Emotional eating, distracting myself from my problems and wanting to change that.
Nephaties
Posts: 3 Member
Hello to those of you that are reading this. Warning: This post contains references to attempted rape, depression, family issues and sexual assault. If these are topics that upset you or trigger you, please stop reading.
I am reaching out to all of you strangers because I do not really have anyone in my personal life I feel comfortable with talking about these things. I have friends that will listen, but nobody to offer guidance. I am hoping to find ways to stay motivated and/or perhaps meet other people with a similar background that have overcome similar situations or are making positive changes in their lives that I might be able to incorporate into my own. I am looking to kick my habit of being an emotional eater that has been with me for the last 20 years.
My story and struggle with my weight starts back around '98-'99 when I was in middle school. There was a lot of different emotions I went through while I became more aware (and old enough to start comprehending) the destruction of my parent's marriage. I felt like it was my responsibility to try and keep my family together because my mother would talk to me about her problems she was having with my father, and my nature is to try and make things "right" when a problem arises. These problems are til there to this day, but I've come to terms that it isn't my responsibility and it is out of my hands. As the stress and drama from this took its toll on me, I started to look for excuses to not go home. This is where my first boyfriend came into the picture. Little did I know at the time, he was an emotional cutter and very suicidal. He had told me that if I ever left him, he would kill himself. I was in 7th grade at this point. I did not want the guilt of being the reason someone killed themselves looming over my head for the rest of my life. At one point in our relationship, he decided that he wanted to "cure" me of my "prudeness". (I was a very non-sexual girlfriend who had no interest in having sex of any type or doing anything aside from spending time together, holding hands, and kissing from time to time). His "cure" was to try and force me into having sex with him. There was a lot of me telling him "no" and "stop" and eventually threatening to bite him if he didn't get off of me. He didn't listen, so he got bit. I will spare the details, but he was left crying and I was able to get away. Stupid me still remained in a relationship with him because of his threat to kill himself. He later apologized to me for doing what he did. (Didn't help anything.) This is where my depression started. Eventually I was able to devise a plan to get him to break up with me, and I never spoke to him again. I had nobody to talk to about this. I couldn't go to my mom because she would have just blamed me for putting myself in a position for that to happen, at least, this is what I believed at the time. Even to this day, nobody in my family knows. The next 7 years of my life I struggled with the memory of what had happened to me. I would look for distractions, generally turning to food, eating enough to put myself into a "food coma" so that I could fall asleep quick and not lay awake at night. It was at about this point in my life that I started to notice that I was gaining weight. If I recall, I think I was up to 150-160lbs at about 5'3". In high school, my weight continued to creep up to the 170-185lb range with me being 5'6". In my senior year in high school, '05-'06 , I finally tried my hand again at the whole dating thing. Met a guy who treated me nice and helped me overcome a lot of my hang ups about boys. It was about this point that my weight more or less stayed the same, with little fluctuations. It remained this way for the next 8 years. We ended up breaking up and went our separate ways, no hard feelings on my part = no emotional eating to cope with the breakup. Things were pretty mellow for me around this time in my life, aside from dealing with my parents and their failing relationship. A couple years went by and I met and fell in love with someone that I was ready to spend the rest of my life with. I happy and losing weight. I had gotten down to 174lbs, the lowest I had been for quite some time. Things were great for the two years or so until he had a very traumatic death happen. This event changed who he was and started a domino effect of negativity that eventually lead to him heavily drinking and doing "unknown" drugs to numb himself. It was during this time that he started to distance himself from everyone around him and our relationship started to get rocky. The drugs and drinking led to him sexually assaulting me. During the "downfall" of our relationship, I had started going out with friends more, spending money on going out to eat all the time to distract myself from my crumbling relationship. It was about this point that my weight was fluctuation between 185-195lbs. After the assault, things really took a turn for the worse. Within a matter of months, if not weeks, my weight skyrocketed up to 220lbs, the heaviest I have ever been.
