Struggling with my insecurities

Mrsindepenant1

Last night we went to the local pools. I was very keen to jump in with the husband and my son when I suddenly froze up and refused to. I have VERY pasty legs. Everyone at the pools had nice tans or were no where near as pale as me. I have a wicked bikini top that looks great but I retain most of my weight in my hips and thighs so I was very insecure about my swim bottoms. I eventually got in but I was so uncomfortable, I only did it for our son. Hubby says I shouldn’t be so insecure and I’m not even big at all (168cm 86kg) and I’m not extremely pasty like I think. There were Ladies a lot larger than me there that looked fine so I don’t know why I felt so aweful and like a giant pasty whale.
I have another 16kg to loose before I’m at my ideal weight for myself. How do I get past the insecurities? I hate it, it affects me daily and it almost completely ruined a fun afternoon at the pools with my son.

EllieRW2019

I know how you feel, I’m incredibly pale and my insecurities get the better of me too. I may not be much help but just know that you’re not alone! I’ll try to find something that helps but in the meantime remember that you’re beautiful no matter what colour or size. Good luck on your journey 💙

JeromeBarry1

I'll describe me seeing some other person at a public pool.

The person has obviously dressed in little in order to get in water with the least necessary drag.
The person has skin.

Next.

RunnerGrl1982

Hi! We definitely all have our insecurities about one thing or another. This is solely my own opinion and two cents to throw out here....

The one thing I've tried to realize over the years as I've grown; most people are too wrapped up in their own world to pay attention to complete strangers. People are just going about their own day and lives, barely give a passing glance or thought to another person.

I've definitely got my own insecurities as well, but at the end of the day - I'm never going to cross paths with those people again, and it isn't worth my time to get worked up over it. I got life to live and enjoy to the fullest. At least, that's how I try to look at it.

88olds

Get past it?

Desensitization. Keep going. Make a point of going. You’ll get used to it. Keep telling yourself you’re doing it for your son if you have to. It won’t be such a big deal after a while. It works.

seltzermint555

I really think the more you do it, the easier it will become. I took an aquacize class a couple of years ago and after going twice a week for nine weeks, I truly did feel comfortable in my swimsuit even though I have visible cellulite on my thighs and loose skin on my upper arms from a major weight loss. (edited to add: if you wore long skirts every day and suddenly switched to jeans I bet you would feel weird & self-conscious about the jeans, right?)

Back when I was close to 300 lb in my twenties, I lived in a place with a pool on site and I would go to the pool several times per week. I was pretty comfortable there even though I was bigger than every other woman/girl. BUT at first I was near tears and actually wore an underwire bra under my swimsuit (my roommate finally talked me out of that LMAO). The more you do it, the easier it gets and the more normal it feels.

I also relate though to feeling like "there are bigger people who look fine and/or way better than me at this pool" - I have definitely felt that way too, at every size. I know I'm not checking out the other women and critiquing them but I do know that people have eyes and will notice others' bodies, swimwear, sunglasses, etc. It's just normal, in my opinion.

As for being pale...I'm very pale but actually tan weirdly fast when I spend time outside (Italian genes maybe). But I personally think pale looks awesome on most women and it's fun to go the whole pinup retro route with a vintage-styled swimsuit and killer shades. Just a thought!

qweck3

Yoga helped a lot with shifting my mindset the past few months that I just worry about me and my impact to the world and don't concern myself with if people are judging me or not any longer. I was 400 pounds at one point and am almost half that now but the mental scars take a lot longer to heal than the body itself.

One day and moment at a time. If your kid smiles because you are there with them in the water it's all that matters.

nooshi713

I am pale too. You have to learn to embrace things about yourself that you cant safely change (like skin color).

Dont buy into industry standards of beauty. Enjoy life.

brookielaw

I'm willing to bet that the other people have their own insecurities that they are dealing with. They are altogether not likely to be noticing you at all. Focus on your happiness, making positive memories with your family.

I am also one of those people that was nearly 400 lbs and am a good 215 below where I once was. I have loose skin, flabby skin, pale, stretchy skin, etc...but my daughter doesn't notice that. She notices that Mommy can swim. Mommy does her races. Mommy helps her learn to swim. Mommy will splash and play and chase her. IF people at the pool notice me [and I doubt they do, but for the sake of argument maybe they do] they probably notice how much fun we are having. If they notice that I'm pale, I don't need skin cancer after the breast cancer, thanks. I'm pretty sure people have better things to do. If they don't, I feel sorry for them.

elisa123gal

just remember, insecurity is more unattractive than a little bit of weight or a person who isn't tan. AS long as your swimsuit fits your body you should feel just fine enjoying yourself at the pool. I see people of all sizes at the beach and pools.. everyone has the right to enjoy themselves and be with their families.

rosiorama

Do it for your son. And do it for you, because sitting at the sidelines because of fear (or insert whatever insecurity) robs us of experiencing so many things. Most people are wrapped up in their own stuff, or don’t care. Someday your son might have the best memories of you in the water with him.

And I am really pale too when I get to the beach. I don’t lie in a tanning bed, or use fake tanner - but when I DO get to the beach (which is rare)I’m going to make the most of it.

bllaura10

^^ that 100%. Your son doesn’t care if your pale or have wide hips or cellulite. Do it for him and not anyone else. Just try to push the thoughts out of your mind because that’s not what’s important.

I also go swimming with my son weekly and have for a few years now. I’m not totally happy with my body. I have cellulite on my legs etc. but I want to be invoked with him and do that together.

I went when I was pregnant with my daughter at 200lb and a co-worker would come weekly and sit in the viewing area watching his kids, extremely uncomfortable.

TanyaHooton

Well, once you are IN the water, nobody can see the body parts that make you feel insecure, right?

Everyone's got something they are insecure about. I'm in a normal BMI but I have a large % body fat (which I am working on now) so I have a bulge in my armpit that looks just gross. I hate it with a passion. I am sure that every single person notices it. In reality when I bring it up, most people look surprised that it even exists and have never noticed it before. So it's helpful to know that people might look at you, but they are often not really seeing you or judging you. They are thinking about their own flaws or plans or spouse or kids or meals. They are not critically surveying everyone body that walks past.