Ladies- how do you stop comparing yourself?

laurenmjones1022
laurenmjones1022 Posts: 7 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have a bad habit of constantly comparing myself to women around me. No matter where I am, that's the first thing my mind goes to. I have this stupid mind set that if my body isn't perfect, I don't look good. That combined with my laziness equals one miserable girl. How do you all stop the comparison??

Replies

  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I think that is usually more of a mental thing, when one is feeling insecure. If I catch myself doing that I try to step back and look at the bigger picture (as silly as that may sound) and try to focus less on appearances and more on other ways to make myself feel good and boost my self-esteem, like meeting personal goals and helping others.

    I read back over this and it does sound so Pollyanna and "woo" but I truly mean it. I remember times in my life when I endlessly compared myself to others, and it was usually indicative of bigger problems psychologically and not that closely related to weight or fitness.
  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,966 Member
    There are so many more important things in life than what you look like. I consider all the things around me that make me happy and make life worth living. Is it what I look like? No, it's my kids, my husband, my hobbies etc. Sure I want to look nice, I think most people do. But it's not my top priority.
  • Enthusiast84
    Enthusiast84 Posts: 171 Member
    What I do is remember that everyone has imperfections even those that are very attractive on the eye will have their own imperfections and insecurities.

    I admire and appreciate beauty in other people as opposed to compare myself to others and remember all the things I like about myself.

    And as someone else has said true beauty is so much more than what is on the surface and is also very subjective.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    Comparison is common, for women and men. If it spurs you to try harder in a healthy way, then use it to your advantage. But, if it makes you feel poorly about yourself then it's best to try to stop doing it, which is hard, I admit. At that point you have to give yourself a positive pep-talk just like you'd do for a friend who was feeling down about themselves.

    Also, keep track of what you're proud of. Things you do and have done that make you feel accomplished. We tend to forget things like that.
  • allison8668
    allison8668 Posts: 885 Member
    I think personality and interests is also important. I think the essence of a person - and how they present themselves to the world and others is more important than say - how you look in comparison to another in a photograph. You are more than just your body. There are special things about you - that set you apart from others.
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
    i ask myself if i can do something to make me comparable and if i'm willing to do the work.

    and usually, i am not that interested. it is usually related to my BF% or spending more time exercising.
    and if it's a genetic thing, i say bless 'em
  • fmize7
    fmize7 Posts: 26 Member
    I had a problem with this when I was younger. For me self-acceptance was key. Just remembering how different and unique we all are. Something that helped me over-come this bad habit was sort of putting "blinders" on when I went out in a crowd or around people who I felt insecure around. Wherever I felt tempted to compare I focused more heavily on my own little world and the immediate people around me like my children or the task at hand. Focus on accepting who you are. You are a unique individual and outward appearance is only one measure of a person. Don't give it more than it is worth. I'm sure you have a lot of wonderful qualities to be appreciative of. Only compare yourself to what you admire in others and traits that you would like to foster in yourself but always remember you can't be them. You are you!
  • laurenmjones1022
    laurenmjones1022 Posts: 7 Member
    You all are amazing! Thank you for all of your input..
  • LiLee2018
    LiLee2018 Posts: 1,389 Member
    Honestly, I still do it. It's just one of those automatic thoughts that I can't control when it happens.
    What I can control is what I do with it after though. Do I get depressed about soandso seems to have it together? Or do I move along b/c it's not worth wasting my time thinking stuff like that.

  • Unknown
    Unknown
    edited December 2018
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  • Running2Fit
    Running2Fit Posts: 702 Member
    Eh, everyone has something about themselves they don’t like. The same women you look at and envy could very well be doing the same thing to you.

