Coworker Charity Advice

Paul76

Completely unrelated to weight-loss, which is why it's here in "chit chat, fun, and games". It's chit-chat.

So a coworker of mine has a blog that she updates every week or so. She usually rants about her husband, or her job, or her kid, but it's never anything too personal or anything that crosses any lines - it's usually more funny than anything else. She has it linked to Facebook so that her Facebook status updates when she posts to her blog.

So this morning while eating my breakfast I'm cruising Facebook, see she's got a new blog post, and casually proceed to read it. Anyway, it got very personal and talked about her lazy husband, their money struggles, and basically wishing she could unplug and go live in the woods. She was upset because she needs a new pair of jeans because her one pair has a hole in the knee, but spending $50 on those means a bill won't get paid this month. I'm assuming she recognized her post was unusally personal and maybe inappropriate because she has since taken it down.

Now, I'm fortunate that I received a good education, worked pretty hard, and ended up in a reasonably well paying profession. I wouldn't say I'm rich, but I also don't worry about money from week to week or month to month. She's a hardworking mother (she's the receptionist at our office) who gets little support from her husband (who sits on his *kitten* playing World of Warcraft online most of the day) and I feel like she deserves a new pair of jeans if she wants. Afterall, he spends their money on his World of Warcraft membership and cigarettes. Clothing should be a higher priority.

I want to help her out a little, but I don't want her to think that I see her as a charity case or something. She's not looking for sympathy or a handout (I don't think). I was thinking of sending her maybe $100 or a gift card to a clothing store anonymously in the mail with a typed note telling her that I saw her blog and thought she deserved to treat herself.

Any other ideas about how I could help her out without embarrassing her? Should I leave it alone completely? Help!

Amandac6772

Is there a way you can slip an envelope in her desk with the money and just a brief note that this is for your jeans??? If you want it to be anonymous type the note.

Nina74

That is the sweetest thing I've heard in a long time! I think the gift card anonymously is a great idea (won't make her feel like charity).

weaklink109

As long as it can be done ANONYMOUSLY, I don't see a problem with you doing your best imitation of "Santa" in July. I do think you want to do it that way because since you work with this person, you don't want to create an uncomfortable situation.

The one thing I would suggest is not a gift card to a specific store--instead, you could get a preloaded gift VISA or MC, so that she can shop where she chooses.

Good luck!! And kudos to you for being that concerned about your fellow (wo)man!!:flowerforyou:

mooz

Wow. Talk about paying it forward.

I think sending her the gift card would be amazing. Not sure if I would mail it to her home though. Does she have a mailbox at work that you could leave it in or mail it to her at work. I'd be concerned about the husband opening the mail and taking it or getting angry with her.

Jenks

If she's your receptionist how about a "Thank you card" with the gift cert in it. So it's about thanking her for what she does around the office and not about needed the money cuz of her lazy husband.

BTW...that's awefully nice of you :flowerforyou:

arzimmerman

Perhaps make it a Visa gift card that can be used anywhere instead of a specific store. And she could be embarassed that a coworker would read her blog, I know I would, so maybe give it to her as a gift it to her saying "she does a great job at work" or something.

Great idea!

thumper44

To all the women that responded. If that was you, wouldn't you all be wondering who left you a gift card?
I know it would bother me.. Why me?, Who sent it to me.

I think you should give it as a gift and make some special occasion out of it.

ie. "alot of us in the office really appreciate the work you've done and got together to give you this gift card"
or
This is sneaky, but you could make a little competition, or contest, and make sure she wins.

Even if she gets the gift an anonymously, she still might feel like it's charity.

If she's your receptionist how about a "Thank you card" with the gift cert in it. So it's about thanking her for what she does around the office and not about needed the money cuz of her lazy husband

Exactly.

Paul76

Wow - lots of great advice so far, keep it up!

I'm still leaning toward anonymity rather than a gift for a fake reason, but I can be convinced otherwise. I never thought of the husband opening the mail though, and you're right - that would be bad. The only reason I thought home address rather than work mailbox was that the work mailbox thing means she knows it's a coworker (of which there are 10 or so with whom she is Facebook friends) which limits her guessing. Sent to her home means it could be any one of her Facebook friends (of which there are a few hundred).

immacookie

If her DH sits home all day and plays WOW, then yeah he's probably likely to get the mail first... and that could cause all sorts of issues.

