled and how they overcame the mental torture of it all.
Thanks

aosborne81

I am sorry you are feeling in anguish right now and I can definitely tell by how you are coming through in this post. More than anything I would talk to someone in the mental health field (a counselor), and maybe someone who specializes in disordered eating and body image. In 3 years you have had a lot going on. A health scare that required major surgery, a new baby, body changes, and not to mention day to day stresses and job stressors all at the same time. A lot of the things you are saying sound like you just need to take care of you by going to talk to a professional that can help sort through everything and process what is currently going on. Your statements about the things you are struggling with in regards to your inner voice, is not food related, its emotional health related.

Sending big hugs your way.

(I hope that makes sense )

kgirlhart

twdlove89 wrote: »

This is my first ever post so please be gentle.
So 3years ago I weighed in over 15stone. After having my daughter I had a health scare and had my gallbladder removed due to infection.
After this I thought I needed to sort myself out so downloaded MFP and brought an elliptical trainer.
My goal was 9 stone.
My problem is now that I reached 9stone but kept losing. I’m now 8st 11lbs.
I’m struggling mentally to get out of the mind frame of losing weight and just trying to maintain.
I have an Apple Watch and aim to burn atleast a minimum of 300calories a day.
I work 15hour shifts and my job role as a support worker doesn’t really give breaks so I struggle to eat even 1000 calories but I’m still burning calories as I’m always running around or supporting individuals out and about.
At home I now have a treadmill so every day off I’m on it.
Eating wise at home sometimes I won’t eat untill about 5pm and other days I do really well with a balanced breakfast, lunch and dinner. I do enjoy a weekly takeaway and won’t eat the whole day so I know I won’t feel to guilty about eating all the calories.
I check calories on EVERYTHING and weigh EVERYTHING. I like this control over my food consumption.
I don’t check my calories per day as I do it per week Monday-Sunday.
I know I’m trying to maintain but I’m not comfortable unless my calorie consumption for the week is under atleast 4000 calories(this does include the exercise I burn).
I don’t want to keep losing weight as I’m worried it’s going to effect my health but I’m struggling with my mental health.
I have loose skin and I know it’s not fat but I see it as fat. It’s like a constant battle between a voice of reason and a voice of doubt in my head.
Just want to know that I’m not the only one struggling. I know people will say and have said “oh just eat more” but it’s easier said then done. I’m terrified of putting on weight because I feel like even if I put on a little bit then it’s not going to stop and I’m gonna be back at 15stone again. I know it sounds daft because I will take control before it gets to that again but I am TERRFIED! I don’t want my daughter to ever see me so unhealthy because how will it effect her.
I’m sorry for the essay, I just want to see if other people are struggling the same or have struggled and how they overcame the mental torture of it all.
Thanks

Is the bolded part a typo? If you are truly only comfortable if you are netting an average of 4000 per week or 571 calories per day then you may need to speak with your doctor about that. If that should say 14000 per week that is a whole other thing. I think for the most part your fears are pretty typical going into maintenance. I had many of the same fears of regaining, and at least for me it has taken a while to change my mindset from losing.

kimny72

You need to either exercise less or eat more, would one be easier to wrap your head around than the other?

You say you know you need to eat more but you aren't comfortable eating more, you're terrified of gaining weight, and that you're struggling with your mental health.

I am just a random stranger on the internet, but if you were my friend, I would tell you that I was concerned because your thinking sounds disordered, and urge you to talk to your doctor. You would not be the first person who after losing weight found they were stuck in a thought pattern they needed help to get out of.

I'm sorry your struggling! Maybe read through older threads in this forum and see what others who've gone through this have posted in the past. Hang in there

FlyingMolly

The best thing you can do for yourself and your family is stop trying to solve this alone. Talk to your GP and ask for a referral to a counselor who specializes in disordered eating.

It's not inherently bad to remain aware of your burn and intake after you've reached your goal. It's not unusual to aim a little under most of the time to make room for the splurges that are a regular part of most of our lives--birthday parties, holidays, dinners with friends, trying a new restaurant, or whatever.

The level of vigilance and anxiety you're describing seems to go well beyond that, though, which means random advice on the internet could potentially make the issue worse but has very little chance of making it better. You need—and deserve—help that will actually help, from a professional whose job this is.

twdlove89

Is the bolded part a typo? If you are truly only comfortable if you are netting an average of 4000 per week or 571 calories per day then you may need to speak with your doctor about that. If that should say 14000 per week that is a whole other thing. I think for the most part your fears are pretty typical going into maintenance. I had many of the same fears of regaining, and at least for me it has taken a while to change my mindset from losing. [/quote]

I’ve added a picture of what I mean by only comfortable if my calories for the week are atleast 4000 calories under.

Thank you to everyone for being so nice. I was so scared of getting nasty comments.
I’ve finally spoken to my husband about everything and he was so supportive I just cried. I haven’t got the courage yet to go to the GP but my husband now wants to know how much I’m eating and how much I’m exercising so he can help me. Baby steps I guess

TavistockToad

You need to speak to your doctor

Fflpnari

speak to a therapist, & your doc

Fatgonegirl

Hi, please go see your GP, don't worry about getting a bad reception. The NHS has some great resources to help us with mental health problems, much better than it was a few years ago. If you are worried take your husband with you.

Good luck

psychod787

4000 a week? Heck I almost eat that in a day sometimes! # bulking? Lol

kgirlhart

I'm glad you spoke to your husband about it and I do hope you will seek some professional help as well. It can be a little difficult to switch gears from losing to maintaining, but it should not be "mental torture". Best of luck!

twdlove89

I feel I may have confused people with how I’ve worded my calorie total for the week.
Basically for the week I’m ment to have 13,300 to 14,000 but after my deducting what I’ve burnt from exercise I’m consuming around 8-9,000 a week.
Is this ok or not. I know that even if this amount is ok that I should still see someone. Just constantly arguing with myself wether I’m eating too much or not enough.