This is where I am at today. Almost 2 years have passed and I have remained the same weight. I will get motivated, start eating better and going to the gym, then something else will happen that makes me turn to food to cope with my emotions. I was doing good with losing some weight a few months ago around October, got down to 210lbs. It was about that point that my aunt died in early November - more emotional eating. Late November our family friend died - more emotional eating. December I had to put the best cat I have ever had to sleep - lots of emotional eating. And then in January I was too sick to go to the gym, so I became very inactive. I recognize that I have weaknesses when it comes to dealing with negative emotions, and I also have a fear that if I start losing weight and being more "attractive to the public" that I will be harassed by men more. For certain reasons, I am not too fond of unwanted sexual advances. I am not happy with who I have let myself become and I want to change that. Every time I look in the mirror, I see all of that extra weight that I put on during my crumbling relationship and post-assault. Every time I see it, I am reminded. I want to get rid of this weight and keep it off, but I'm finding it difficult to get and stay motivated. I am asking for guidance. I want to feel like I am not alone on this journey. I want to meet people that share similar goals and help motivate each-other. I want to meet people that will help keep my mind on getting healthy. It would be great to learn more about the Keto community. I have dabbled with this one in the past and have found that my body really enjoyed eating keto and I felt like I had more energy and a clearer mind, but I haven't been able to maintain it for more than a few days (usually because I end up going out with friends to distract myself from other things). I would also like to note that I am tying to work on improving my mental health as well, dealing with the side effects of the assault. Hoping that a healthier life style will assist with that process.
I don't know how to start. I don't know how to maintain. Please help me brainstorm or share tips, tricks or things that have helped you.
Thank you all for taking the time to read this and I wish you all success on your journey.
I am reaching out to all of you strangers because I do not really have anyone in my personal life I feel comfortable with talking about these things. I have friends that will listen, but nobody to offer guidance. I am hoping to find ways to stay motivated and/or perhaps meet other people with a similar background that have overcome similar situations or are making positive changes in their lives that I might be able to incorporate into my own. I am looking to kick my habit of being an emotional eater that has been with me for the last 20 years.
My story and struggle with my weight starts back around '98-'99 when I was in middle school. There was a lot of different emotions I went through while I became more aware (and old enough to start comprehending) the destruction of my parent's marriage. I felt like it was my responsibility to try and keep my family together because my mother would talk to me about her problems she was having with my father, and my nature is to try and make things "right" when a problem arises. These problems are til there to this day, but I've come to terms that it isn't my responsibility and it is out of my hands. As the stress and drama from this took its toll on me, I started to look for excuses to not go home. This is where my first boyfriend came into the picture. Little did I know at the time, he was an emotional cutter and very suicidal. He had told me that if I ever left him, he would kill himself. I was in 7th grade at this point. I did not want the guilt of being the reason someone killed themselves looming over my head for the rest of my life. At one point in our relationship, he decided that he wanted to "cure" me of my "prudeness". (I was a very non-sexual girlfriend who had no interest in having sex of any type or doing anything aside from spending time together, holding hands, and kissing from time to time). His "cure" was to try and force me into having sex with him. There was a lot of me telling him "no" and "stop" and eventually threatening to bite him if he didn't get off of me. He didn't listen, so he got bit. I will spare the details, but he was left crying and I was able to get away. Stupid me still remained in a relationship with him because of his threat to kill himself. He later apologized to me for doing what he did. (Didn't help anything.) This is where my depression started. Eventually I was able to devise a plan to get him to break up with me, and I never spoke to him again. I had nobody to talk to about this. I couldn't go to my mom because she would have just blamed me for putting myself in a position for that to happen, at least, this is what I believed at the time. Even to this day, nobody in my family knows. The next 7 years of my life I struggled with the memory of what had happened to me. I would look for distractions, generally turning to food, eating enough to put myself into a "food coma" so that I could fall asleep quick and not lay awake at night. It was at about this point in my life that I started to notice that I was gaining weight. If I recall, I think I was up to 150-160lbs at about 5'3". In high school, my weight continued to creep up to the 170-185lb range with me being 5'6". In my senior year in high school, '05-'06 , I finally tried my hand again at the whole dating thing. Met a guy who treated me nice and helped me overcome a lot of my hang ups about boys. It was about this point that my weight more or less stayed the same, with little fluctuations. It remained this way for the next 8 years. We ended up breaking up and went our separate ways, no hard feelings on my part = no emotional eating to cope with the breakup. Things were pretty mellow for me around this time in my life, aside from dealing with my parents and their failing relationship. A couple years went by and I met and fell in love with someone that I was ready to spend the rest of my life with. I happy and losing weight. I had gotten down to 174lbs, the lowest I had been for quite some time. Things were great for the two years or so until he had a very traumatic death happen. This event changed who he was and started a domino effect of negativity that eventually lead to him heavily drinking and doing "unknown" drugs to numb himself. It was during this time that he started to distance himself from everyone around him and our relationship started to get rocky. The drugs and drinking led to him sexually assaulting me. During the "downfall" of our relationship, I had started going out with friends more, spending money on going out to eat all the time to distract myself from my crumbling relationship. It was about this point that my weight was fluctuation between 185-195lbs. After the assault, things really took a turn for the worse. Within a matter of months, if not weeks, my weight skyrocketed up to 220lbs, the heaviest I have ever been.
