Trying once again to change but all family against me!!
Lastchancetochange
Posts: 146 Member
So first of all, it's my fault being overweight. I'm the one who overeats and under exercises. That being said family doesn't help, my wife eats with no control or remorse. She is quite overweight, not huge though. But always dessert and chips, or rice, sandwiches, etc...Plus my inlaws that live near same model, no exercise all bad eating. My parents who live away same model, no sport overeating. Trying to change habits especially for my kids also but I feel like fighting against the world. Trying to change myself first and then lets see.
8
Replies
-
Can you prepare your own meals?0
-
Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »Can you prepare your own meals?
Yes for dinner & weekends, I eat at restaurants near work. Also I do travel quite a bit which is another challenge. In a restaurant I make bad choices. Thinking in taking the food from home. For when I travel I'm basically thinking in getting some shakes and try not to go to business dinners as much as possible, they always come with beers, ribs, etc...0 -
Lastchancetochange wrote: »Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »Can you prepare your own meals?
Yes for dinner & weekends, I eat at restaurants near work. Also I do travel quite a bit which is another challenge. In a restaurant I make bad choices. Thinking in taking the food from home. For when I travel I'm basically thinking in getting some shakes and try not to go to business dinners as much as possible, they always come with beers, ribs, etc...
So those dinners and weekends you *can* make good choices... It's a start.
I travel a lot for work as well. I just get into a mind set of: dinner, not a special occasion.5 -
Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »Lastchancetochange wrote: »Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »Can you prepare your own meals?
Yes for dinner & weekends, I eat at restaurants near work. Also I do travel quite a bit which is another challenge. In a restaurant I make bad choices. Thinking in taking the food from home. For when I travel I'm basically thinking in getting some shakes and try not to go to business dinners as much as possible, they always come with beers, ribs, etc...
So those dinners and weekends you *can* make good choices... It's a start.
I travel a lot for work as well. I just get into a mind set of: dinner, not a special occasion.
Yes, I'll try this. As from Feb on I won't be able to exercise but also travel as I get a knee surgery I can get all my food made at home but not by me. So I will prepare menus to be under control.0 -
Things posted on the internet are magical because they have no inflection or emphasis. To a certain extent the meaning of what was said, or implied, or not is somewhat up to the reader and where their head space is at. That being said: what follows may be totally off base and if it is, I apologize, but I still wanted to put it out there in case of lurkers.
I feel like there is a certain amount of judgement that is coming in to play. From my reading it seems like there is a bit of either resentment or judgement over the way your family eats. This happens and I've been there. I know partly of it can stem from feeling like food is either inherently good or bad. It's not. It's just food. Some is more nutritionally dense and better for your overall health, but it doesn't make other food evil.
If this is how you feel:
1. Maybe start working through your issues with food.
2. Talk to your wife. Explain how it's important to you that you make these changes and that you would love if she joined you but that it's not required. However, let her know that you would love to have her support and that it might look like smaller changes in the way that the family as a whole eats. Maybe that's replacing one less than ideal side dish for something that's more nutritionally dense. Or maybe it's having one dinner a week be a nutritionally dense meal (and as we all know, healthy doesn't mean boring and bland).
3. Whether or not she can support you in that way, the only thing that matters for weight loss is calories. At home you can simply eat less of what is served if you can't make it for yourself. And then when you are away for meals you can work on getting the nutritionally dense diversity.
4. When you do have surgery, there are still exercises that you can do that don't involve the knees. Maybe look into getting a few dumbbells and work on some upper body workouts.
Again, maybe I'm reading more into the situation but being open with your wife could lead to positive things, even if it is simply that you have a stinger relationship because she knows where you're coming from.5 -
Lastchancetochange wrote: »So first of all, it's my fault being overweight. I'm the one who overeats and under exercises. That being said family doesn't help, my wife eats with no control or remorse. She is quite overweight, not huge though. But always dessert and chips, or rice, sandwiches, etc...Plus my inlaws that live near same model, no exercise all bad eating. My parents who live away same model, no sport overeating. Trying to change habits especially for my kids also but I feel like fighting against the world. Trying to change myself first and then lets see.
Same boat here and I was able to do it. I started by making my own breakfasts, lunches and snacks. Making dinner for both the wife and I as healthy as possible and eating within my calorie goals. My wife still snacked and ate all the things I liked and wanted I just managed to keep my self control and not give into it.
Now, after dropping 130+lbs and bulking I eat for me and she eats for her. The only difference is dinner we eat the same thing I try to make it as healthy as possible but don't worry too much about it. She still eats and drinks what she wants and I just don't want the same stuff. If I have a craving for chocolate and she has something I may take a bite but that is it.
It kind of lands to you to do whats right for you and maintain as much self control and discipline as you can.
Just read more replies and really try to prep your own lunches instead of the restaurants, they will sabotage your progress.
6 -
Things posted on the internet are magical because they have no inflection or emphasis. To a certain extent the meaning of what was said, or implied, or not is somewhat up to the reader and where their head space is at. That being said: what follows may be totally off base and if it is, I apologize, but I still wanted to put it out there in case of lurkers.
