Someone said I am "pushing myself" and I find that sad

RealWorldStrengthLLC

This is really just a rant, but something I wanted to discuss too.

I was talking to a friend about a health issue I've been experiencing (vertigo, I made a thread on it...that's not what this is about though) and he said "may be you're pushing yourself too hard"

Holy *kitten* did I get fired up. Offended almost, and not a lot offends me. Without even really thinking I shot back with "Pushing myself?! I go to school full time and lift weights an hour a day. I do active stuff like snowboard and dirt bike and ride bikes occasionally. If you think that's pushing the human body that's pathetic. Very few stuff I did in the Army was even truly pushing myself to the brink. Maybe Ranger selection. Worlds strongest man competitors, the are pushing themselves. Olympic swimmers. Whatever guys are in the suck down in mountain phase of ranger school in GA. The dude who pulled a mini Cooper a full marathon. Those guys are pushing it. Damn. You really think I'm pushing myself? You have no IDEA of what the human body is capable of."

I was even taken aback by my response...but it really did irritate me that having a weight lifting routine and generally just being active was seen as "pushing it". Have we really fallen so out of fitness as a society? Do people really forget that humans evolved to walk, run, hunt, carry loads on our backs, build our own shelters etc?

I know I'm kind of being dramatic but for some reason this REALLY bothered me. I know it was well meaning, but part of me took it as a personal attack against what I'm truly physically capable of and also just what humans in general are capable of.

jennifer_417

There's a difference between pushing yourself in what may be considered day-to-day life and pushing yourself to the extremes of what the human body can survive. Granted, I wasn't there, but it does seem like your friend was mostly just concerned for you.

paperpudding

Hmm, does seem an over reaction to me.

I would take the comment as meaning Maybe you have too much on your plate
rather than you are pushing your body to limits of physical capability.

And maybe commenter is completely off the mark - but seems a reasonable question, given you were talking about your health issues

I'm sure person will be thinking now Don't bother me with your health issues again, if your'e only going to bite my head off when I reply.

Machka9

youcantflexcardio wrote: »

I was talking to a friend about a health issue I've been experiencing (vertigo, I made a thread on it...that's not what this is about though) and he said "may be you're pushing yourself too hard"

I don't see what the problem is. You've got a health issue (vestibular disorder ... look it up), and your friend thinks maybe you need to dial things back a little and rest.

A quick question ... did you have an injury before developing your vestibular disorder?

foxtrot1965

It sounds like you're a tough cookie, and thats great. But, not everyone is. It doesn't make it sad either, it's just different for everyone. Sorry to hear about the health issues and hope they get resolved.

scribblemoma

Sounds like being concerned for you is a waste of time. With an actual health issue all those things you do could result in injury. Not that you should stop...but maybe you could unwad those britches a little bit and just say thanks for the concern.

fastfoodietofitcutie

Maybe you need to look into some therapy if you are getting that riled up over an innocent comment.

aokoye

I think that you really need to realize that not everyone is built the same. Pushing hard, physically, for person A is not for person B. Moreover, person A may have been able to push X amount of hard at one point in their life and now and now may only be able to push Y amount of hard for a wide variety of reasons including health, age, fitness, etc.

In short, I really don't think that your friend wasn't in the wrong for the comment they made.

mbaker566

Your friend was concerned for you. Your reaction seems very much out of line with a simple comment.
pushing too hard is a recipe for injury
a more appropriate response might be something like-thank you for your concern but i'm good.

amusedmonkey

The art of considering context is a dying art. People, including me sometimes, tend to internalize some comments because we fail to remember that other people don't live in our inner world.

Just a few minutes ago, my mom asked me to help her put earrings on, and I've never been good at that. Her ears are pierced funny, so when I tried and couldn't, I told her I can't do this. She said, "you can never do anything right". Was she really saying "you're a failure" or "I'm frustrated because I'm running late and can't get this done"? Context is important. I see your friend's comment as something that is driven by concern and the desire to help you. Some health issues can be helped by dialing back on activity, and that's true regardless of your fitness level. That doesn't sound like it was said to criticize your abilities.

RealWorldStrengthLLC

Wow. A lot of people seem to missing the point.

First off, the vertigo has been checked by a medical professional. It's probably BPPV and likely nothing to worry about and not caused by physical activity - it just happened, no real cause. The friend knew this.

Second, I know the friend was concerned, I pretty much said so in my original post.

