need some serious support

atomictronic

hello all,
I am in desperate need of friendly support. I am the heaviest I have ever been so far in my life. I am 5'0" and 22 years old, and I just weighed myself to be 151lbs.

I had previously went on a diet and exercise routine and loved it, I had went from 145 to 125 and felt fantastic. but this was before I started college.

Once the stress of a private technical college began I went back to 140, started the diet and exercise again and went down to 130, felt great but then I started failing all of my classes and have been struggling to stay away from academic probation.

So I've been avoiding my routine and well here I am at 151.

My main problem is starting, I keep telling myself "you know you love it, but wait it's just like school! you'll try really hard and give it absolutely everything you have until you can't give anymore and guess what, you'll fail like everything else you try at."

I don't want to fight, I just want to be happy and do this right for myself.

My depression is completely blocking me from doing anything. This is the first in a week that I've gotten out of bed to do something. but I can't stop crying.

I know I shouldn't give up and I'm not going to. I just feel so isolated and I can't stop judging myself.

I am so out of control that I don't trust myself to try and get in control.

Thank you for reading this, and I hope anyone can just give a small word of advice to me. Anything will help. Thank you.

mbcaldwell123

I have been where you are. The very best thing that you can do for yourself is to see a medical professional for help with the depression. I struggle with this DAILY!

atomictronic

thank you. ^_^

returnofwhiterabbit

**hugs** I've been where you are and its tough but you can get past the depression! I ended up going to see my doctor who advised me to try going to talk to someone and i honestly found it really helpful! at first i felt rather silly and was a bit reluctant to tell someone my issues but once i started i found it hard to stop sometimes and honestly it really helped! just having someone listen and understand was a massive help.

Take care xx

avitalrach

Everything can feel overwhelming when you're depressed. It's hard to separate all of life's small challenges, and the result is what seems to be one enormous mountain that is impossible to scale. I agree with the commenter above that you should find some professional support. You're not alone, and an outside perspective can help you gain a bit of much needed confidence. And remember that change really does come from within. When you don't feel strong enough to make a major change, try something small. Every little victory will move you that much closer. When you accomplish something, however miniscule, don't forget to recognize your achievement. Let yourself be proud.
Keep fighting!

atomictronic

thank you so much everyone. this is certainly helping me. I've been dying to see a counselor, I guess it is time to buckle down and find one.

jaz050465

Lets us know how you get on.

mrswilliams2uuu

This was me a month ago. Dont give up!!!! ive never been the one to stick to anything until i got to that point of just complete insanity with myself, i think sometimes we have to get to that point and then turn that around and use it as fuel to push forward!!! its always hard inthe beginging but after about 3 days of hating it.... it kinda feels like a routine and then u feel bad when u dont do it!!! Just gotta start somewhere and even if its a slow start at least you started