I feel like there is a certain amount of judgement that is coming in to play. From my reading it seems like there is a bit of either resentment or judgement over the way your family eats. This happens and I've been there. I know partly of it can stem from feeling like food is either inherently good or bad. It's not. It's just food. Some is more nutritionally dense and better for your overall health, but it doesn't make other food evil.
If this is how you feel:
1. Maybe start working through your issues with food.
2. Talk to your wife. Explain how it's important to you that you make these changes and that you would love if she joined you but that it's not required. However, let her know that you would love to have her support and that it might look like smaller changes in the way that the family as a whole eats. Maybe that's replacing one less than ideal side dish for something that's more nutritionally dense. Or maybe it's having one dinner a week be a nutritionally dense meal (and as we all know, healthy doesn't mean boring and bland).
3. Whether or not she can support you in that way, the only thing that matters for weight loss is calories. At home you can simply eat less of what is served if you can't make it for yourself. And then when you are away for meals you can work on getting the nutritionally dense diversity.
4. When you do have surgery, there are still exercises that you can do that don't involve the knees. Maybe look into getting a few dumbbells and work on some upper body workouts.
Again, maybe I'm reading more into the situation but being open with your wife could lead to positive things, even if it is simply that you have a stinger relationship because she knows where you're coming from.
Hi Scram thanks for your comments, welcome definitely. Yes you are right there is resentment. From when I was kid on my mother in particular that always fed me to death with no limits and then my in law family that follow the same program. But at the end as said the issue is mine, I'm 40 and I have to deal with it. The comment is that my natural habitat is not a safehaven for dieting. Just picture this, yesterday I was with the inlaws with the kids and I'm with antibiotics for a bronchitis, so my father in law says "try this new white wine", and I said, "no, i'm taking antiobiotics". 15 minutes after he pours me a glass and says, but come on, just taste it, it's great.
All the advice you give is great, tried my wife to help and she hasn't in general, but have to push harder.
One final questions. You say: start working your issues with food". My question is how ?0 -
Lastchancetochange wrote: »So first of all, it's my fault being overweight. I'm the one who overeats and under exercises. That being said family doesn't help, my wife eats with no control or remorse. She is quite overweight, not huge though. But always dessert and chips, or rice, sandwiches, etc...Plus my inlaws that live near same model, no exercise all bad eating. My parents who live away same model, no sport overeating. Trying to change habits especially for my kids also but I feel like fighting against the world. Trying to change myself first and then lets see.
Same boat here and I was able to do it. I started by making my own breakfasts, lunches and snacks. Making dinner for both the wife and I as healthy as possible and eating within my calorie goals. My wife still snacked and ate all the things I liked and wanted I just managed to keep my self control and not give into it.
Now, after dropping 130+lbs and bulking I eat for me and she eats for her. The only difference is dinner we eat the same thing I try to make it as healthy as possible but don't worry too much about it. She still eats and drinks what she wants and I just don't want the same stuff. If I have a craving for chocolate and she has something I may take a bite but that is it.
It kind of lands to you to do whats right for you and maintain as much self control and discipline as you can.
Just read more replies and really try to prep your own lunches instead of the restaurants, they will sabotage your progress.
Yes, very good advice and congrats for you 130lbs shredded. I have to go into lunch prepping. Will start tomorrow. The other is I'll have to prevent going to the in law lunches which turn into 5000 calories marathons of hours eating, and drinking.1 -
Things posted on the internet are magical because they have no inflection or emphasis. To a certain extent the meaning of what was said, or implied, or not is somewhat up to the reader and where their head space is at. That being said: what follows may be totally off base and if it is, I apologize, but I still wanted to put it out there in case of lurkers.
I feel like there is a certain amount of judgement that is coming in to play. From my reading it seems like there is a bit of either resentment or judgement over the way your family eats. This happens and I've been there. I know partly of it can stem from feeling like food is either inherently good or bad. It's not. It's just food. Some is more nutritionally dense and better for your overall health, but it doesn't make other food evil.
If this is how you feel:
1. Maybe start working through your issues with food.
2. Talk to your wife. Explain how it's important to you that you make these changes and that you would love if she joined you but that it's not required. However, let her know that you would love to have her support and that it might look like smaller changes in the way that the family as a whole eats. Maybe that's replacing one less than ideal side dish for something that's more nutritionally dense. Or maybe it's having one dinner a week be a nutritionally dense meal (and as we all know, healthy doesn't mean boring and bland).
3. Whether or not she can support you in that way, the only thing that matters for weight loss is calories. At home you can simply eat less of what is served if you can't make it for yourself. And then when you are away for meals you can work on getting the nutritionally dense diversity.
4. When you do have surgery, there are still exercises that you can do that don't involve the knees. Maybe look into getting a few dumbbells and work on some upper body workouts.
Again, maybe I'm reading more into the situation but being open with your wife could lead to positive things, even if it is simply that you have a stinger relationship because she knows where you're coming from.
