lack of support? Come on really??

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  • VpinkLotus
    VpinkLotus Posts: 849 Member
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    Yeah I totally get all that. Mine thinks that every accomplishment I make in the gym or whatever translates to the bedroom. Like anything I say is..."awesome...and you @ss looks great." as I see his eyes gloss over and not hear anything else I say. Like I said...sometimes you just have to tell them EXACTLY what you need from them. No offense guys, I love you.
  • USMCnetty90
    USMCnetty90 Posts: 277 Member
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    I feel your pain - BUT
    that is why i have all my MFP pals so I can share my triumphs here with people who understand what I am doing
  • labeachgirl
    labeachgirl Posts: 158 Member
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    *on a side note I had a major injury less than a yr ago that result in an Achilles tendon replacement with a donor tendon, so for me jogging across the gym yard for 3/4 of a mile is a huge fing deal.

    That is a big deal, I think partners should be more invested when it comes to healing from surgery.. And congrats on your recovery progress!!
  • Jlennhikes
    Jlennhikes Posts: 290 Member
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    Other people's diet and exercise routines are near the top of the list of boring topics. The only people that care are the people who are doing the same thing.
  • cwsikes
    cwsikes Posts: 86
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    Nobody will care about your successes as much as you do. Please learn to accept that, or you will constantly be disappointed.

    Ouch. If this were true about my marriage, I don't think I would have a very happy marriage. My husband and I go through life together and that includes our fitness/health. The other day I ran for an hour straight for the first time after 3 years of running, and the first thing I did was tell him. If anything, he was just as happy for me as I was for myself. When he achieves something, fitness related or not, I care just as much about his success as he does. I couldn't imagine it otherwise.
  • EHolstrom
    EHolstrom Posts: 2,563 Member
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    Nobody will care about your successes as much as you do. Please learn to accept that, or you will constantly be disappointed.

    Ouch. If this were true about my marriage, I don't think I would have a very happy marriage. My husband and I go through life together and that includes our fitness/health. The other day I ran for an hour straight for the first time after 3 years of running, and the first thing I did was tell him. If anything, he was just as happy for me as I was for myself. When he achieves something, fitness related or not, I care just as much about his success as he does. I couldn't imagine it otherwise.

    Completely agree. My husband may not be going for walks with me everyday(he works in a different state) but he encourages me and brings up the topic on his own. We used to have a gym membership and plan on getting one again when he gets home. I realize not all husbands want to exercise with their wives especially if they dont feel the need to do so. but every husband should be proud of their wives accomplishments. And every wife should have the support from her husband.
  • unFATuated
    unFATuated Posts: 204 Member
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    It would be nice for him to be excited. He joined the gym with me BC he wanted to workout too and he doesn't. Oh well, except for 3x he went and complains.

    *on a side note I had a major injury less than a yr ago that result in an Achilles tendon replacement with a donor tendon, so for me jogging across the gym yard for 3/4 of a mile is a huge fing deal.

    I understand where you're coming from, but if you're anything like me, my weight loss, health and fitness takes up a pretty massive amount of room in my brain. There certainly wouldn't be a day where I don't think about what I've done, what I have to do and what I'm not doing at least a few times. It is important to me.

    I think it feels disappointing when you've made what seems like a huge achievement (which you have! Congratulations by the way) and it's just not as exciting to the other person. But unless you say to your husband 'What I did today was pretty major for me, and I am excited about it because after less than a year after the operation, I ran!' I don't think it's reasonable to expect anyone to be as excited about it as you are, because they aren't always thinking about all the reasons why it's great that you did what you did. Sometimes you need to spell it out.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    3) People around you don't care what you're doing with your body, because you obsess over it (that is a guess, but i, myself obsess over my body, and everyone around me doesn't care)


    This.

    You're only going to get so much "support" because a lot of people don't care, and get sick of hearing about it, even when they do care.

    edited for spelling.
  • WisiPls
    WisiPls Posts: 359
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    tell him you ran 23 miles next time, you'll get a reaction then
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    If I expect my husband to make a big deal about an accomplishment I start by saying, I expect high fives and an *kitten* smack for this, than I tell him what I did. That way he knows how to react and I don't get my bitty feelings hurt.

    good idea! :smile:
  • grrrlface
    grrrlface Posts: 1,204 Member
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    Nobody will care about your successes as much as you do. Please learn to accept that, or you will constantly be disappointed.

    Ouch. If this were true about my marriage, I don't think I would have a very happy marriage. My husband and I go through life together and that includes our fitness/health. The other day I ran for an hour straight for the first time after 3 years of running, and the first thing I did was tell him. If anything, he was just as happy for me as I was for myself. When he achieves something, fitness related or not, I care just as much about his success as he does. I couldn't imagine it otherwise.

    Completely agree. My husband may not be going for walks with me everyday(he works in a different state) but he encourages me and brings up the topic on his own. We used to have a gym membership and plan on getting one again when he gets home. I realize not all husbands want to exercise with their wives especially if they dont feel the need to do so. but every husband should be proud of their wives accomplishments. And every wife should have the support from her husband.

