How do you respond to?

kindasortachewy

Today at work I had a jacket tied around my waist, I've been working with the same man for 2 years now so he saw me at my heaviest and I've been wearing the XL work polos the whole time. He has commented on my weight-loss before saying I look like 'half the person I used to be' and other always seemingly nice things.

I work with this guy for 12 hours a night 3 nights a week, he always says i'm not eating enough or that I'm starving myself which is not true, i just don't order whole pizzas or chinese for 2 each night.

Today when I stood up and my jacket was snug around my waist he freaked out on me.. first I thought he was kidding because you said 'You look skinnnnnnny' I didn't say anything, I hate that word. He said, 'no seriously, you look tiny tiny, you're just bones' I laughed and said no I'm not (what else is there to say?) Things suddenly got serious, he was like laugh it off if you want to but you have problems, serious mental problems. You have body dysmorphic disorder.' I said umm, No I don't. and all he said is ' I know sick when i see it and you are SICK, you need help.'


Uhm, I'm barely in the HEATHY weight spectrium for BMI - my goal is still 24-30 pounds away..... I am not 'just bones' - saying I need help and have problems seems too far - doesn't it?

What do you say to people like that? My mother keeps telling me I'm getting too thin to, for some reason i don't think me saying, I'm not too thin you are just fat, is going to work well.

sam308lbs

You definitely don't have 24- 30 pounds to lose :huh:

scottaworley

You definitely don't have 24- 30 pounds to lose :huh:

this

Izzwoz

You definitely don't have 24- 30 pounds to lose :huh:

^^ definitely this.

sam85brent

It's nothing to do with him, that's as rude and potentially more damaging than telling someone they look fat.

Being overweight or underweight is not good for your body, everyone knows that, but it's the individuals choice to be that way. and as it is you are not underweight, I would agree with the two posters, based on your profile picture you look hot and spot one to me.

If the guy can't deal with you looking good, then it's his problem. Tell him that he made you feel uncomfortable and that he was way out of order in saying it.

As for your mum, that's just mums lol

serviceburo

Most likely he is confronting his own dissatisfaction with his weight by saying that you are too skinny. It's a common reaction.

grrrlface

Most likely he is confronting his own dissatisfaction with his weight by saying that you are too skinny. It's a common reaction.

This.

MyJourney1960

if you are referring to him as one of those who order double portions of chinese food/pizza every night, then he is probably just jealous.

but as previous people said - based on your profile pics i don't see where you have 25 lbs to lose. where did you get that number?

Addis_Daddy12

I am just astounded at the first three people who told her that she didnt have 24-30 pounds to lose. DID YOU NOT JUST READ THE WHOLE STATEMENT SHE TYPED IN THE OP?? You guys are as bad as the original guy!

JenAndSome

I would tell him that you are just at a health BMI and that it's not his business anyways.

scottaworley

I am just astounded at the first three people who told her that she didnt have 24-30 pounds to lose. DID YOU NOT JUST READ THE WHOLE STATEMENT SHE TYPED IN THE OP?? You guys are as bad as the original guy!

No one said she's too skinny. Just that her goal weight is probably unrealistic.

labeachgirl

In the OP's defense, looking at her profile, she's 5'11" and her goal weight is in the 150s, which is a completely normal weight goal. Trust me, I'm the same height and read all the tall girl threads and a majority feel that's a comfortable and good weight to be.

Of course, each person is different and she already looks thinner than I did at her current weight listed on her profile. So, her optimal weight may not need to be as low as 150. If the people in her life are worried about her health, I think her doctor should help her decide what is a healthy weight range.

iggylove123

People that are larger always think that when someone else loses weight they're "getting too skinny" or they have a disorder. One of my friends moms took us out to lunch and she thought I was bulimic. Which is weird because I have nice teeth...haha I would brush it off...but you're so tall! If you're already a 6 (or a 4?) getting much thinnner would be TOO thin! I'm 5'10" and wear an 8 or a 10. I'm wide set, so I can't really be a size 4 but if I tried I would look emaciated so please be careful!

Trechechus

I get this from my extended family a lot and my dad used to think I would starve to death because I am also a vegetarian. It took my mom saying, "She is an adult and she knows how to take care of her body," to get it to calm down.

hararayne

I am just astounded at the first three people who told her that she didnt have 24-30 pounds to lose. DID YOU NOT JUST READ THE WHOLE STATEMENT SHE TYPED IN THE OP?? You guys are as bad as the original guy!