Hi Skram, just an update, actually my wife is trying to help a bit for the first time!! Excellent news, so you never know, maybe this lasts!!2 -
Lead by example. Maybe once you and they start seeing the results of your hard work, they'll join you
0 -
Lastchancetochange wrote: »Things posted on the internet are magical because they have no inflection or emphasis. To a certain extent the meaning of what was said, or implied, or not is somewhat up to the reader and where their head space is at. That being said: what follows may be totally off base and if it is, I apologize, but I still wanted to put it out there in case of lurkers.
I feel like there is a certain amount of judgement that is coming in to play. From my reading it seems like there is a bit of either resentment or judgement over the way your family eats. This happens and I've been there. I know partly of it can stem from feeling like food is either inherently good or bad. It's not. It's just food. Some is more nutritionally dense and better for your overall health, but it doesn't make other food evil.
If this is how you feel:
1. Maybe start working through your issues with food.
2. Talk to your wife. Explain how it's important to you that you make these changes and that you would love if she joined you but that it's not required. However, let her know that you would love to have her support and that it might look like smaller changes in the way that the family as a whole eats. Maybe that's replacing one less than ideal side dish for something that's more nutritionally dense. Or maybe it's having one dinner a week be a nutritionally dense meal (and as we all know, healthy doesn't mean boring and bland).
3. Whether or not she can support you in that way, the only thing that matters for weight loss is calories. At home you can simply eat less of what is served if you can't make it for yourself. And then when you are away for meals you can work on getting the nutritionally dense diversity.
4. When you do have surgery, there are still exercises that you can do that don't involve the knees. Maybe look into getting a few dumbbells and work on some upper body workouts.
Again, maybe I'm reading more into the situation but being open with your wife could lead to positive things, even if it is simply that you have a stinger relationship because she knows where you're coming from.
Hi Skram, just an update, actually my wife is trying to help a bit for the first time!! Excellent news, so you never know, maybe this lasts!!
I'm glad to hear!! You know how they say that you are born alone and you die alone? I've always felt that "you change your weight alone" should be added to this. Whether up or down, your weight journey is your own. But, that doesn't negate the fact that a support system is beneficial. I hope that even if your wife decides to continue to eat in a way that is incongruent with yours, that she is still able to be supportive. And also the reverse. She is your wife for a reason and disagreeing on one thing doesn't negate the fact that you love her.
As far as how to deal with the mental stuff, I'm not sure. I feel like I can't tell you what will work for you. What worked for me is eating how I wanted but at a calorie deficit. When it worked regardless of what I ate, I was able to make peace with the idea that it isn't about the food, and then work on getting proper nutrition while including treats. It's about my own issues with food. Everyone's issues stem from different places. Mine revolve around issues with my mother and the culture of "I want you to lose weight because I'm concerned about you but I'm not concerned enough to do anything about my own weight or help you in ways you need" that was created. No, I don't blame my mother for my weight since it's not her responsibility. It's hard to hear conflicting messages of "you're amazing!" and "everyone is going to base your worth on your weight" and struggling with filtering through the conflicting emotions that it implements. For me, a lot of my healing had to do with setting boundaries and internalizing the idea that it's ok to do that even with family. Parents are amazing but they're human. You can love someone but still need to keep them at arm's length.
Your reasons may be different and they probably will be. Your process may be different. Therapy is sometimes necessary and no one should feel ashamed for needing it. Good luck!
(Edited for clarity)1 -
I pretty much eat the same foods I always did. My family eats ice cream, chips, rice, bread, etc.
I prelog my food and adjust portion sizes to fit my goals. I look at calories first then meeting my protein goal. I try to eat several servings of vegetables or fruits a day. I generally have 100-300 calories for snacks.
I look up nutritional information for restaurants.
I mostly drink water or unsweetened tea and save calories for food because that is more satisfying to me.
I pair higher calorie foods with more lower calorie vegetables. I reduce calories in foods by using less cheese, less oil, lower fat milk, thinner crust for pizza, etc. I might skip rice or bread if it doesn't fit well that day.
I have foods I like on hand that are easy to fit in my day.
I make the menu plan, grocery list and cook so it is easy to have a lot of control.
I use smaller plates and bowls for my smaller servings.
In a practical example, my family is having a stir fry, vegetables and rice for dinner and I don't want to use my calories on rice so I don't take any. I put extra vegetables on my plate. A bag of frozen vegetables is quick and easy to prepare. A salad is easy to add to my meal. At a restaurant I might order a regular burger, side salad with vinaigrette dressing and an unsweetened tea. Sometimes I eat the rice or fries.
If someone offers me something I don't want I say things like no thanks I don't want any or I am not hungry or thirsty right now. I will say no repeatedly. I might take the thing and give it to someone else if I think they'd like it. I'm 44 years old and I am in charge of what goes in my body. If I say no to something then I expect that to be respected.
You could start with just logging what you normally eat and sticking to your calorie goal. You want to eat in a way you can sustain. You can alter your diet in small steps like getting more protein or having more vegetables on your plate or cutting down the higher calorie drinks. I think smaller changes in what you do are also easier for your family to adjust to.
Hope that gives you some ideas.2
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.9K Introduce Yourself
- 43.9K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 176K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.6K Fitness and Exercise
- 429 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153.1K Motivation and Support
- 8.1K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 15 News and Announcements
- 1.2K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions