Eating for comfort...

LiterallyTommyJ

I'm sure I'm not the only one here that eats for comfort. Any time my life circumstances change for the worse, my waist balloons. I have been consciously working on developing better coping skills for a couple of years but I'm currently in a rough patch.

I moved half way across the country for this super, super competitive graduate program that's constantly kicking my butt. This is the first time in my life I have felt academically incompetent, and I keep comforting myself with ice cream or cookies or any sweets I can get my hands on. Also I have NO FRIENDS here. I grew up/went to college/worked in my hometown so this is the first time I've been far from my lifelong friends and my family. I'm just having a hard time with self esteem and self worth in general and I keep taking refuge in food. And then I become infuriated with myself because my goals (being comfortable in my own skin) don't match my actions (binge eating an entire container of cookies).

It's a frustrating time in my life and I'm having many issues trying to learn how to cope. I want to stop eating for comfort but I don't know if I want to allow myself to feel the discomfort of everything that's going on right now. I want to be able to manage my mental health without using cheap ploys (like snacks).

Machka9

I actually turn to exercise for comfort ... a run or good bicycle ride. Seems to burn off the frustration.

And I find that setting goals, like walking 1000 km in a year, or running the next 5K event helps give me something I know I can do when my grad program gets difficult.

88olds

In large part I succeeded at weight loss by fighting my sweet tooth to a draw. But there’s a lot going on in your post.

First realize that in the end, you aren’t really getting comfort from what you are doing. As a friend says, if hunger isn’t the problem, food isn’t the solution.

If you are stressed by the challenges of your program, the answers are focus and work. If you’ve got it in your head you have to be at the top of the class, that’s a different issue. If you aren’t cutting it, that’s a real problem. Actually, to a degree, I find solace in work. But the only real relief from the challenges of work is meeting them.

Recreation. I agree with Machka9 that exercise can be great recreation. Just walking is enough. Exercise is way overrated as a weight loss tool, but it’s very good for our heads. And sounds like you need to find a way to be around people.

Cookies. I think cookies are a separate weight management problem all their own. Don’t buy them. It may sound crazy, but I fought cookies by eating ice cream. I plan for what I consider a satisfying portion of ice cream and incorporate it into my program, about 120 calories. The same calories in cookies is gone in a flash. Plus, I go at cookies like othe people go at potato chips. But if I give in to a cookie, my calories are shot and there goes the ice cream for the day. Ice cream almost always wins that deal.

Last- if it helps, keep in mind that your life circumstances are temporary. All you need for now is to get by.

gallicinvasion

All the above makes sense. But please remember; no person could make all those changes at once!! Do not feel as though you need to make a dramatic overhaul of eating habits, activity, self-esteem, social life,academic habits, all at the same time. It’s not possible and it won’t create lifelong habits that help you live more happily.

Since you have so many issues that are weighing on you, it probably feels overwhelming to work hard towards a single goal while everything else is also making you unhappy. This is why I would recommend a behavioral therapist who can help you identify your most important larger goals, break them up into manageable smaller goals, and accomplish those one at a time. They can help motivate you, keep you accountable, get to the roots of your unhappiness, and work with you to create workable plans towards improving your situation.

mariececilia10

I’m going through an extremely difficult time as well. I like all of the advice above. I’ll just add that staying as consistent with logging and doing my best to stay within my calories is actually something that is very comforting to me. That way when I have these moments of “Life is sh*%, nothing matters,” at least I can look at what I’m doing for my health and take it as a victory. I’ve struggled with various disordered eating habits my entire life, so knowing that I’m doing this extremely difficult thing during the worst period of my life is something I can be proud of. Also, if cookies are comforting to you, maybe just buy a couple instead of a whole container and log them into your diary at the beginning of the day.

ETA: Good luck! Once this stressful period is over and you’ve adjusted you’ll be happy you maintained your health and don’t have to tackle losing additional weight (if weight loss is your goal.)

jeedsjds13

It has taken me 32 years of life to finally ask for help, very much like what I am hearing from your situation, OP. It took a significant emotional incident at work to bring to light the sheer importance of getting that help.I'm a stubborn, perfectionist, which doesn't help much ha, and I am just at the very beginning, but I would highly recommend as someone just above said, seeking out a professional in behaviours. Had I not started asking, over these past 2 weeks and seeing all forms of doctors and counselors, I'd have never known there is a real underlying reason - in my case ADHD, anxiety, depression, and 2 eating disorders. There is a chemical imbalance in my impulse-control part of the brain -.-

I've started a thread related to it, whenever anyone feels like sharing, I'm hoping it helps feel some love and support.
As my closest friend always says, you got this! Take care of you

karabobera

Wishing you lots of comfort and better times :-) it's alright to slip up, the only place you can start is where you are, so just keep going and don't look back. And when you slip up again, log it, and keep going, no sense in beating yourself up about it at all. Be kind to yourself and don't be afraid to reach out!

Wantstobefitagain

You are a brave and smart person to be in a graduate program!!! Take a minute to recognize that you are awesome for committing to a graduate degree.

About 15 years ago I attended the equivalent of a two year program in advanced math and it kicked my butt. It was the most humbling and challenging journey I’d ever been on. I remember waking up and freezing in fear at all that I needed to accomplish. Somehow I pushed through and achieved my goal. Was it easy? Heck no! Did it challenge every fibre in my being? Yes!

I share to help you understand that you are not alone.

Hang in there.

You can do this!!!!