Reflection After Bad Decisions

katierthanmost

Hi all,

More of a vent or discussion point rather than a question, really.

This weekend has not been great. Yesterday, I started the day well, had some medical tests I wasn't looking forward to and felt positive and proud of myself. I had some drinks in the evening, not even celebrating, just decided to, and drank entirely too much.

Alcohol is not really ever a good choice for me, as I sort of flip a switch and then up overly emotional or aggressive. I'm not a happy drunk.

Of course, excess alcohol led to excess food and it happened to spill into today as well. I don't even know how many calories I've eaten because I am not yet game enough to log everything. The proof will be in my weigh-in in a week.

By far, the worst things are the bloating, lethargy and poor emotional wellbeing. I realise I must have felt this way a lot of the time before I started making better food decisions and exercising.

Though the last two days have been crap, I feel I've learnt alot. I really don't want to feel like this again, and there isn't any excuse for me to, because I can have foods that make me feel happy and well, including beloved chocolate, as part of my weight loss journey.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow, and feel like a tool for having taken such poor care of myself for so long. I'm also making a decision to stop drinking entirely. I just don't want to.

Thanks for listening! Here's to a new week.

jennifer_417

This is some good insight that will serve you well on your weight loss journey!

k8eekins

katierthanmost wrote: »

Hi all,

More of a vent or discussion point rather than a question, really.

This weekend has not been great. Yesterday, I started the day well, had some medical tests I wasn't looking forward to and felt positive and proud of myself. I had some drinks in the evening, not even celebrating, just decided to, and drank entirely too much.

Alcohol is not really ever a good choice for me, as I sort of flip a switch and then up overly emotional or aggressive. I'm not a happy drunk.

Of course, excess alcohol led to excess food and it happened to spill into today as well. I don't even know how many calories I've eaten because I am not yet game enough to log everything. The proof will be in my weigh-in in a week.

By far, the worst things are the bloating, lethargy and poor emotional wellbeing. I realise I must have felt this way a lot of the time before I started making better food decisions and exercising.

Though the last two days have been crap, I feel I've learnt alot. I really don't want to feel like this again, and there isn't any excuse for me to, because I can have foods that make me feel happy and well, including beloved chocolate, as part of my weight loss journey.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow, and feel like a tool for having taken such poor care of myself for so long. I'm also making a decision to stop drinking entirely. I just don't want to.

Thanks for listening! Here's to a new week.

The emboldened is a start. Securing our sobriety is a process.

If you need to talk, please feel free to add me.

Welcome to myfitnesspal!

Maxematics

I think it's great that you're able to self-reflect in this way. I've had days where I've overindulged and had those same physical and emotional feelings. The end result used to be beating myself up over it and/or trying to undereat to balance out my binge but over time I learned to ask myself why it happened and think about how I felt in the end. The fact that you already have that mindset is fantastic and you're absolutely right. It was just one day in the grand scheme of things and now that you know how it makes you feel you can avoid it in the future.

Dilvish

My ex-wife is an alcoholic, we got divorced because of it. Both my elder brothers are alcoholics, one is now living in a care facility due to complications from alcohol - he is 59, the other just died suddenly 3 weeks ago from alcohol related poisoning, he was 55. One of my best friends is an alcoholic and was doing good for a time and now his drinking got so bad, his phone is out of service and he doesn't respond to email. Last I heard his wife was ready to walk out on him because he was hitting the bottle hard.

Do yourself and all of those who care and love you a favor - quit drinking. It's simply not worth it in the end.

emilysusana

I’m like you, I made the choice to give up alcohol and I find it so much easier to keep up with my eating and fitness goals without alcohol in the mix. I also have realized that I can keep my anxiety under control without alcohol and with exercise and a good diet, and have been able to stop taking medication for that. I feel so much better! Win, win, win. There’s a group/ thread on here called The Sober Squad. Check it out!

emilysusana

Dilvish wrote: »

My ex-wife is an alcoholic, we got divorced because of it. Both my elder brothers are alcoholics, one is now living in a care facility due to complications from alcohol - he is 59, the other just died suddenly 3 weeks ago from alcohol related poisoning, he was 55. One of my best friends is an alcoholic and was doing good for a time and now his drinking got so bad, his phone is out of service and he doesn't respond to email. Last I heard his wife was ready to walk out on him because he was hitting the bottle hard.

Do yourself and all of those who care and love you a favor - quit drinking. It's simply not worth it in the end.

I fully recognize that alcoholism can destroy lives. But I don’t think we need to decide OP is an alcoholic. The label may or may not mean something to OP; the behaviors and feelings she described are not in the same league as what you are describing. There’s a spectrum, sure. But this seems out of place. She came here to share her introspection, and I don’t think adding that label and associated guilt is productive.

kshama2001

emilysusana wrote: »

I’m like you, I made the choice to give up alcohol and I find it so much easier to keep up with my eating and fitness goals without alcohol in the mix. I also have realized that I can keep my anxiety under control without alcohol and with exercise and a good diet, and have been able to stop taking medication for that. I feel so much better! Win, win, win. There’s a group/ thread on here called The Sober Squad. Check it out!

