Fear to move forward 👀

kiela64

Does anyone else feel afraid of not recognizing the person in the mirror?

I have been overweight and obese so long. I had a scary moment of not recognizing myself in photos when I was 40lbs down. I feel like I see myself as myself now. But I have also gained back 10lbs, so I am only 30lbs down. I think getting scared by not recognizing myself gave me permission to regain. I felt I needed that comfort of knowing who I was, even though this self (who overeats, emotionally/stress eats and doesn’t exercise) is toxic to me.

The familiar evil vs the unfamiliar. I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this strange fear of progress, or of truly changing and becoming a more mindful & disciplined person. Afraid of that person, afraid of evolving and becoming different. Almost like the “self” that avoids exercise, avoids feeling like a body in the world, overeats to numb and disappear, like this self is realizing its time is up and it will no longer exist if I kept changing my habits. Which is ludicrous because it’s not a separate self! I am just me!

amusedmonkey

Yes. You are not alone. This was actually the reason I regained weight a lot of weight at one point. I got to an overweight BMI (from morbidly obese) and I panicked. I just felt like I was in the wrong body, that this isn't how I'm supposed to look. This was confounded by the fact that I never really hated my obese body, so losing it felt like losing an important and familiar part of me.

I think the trick is to be ready for it next time. Not fight it and try to convince yourself that you aren't feeling this way, but by accepting it as part of the process, and keep telling yourself you'll get used to your new look. At least that's what I'm planning to do once I'm there, just power through it. I don't know if it will work, but I think not being taken by surprise will sure improve the chances.

88olds

There’s definitely an identity crisis aspect. But mine wasn’t quite as literal as not recognizing myself in the mirror.

But as I came to see that my goal weight was in fact attainable, I had to stop and ask myself this question- If I’m not the always ready to go out for a good time fat guy, who am I?

I had already given up Friday after work happy hour for the gym. Now I was passing up lunch invitations. They wanted me to go along to the buffet. Buffet? Unlimited quantities of no so good food. Had no appeal.

“But its all you can eat,” they said. It sounded ridiculous to me. What had happened? Who was I? Who was this person who had taken over my brain?

Keep working. Focus on the day to day. If you find looking in the mirror troubling, avoid it. Your eye, your head, everything will catch up and come together. I’ll leave the story of how long it took me to purge the fat clothes from my closet for another day. Good luck.