Motivation confusion

motomotomomo

I am having trouble finding the right objective in working out. At this point in my life I feel like deep down, I care more about how people view me than my health or wellness, and that pressure of fitting into society’s standards is what is truly making me go to the gym. I don’t think my gym routine will last unless I have a goal for myself. But if I want to “look good” just for myself, that is still based on society standards of beauty and I think it should be irrelevant. I’m not necessarily eager to live longer, and I know that misfortune such as illness and accidents can happen even the healthiest people. So I don’t know what to base my goal on. Any ideas on how I can focus it on myself, and not for acceptance from others?

smolmaus

There's no hierarchy of moral reasons to want to be active. If you want to work out to look good then that's fine. Yes, euro-centric, fat phobic, gender-binary beauty standards are a load of bull, but wanting to look and feel attractive is normal and human. You don't need to justify or apologise for that.

On the other hand aesthetic goals can be a long time coming around so you're right that other goals are a good idea! You can make them habit based, buying a calendar and some cute animal stickers was a thing I did so I could chart if I was making my 4/week gym sessions in a fun way. Making the gym a habit is the best way to guarantee you'll keep it up on those days when motivation just doesn't exist.

I don't know what your workouts consist of but whether it's cardio (time or distance PB's), weights (total weight or 1rep max) or circuits (more circuits/ less rest) there are ways to track your progress and keep pushing yourself. Progress for progress' sake can be satisfying all by itself. You do have to enjoy what you're doing tho!

JaniceVACPA

Wow...awesome advice from smolmaus! Honestly...go with whatever works for you. TODAY my motivation to go to the gym is that I want pizza on Sunday during the Saints game. Pizza works well to motivate me right now, and as long as I'm tracking honestly and still eating well and losing weight, I'll take whatever motivation I can get. My motivation changes...but as long as it works and isn't anything bad, I don't really care.

motomotomomo

Thank you for your response, smolmaus! Everything you mentioned gave me perspective, but I think what stood out most is “progress for progress’ sake”—maybe I can start from there.

motomotomomo

Thank you for responding, Janice! I definitely should have flexible, short-term goals like yours too. It seems like there’s room for creativity in thinking of rewards. Certain types of food is definitely one that’s gonna work for me!

concordancia

Find something you enjoy doing and it will be a lot easier to go do it even when you are feeling meh and it is raining and...

puffbrat

I have had so many motivations for exercising in the past. Now I mainly do it for 2 reasons: 1) to more easily do outdoor activities with my husband and son, and 2) I physically feel so much better. I'm still vain and want to look smaller and tighter. But right I'm in a phase of life where I really love how I FEEL when I exercise regularly. I love being able to go for a walk or hike without having to stop or being out of breath. I love being able to pick up boxes and help my husband move furniture without struggling. I love feeling like I'm standing up straighter and not having lower back pain at night.

girlwithcurls2

puffbrat wrote: »

I have had so many motivations for exercising in the past. Now I mainly do it for 2 reasons: 1) to more easily do outdoor activities with my husband and son, and 2) I physically feel so much better. I'm still vain and want to look smaller and tighter. But right I'm in a phase of life where I really love how I FEEL when I exercise regularly. I love being able to go for a walk or hike without having to stop or being out of breath. I love being able to pick up boxes and help my husband move furniture without struggling. I love feeling like I'm standing up straighter and not having lower back pain at night.

This is me too. I really LOVE it when I can look in the mirror and see a flat tummy. However, that rarely happens (or it doesn't stay flat all day...). It takes time to reconcile your beauty and how you see yourself with what the world is telling you to look like. I think I work every day at better self talk. My tummy isn't always flat, but I had three gigantic babies years ago who stretched it beyond what I thought a body could do. I fit into my clothes well, I can swim for an hour nonstop easily, I lift weights and have been complimented by. my trainer that I'm doing it well, I can sign up for a 10K race with my sister any time and just do it. I think @puffbrat has it right. Focus on what a strong body can do for you. As I get older, I am encountering more and more people who can't do the things they want to do. They either won't work for it, or illness or injury prevents it. I was gifted a strong body. You bet I'm going to take care of it and give it the love it deserves A flat tummy doesn't make me any more worthy.

MostlyWater

I honestly think that some people go to the gym because they want to save face with their spouse. I don't know what happens when they don't lose weight or tone up, however.

In the past, I've seen people more concerned with their gym clothes and cute water bottle, and even taking selfies, than with their workout.

ShopGirl9999

It feels good to workout...it is great for stress and emotional well being.

motomotomomo

Thanks so much for all of your input!

Maybe it’s just too early for me to actually experience the “feel good” yet... I feel sore or very tired everyday, mentally and physically, and haven’t been able to see or feel the benefits of increasing my workouts yet. I’m sure when it starts kicking in, I would probably naturally feel motivated to keep things that way.

It’s true people go to the gym for many different reasons... I just needed something that feels right for myself but haven’t been able to pinpoint it yet. I appreciate all your input—super super helpful!!

AudreyJDuke

Great ideas!!!

hoosierlad

Well, even if someone doesn't want to live "forever", I think its smart to be able to do most things you want while you are still alive :-) . I think I'm fortunate in that my body allows me to workout and do other things at this age and live a relatively pain free life. A large part of it due to my working out, to some degree, all my life. Also, when I look at certain people I've known throughout life, I often think they seem to be mentally programmed to look like their parents and then their grandparents as they age. No offense to my relatives, but I don't want to look like that if I can possibly avoid it, or at least significantly delay, those "looks".

lin_be

I only do what finds me joy. Spending 60mins killing myself at a gym does not give me joy. I only workout 25 mins a day and I feel accomplished afterwards but not wiped out. It makes me dread the gym a lot less and actually I look forward to those 25 mins where I can play a podcast and just focus on myself. Also, I’m not sore as hell either. Maybe working out won’t find you joy. Maybe walking or playing a sport or taking a spin class or rock climbing does.