One household, 2 WOE

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  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,325 Member
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    lead by example. no steering allowed. although you might want to consider that men lose way differently and faster than women...do you. let him do him.
  • witchaywoman81
    witchaywoman81 Posts: 280 Member
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    NovusDies wrote: »
    witchaywoman81 wrote: »
    NovusDies wrote: »
    paulbrttn wrote: »
    Rather than waiting til you're 20lbs down, how about recording your weight loss somewhere visible like a calendar so he can see the gradual consistent weight loss you're experiencing.

    That could backfire. I was once like him and the hardest thing for me to get over was trying to hurry the process. I was also too much of an "all or nothing" person. Seeing a slow process would not have worked on me... until I was ready. If he is going to learn it may take several months of watching the OP lose weight successfully.

    Yeah, I think my thought process here is similar, @NovusDies. I mean, I AM sticking with this, but I want to make sure it truly does stick before I do anything like this. Showing how I lost 5 lbs in a month isn’t as impressive as, for example, doing that each month 4 months in a row, at which time I would be 20 lbs lighter.

    Funnily enough, he has seen me struggle with my weight and has actually told me “I can tell you how to lose weight.” Yeah...his way makes the weight come off fast, but as soon as he stops doing it, it starts creeping up again.

    That is a vicious cycle that keeps reinforcing itself with quick results. He probably is thinking like I once did that it is just a matter of willpower that is keeping him from sticking with it until he gets to goal.

    I learned that it doesn't require willpower to get through a normal day. Since you can't make radical changes and it still be normal the trick is to make very small changes over time so that normal is never too far behind.

    Exactly. My weight has come off faster in the past, but I've been yo-yo dieting since I was about 13. That's enough of that! :smile:
    born_of_fire74 wrote: »
    Just be aware that he may never come around to your WOE, he may never use MFP no matter how successful you are. I'm 3 years into this, recomping now after losing all the weight I really wanted to. Meanwhile, husband is still eating the way he ever has and is still carrying 40lbs more than he should. I thought he would tune in after observing my success but it hasn't happened yet. *shrug* I love him tons but you can't make someone lose weight if they don't want to do it for themselves.

    Yeah, I honestly don't ever see him using MFP, BUT he doesn't need to eat such a boring diet either, imo. I honestly think if he cut back on drinking and stopped the nighttime binging the weight would still fall off him, but we'll see how it goes...
  • ahoy_m8
    ahoy_m8 Posts: 3,053 Member
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    OP, it sounds like your head and heart are in the right places.

    An anecdote: When I first married, DH complained regularly about needing to lose 30-40 lb. I had been maintaining a 5 lb range for about 30 years. When I get to the top of my range, I buckle down, count calories, and lose it. When it got to that point, I'd tell him I was going to lose weight and asked if he wanted to also. He always said yes but made no effort. This happened about once a year for 5 years. Then one day he decided to do it and lost 35 lb. He asked for help on a couple specific things. And he started counting calories on another app. I know when he's counting because he asks me how to log dinner (I'm the family cook). Sometimes he appreciates encouragement re: working out or his meditation practice. Sometimes he's testy about encouragement.

    Anything that requires sustained behavior change people just have to come to on their own terms.
  • MsBaz2018
    MsBaz2018 Posts: 384 Member
    edited February 2019
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    witchaywoman81 wrote: »
    NovusDies wrote: »
    paulbrttn wrote: »
    Rather than waiting til you're 20lbs down, how about recording your weight loss somewhere visible like a calendar so he can see the gradual consistent weight loss you're experiencing.

    That could backfire. I was once like him and the hardest thing for me to get over was trying to hurry the process. I was also too much of an "all or nothing" person. Seeing a slow process would not have worked on me... until I was ready. If he is going to learn it may take several months of watching the OP lose weight successfully.

    Yeah, I think my thought process here is similar, @NovusDies. I mean, I AM sticking with this, but I want to make sure it truly does stick before I do anything like this. Showing how I lost 5 lbs in a month isn’t as impressive as, for example, doing that each month 4 months in a row, at which time I would be 20 lbs lighter.

    Funnily enough, he has seen me struggle with my weight and has actually told me “I can tell you how to lose weight.” Yeah...his way makes the weight come off fast, but as soon as he stops doing it, it starts creeping up again.

    Too true. In the long run a chart is compelling. But, weight loss not being linear, in the short run he'll see on the chart those periods when your weight jumps up. And no amount of saying too much sodium the day before, TOM and hormones, water retention will convince him.
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
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    urloved33 wrote: »
    lead by example. no steering allowed. although you might want to consider that men lose way differently and faster than women...do you. let him do him.

    How do "men lose way differently and faster than women" ?

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