    I think it’s important to focus on the things you like about yourself. Maybe each day start writing down or saying out loud 5 things you like about yourself. Or each time you see someone and think “Oh, I wish I looked like her” make a conscious effort to tell yourself things you like about you. It may sound cheesy but if you want to change your thought processes you have to put in some mental effort to do it, it may feel cheesy or fake a first but keep at it and it really can help rewire your thinking.
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    I try to focus on being happy for other people, instead of envying them. It's a good habit to get into in all areas of life, not just appearance. "My neighbors got a great looking new car, I'm happy for them!" is better than, "I wish we could afford a new car right now." Try changing the narrative away from yourself and towards appreciation when you find yourself making comparisons. "Wow, she's pretty, her abs look great! Just looking at her makes me want to smile." Isn't it nice to look at pretty people?
  • cariwaldick
    cariwaldick Posts: 189 Member
    There's nothing wrong with comparing yourself to others. The problem is when you feel you don't measure up to some ideal. So what if she's taller, thinner, firmer, etc. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. People are all different, and you need to love yourself--faults and all. Focus on your good points, and if it helps you can mentally downgrade your comparison. (She's thinner, but I've got a better butt, her nose is big, my clothes fit better, and I would never be with that guy.) If you're going to take inventory, you have to count your strengths as well.

    I used to compare myself to the pretty people all the time. What stopped me was learning what was behind the facade. The women I envied had faced challenges I'd never imagined. That skinny beauty had suffered a miscarriage, that tall blonde had lupis, that gorgeous lady had an abusive husband. The people I envied, and thought had it all, had their own share of ups and downs I didn't have. All things considered, I wouldn't trade.

    Lastly, confidence makes you prettier. Be the best you. Work it. Stand up tall and proud, and don't tear yourself down. Compare yourself to last week's you, and try to be better than her--inside and out.
  • Ardael
    Ardael Posts: 244 Member
    I compare all the time.

    I can’t help it.

    But now that I have lost most of the weight I wanted and am generally much fitter the comparison ceased to be automatically negative. And I feel better most of the time. Still a work in progress but heading there.

    There are parts of my body that not matter what I think I could never be happy enough with, but some others parts that have hit the spot now make it good for me.

    To strive toward an ideal is great but sometimes you forget where you’ve come from. Do compare yourself to less attractive people too and realise «  I used to be this size, yeaaah go meeee !!! » I might sound petty but sometimes it’s what’s needed.
  • EliseTK1
    EliseTK1 Posts: 483 Member
    Every time I start to compare myself to others I remember that each of them is fighting an internal battle I can't see. I get told sometimes by women that they admire or are jealous of certain things about me. If only they knew the anxiety, doubt, and grueling hard work I've had to do both physically and mentally to get to this point in my life.

    Every person you meet has their strengths and difficulties. You are experiencing their outward appearance, but they, and you, are so much more.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    I think I did that when I was unhappy with myself. I made an effort to find things I liked about myself and I don't care as much any more. I have friends and family all shapes and sizes and what makes them great is not their body being model perfect.
    A person is more than looks. Maybe you are nicer, stronger, healthier, have better relationships, a better job, more friends, etc. You don't know what that person is going through so comparing your looks and deciding they are better than you might be a pretty silly thing to do.

    Most people have things they don't love about themselves even if you think they look amazing. The grass is always greener on the other side. You are probably someone else's ideal.

  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
    Lounmoun wrote: »
    I think I did that when I was unhappy with myself. I made an effort to find things I liked about myself and I don't care as much any more. I have friends and family all shapes and sizes and what makes them great is not their body being model perfect.
    A person is more than looks. Maybe you are nicer, stronger, healthier, have better relationships, a better job, more friends, etc. You don't know what that person is going through so comparing your looks and deciding they are better than you might be a pretty silly thing to do.

    Most people have things they don't love about themselves even if you think they look amazing. The grass is always greener on the other side. You are probably someone else's ideal.

    ⬆Yes! An effective oversight ... Oblivious compararisons are judgemental, no matter how one chooses to dress it up. Thank you @Lounmoun
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,463 Member
    There will always be someone better than you and someone worse than you.
    I like to have many goals in appearance, fitness, new activities, scales, measurements, recipes, new ingredients, etc. That way a few things are always going well and I don't get consumed with one particular goal.
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
    lorrpb wrote: »
    There will always be someone better than you and someone worse than you.
    I like to have many goals in appearance, fitness, new activities, scales, measurements, recipes, new ingredients, etc. That way a few things are always going well and I don't get consumed with one particular goal.

    Truth⬆

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