Tips on getting your partner to join the gym

Danp

If you're really interested in spending more time together then why don't you take up a pastime/activity that she currently enjoys rather than forcing/convincing her to do something you enjoy.

tlosal

Thanks for all the info guys. Yeah I don't force my wife to do anything she doesn't want to do. I was just wondering how others might have gotten their significant other to become more active and get healthier. My thought process is for us to get into this lifestyle so we can have a happier, longer life. Who doesn't want to live long and healthy? 😅

snowflake954

Is your wife unhealthy?

sijomial

I love sports and exercise, my wife of almost 36 years doesn't.
She supports me and is very generous in allowing me loads of time to indulge my hobbies, as I try to do the same in return.

Over the years....
We bought bicycles together - mine got used, hers gathered dust after a few sporadic rides.
We played squash - I loved it, she hated it. I carried on, she stopped.
We played badminton - neither of us liked it enough to continue.
My wife liked dance and exercise to music - I hate anything dance related so she went with friends but not consistently.
We tried BodyPump classes as my wife likes a class environment but I dislike it. Waste of time for me, didn't inspire her to continue.
I suggested she join me at the gym to do some weights - she looked at me as though I had lost all my remaining marbles.

The one thing we will do is walk together, so we do.

I think it is part of being a good spouse to encourage your partner in all positive aspects of life and I applaud your goal of a long and healthy life together. I'm sure your wife agrees with the goal but just not the methods you have chosen for yourself. Maybe if you start from activities that involve exercise rather than exercise for its own sake you might find something you both enjoy?

dolliesdaughter

She will workout when she wants. Nothing you can say or do, will change that.

brenn24179

My hubby hates the gym, I love it, we do other stuff together like bike rides.

etherealanwar

I recently (2 months ish) starting going to the gym to weight lift. While at the beginning I was trying to get my husband to join I realized I was being somewhat demanding and I should not have been trying to force him to go. He told me he will when he feels ready so I have left it at that. There really is no way to get a grown adult to partake in something they are not interested in. Like others have suggested, try finding activities both of you can enjoy together.

kshama2001

snowflake954 wrote: »

Is your wife unhealthy?

Being sedentary is not healthy. Unfortunately, we don't see the consequences of this for decades.

mbaker566

karen8787 wrote: »

maybe she likes her time away from you while you go to the gym so she tells you she hates so she gets to stay home and you get of her hair for a while

so true. i loved it when my husband went to the gym. nice hour or so of down time(do all the house chores)

CSARdiver

tlosal wrote: »

Thanks for all the info guys. Yeah I don't force my wife to do anything she doesn't want to do. I was just wondering how others might have gotten their significant other to become more active and get healthier. My thought process is for us to get into this lifestyle so we can have a happier, longer life. Who doesn't want to live long and healthy? 😅

I assumed as much.

Bottom line that we all pretty much suck at communication and you need to find a better way to do this effectively.

What you'll likely find is that you are incapable of changing the behavior of anyone other than yourself, so your best course of action is to inspire.

savithny

Okay, a couple of thoughts from a woman's POV.

1) "My wife hates the gym" plus "We can have more time together if we work out together."
You do NOT want to set up a system where "more time together" is doing something she hates.
That is not good relationship-building. Trust me on that one. Spending time with you doing something she hates? She's going to start associating YOU with bad times.

2) "We can work out together."
If you're at very different fitness levels? No, no you probably shouldn't.
There is very little that is less fun than being invited to "work out with" someone who is way above you. You feel like you're holding them back, or you DO hold them back, and then if they're a guy, they start to drop little comments about how they USUALLY do this, and that's no fun. And for "no fun?" See point 1 about relationshipbuilding.

3) You do NOT want to set yourself up to be your wife's fitness coach.
I don't care how many times you say "Oh, she's not fat, she looks great, no really."
If you set yourself up to push her and push her, she's going to start thinking that this is a "Shape up so I can find you sexy" thing.
And here's a tip: It's hard to start feeling sexy about someone who is nagging you about your weight and fitness and making you feel gross about yourself. It can be a libido killer.

