Let my Personal Trainer go today

tattoomary

I've never had a personal trainer before...and I underestimated how tough it would be !!
I only met him once a week...he then gave me a general eating plan (works out at 1200 cals a day), walk 5 days a week for 40min and do toning twice.
So on the face of it all very doable. The problem was his intensity !
I had to weigh in twice a week (and send him the pic)..if I was up .2 of a lb Id get a long message about not being dedicated enough, not giving 100%, that he was giving me 120% and expected the same from me.
I followed as best I could and lost 1stone since January. No drink, no eating out etc
I've found the tiredness a big problem. I haven't had the energy to do anything, and the repercussions of that is Im cross as a dog (according to my kids...I have 4 young kids!)
I told him I thought my cals were too low..but he wanted big weight loss fast.
I tried to break up with him 2 weeks ago but he rang me and talked me into staying...with a big long lecture about being a quitter etc.
I know his job is to motivate me but I found my anxiety around weighing in was sky high. I DREADED weighing in every time. If I was slightly up id eat one meal the next day to try and get it down.
I was heading into a spiral of over weighing in, fasting and then binging !!! Not a place I want to go.
I could not sleep last night with the anxiety ( I have chronic anxiety) of how I was going to tell him I no longer wanted to continue with him. I was thinking up every excuse that I could use...even sharing that I suffer from chronic anxiety. In the end I just said I wanted out!

I've upped my cals to 1420 a day...will continue with my walks and do pilates twice a week.
I hope to continue my weight loss...at a more reasonable and sustainable loss (Ive two stone more to lose)

Just sharing my experience. I think I was naïve about what a person trainer actually does...and as someone who suffers from chronic anxiety don't think im suited to one.

Thanks for listening

gallicinvasion

Good for you! Sounds like he wasn’t really listening to you; focusing on fast results rather than long term sustainability is a bad idea in my opinion

HeliumIsNoble

Glad you ended things with him!

I have to say though, it's not that you're not suited to a PT, it's that you're not suited to being hectored by an ill-informed bossy man. Hardly a flaw with you.

sijomial

If I wanted professional fitness advice I would go to a Personal Trainer.
But if I wanted professional dietary advice I would go to a qualified Dietician.
(My son was a PT and was in no way qualified in giving people advice on their diet.)

But even if this person has some additional training or qualifications in nutrition they seem to be confusing motivating with bullying - congrats on having the courage to dump them. Their loss and your gain.

JessAndreia

Looks like that particular trainer is an a-hole. What does he win from you losing weight fast?
Yes, they're supposed to motivate you, but not by being mean to you (doubt the gym they work for would like that). Plenty of trainers out there who know how to use positive reinforcement and motivation.

88olds

If it matters to you, based on your post, you’ve cleatdone the right thing.

Now try to rid your mind of his bad ideas about radical calorie deficits, speed dieting, and bullying passed off as motivation.

Teabythesea_

Good for you for recognizing your needs and taking charge of your health, both physically and mentally! It already sounds like you're on a much better track.

Unfortunately this situation highlights an issue that is all too common in the world of health/fitness. There are so many underqualified individuals giving out information that they do not possess the proper credentials for, and possibly harming others in the process. Additionally, personal trainers will all too often try and get their clients to lose weight as quickly as possible so that they can use their transformation as a self-promo. Once they get what they want they do nothing to continue to see the clients through their journey...

rheddmobile

14 lbs in a month is too much unless you are starting at over 350 lbs. The maximum safe recommended rate of loss is 1% body weight per week, unless you are under a doctor's supervision. More than this and you are going to see side effects, such as fatigue, which you have, hair loss, and loss of lean muscle mass.

Your trainer sounds ignorant. Daily fluctuations of several pounds due to water retention, constipation, and hormones are normal and not a sign that you are not working hard enough. He also sounds mean and manipulative. Good on you for breaking up with him!