This is where I am at today. Almost 2 years have passed and I have remained the same weight. I will get motivated, start eating better and going to the gym, then something else will happen that makes me turn to food to cope with my emotions. I was doing good with losing some weight a few months ago around October, got down to 210lbs. It was about that point that my aunt died in early November - more emotional eating. Late November our family friend died - more emotional eating. December I had to put the best cat I have ever had to sleep - lots of emotional eating. And then in January I was too sick to go to the gym, so I became very inactive. I recognize that I have weaknesses when it comes to dealing with negative emotions, and I also have a fear that if I start losing weight and being more "attractive to the public" that I will be harassed by men more. For certain reasons, I am not too fond of unwanted sexual advances. I am not happy with who I have let myself become and I want to change that. Every time I look in the mirror, I see all of that extra weight that I put on during my crumbling relationship and post-assault. Every time I see it, I am reminded. I want to get rid of this weight and keep it off, but I'm finding it difficult to get and stay motivated. I am asking for guidance. I want to feel like I am not alone on this journey. I want to meet people that share similar goals and help motivate each-other. I want to meet people that will help keep my mind on getting healthy. It would be great to learn more about the Keto community. I have dabbled with this one in the past and have found that my body really enjoyed eating keto and I felt like I had more energy and a clearer mind, but I haven't been able to maintain it for more than a few days (usually because I end up going out with friends to distract myself from other things). I would also like to note that I am tying to work on improving my mental health as well, dealing with the side effects of the assault. Hoping that a healthier life style will assist with that process.
I don't know how to start. I don't know how to maintain. Please help me brainstorm or share tips, tricks or things that have helped you.
Thank you all for taking the time to read this and I wish you all success on your journey.
7
Replies
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I don't know what to say but I couldn't read your post and not reply. I'm sorry for everything you've gone through. I'm a emotional eater too stress is my trigger so argument with the kids/partner parents etc I was abused as a child by my step dad and was temporarily put into care but I missed my mum so much I ended up going back home to live with her and my step dad (social services insisted I had a lock on my door) I didn't feel safe for the next 6 years of my life and every time my mum went out I made sure I was out of the house too. I now have 2 daughter's of my own and my mum is still with him so when we go to visit I'm very on edge. It's often easier to talk to strangers than someone you have known for a long time so feel free to add/message me
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I'm an emotional eater! I think mostly because of bad things that happened when I was younger. I use food to comfort myself and didn't care about anything else. I dwelled on the bad things and I still have problems once in awhile, but I'm learning to let go. People and things that hurt us don't care what we go through, we have to learn to love ourselves. Its not an easy thing to do, but it's something we need to do in order to overcome this area in our lives. My heaviest weight was 400 lbs, due to emotional eating mostly, I finally was able to lose 103 lb, but about a year ago, I allowed physical ailments and personal problems get in the way and I stopped trying to lose weight. I'm very grateful and thankful that I didn't put any of that weight back on. But I decided a few days ago I was going to give mfp a chance, make friends with people who had similar goals and issues. I can no longer do it by m
yself. I'm telling you it will be hard but with support and encouragement from people on mfp and maybe one day your family you can do it.
I personally don't have anybody, no family, nor friends to turn to. I rely on on mfp for support and encouragement not just for myself but, that I can give it in return. You're more than welcome to friend request me!! I try to be supportive and encouraging to others.1 -
Well, I'm not you and can't understand exactly how you feel, but some of our experiences are the same. I am an emotional eater when I am depressed. I don't eat at all when I'm distraught. My weight had been all over the place, and I do tend to start putting weight back on when people start complementing me. Guess I'm subconsciously afraid to be attractive. None the less here we are. Things I do to combat the desire to eat when I'm not hungry.
1. At the beginning of the week I buy fresh fruit and stock my fridge at work. This way when I really, really want something, I can have it, but not regret it.
2. Go for a walk. It was cold today, but honestly yesterday was not a good day and today all I want to do is eat. I was able to stay busy most of the day, but when I hit a lull I had to get away from my office. It clears my head a little as well as removing myself from the temptations.
