Attempting change the right way this time-- My story

glasscast

Hi, I'm Josie. I grew up very active and very lean, but when I moved from a rural region with no access to fast food and daily physical labour caring for our horses to a suburban setting, I started putting on weight.

Not that much at first. My doctors always said I was only mildly overweight. I thought, I enjoy food, so being kind of overweight is something I'm okay with. Until I wasn't okay with it-- some cruel comments from friends, and suddenly my little bit of tummy chub was a source of anger, fear, and despair. I started restricting my calorie intake to unhealthy levels, occasionally not eating at all, and dropped over 30 pounds. Eventually I was starving, and I did what any starving person would do-- I ate. And ate. And ate. And ate. And I had to do something about all that food after I ate it. I developed an eating disorder, bulimia nervosa, only making an effort at recovering when I realised it might well kill me, after over a year.

After my eating disorder, I was afraid to so much as think about a calorie, or anything that resembled restricting my food intake. I refused to step on a scale, for fear of what it might trigger. I tried to get comfortable with eating again, but I never seemed to quite shake the desperate food anxiety starvation had produced in me-- I would always make or order too much for one person, so I would have leftovers, so I would never be without food again. People noticed that when I ate, it was as though I thought I would never see food again.

Recently, I stepped on a scale out of curiosity and was shocked to see it read 90kgs, or almost 200 pounds. The highest my weight has ever been, putting me just over the line into an obese BMI. I know I need to lose weight in order to protect my health, and I'm here to try and do it in a way that won't open old wounds. I want to make a lasting change and repair my relationship with food and with my body for good.

It's nice to meet you.

HappilyMarried2711

You have a lot to be proud of already! Overcoming an eating disorder is no small feat! So congratulations on that! I think having some support will get you back on the track to a healthy lifestyle! I’m Amber! Feel free to add me 🙂