My friend is extremely sedentary. My whole point is that I find it very sad that shedding weight, following a lifting routine, and having active hobbies could even be considered pushing oneself. It is not. What i want to know is why have we fallen so far away from fitness as a whole that an average person would consider that pushing oneself?

Also someone asked if I've ever had any injuries before this. The answer is yes. I've broken bones, cracked ribs, had plenty of stitches, I've had surgical hardware put in 4 times in 3 different spots, broke some of that hardware once and had to have it changed out.

kimny72

So you're angry at your friend for suggesting you take it easy while you're not feeling well? Dizziness can be a tricky symptom of all sorts of things, some benign and some serious. Your friend was concerned about you.

MelanieCN77

youcantflexcardio wrote: »

Wow. A lot of people seem to missing the point.

No, they just feel differently about it than you.

elisa123gal

I hope you've googled the easy exercise you can do to get rid of vertigo. My husband was having it... and the exercise cured it. I think we found the exercise demonstrated on youtube.

It is hard to have a health issue when you put so much into being fit and active.

mbaker566

i kinda think you missed the point of your friend's comment.

kshama2001

I think your friend reacted appropriately for the way you framed your comment.

You: I'm having this health issue
Him: Maybe you are pushing yourself
You: [overreacts]

That said, this guy knows how to push himself: https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/nov/04/it-was-brutal-ross-edgley-completes-157-day-swim-around-britain

amusedmonkey

youcantflexcardio wrote: »

Wow. A lot of people seem to missing the point.

My friend is extremely sedentary. My whole point is that I find it very sad that shedding weight, following a lifting routine, and having active hobbies could even be considered pushing oneself. It is not. What i want to know is why have we fallen so far away from fitness as a whole that an average person would consider that pushing oneself?

I don't think it's sad that people are differently able. Lifting does a number on me so I don't do it. I also find it boring, so I don't do it. My decision not lift doesn't make me better nor worse than anyone, it's just a choice I made. It sounds like you are judging your friend for being sedentary not the other way around.

To answer your question: we have evolved to conserve energy. It's a basic human instinct to want to do more while using less energy. The conveniences of modern life have made this goal much more attainable, so being sedentary is more prevalent. Is it a good thing? No. Is it a moral failure? Also no. It just is. Some people try to be more active, others have other priorities.

kimny72

youcantflexcardio wrote: »

Wow. A lot of people seem to missing the point.

First off, the vertigo has been checked by a medical professional. It's probably BPPV and likely nothing to worry about and not caused by physical activity - it just happened, no real cause. The friend knew this.

Second, I know the friend was concerned, I pretty much said so in my original post.

My friend is extremely sedentary. My whole point is that I find it very sad that shedding weight, following a lifting routine, and having active hobbies could even be considered pushing oneself. It is not. What i want to know is why have we fallen so far away from fitness as a whole that an average person would consider that pushing oneself?

Also someone asked if I've ever had any injuries before this. The answer is yes. I've broken bones, cracked ribs, had plenty of stitches, I've had surgical hardware put in 4 times in 3 different spots, broke some of that hardware once and had to have it changed out.

No, I think we think you're reading too much into this. Your friends comment was most likely a smalltalk way of expressing concern.

If you are leaving work on a snowy night and a coworker goes "Drive safe!" do you take that as an insult to your driving?

There is nothing "anti-fitness" about believing a person might benefit by taking it easy for a little while when they are experiencing a health concern. It might not be necessary or even advisable, but it has nothing to do with society turning it's back on fitness.

rheddmobile

Pushing or not pushing is contextual. Today I'm going to run 5k. That's easy for me. A year ago, it would have been pushing myself, to the brink of risking injury. Yesterday I lifted weight, mostly legs, heavy, but not really any different from my usual progressive routine. However, it was pushing myself because I had run 8 miles the day before (which is a longer run than I'm used to right now) and without a rest day, my hip muscle is tired and was causing me to have poor form. I got away with it, no injuries, but there was a real risk of injury because I was working at the outside limit of my abilities. I should probably plan my schedule better in the future and allow more rest after longer runs.

That you are shedding weight, lifting, and being active is beside the point. You can do all those things in a way which allows you plenty of rest and recovery, or you can do them in a way which causes you to slowly lose fitness due to exhaustion and eventually have a stress injury. It's during rest that muscles grow. You can knead the dough all day, but if you never leave it alone, it won't rise.

Therealobi1

Are you upset with yourself or your friend

SpicyWater

It's easy to get fired up about the things you care about. I've been known to fly off the handle myself and confuse friends/family who don't understand why I'm upset. But I've always found that it's because there's something I'm upset about with myself. This may or may not be the case with you but it's something to consider.

I know if it was me I'd be frustrated that little health issues were setting me back in my fitness journey - especially since it sounds like you take it very seriously.

Without context (the friend's tone, inflection, the earlier part of the conversation) it's hard to say if your anger was justified or not. It really doesn't matter though - what matters is that you take care of your health and do the best you can each day! Maybe what might be "pushing it" one day is easy another. Nothing wrong with that - the human body changes with so many different factors inside/out of it. The fact of the matter is that close to no human bodies are conditioned to do the everyday tasks that, say, prehistoric humans were capable of routinely doing. We live in a different world.

AnnPT77

Even if your friend is myopically considering a normal level of athletic activity as "pushing oneself", and even if this is a symptom of a greater societal malaise, I don't understand being irritated, dramatic (your words, BTW) and as if it was a personal attack.

I'd be more likely to feel sad for the less-healthy friend, and maybe a little helpless about how to help them understand that their own behavior/lifestyle seems more destructive/dangerous to you than does anything you're doing.

Some introspection might be useful, about why you're feeling so strongly about the way a less-healthy friend chose to interpret and express concern about your health problem.

For myself, I think strong emotions usually tell me more about myself, than about the immediate triggering incident, or about society at large . . . especially if the triggering incidents are relatively small things.

Just my experience, though.

elisa123gal

I get your point and your frustration. we are not ganging up on you. The fact is you work to be fit and lead a disciplined life. You'd like to be respected for that. And here.. this unfit friend basically tells you that he sees you as a guy who is "pushing it" ..so much that you have vertigo.

Instead of you being an example to him......he actually thinks you are being unhealthy.

It is funny if you really want to think on it. Hang with some fit friends who don't see you as a freak.

I think your friend was just trying to help, as irritating it is...

RealWorldStrengthLLC

elisa123gal wrote: »

I get your point and your frustration. we are not ganging up on you. The fact is you work to be fit and lead a disciplined life. You'd like to be respected for that. And here.. this unfit friend basically tells you that he sees you as a guy who is "pushing it" ..so much that you have vertigo.

Instead of you being an example to him......he actually thinks you are being unhealthy.

It is funny if you really want to think on it. Hang with some fit friends who don't see you as a freak.

I think your friend was just trying to help, as irritating it is...

Insightful actually.

I think I took more offense to the fact that he thought this was pushing myself than anything. I spent 7 years in the military. Infantry too, not some desk job. He knows this, and it almost felt like he had no respect or idea what that day to day life was like. What I'm doing now? This is cake. Its not 2 a days, I get better food of my choosing, I get more sleep, I don't have to run on caffeine, nocotine, and hate. My workouts are mine and programmed well, I don't have to worry about training legs and then getting a text at 10pm that I'm doing a 10 mile ruck with 60lbs st 6am.

kami3006

youcantflexcardio wrote: »

elisa123gal wrote: »

I get your point and your frustration. we are not ganging up on you. The fact is you work to be fit and lead a disciplined life. You'd like to be respected for that. And here.. this unfit friend basically tells you that he sees you as a guy who is "pushing it" ..so much that you have vertigo.

Instead of you being an example to him......he actually thinks you are being unhealthy.

It is funny if you really want to think on it. Hang with some fit friends who don't see you as a freak.

I think your friend was just trying to help, as irritating it is...

Insightful actually.

I think I took more offense to the fact that he thought this was pushing myself than anything. I spent 7 years in the military. Infantry too, not some desk job. He knows this, and it almost felt like he had no respect or idea what that day to day life was like. What I'm doing now? This is cake. Its not 2 a days, I get better food of my choosing, I get more sleep, I don't have to run on caffeine, nocotine, and hate. My workouts are mine and programmed well, I don't have to worry about training legs and then getting a text at 10pm that I'm doing a 10 mile ruck with 60lbs st 6am.

He was showing concern for your current situation not giving a treatise on how you've spent your life. Honesty, this sounds more like insecurity on your part when it should be appreciation for a caring friend (even if his concerns are misplaced).

sardelsa

It sounds to me like your friend knows you well and how you are, and wants to make sure you are you aren't overdoing it. I don't think it has anything to do with a definition of pushing oneself, but based on your past and determined nature. When someone says to me "Stef, don't overdo it" I don't take it as they don't know what overdoing is, but that I tend to push it to the limit and to be careful. That's all.

