I feel like food rules my life. Years of trying and I have little to show for it. Really need help.

Peanutmanak47

32 Male, currently at 332lbs. In 2014 I went from 360lbs down to 296lbs with just changing my eating habits and tracking my calories through myfitnesspal. For the last 2-3 years I've more or less hovered around 320-330lbs. I've gone through many many many attempts at getting back on track and it'll last anywhere from a day, to about a month, but in the end I'm back at it to eating like complete *kitten* and stuff my face with anything I can find.

I've gone out and bought weight lifting equipment to help do something active that I enjoy, and I used that good for like 5 months and made really good progress during that time and then jacked up my wrist and that kept me from lifting for about half a year. I've not lifted in months at this point though.

I'm always fully aware of what I'm doing and how I'm not helping my life at all. When I'm stuffing my face I know that I shouldn't be doing it, but I just tell myself that I don't care, although I really do care. I feel like my life just resolves around when or how I'm going to eat again.

I wake up, and think about whats for dinner(I work overnight so my schedule is reversed), I get home from work and instead of having something small to eat before going to sleep, I will stop at the gas station and pick up a *kitten* gas station sandwich and eat that, then some chips or anything I can find, and then go to sleep. While I'm at work, every time I go into our break room I see the vending machine and just want to eat everything in there. Kids bring home candy or buy stuff for themselves, I just want to raid their food and eat it myself. I've been a *kitten* dad plenty of times when it comes to eating other peoples food at the house and I always feel horrible for it, but I never stop.

My feeling of food is that I always feel like I'm going to miss out. I saw someone mention this on someone else's post and I never could put it into words like that. If someone at work brings some food, such as pizza, candy, cookies or whatever, I want to eat it before I don't want to miss out on that food. I almost NEVER turn down free food, even if I don't need it at all. I could get finished eating a full meal and if someones offers me something, I'm going to accept it.

I don't know what to do. I've seen therapist for this and it's not gotten any better about it. I don't have much support at home because my wife also suffers from eating issues and we feed off each other. I'm kind of just at a loss of what to do at this point. For the life of me I just can't stick to anything. I want to be skinnier SO BAD, and be in shape, and look good, but I can't seem to say no to food no matter what. I have the want, the desire, but zero will to actually pursue being healthy.

I really could use any advice that might help.

88olds

I thought that weight loss was going to leave me on the outside looking in. But what I found was liberation. Fact was I was missing out on lots of stuff at 285lbs. As I was getting bigger, my life was getting smaller. More food was not going to ever successfully fill the void.

Try this exercise to try to get unstuck. Piece of paper, line down the middle, 2 lists. Why you want to lose weight is one list. Why you don’t want to is the other.

I’ve suggested this to people who have angrily responded that there could not possibly be any reason to not lose weight. You’ve got your reasons, otherwise you would do it. In fact, think carefully about the don’t side. Make a good honest list. If it comes to mind, put it down. Even if it seems silly or trivial.

People use those lists in different ways. I have a friend who refers to it when in need of motivation, finding that the “for” side is much more substantial than the “against.”

I used my list to make a series of deals and compromises with myself. I think a big mistake a lot of people make is thinking that by getting up a big head of motivational steam they can blow the don’ts off the road.
You have reasons for doing what you are currently doing. The problem is the current system has adverse consequences you don’t want to live with. Can both sides get part of what they want? Can you lose weight and be satisfied with how you are living?

Weight loss is a skill set, mostly problem solving. You can work at it and get better. I found that to lose 100lbs, I had to reinvent my program about 3-4 times. Get started and see where it takes you.

Last- I think you have a special problem. Sometimes weight loss requires spot on concentration. My attempts at working overnights made me crazy. Fatigue is the enemy of concentration. I’ve no suggestion for you on this.

rickirenni

I feel the same way about food, and constantly struggle myself. The thing that has made a difference for me is delving into the world of mindful eating. For me, this looks like slowing waaay down and truly tasting/savoring each bite. I've actually discovered that about 50% of the food I used to eat doesn't actually taste as good as I thought it did. I was more addicted to the hormonal high I got by filling my face with it, than actually enjoying the flavor. One (of many, many) examples, is Hershey's chocolate pie, and Edward's chocolate pie. I used to love getting these and thought they were awesome, but once I started slowing down and savoring my food, I discovered that they mostly just tasted sugary, and were quite low on chocolaty flavor. For me, that's a win! I don't have to worry about incorporating that into my life anymore, and can pick another food that I actually find delicious. I discovered that through eating slowly and savoring, I actually got MORE enjoyment of of my food, even though I was eating half the amount. I used to just shove it in without hardly tasting it, now I'm actually experiencing every bite of it for real. I'm literally tasting more food than I ever did before, yet eating so much less. I read a few books on the subject to help me get started (and no, I don't do the meditation stuff that some mindful eating books suggest).

gallicinvasion

I also might recommend finding another therapist. Maybe a behavioral therapist who specializes in disordered eating. They can help you identify why you feel this away about food (sounds super similar to me; I know how frustrating it is) and when you’re ready, they can start helping you plan and execute small habit changes (1 at a time) to make progress towards a healthier way of eating (and thinking about food!)

Peanutmanak47

gallicinvasion wrote: »

I also might recommend finding another therapist. Maybe a behavioral therapist who specializes in disordered eating. They can help you identify why you feel this away about food (sounds super similar to me; I know how frustrating it is) and when you’re ready, they can start helping you plan and execute small habit changes (1 at a time) to make progress towards a healthier way of eating (and thinking about food!)

I do plan on doing this Monday actually. Going to find someone else and see if a fresh mind can help me out. I'm a big believer in therapy.

Peanutmanak47

88olds wrote: »

I thought that weight loss was going to leave me on the outside looking in. But what I found was liberation. Fact was I was missing out on lots of stuff at 285lbs. As I was getting bigger, my life was getting smaller. More food was not going to ever successfully fill the void.


.

You know I never thought about it like that but it's so damn true. The fatter I'm getting, the less I really can do, and the stuff I can do I'm stressed out about it being a problem because of my size.

ketogirl77

Start a written food log.
When you eat, write down what you are eating and how you are feeling physically and emotionally. Get a handle on what your triggers are. At the same time do not give yourself the permission to eat anything and everything you want, but be aware of your self and your surroundings.
Did you have an argument with someone, especially your spouse? Did you binge after that? Do you ever get to a point where you feel hunger? If not, why? Practice the art of actually feeling hunger. It might be hard to do with your schedule, but give it a try.
Drink more water. Get exercise to boost your mood.Start walking more. Invite your wife to go with you.

Have talks with her about what you want and how you feel. Close the distance between the two of you and your mutual food issues. Tell her in a loving way that you want to loose weight so that you feel better, that you would like to be happier and have more energy. Tell her you would like her help with the emotional parts of your journey. Tell her you would like her to make foods that are higher in nutritional value for the both of you. Or you do it and lead by example. Learn how to cook. Cook together. Buy the best ingredients you can afford.

Learn about your health issues and if you have any underlying issues that you don't know about. If they might be sabotaging your efforts. Research any health issues you know about. Figure out what foods you should be eating to support your health issues. Do you have diabetes or insulin resistance? If so what about a Low Carb WoE? Do you have High Blood Pressure? Do you have any edema or muscle cramps? These are all things that can stifle weight loss. They are all things I have dealt with personally by going Keto( not saying that will work for you, just an example)
Weight loss is not easy when we are emotional eaters, and have someone in our lives that we feed off of emotionally. Trust me I know. But you have taken the first step in asking for help and you seem to have a willingness to work at it.

There is no easy way out, no magic pill. It takes a lot of work in many aspects of your life to fix the mental/emotional, physical/health and external issues that help to keep us so heavy.

Yes even your job/schedule, friends, family and surrounding contribute to your weight.

Take a deep dive into why and how it all makes you deal with food.

I am not of the school that food is nourishment and nothing else. Food is life, but it is also family, community, a way we show love and a way we celebrate accomplishments. It is everywhere and unless you know exactly what it means to you and why, you can never loose weight. There are too many hurdles in everyday life for each individual and they are different for each of us. Only you can figure out what they are.

Once you do, help is everywhere. But become self empowered, self aware and work on you first and foremost.

This journey is never ending. But It is worth the effort. You are worth the effort!!

Peanutmanak47

Wow. Lots of really good stuff in your post. I think the food log sounds like a really good idea.

mercbenz9

I work 12 hour midnight shifts 7 days on 7 days off. I flip back to a daytime lifestyle on my week off to spend time with my husband. I actually have better success with my eating on my week at work because I plan my food for the week. I make a couple of dishes that I can have for lunches and suppers and I always have either avacado toast or omelette fixings available for breakfasts. When I feel out of control around food it is usually due to poor sleep, exhaustion, or waiting too long between meals. Having healthy snacks available for when I crave sweets ( strawberries with Splenda or a sugar free jello cup with a squirt of whipped cream) or salt/crunch ( a 100 calorie pack of almonds or popcorn) really helps.
It also helps me avoid the crap people bring to the office break room!

