Life/gym/health balance - struggling

Polydactylkat

I’m a conflicted. I’m trying to lose weight and GAIN strength. It’s hard for me to eat so little that I lose without exercising. I’m working on that. Plus, I really want to build muscle. And I *REALLY* like going to the gym. It makes me feel good, improves my health, and improves my mood. Like, I’d be happy going to work, hitting the gym, coming home and relaxing and going to bed.
Thing is, during the week I have about an hour commute from work. Plus I get out of work later than my fiancé. (He gets out between 3-6pm with a 20-30 min commute; I get out between 5-6 pm) then, my gym routines usually come out to about 1 1/2 hrs average (strength plus a bit of cardio and stretching and you know, pausing to drink water). This means a LOT to me, but he gets irritated that I get home so late when I hit the gym after work. I don’t want to stop going, I have a goal in mind and when my mind is set it’s set, but I don’t want to upset him constantly.

Anybody been in a similar situation? I’m not sure what to do.

I know - go to the gym in the morning. But that requires me getting up early enough for workout time, plus commute time, plus additional time to shower, get dressed and eat breakfast- which would mean stopping back home. It’s so awkward to shower and get dressed properly at the gym. And to eat breakfast ... I’d have to drink cold coffee on my way to work.

I’m also *really* not a morning person. And he knows that. So getting up at like 5am is really hard for me. I usually don’t have to be up for work until 7-7:30. Weekends I sleep until 10am.

I don’t know what to do! I don’t want to slack on my goals, I want to hit the gym regularly to meet them, but I dont want to upset my fiancé constantly. Is he being unreasonable? Am I?

mom23mangos

Only you can decide what is more important to you...your sleep, your workout or your fiance. I can tell you what worked for me which is probably not what you want to hear, but here goes.

1) Moved closer to work
2) Meal prep on Sunday and bring all my prepared breakfast, lunch and snacks to the office for the week on Monday.
3) Even though I am NOT a morning person, I created the habit of getting up every morning at 5am to hit the gym. I pack my bag with work clothes, hair dryer, makeup, etc. the night before. I layout my workout clothes and make my protein drink ahead of time and put it in the fridge.
4) Workout from 6-7ish, then stretch in the sauna for about 20min. Shower and get ready for work and am at work by 8am.
5) Eat lunch at my desk so I can leave by 4-4:30.

JaimeJaimeM

With some small investment, get yourself some basic equipment and bring the gym to your home. Cancel your membership and you'll result in a cost-savings in the long term.

billkansas

Maybe a compromise would be to reduce gym days to two or three per week and then move any time you used to spend at the gym doing cardio to cardio done at/near home. Maybe you could invite him along on your bike rides or runs in the park as an alternative to doing cardio in the gym.

I don't waste time at the gym doing cardio (or stretching) because I can get cardio in anytime by taking a run, bike ride, or some basketball (usually with my kids). I reserve gym time for heavy lifting because it is the only place where I can squat, deadlift, bench, etc.

julesdechaine

Why would he be upset that you are doing something you enjoy, that benefits your physical and mental health?

I have a treadmill at home for cardio, and use the gym mostly for basketball, swimming, sauna, etc.

Like you, I have an hour commute to work, and go to the gym in the evenings, but my boyfriend enjoys going there too, so we use that time to connect since we don't live together.
Is he opposed to being there?

Cassandraw3

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. You will just have to find the right balance that works for you.

1) Move closer to work or find a job closer to you if possible.
2) See if he will join you at the gym
3) Save the stretching for at home. (He probably wouldn't mind watching that either. My husband loves when I stretch at home )
4) Skip the gym at least 1 day during the week and make that a "date night". Schedule it as couple time for the 2 of you every week.

DancingMoosie

I agree with skipping cardio and stretching at the gym. It saves so much time to just do it at home and/or around the neighborhood. I always cardio at home first thing, then get ready for work. I lift at the gym after work. I can run around the neighborhood or the park after work for 20-30 min. I'll do a longer run when I go to town before grocery shopping. Make a routine that fits your schedule. Leaving one night off for date night is also a great way to appease the SO.

Polydactylkat

Thanks all! Unfortunately he is not interested in gym stuff and is not an outdoor person like I am. What I think I’ll do is this:

1. Get my butt up a little early and get a run/jog in the morning. The weather here gets pretty horrible in the winter but it is starting to get nicer. We are essentially renting a room from a friend right now, so no room for a home gym set up, but we are hoping to get our own place soon.
2. Use the gym just for weight sessions to cut down on time.
3. Prep my workout clothes and work outfits on the weekend so I can just roll out of bed and into my jogging clothes.
4. Prep meals - I already do breakfast and lunch but I think I’ll have to figure out how to do dinners too.
5. Set aside maybe Friday nights to cook a nice fresh meal and spend time with him.

I can’t move closer to work unfortunately because he works and is in grad school in the opposite direction, and anything closer to where I work gets expensive. But - we are in this room renting situation to save money for a house so hopefully when we find one it can be a little closer .. or, once I have some more time under my belt I may be able to transfer to a closer office. I’m only a few years into starting a career in a brand new field so I don’t have as much leverage to choose where I work but hopefully I will with time.

We actually had a talk last night and I think he thought I was going to the gym because I felt like I needed to be “skinny” to be beautiful. I did get really down on my body a while ago, but I explained to him that I go not because I don’t like myself but because I DO like myself and I just want to be strong and fit, and I genuinely enjoy it. That seemed to make a bit of a difference. I also just stressed to him that I can’t help that my work hours are later than his (therefore my gym time is later) plus my commute, but that I don’t plan on it being like this forever. And I made sure he knew that when I am away from home, it’s not because I want to be away from him, it’s just that I can’t do these things at home.

It was a good talk. I was initially kind of angry, but I don’t think he meant to be holding me back, he just didn’t understand and he also had some things on his mind that he had been holding in which ended up coming out at me recently when he was upset.

Still need to find a balance, but he will benefit from a happier fitter me as well. So, gonna get my butt up in the AM!

Theoldguy1

Cassandraw3 wrote: »

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. You will just have to find the right balance that works for you.

1) Move closer to work or find a job closer to you if possible.
2) See if he will join you at the gym
3) Save the stretching for at home. (He probably wouldn't mind watching that either. My husband loves when I stretch at home )
4) Skip the gym at least 1 day during the week and make that a "date night". Schedule it as couple time for the 2 of you every week.

Maybe just me, but taking the 2-3 weeks needed to learn to be a morning person (to exercise or go to work earlier so one can leave earlier, which fixes the getting dressed at gym and breakfast, issue) is much easier/lower cost than than #1.