Fuzzipeg

You mentioned vertigo. This can be a symptom of an inner ear infection not related to your physical ability. Taken to an extreme it could be a symptom of Meniere which has more symptoms with it. If you were to have an inner ear infection it could account for your thinking you have been sharp with in a way you would otherwise have not been. Please take care of yourself.

lynn_glenmont

I hope you have a spotter for your lifting sessions if you're suffering from vertigo.

aokoye

youcantflexcardio wrote: »

elisa123gal wrote: »

I get your point and your frustration. we are not ganging up on you. The fact is you work to be fit and lead a disciplined life. You'd like to be respected for that. And here.. this unfit friend basically tells you that he sees you as a guy who is "pushing it" ..so much that you have vertigo.

Instead of you being an example to him......he actually thinks you are being unhealthy.

It is funny if you really want to think on it. Hang with some fit friends who don't see you as a freak.

I think your friend was just trying to help, as irritating it is...

Insightful actually.

I think I took more offense to the fact that he thought this was pushing myself than anything. I spent 7 years in the military. Infantry too, not some desk job. He knows this, and it almost felt like he had no respect or idea what that day to day life was like. What I'm doing now? This is cake. Its not 2 a days, I get better food of my choosing, I get more sleep, I don't have to run on caffeine, nocotine, and hate. My workouts are mine and programmed well, I don't have to worry about training legs and then getting a text at 10pm that I'm doing a 10 mile ruck with 60lbs st 6am.

I think you need to do yourself a favor and realize a number of things. Your friend was trying to show concern for you and you were being too stubborn and full of pride to realize it. You likely don't have the physical ability now to do what you were doing in the military, and why in the world would you?! You're older now than you were then, you have vertigo (which obviously isn't some sort of death sentence but does play a role in your physical wellness), you're in school full time (which takes a lot of physical time and mental energy), and so on.

Whether you like it or not, working out seven days a week (an hour everyday is what you mentioned in your first post) is a lot. It might be sustainable for you, but that doesn't somehow minimize how much you're doing. Whether you want to admit it not, people can still be healthy without seven hours of exercise a week - they can, in fact, be pushing themselves with under seven hours of exercise a week.

lorrpb

Pushing yourself is relative to where you are at the moment. What might have been easy for someone at one time could push them to the brink at another point in life, the fact of what you did in the past is not your baseline forever.
However, I doubt that pushing yourself too much leads to vertigo.

Theoldguy1

youcantflexcardio wrote: »

This is really just a rant, but something I wanted to discuss too.

I was talking to a friend about a health issue I've been experiencing (vertigo, I made a thread on it...that's not what this is about though) and he said "may be you're pushing yourself too hard"

Holy *kitten* did I get fired up. Offended almost, and not a lot offends me. Without even really thinking I shot back with "Pushing myself?! I go to school full time and lift weights an hour a day. I do active stuff like snowboard and dirt bike and ride bikes occasionally. If you think that's pushing the human body that's pathetic. Very few stuff I did in the Army was even truly pushing myself to the brink. Maybe Ranger selection. Worlds strongest man competitors, the are pushing themselves. Olympic swimmers. Whatever guys are in the suck down in mountain phase of ranger school in GA. The dude who pulled a mini Cooper a full marathon. Those guys are pushing it. Damn. You really think I'm pushing myself? You have no IDEA of what the human body is capable of."

I was even taken aback by my response...but it really did irritate me that having a weight lifting routine and generally just being active was seen as "pushing it". Have we really fallen so out of fitness as a society? Do people really forget that humans evolved to walk, run, hunt, carry loads on our backs, build our own shelters etc?

I know I'm kind of being dramatic but for some reason this REALLY bothered me. I know it was well meaning, but part of me took it as a personal attack against what I'm truly physically capable of and also just what humans in general are capable of.

Thanks for your service. IMO, contrary to what many have mentioned, an hour a day of lifting and some active hobbies is not pushing ones' self if they have worked up to it. Pretty sure your level of activity has nothing to do with the vertigo.

If the vertigo hasn't cleared up see if your doctor can send you to a physical therapist trained to treat it. They have a way to determine where the crystals are floating around and can give specific exercises to correct as opposed to random movements. I did this and personal experience it cleared up in 2 days.

Best of luck.