It sounds like your current goals are more sustainable, but if fatigue continues to be an issue, you might want to reduce your rate of loss to only 1.5 lbs / week. You're not on a game show, so fast loss isn't important. What's important is lasting change, which will come from making small changes you can keep doing for your entire lifetime. Good job keeping up the walking and Pilates. It might be a good idea to slowly add some strength training in order to preserve your lean muscle mass while you lose weight - bodyweight exercises are a great place to start!

try2again

I hope many see this post and will be helped to recognize a bad PT and bad advice when they hear it!

nutmegoreo

Ugh. I'm sorry this was your experience. Not all personal trainers are this way. Good for you for getting out of it though. Sounds like he was pushing you into an emotional spiral that was really unhealthy.

MikePTY

The issue was not you, but him not understanding what his role was. People in any sort of personal service area are supposed to understand their clients, and how to best speak to them. While a drill sergeant type approach may work for some people, it doesn't work for all, and he shouldn't have been applying that to you as you clearly weren't comfortable with it.

As mentioned earlier, most personal trainers are not qualified to give diet advice. In fact, some are not even technically "qualified" at anything, in the sense that in many places, they are not required to have any sort of formal education, certification, etc. I don't know if that was the case with yours or not, but simply because someone is a "personal trainer" does not necessarily mean they know what they are doing.

You are right to move on. If you feel like you would benefit from the type of help and support you were hoping to get from a trainer, I would not let this experience deter you. You can try to find one who is a better fit for you. Be upfront with them about your expectations and how you would like to be trained, and you can both see if you fit.

jennifer_417

Sounds like he hasn't learned to work with the individual needs of his clients. If he doesn't learn to be a bit more flexible, he may find it hard to make a living at what he's doing.

kellie7850

Good for you 👍

tattoomary

Teabythesea_ wrote: »

. Additionally, personal trainers will all too often try and get their clients to lose weight as quickly as possible so that they can use their transformation as a self-promo. Once they get what they want they do nothing to continue to see the clients through their journey...

Thanks Taebythesea (you sound Irish btw ?) yes he said stright out that he wants big losses fast. Its his thing...his trasformations look great on fb..but the reality is very tough. When I tried to quit two weeks ago he talked me into staying. And then told me he would give me 3 weeks and he'd decide if he would keep me on !!
Apparenty he decides when you finish up with him. Have spoken to others and once they got to a healthy bmi he finished up with them.

tattoomary

jennifer_417 wrote: »

Sounds like he hasn't learned to work with the individual needs of his clients. If he doesn't learn to be a bit more flexible, he may find it hard to make a living at what he's doing.

Interesting enough Jennifer, he doesn't charge much at all. €20 to meet in a community hall (or he will come to your house!) He wanted 120% from me...I told him I could give 80% LOL

Mithridites

Sounds like an ignorant unpleasant individual who put his business success ahead of your health. The fast weight loss would make for great advertising for him but be unpleasant and unsustainable for you.

JBanx256

I've had trainers before (am working with one currently as well) and it's nothing like your experience. Please don't let one horrible excuse for a PT make you think they are all that way.

tattoomary

nutmegoreo wrote: »

Ugh. I'm sorry this was your experience. Not all personal trainers are this way. Good for you for getting out of it though. Sounds like he was pushing you into an emotional spiral that was really unhealthy.

I think he can work for others....One question never asked is how is your mental health If he knew I have chronic anxiety ,and was on antidepressants for years (off them completed for a few months now ) it would prob be obvious that I wouldn't be able for hard core.

tattoomary

rheddmobile wrote: »

Your trainer sounds ignorant. Daily fluctuations of several pounds due to water retention, constipation, and hormones are normal and not a sign that you are not working hard enough. He also sounds mean and manipulative. Good on you for breaking up with him!
!

Thanks rheddmobile....yep had a period and was up 2lb....he nearly asked for proof LOL Constipation was another factor ...friggin tough being a woman sometimes !!

HeliumIsNoble

tattoomary wrote: »

nutmegoreo wrote: »

Ugh. I'm sorry this was your experience. Not all personal trainers are this way. Good for you for getting out of it though. Sounds like he was pushing you into an emotional spiral that was really unhealthy.

I think he can work for others....One question never asked is how is your mental health If he knew I have chronic anxiety ,and was on antidepressants for years (off them completed for a few months now ) it would prob be obvious that I wouldn't be able for hard core.

Nah, no-one who can't comprehend daily weight fluctuations without catastrophising about them can operate well as a "body transformation" advisor.