Did any of your other co-workers see her FB post? Maybe they would like to chip in for an office appreciation gift for her. Although anything this soon is likely to immediately make her think that someone read her post before she took it down.

Tough one!

TheMaidOfAstolat

Wow - lots of great advice so far, keep it up!

I'm still leaning toward anonymity rather than a gift for a fake reason, but I can be convinced otherwise. I never thought of the husband opening the mail though, and you're right - that would be bad. The only reason I thought home address rather than work mailbox was that the work mailbox thing means she knows it's a coworker (of which there are 10 or so with whom she is Facebook friends) which limits her guessing. Sent to her home means it could be any one of her Facebook friends (of which there are a few hundred).

I would bet that if the hubby sits on his rear all day...he probably doesn't get the mail, she does. My hubs has been out of work for a year and he plays games most of the day (thank God he does keep the house looking nice...but he never goes to get the mail).
It's a great idea, it's nice to know that there are still some very kind hearted people still in this world.

bldillar

I think you should mail it to her house anonymously, with a note saying that you read her blogs daily and you enjoy the laughs you get from on. Maybe also that you have been inspired by what she has written in the past and just thought she might enjoy treating herself to something nice. That way, she knows it is related to the blog, but you are only mentioning the positive, so if her husband reads the note he'll never know she was complaining on there. As far as the gift card, I think you should buy one to a place where she could only spend it on herself. A Visa gift card is something that could be taken by her spouse or used on gas or groceries. I was originally thinking Old Navy (if there's one near you) because she could get a lot of clothes for $100 there and they have a wide range of styles and sizes. However, she may end up using that on clothing for her child instead of herself.

AndriaLL

If there are only ~10 at work, then I think the home mailbox is best. The people I know in my life who sit on their butts all day playing games, do not get up and get mail.

PS: You are very sweet and thoughtful

questionablemethods

I think there are some great ideas and I applaud you wanting to help her out and give her a gift. It also sounds like this woman has some bigger problems than just a pair of jeans with holes in the knees! Maybe she could also use someone to talk to about her troubles.

Paul76

I think there are some great ideas and I applaud you wanting to help her out and give her a gift. It also sounds like this woman has some bigger problems than just a pair of jeans with holes in the knees! Maybe she could also use someone to talk to about her troubles.

Agreed - but it's probably none of my business. We're coworkers, acquaintances, and Facebook friends. I can't imagine I'd be the right person for her to talk about about maritial and financial issues. I'd be a sympathetic ear, and would be happy to listen to her and talk to her if she initiated, but it's probably inappropriate for me to broach the subject.

WrenLynn

You are right. It would be inappropriate for you a guy to talk to her -a married woman- about financial and marital problems. What you are doing is very nice but definitely keep it anonymous. Send it to her house addressed to her. Even if her husband gets the mail he shouldn't open mail addressed only to her. Wish there were more people in the world like you.

questionablemethods

You are right. It would be inappropriate for you a guy to talk to her -a married woman- about financial and marital problems. What you are doing is very nice but definitely keep it anonymous. Send it to her house addressed to her. Even if her husband gets the mail he shouldn't open mail addressed only to her. Wish there were more people in the world like you.

I agree. (I actually didn't pay attention to whether the OP was a man or a woman.) And also, he isn't close enough to her to anyway. I guess I was saying that more as a general statement of "the money isn't the whole problem." I guess it was a pretty obvious statement for me to make. Money troubles are so often symptoms of bigger problems.

Paul76

Bump.

Any last thoughts before I make a decision?

thumper44

Probably hubby won't check the mail unless he's expecting something. He wont' care about the bills, so won't care to check the mail.
BUT,
There are a lot of men that would probably not like their wife receiving $100 gift card from someone that you don't know.
Depending on the husband, and especially if he's a jealous, insecure husband, that gift in the mail could cause problems, that she won't be able to explain.
He could think she has a special friend.

I think at work is a better decision based on possibilities of the unknown at home
edit: Even if you mention it's from someone on facebook. You don't know how hubby would react.