"You don't need to lose any more" - "You don't want to be too thin"
paulbrttn
Posts: 72 Member
How far from goal were you when you started to hear these sorts of comments?
I'm down from 252lb to 219lb with a goal of 200 (6'4", M) and it's started.
I'm down from 252lb to 219lb with a goal of 200 (6'4", M) and it's started.
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Replies
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smile and nod, just smile and nod...
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Those types of comments from your family and friends are well intended. You are doing great!5
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If you've experienced a rapid loss, your "sudden" appearance change might be unsettling to friends and family. It might be time to look at your clothing - if you're still wearing the same stuff, it being baggy/too big might be providing fuel to your friends/family concern. Get a few items that fit well now.23
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I was still a couple of stone overweight (say, about 30 lb) at the point where those comments began. The only people who made them were close friends, and I do believe they came from a place of genuine concern; I preferentially lose from my upper body, so the knifelike collarbones were very noticeable but the plump thighs not so much.
However, it was also noticeable to me that the people who made those comments were people who had gained weight over the last few years and weren't comfortable with it. So I suspect that seeing someone who had always been 'the fat one' now being smaller than them sparked some extra cognitive dissonance.20 -
Also some people may have liked the way you looked with more pounds. People have different tastes and that includes how they see weight. Even if they are skinny themselves they may see heavier people as better looking than skinnier people.
That is why it is kind of silly to get too caught up with things like going to the beach. You assume that people are looking at you and thinking you need to lose weight and they may actually be thinking the opposite... or more likely... they are caught up in their own world and not even noticing you.8 -
i get this a lot from those close to me. i'm 5'1, 116ish. i've also been severely obese most of my life though. and i admit food is sorta all consumming right now and i need to "relax" about it to an extent (for my own good).
i'm small but all my weight is in legs and arms so they dont necessarily see that.2 -
I'm 5' 6.5" and weigh about 127. I've been maintaining for about 8 months. I had a good friend tell me just last week that I got too thin around the holidays and I look better now. I haven't lost or gained outside my 5 pound range - it was all how she perceived it. She needed time to get used to my updated appearance.
This is their issue - not yours.32 -
funjen1972 wrote: »I'm 5' 6.5" and weigh about 127. I've been maintaining for about 8 months. I had a good friend tell me just last week that I got too thin around the holidays and I look better now. I haven't lost or gained outside my 5 pound range - it was all how she perceived it. She needed time to get used to my updated appearance.
This is their issue - not yours.
A few years ago, I went to see my grandmother for Christmas. The night I arrived she chastised me for getting "too skinny." The next day she complimented me on looking "much better."
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My husband gets this from my mom. She mostly says it to me though. He is 5'11" and usually is around 167-170 (recently at 173 so wants to drop a couple). I simply tell her that he's at the to end of his healthy bmi. I think he looks really good. He even still has a little belt and comments are made. Although she does also compliment him and tell hope good he looks and how impressed she is.0
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5'5 was 182 lbs right before delivering my son in December. Am now 138 lbs and I have been receiving these comments since I was around 150 lbs. I still am wanting to get down to 125-130 lbs.
Im same height as you and 156 today. Once I hit the 150s I get comments how "thin" I look. I think it's how I am built. Maybe the same for you. I am very evenly distributed. I lose weight all over evenly. So yeah, I do look pretty ok at 150. And I can only imagine how I would look at 138. 138 is my goal weight.
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By the way. That is a compliment in my book.1
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I started getting it a few months ago. I'm 5'2 and 160, with a goal weight of 125, so I still have quite a bit to go. For the most part, I understand that it's coming from a place of concern (the main person guilty of saying this is honestly concerned I'm a victim of low self esteem and an eating disorder). The thing that's most insane to me, though, is that while I've lost over 120 lbs, it was lost slowly over the course of, like, 10 years!! It's not like I suddenly dropped 100 lbs in a few months!
Mostly I ignore these comments, but the main perpetrator is really getting to me. He has to say something literally every time he sees me, and I'm afraid I'm going to snap at him. I've tried calmly telling him please not to worry. I don't know what else to say at this point that won't come off as rude or overly defensive.9 -
TavistockToad wrote: »smile and nod, just smile and nod...
This.1 -
I'm 220lb down from 387lb
I'm also a 5ft 2 female so still about 80lb to go
I've been getting the "you need to stop" comments from friends for the last 30lb. I think they are just so used to me being massive
My physio now swears blind that I'm not fat when I mention that I know some of my pain MIGHT improve with more weight loss
Most folks I just smile and tell them I'll think about what they've said2 -
People are not accustomed to seeing other people at a normal and healthy weight. Overweight and obese are the norm. Also, people are used to looking at you at a higher weight so seeing you smaller is kind of a shock, especially if you lost weight relatively quickly. Also make sure you're wearing clothes that fit and aren't hanging off of you. If you're lacking in muscle mass, this can also make you look "skinny"8
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People who say that need to shut the F### up!!! Im my experience people said those comments out of jealousy7
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Some just told me yesterday...”You’re not going to lose more weight, are you?”. My doctor warned me about people telling me that I’m too thin. But she said my weight is completely normal. I think some people are surprised by my weight loss because I’ve been wearing baggy clothes and sweaters all fall/winter. So I think they’re surprised now when I wear fitted clothes. My doctor gave me a guideline of where my weight should fall. So I just listen to my doctor rather than anyone else.11
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How far from goal were you when you started to hear these sorts of comments?