Yes, I too used to self-medicate with alcohol and have also discovered that exercise and a good diet is even more effective.

kshama2001

katierthanmost wrote: »

Hi all,

More of a vent or discussion point rather than a question, really.

This weekend has not been great. Yesterday, I started the day well, had some medical tests I wasn't looking forward to and felt positive and proud of myself. I had some drinks in the evening, not even celebrating, just decided to, and drank entirely too much.

Alcohol is not really ever a good choice for me, as I sort of flip a switch and then up overly emotional or aggressive. I'm not a happy drunk.

Of course, excess alcohol led to excess food and it happened to spill into today as well. I don't even know how many calories I've eaten because I am not yet game enough to log everything. The proof will be in my weigh-in in a week.

By far, the worst things are the bloating, lethargy and poor emotional wellbeing. I realise I must have felt this way a lot of the time before I started making better food decisions and exercising.

Though the last two days have been crap, I feel I've learnt alot. I really don't want to feel like this again, and there isn't any excuse for me to, because I can have foods that make me feel happy and well, including beloved chocolate, as part of my weight loss journey.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow, and feel like a tool for having taken such poor care of myself for so long. I'm also making a decision to stop drinking entirely. I just don't want to.

Thanks for listening! Here's to a new week.

I went from excessive drinking, to abstinence, to moderate drinking. And while moderate drinking had none of the severe consequences of excessive drinking, after two or three drinks I would experience the same as you - more eating the night of, poor sleep, lethargy and more poor food choices the next day.

So now my category is "Will drink on rare social occasions but can't remember the last time I had a drink and it's been years since I've been drunk."

(That permission to drink on rare social occasions works for me, but can be a slippery slope for others - use with caution.)

kshama2001

Dilvish wrote: »

My ex-wife is an alcoholic, we got divorced because of it. Both my elder brothers are alcoholics, one is now living in a care facility due to complications from alcohol - he is 59, the other just died suddenly 3 weeks ago from alcohol related poisoning, he was 55. One of my best friends is an alcoholic and was doing good for a time and now his drinking got so bad, his phone is out of service and he doesn't respond to email. Last I heard his wife was ready to walk out on him because he was hitting the bottle hard.

Do yourself and all of those who care and love you a favor - quit drinking. It's simply not worth it in the end.

I didn't see Dilvish as labeling the OP as an alcoholic but rather presenting a cautionary tale - "This is where abusing alcohol can lead - stop now while you can."

150poundsofme

Great insight into yourself. Thanks for sharing. A new day to breath, start over. Hugs

lin_be

Consistency, not perfection!

fatmonsters

Hey OP, I discovered the Sober Squad and a second moderate drinking thread in Mfp. Through that I discovered Annie Grace and the 30-day alcohol experiment (free). You have nothing to lose and everything to gain- it will help I believe with moderation or abstinence if you so choose, and give you new eyes to look at your patterns. It has been very useful to me in keeping on track on my weight loss journey. You sound like you may be in a similar place to where I was earlier this year, and it could be helpful. Best of luck, your awareness around this means you’re probably ready to make some changes.

katierthanmost

Thank you for your insights, everyone. Waking up this morning to read these responses has been hugely helpful to starting the day anew and realising the weekend was one in a long journey of many.

Though I don't feel that alcohol has been a problem in my life in that I don't experience addition and/ or reliance, I'm definitely realising the role it's playing in feeling physically and emotionally awful. I think alcohol is one piece of a puzzle where I was making terrible choices for what was going into my body, overall.

I'm still very appreciative for those who have given their perspective as to the damage alcohol can do in the right (wrong?) circumstances in the long term.

It may be that down the track, I'll be tempted to have a chardonnay or two on my birthday or an occasional Friday night, but right now, the abstinence route reflects how I'd like to feel.

Have a great day, and thanks for the awesome welcome to the MFP community!

xxxMADMAXxxx

katierthanmost,
Good for you for pushing through and reevaluating.
Something that has made a huge difference for me (I just signed up a week ago) is logging everything down before I eat. Doing this means I am eating intentionally (in other words, it is impossible to thoughtlessly binge) I am not sure if I am doing this totally right, but I allow myself to eat anything as long as I don't go over my calorie count. So far, it has been working!

I think that cutting alcohol will make a huge difference mainly because it will help you to make deliberate decisions with your food goals. Good luck to you on this brand new week.
I am impressed that you shared your journey publicly so soon after joining. Keep moving forward- well done.