So "get my wife who hates gym into the gym as our special couples activity that I have chosen but she has not chosen" has a serious chance of rebounding back on you in the form of relationship issues.

If you want to try to move you guys as a couple towards a healthier life? Think about fun and active - but not EXERCISE TIME! active - things you can do. Bike rides. Fun hikes. Take up golf and don't rent a cart. Suggest you prepare for a "fun ride" cycling fundraiser that's beginner oriented. Whatever it is? Do not make the focus "We are doing this to raise our heart rate and improve our VO2 max." Focus on the fun. Not the speed of the hike but what' you're seeing. Not how many miles you biked, but where you biked *to*.

snowflake954

kshama2001 wrote: »

snowflake954 wrote: »

Is your wife unhealthy?

Being sedentary is not healthy. Unfortunately, we don't see the consequences of this for decades.

Yes, but he doesn't say that she's sedentary--he says she hates to workout. She might be doing other things, such as a lot of housework, walking the dog, ..... who knows? OP isn't very clear. If she's sedentary, then yes, it's a worry. We have friends that have always been, and they're a bit older than us--we're 64 and 65. Now their health is in pieces. They are both overweight and in and out of the hospital. We used to travel all over Italy with them. So sad. It keeps me exercising because I don't want to end up like that.

RunsWithBees

I used to try unsuccessfully to get my boyfriend to take up running so he could run with me. After so many times of him saying no, he hated running, he’d never ever be a runner, etc I stopped trying and instead just enjoyed my time running and would tell him about how much fun it was but without asking him to join me anymore. A few months later he surprised me that he had completed the C25K program all on his own and started running!!! He’s been running on his own and with me a few times a week ever since! He has soooooo become a runner now! Sometimes he’s the one that nags me to get up and go for a run waaaay too early in the morning I’ve created a monster, so be careful what you wish for

mbaker566

monkeefan1974 wrote: »

I used to try unsuccessfully to get my boyfriend to take up running so he could run with me. After so many times of him saying no, he hated running, he’d never ever be a runner, etc I stopped trying and instead just enjoyed my time running and would tell him about how much fun it was but without asking him to join me anymore. A few months later he surprised me that he had completed the C25K program all on his own and started running!!! He’s been running on his own and with me a few times a week ever since! He has soooooo become a runner now! Sometimes he’s the one that nags me to get up and go for a run waaaay too early in the morning I’ve created a monster, so be careful what you wish for

neither partners i've had since i started running have been runners. the first was proud though, this one is just baffled :P

cwolfman13

I guess it depends on how you define "workout"...my wife and I hate to workout as well and I only go to the gym a couple days per week to lift and she goes one day...the rest of the time we just try to be active and have a good time. She enjoys running and I enjoy cycling, but we don't really consider those to be "workouts" per sei. We also like hiking in the mountains and rock climbing here and there. We just try to stay active and have fun. The only time that changes is when we're training for some event, but neither of us have done that in a couple of years now because it kinda takes the fun out of things and makes things more of a chore.

aokoye

kshama2001 wrote: »

snowflake954 wrote: »

Is your wife unhealthy?

Being sedentary is not healthy. Unfortunately, we don't see the consequences of this for decades.

The OP didn't say their wife was sedentary (unless I missed it). For all we know she works on her feet all day or enjoys not gym related activities that involve not being sedentary.

kshama2001

aokoye wrote: »

kshama2001 wrote: »

snowflake954 wrote: »

Is your wife unhealthy?

Being sedentary is not healthy. Unfortunately, we don't see the consequences of this for decades.

The OP didn't say their wife was sedentary (unless I missed it). For all we know she works on her feet all day or enjoys not gym related activities that involve not being sedentary.

Yes, I should have been more clear and added this was a general statement, not referring to the OP's wife specifically, as I do not know if she is sedentary.