It's his job to provide a rational, informed viewpoint on his clients' progress; he's not supposed to make them panic more about an overnight water weight gain!

fishgutzy

Good choice. That is not a trainer. That is a control freak or wanna be Marine Corps drill sergeant.
The trainer I had was also the head weight and strength trainer at a D1 university. He helped me develop proper form and overcome my resistance to free weights. He didn't talk about food plans or anything about weight.
His goal was simply to help me develop a fitness routine that I sustain and grow from.
That is what a trainer is too me.

try2again

HeliumIsNoble wrote: »

tattoomary wrote: »

nutmegoreo wrote: »

Ugh. I'm sorry this was your experience. Not all personal trainers are this way. Good for you for getting out of it though. Sounds like he was pushing you into an emotional spiral that was really unhealthy.

I think he can work for others....One question never asked is how is your mental health If he knew I have chronic anxiety ,and was on antidepressants for years (off them completed for a few months now ) it would prob be obvious that I wouldn't be able for hard core.

Nah, no-one who can't comprehend daily weight fluctuations without catastrophising about them can operate well as a "body transformation" advisor.

It's his job to provide a rational, informed viewpoint on his clients' progress; he's not supposed to make them panic more about an overnight water weight gain!

Thank you- this was my thought. This person either doesn't know or doesn't care how the human body works... not sure which one would be worse.

cwolfman13

Sounds like he was just a lousy trainer. I've never had a trainer do any of that. My trainer had me weigh in at my session and that was it and he would certainly not bat an eye at a normal weight fluctuation. I wouldn't walk away from this thinking this is what trainers do and how they act. I've had 3 and never experienced any of that.

GemimaFitzTed

tattoomary wrote: »

I've never had a personal trainer before...and I underestimated how tough it would be !!
I only met him once a week...he then gave me a general eating plan (works out at 1200 cals a day), walk 5 days a week for 40min and do toning twice.
So on the face of it all very doable. The problem was his intensity !
I had to weigh in twice a week (and send him the pic)..if I was up .2 of a lb Id get a long message about not being dedicated enough, not giving 100%, that he was giving me 120% and expected the same from me.
I followed as best I could and lost 1stone since January. No drink, no eating out etc
I've found the tiredness a big problem. I haven't had the energy to do anything, and the repercussions of that is Im cross as a dog (according to my kids...I have 4 young kids!)
I told him I thought my cals were too low..but he wanted big weight loss fast.
I tried to break up with him 2 weeks ago but he rang me and talked me into staying...with a big long lecture about being a quitter etc.
I know his job is to motivate me but I found my anxiety around weighing in was sky high. I DREADED weighing in every time. If I was slightly up id eat one meal the next day to try and get it down.
I was heading into a spiral of over weighing in, fasting and then binging !!! Not a place I want to go.
I could not sleep last night with the anxiety ( I have chronic anxiety) of how I was going to tell him I no longer wanted to continue with him. I was thinking up every excuse that I could use...even sharing that I suffer from chronic anxiety. In the end I just said I wanted out!

I've upped my cals to 1420 a day...will continue with my walks and do pilates twice a week.
I hope to continue my weight loss...at a more reasonable and sustainable loss (Ive two stone more to lose)

Just sharing my experience. I think I was naïve about what a person trainer actually does...and as someone who suffers from chronic anxiety don't think im suited to one.

Thanks for listening

You did the right thing. As others have said, not all personal trainers are like that. I have a PT and he's great. We don't do weigh-ins because I point-blank refuse too. Why? Because I weigh myself, and log the weight, everyday, am an adult and shoulder the weightloss responsibility. If I lie, I lie to myself. I told him my limits - no burpees, I have ITB issues on my right left, careful with my left shoulder and I need motivation. He asks about my eating habits, and has never "made me" prove myself (he wouldn't dare!). A perfect PT fit for me

If you wish to have a PT in the future, meet with them first and make sure you spell out YOUR rules to them. In most cases, they want to know your boundaries since it's all about you, not them.

lorrpb

Every trainer works differently. I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you will not let this stop you from reaching your goals and possibly getting another, more supportive, trainer.