I'm down from 252lb to 219lb with a goal of 200 (6'4", M) and it's started.
It’s funny, now that society is more accepting and it’s trendy to be more fuller... now I’m getting that “ why do you need to lose more weight rah rah” comments. I’m a 128lbs shorty, wanting to be between 115lbs- 120lbs, going by what I feel comfortable with.
Congrats on your weight loss.2 -
TavistockToad wrote: »smile and nod, just smile and nod...
Yep, especially when these comments only ever came from those that were overweight themselves. Those that were a healthy weight only ever had positive things to say.3 -
I've only heard those comments from people who were overweight themselves - I have not heard those comments from fit, healthy people.
Take a moment to think (and look at) who is making those comments. Are they likely to be someone who has a good idea of what "healthy" is, or not? Their friends and family can be another indication...if they are all "plump" then a normal weight will look "too thin" to them, especially on someone who they are used to looking like themselves.2 -
I've gotten those "don't overdo the dieting" warnings from family (some of whom are actually a healthy weight) while I still had a BMI over 40. Also, if I tell them I'm watching what I eat, that's almost their cue to start food pushing. "Oh, come on, have just a little." I say no, and they keep pushing. I actually had to cut ties with some people to get them to stop sabotaging me.
I feel a need to elaborate, but I don't want to hijack somebody else's thread, so I'll start my own.5 -
People just don't know what they're talking about. Ignore them. I probably had at least 25 left to goal, well above my BMI range, when I started hearing this. I just thanked them and kept pursuing my goals.0
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5'5", started hearing comments around 150, on way to current 130s. It's partly people not being used to seeing us thinner, as others have said, or being used to fatness as a norm generally.
But, at least in my case, I think there was a phase where in the last stages of loss (at a reasonable rate) and early days of maintenance, I did look a little more haggard, even to myself. I think this part was about facial skin being a little loose at first but shrinking more in maintenance; and maybe about what happens with some glycogen replenishment/water-weight fullness after adjusting to maintenance calories for a bit.
Regardless, my weight is nobody's business but my own (and maybe my doctor's).2 -
My mother in law said this exact thing about me to my husband last week! She said she and “the girls” (her daughters) think I look too thin and “what if she gets sick....”
I’m 130 pounds at 5’2”! (Down from a high of 183) Hardly starving to death. I really think it’s because I’ve been overweight my whole adult life and me being at a normal weight is jarring to some people. Oh well, they better get used to it
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I mean, I've gotten that a few times, but the way that men dress obscures the form a bit.
They haven't seen me naked, so they don't really know the trouble I've seen...they don't know my sorrow lol11 -
5'5", currently around 170 lbs. When I started I was at 240. I've been at this weight for a few years and if I make the mistake of mentioning losing a bit more weight (I usually try not to talk about it), I get "you don't need to lose any more weight. You'll blow away!" All righty then.2
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HoneyBadger155 wrote: »I've only heard those comments from people who were overweight themselves - I have not heard those comments from fit, healthy people.
Take a moment to think (and look at) who is making those comments. Are they likely to be someone who has a good idea of what "healthy" is, or not? Their friends and family can be another indication...if they are all "plump" then a normal weight will look "too thin" to them, especially on someone who they are used to looking like themselves.
I’ve gotten the comments from fit people. I was pretty shocked by it too. One was an old boss of mine who had made no comments about my loss and then out of the blue they said, “you done losing weight yet?” I didn’t quite know what to say.0 -
I've gotten it once or twice so far, only when I let it slip that I am still working on losing, I try not to talk about my weight loss. One was from a co-worker who's fit and tends to "Mom" other co-workers a bit so I took the comment as her just being a Mom and making sure I don't overdo it. I normally just tell people I am really good at picking out clothes that are flattering, which is true. I'm 5'2" with a goal of 125 and currently at 150 so still a ways to go.0
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When the topic of my weight loss has come up at work and I mention wanting to lose more the most I have received in response is "Well even if you don't lose more weight you look great as is!" which I simply take as a compliment. I am now in a normal BMI range working to get down to where I feel more comfortable. All of my family has been supportive and only one aunt has told me I should not lose more or I will be "too skinny". I just brush it off and steer the conversation elsewhere. There really is no point trying to defend my decision when I know nothing will change her mind.1
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