When I crave pizza, I try to get the flavor without the calories by topping a chicken breast with a little mozzarella and pizza sauce or I add chopped pepperoni to my salad. Making the foods you love healthier is like a game! And every now and then you find products that make your life so much easier.....Kodiak high protein pancake mix with sugar free syrup and spray butter comes to mind, as do Carba Nada egg noodles (bought from Amazon) for when I NEED pasta! 😜

For me the key is to focus on what I can DO rather than what I’m not supposed to eat. I focus on getting in glasses of water, getting my 10,000 steps for the day, eating half of each plate as veggies....you get the idea.

Weight lifters keep a chart of how many reps they do of each exercise. In my food journal I mark a star for each of those little daily goals I accomplish. It becomes a visual reminder of good choices. If I blow it with a binge, I try to figure out why it happened and a strategy for the next time the situation occurs. Then I move on. Life’s too short to beat yourself up over one meal!

Keeping my head in a positive place helps a lot more than being upset with myself.

Hope some of these tips can get you started. And as Margaret Thatcher once said:
“Sometimes you have to fight a battle more than once to win it.”

Cant_think_of_a_username

I really sense your frustration - you have my sympathy. What worked well for me was bulk meal prep and honest logging - the times I wobbled most were the times where I didn't have my meals planned and prepped because it gave me an excuse to deviate from good choices.

I also found that by knowing what I was having at each meal I was more able to put the thoughts of other foods out of my mind more easily - I could also look forward to the meals I had planned. After a while of eating better quality whole foods with less fat/salt/sugar I found my body got used to it and actually preferred those whole foods - so much so that on the odd occasion when I would succumb to temptation, I realised that actually the memory of those foods was better than the reality and the cravings slowly went away. I think another big help was giving up alcohol - not an easy decision because my hobby was all grain beer brewing and I was used to having gallons of the stuff on tap whenever I wanted - but it provided too many calories and led to the munchies which was yet more un-needed calories. I gave my brewery away (not without some pain!) and focused my energy into weight training and other hobbies instead. I know you've had a wrist injury stopping you from lifting - so maybe throw your efforts into a different activity like walking/cycling/swimming or another hobby (fishing is one of mine) until you can get back into the weights again.

It was one of Arnold's quotes that helps me mentally the most and I'm paraphrasing somewhat here but essentially he said that you have to ask yourself what you want the most. If you want to look like everybody else - then go ahead and eat like them.

Decide what it is you want - and go all out for it.

Cheers
Steve

therealklane

I have never been able to put it into words, but I feel this on a deep level.

- I don’t want to miss out.
- If I ask you if you want to try something and you say yes, I’m worried that bite will be what I needed to feel full.
- I can honestly say that during my binges, I never feel full. I feel like a vault with a hole in it. It’s like the food is going in but I never fill up.
- Honestly, I felt like this most days - binge or no binge - I just didn’t know what FULL felt like (it has gotten a little better now. I can stop without finishing everything on my plate or I get a smaller portion so I can finish it - I always copied my dad who cleaned his plate no matter what because that’s how he was raised - thankfully he is not obese - I feel weird if I don’t clean my plate).

Working out, going for a walk (just getting away from food) when I am feeling those emotions where I want to binge is definitely helpful. Drinking a ton of water (gallon a day usually). Coffee if early in the day. All attempts to satiate me. Giving away my candy. Only keeping treats in the house I can have. Or buying something and mentally knowing it’s for my fiancé (I know you’re having an issue with this. Is there anything you can buy for your kids that you don’t like that they that you can buy for them instead?) I recently saw a video for home made gummy bears that I am going to try today to help with my sweet tooth.

One of my biggest things that’s helping: I cook and we eat at home almost every single day. Crock pot meals are a life saver! I have heard a lot of people lately say everything in the crockpot tastes the same, but I can tell you, my fiancé, we have family night with my parents, brothers, SIL, nieces and nephews every week. Once a month it’s at our house. I always get compliments on how good the food is my week! Everyone loves coming to my house to eat LOL. I take leftovers to work either as ‘meal prep’ or for my coworkers to enjoy. Same thing. They love it all. So definitely look into that! It can be cooking while you sleep!

Www.familyfreshmeals.com — I have not had one single recipe from this site that did not turn out absolutely DELICIOUS and she adds nutrition onto the recipe. I add my own spin on recipes usually, so I log them under recipes in MFP and calculate my own. It’s a wonderful thing!