    I agree. I don't understand why people don't share these kind of successes in a relationship.

    My boyfriend doesn't eat as well as me, he eats my meals every night when I cook them but other than that he's a pig. ;) but he encourages me to eat well and he walks, cycles, swims, surfs, skateboards with me and actively encourages me to keep going because he openly admits he wants me to look fitter but knows its not happening over night and the encouragement from him really pushes me to work harder.
  • ElizabethFuller
    ElizabethFuller Posts: 352 Member
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    Wow, I just read your profile and you are awesome! I'm sure your husband is also impressed but he's a bloke - they're different you know, you have to signal to them what the important things are and then you might get some enthusiasm :smile: You have done so well, lost heaps of weight and struggled with all sorts of problems, he must be really proud of you!
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
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    Nobody will care about your successes as much as you do. Please learn to accept that, or you will constantly be disappointed.
    ^QFT...OP Do it for you and anything else consider a bonus.(smartest bit of advice I have read on the forums in ages about lack of support)
  • HealthyVitamins
    HealthyVitamins Posts: 432 Member
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    Maybe he feels like you are saying it to make him feel bad about not working out? even though you don't mean it that way it can come across like that when you are working out and your partner isn't.

    I know I used to tell my husband about my fitness accomplishments, at first he was excited, then I could hear him getting bored about listening to me talk about it all the time, and he told me its because he felt like I was telling him how much I was working out almost as if to make him feel bad about not working out...If that makes sense.
  • __Di__
    __Di__ Posts: 1,639 Member
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    I am so frustrated. Just on Sunday I was talking with the Hub and we were talking about cardio and running/jogging. I shared that I was embarrassed to BC of a jiggling belly and such. He said maybe "you will someday." Well, today the trainer had me jog from one end of the yard to the other x3. I did it. In total it was 3/4 of a mile. Plus the rest of the session. It was a good day!

    I shared with the Hub that I actually jogged today! His reaction an very blah "that's good." It was almost as if he didn't hear me.. I am so sick of the lack of support on his end. Hr says he likes the changes but doesn't show it and doesn't participate in the victories or working out with me when I ask..

    I'm so over it..

    Well done on your running!

    Out of interest, are you continually going on and on about weightloss and exercise? If so, that will be why your husband is only "half there" when you start talking about it. As for getting him to join in, that will most likely, prove extremely difficult now because even if he did just go along with you because you asked him to, it wouldn't last long, unless he suddenly discovered a personal interest in the activity for himself.

    Edited to say: I just read your profile and FWIW, I think you are very accomplished and have achieved a hell of a lot, do not let ANYBODY ever tell you any different. WTG OP, respect to you :flowerforyou:
  • Nicolee_2014
    Nicolee_2014 Posts: 1,572 Member
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    Nobody will care about your successes as much as you do. Please learn to accept that, or you will constantly be disappointed.

    This. It is nice to be praised every now & then though. I know how you feel..
  • __Di__
    __Di__ Posts: 1,639 Member
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    Wow, I just read your profile and you are awesome! I'm sure your husband is also impressed but he's a bloke - they're different you know, you have to signal to them what the important things are and then you might get some enthusiasm :smile: You have done so well, lost heaps of weight and struggled with all sorts of problems, he must be really proud of you!

    Elizabeth, it was after reading your post to the OP, made me go and look at the OP's profile and I am glad I did. Taught me a lesson in that I must not judge as I do not have all facts at my disposal.

    :flowerforyou:
  • joyfuljoy65
    joyfuljoy65 Posts: 317 Member
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    Nobody will care about your successes as much as you do. Please learn to accept that, or you will constantly be disappointed.

    This :)
  • jedw31
    jedw31 Posts: 26 Member
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    I went to work last week for the first time on 4 months, (I retired last year, and I'm doing the odd bank shift)
    Since my last shift I've lost over two stone. Not a single person, NOT ONE of the people I've worked with for 13 years, mentioned that I looked thinner or commented on my weight loss at all.
    Every week I weigh myself and come downstairs to tell my husband the result, his response is a less than resounding 'Well done", but again he never comments on my weight loss apart from that.
    But you know what? it's OK. Because I'm not doing it for them, I'm doing it for me. I like feeling my clothes getting looser and looser. I like being able to go upstairs, or get out of chair with no effort at all.
    So, if everyone around you ignores the new you, Sod it!
    It's not important, as long as you notice and give yourself a pat on the back, then it doesn't matter about anyone else.
  • crisb2
    crisb2 Posts: 329 Member
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    My husband works out every day, I need to be dragged kicking and screaming. I started asking him if we could go together, to motivate me... he brushed me off a couple of times, until I finally got the point. This is HIS time to workout, HIS time to clear his head and enjoy his sports. As for me and my workouts they are MY goals. I'm not saying he has to be an a-hole about it, but maybe you should cut him some slack on the whole cheering for you end...

    At least he didn't take you to a taco stand in the middle of the night on your first weekend dieting. (Mine did that! Got over that too...)

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