Or maybe her muscle mass is far more and she is in a healthy body fat percentage (or close). BMI is bs. It's a frame that not everyone fits into. But that guy calling her sick is far different from letting someone know respectfully that perhaps they need to double check their goals. There is nothing wrong with questioning where she got her idea for her weight loss goal. There is MAJORLY something wrong with that guy being rude and diagnosing her with absolutely no idea what he is talking about.

hararayne

I lost a fair amount of weight when I was in High School and to this day, my friends say I was "scary skinny". I weight 173 lbs at 5'7". Sometimes people get ridiculous. Sometimes its hard to see someone change. And sometimes our goals are out of touch with what we can realistically do.

I went to the gym and had my lean body mass (bone, tissue, muscle) measured. This was 141 lbs. A normal woman, has about 20% bodyfat. At 176 lbs I would have hit the goal of average 20% body fat. I would HIGHLY recommend having your body fat measured. Don't follow BMI.

isefluffy44

Tell people like that to ask their dr. what a healthy weight is for someone your height with your BMI? They will be surprised. Also share with them how much better you feel physically and about yourself in general. It sure shows through on here. The only man u want to please is your hubby. Tell the guy THAT.

DashDeV

You definitely don't have 24- 30 pounds to lose :huh:

^^ definitely this.

How can you both say she "definitely" doesn't need to lose the weight? lol What are you basing this on?

DashDeV

I am just astounded at the first three people who told her that she didnt have 24-30 pounds to lose. DID YOU NOT JUST READ THE WHOLE STATEMENT SHE TYPED IN THE OP?? You guys are as bad as the original guy!

No one said she's too skinny. Just that her goal weight is probably unrealistic.

150 lbs is not unrealistic for her height.

quirkytizzy

In the OP's defense, looking at her profile, she's 5'11" and her goal weight is in the 150s, which is a completely normal weight goal. Trust me, I'm the same height and read all the tall girl threads and a majority feel that's a comfortable and good weight to be.

This was my thought as well. I also agree with others saying that your coworker's rudeness stems from his own insecurities.

UncleMac

How you respond depends on the nature of your relationship with your coworker... in the past, now and how you would like it to be in the future. If you are friends and you want to keep it that way, you establish a boundary by acknowledging his comment(s) and explaining your weight loss goals in a calm, non-emotional way.

If you think your coworker is a wanker and you want nothing to do with him, you establish a boundary by punching him in the esophagus. Nothing ends an unwelcome conversation like an esopha-shot.

dodihere

She weighs between 175 and 185 and she is 5'11" and 150 is her goal. She looks thin because she is tall - she can still lose weight and not be considered underweight.

BTW - you look awesome and congrats on the weight loss.

scottaworley

I am just astounded at the first three people who told her that she didnt have 24-30 pounds to lose. DID YOU NOT JUST READ THE WHOLE STATEMENT SHE TYPED IN THE OP?? You guys are as bad as the original guy!

No one said she's too skinny. Just that her goal weight is probably unrealistic.

150 lbs is not unrealistic for her height.

As has been stated, totally not unrealistic for her height. Judging by her body type/what I can tell of her lean body mass from her pictures, however, she probably does not need to go down that far.
To OP: If you truly think you have that much to lose go for it. I would recommend, however, that you set a bodyfat % goal rather than a pounds goal.

Dreaaa

How you respond depends on the nature of your relationship with your coworker... in the past, now and how you would like it to be in the future. If you are friends and you want to keep it that way, you establish a boundary by acknowledging his comment(s) and explaining your weight loss goals in a calm, non-emotional way.

If you think your coworker is a wanker and you want nothing to do with him, you establish a boundary by punching him in the esophagus. Nothing ends an unwelcome conversation like an esopha-shot.

^^^ THIS. btw.. you are gorgeous, you don't look sick at all.

skylark94

"Thanks for your concern, but I have discussed this with my physician and he/she is in agreement with my goals".

I get the "too skinny" line quite a bit too. Usually from people who only ever knew me to be heavy.

fitmomhappymom

I would tell him his comments about your weight make you uncomfortable and you would appreciate if he would keep things professional.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

you could just smile. Sometimes, there is no point in trying to explain to people who don't understand and who aren't used to seeing you a certain way. One time not all that long ago, you were what you felt overweight and unhappy. You are getting closer to your goal weight and only need to make you happy. Anyone else's opinion really doesn't matter. Congrats on the loss so far - you are adorable!

SpeSHul_SnoflEHk

I don't know about your goal, but your coworker is definitely on crack. You look great right now. I cruised to your profile, and looked at all of your pics. Your now pics do not make you look too skinny, or cachectic to me.

rich347

In my opinion I would've challenged him to a slap boxing match

Jersey_Devil

you dont need to say anything to him...if he keeps bringing it up just tell him to stop and to mind his own business. Maybe he is right, maybe he is wrong-- doesnt matter though.