3. Make a plan for the rest of the day. I so want to eat and after work there will be no one at my house for about 2 hours. This is an open invitation to binge. I know it is a stumbling block for me so I'm planning something else. I'm going to go for a nice hilly walk and then go purchase a few things my daughter needs for the weekend. I'll get home make dinner and eat with the family. That's about 3 hours that I won't be tempted. Really more because I don't binge in front of people and I always set a healthy eating example for my girls.
5. Tonight or tomorrow morning I will write down my goals for the day and share them on a thread here. Having them written down helps me focus. Sharing them gives me accountability.
Example: - Get up early and go to the gym
- Have a protein bar and fruit for breakfast
- Do not have a soda until I've had 1L of water
- Lunch under 300cal (I'm short so my allotted cals are low)
- Don't get anything from the vending machine.
- If time and weather allow go for a hike
- Cook dinner
- Only have a treat if I can stay within calorie allottment
- In bed by 10:00
Hope you can take something positive from this.5 -
Like above, I feel I couldn't read all of this and not respond, even though I don't actually know what to say or what advice to give.
I did feel like giving you one big heartfelt hug though - so here is a virtual one.
it's a great thing that you are reaching out and trying to sort this emotional eating thing out. I also eat emotionally when things are not going well. I still haven't figured out how to stop doing that though.
Anyway. hugs. ANd good luck!1 -
And sometimes on nights like tonight I just go to bed early and pray for sleep.1
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I had very neglectful parents and my adult children are the same. I had an abusive ex-husband but now have a good husband of 27 years so there is hope. There is a low carb, keto group on here you can look into. My highest weight was 208 lbs and I am down to 157. A lady at my gym lost 160 lbs by eating 100 gr or less of carbs a day and her calorie allowance so I figured I could do it also. It worked good for me. You can do it and get you a good life! I am an emotional eater and have asked myself what is it you don't want to feel and did journaling which helped and finding healthy ways to cope when I get sad or frustrated and knowing overeating I can be sad or sad and fat.3
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I'm sorry you have the things happen to you.
I've had my share of crap thats happened in my life,I sent you a friend request.1 -
I'm an emotional eater! I think mostly because of bad things that happened when I was younger. I use food to comfort myself and didn't care about anything else. I dwelled on the bad things and I still have problems once in awhile, but I'm learning to let go. People and things that hurt us don't care what we go through, we have to learn to love ourselves. Its not an easy thing to do, but it's something we need to do in order to overcome this area in our lives. My heaviest weight was 400 lbs, due to emotional eating mostly, I finally was able to lose 103 lb, but about a year ago, I allowed physical ailments and personal problems get in the way and I stopped trying to lose weight. I'm very grateful and thankful that I didn't put any of that weight back on. But I decided a few days ago I was going to give mfp a chance, make friends with people who had similar goals and issues. I can no longer do it by m
yself. I'm telling you it will be hard but with support and encouragement from people on mfp and maybe one day your family you can do it.
I personally don't have anybody, no family, nor friends to turn to. I rely on on mfp for support and encouragement not just for myself but, that I can give it in return. You're more than welcome to friend request me!! I try to be supportive and encouraging to others.
Thanks for reaching out. I'll be sending you a friends request. Congrats on that 103lb loss! The support and encouragement are things that I would definitely like to find as well. I'm totally down to try and help support and encourage you, it might help me stay moyivated too! ^_^0 -
I'm so sorry for the things you have gone through! I can relate a lot. I will say that although I still struggle with weight, depression, anxiety, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I almost didn't read your post because of the warnings. These are all triggers for me and I also have a lot of personal experience with them, so I decided to read on. I am 62 now, and I had a lot of things happen I wish could have been just nightmares instead of real life. The light at the end I am mentioning is that I have had 3 wonderful adult children, 2 adorable grandchildren and am about to celebrate my 24th wedding anniversary with a man who truly loves me with all of my flaws and baggage - and truly loves my children and their children.
I chose to get counseling. There are usually programs in most areas which will provide help for people who have been through sexual assault/domestic violence. Even in our small town, we have such a program and I continue to go for therapy to work on issues that have followed me throughout life. I highly recommend you look for such a program where you live. Ours works on grants (as do many others), so the therapy is free.
I would be happy to be a supportive "grandma" to you if you want to friend me. I always have a listening ear and am willing to share if that is helpful. I am glad you are addressing your weight issues now as I waited too long and just recently was diagnosed with diabetes. I am 202 (was up to 230 at one point) pounds and 5'7". Planning to get down to 160.
Hang in there! Better days are ahead!2 -
First, (((hugs))). That's a lot to deal with. I know very well how eating and trauma get all tangled up. It's a lot more complicated than most people realize. Sending you a FR.0
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