Being a true MFP friend

jackpotclown

Ok, I've been on here for a few months now, and am really glad to have met people, or at least gotten to know how they got to be where they are, that dieting is a battle, food is almost as addictive as any drug, etc. I'm glad to know that there are places like this to help people in their respective journeys etc.

That being said, I can't help but feel that while what we do and say for encouragement/motivation will help certain people, there are just others that really aren't "mentally there" to accept or put in the effort it takes to get to where they say they need to be. (I'm keeping this general because I'm not trying to "call out" people)

So when I read things like "Oh I had another bad day" for the umpteenth time in a row, or "I really have no willpower at all", it's so discouraging and I would like to feel bad, but after a while it becomes the same old same old and I just can't bring myself to be like everyone else.....and the "oh, it's ok.....tomorrow's a new day" speech just really loses meaning. I would think that being a true MPF friend means being a bit more honest with people, that if someone is screwing up royal that you don't give the same lame comment, that you could be a little more forthright and tell them what they REALLY need to hear. Is it just me? Am I just being insensitive? Or is it just one of those things you think but don't talk about?

Chenoachem

I agree with you completely, when you know someone, you've met them and you know their personality. Unfortunately, regardless of how much time we are on here we do not "truly" know one another. Sometimes what is written is not understood in context and can be construed as hurtful and demeaning.

Therefore, I always find I have to "tip toe" around certain topics to not be seen as the b*tch of MFP. You're right though. To really be helpful I always found that you must be truthful and sometimes the truth hurts.

TerraEarth

I've only been here for 2 weeks, but I am determined determined determined to loose weight. I have had enough people in my life not mention my weight, not call me out or even down right push me towards gaining. Personally, if someone sees a pattern in my attitude or my failure to stay committed, I would LOVE to hear it. Self actualization is tough. I think most of the time people don't realize that what they are putting out there and what they think they are doing are not congruent. Just my 2 cents!! Feel free to call me out anytime!

luly727

Hmmm something to think about, and I believe that ppl need support and motivation during the battle of weight loss, but I agree that when its a repeat of 'i messed up' or something similar, maybe Real support & motivation may be to speak out and say something, i guess a form of tough love, instead of coddling.
Like the Biggest Loser show, the trainers are tough on the contestants, both physically & verbally, BUT they get results and can be understanding when the occasion calls for it..

TabiHerbalifeCoach

I agree. I call it tough love. I gave my self all the excuses in the world before i got here, and people accpted those excuses, and where as i made the choices they helped me by making me feel better for doing nothing to change. If I have a pattern I want someone to call me out on it, and I will do the same, if i dont know you well, i well i will probably just say you can do this or that, don't bring stuff like that that around you since it is a weakness for you, this or that, and never say its just a bad day. if i do know you I would be more direct through a private message.

aholly70

Hi,I to agree with you i'm on here to get support with my weight loss,but at times i feel they just say any old thing,i have been looking for a buddy for a year now on this site,i think i gave up looking.hope all goes well for you.

ArmyWife815

I agree. If we are going to win the war against obesity once and for all we have to dig down deep in ourselves and change our way of eating. Yes, there will be special occasions where you will eat the piece of birthday cake or have that glass of champagne at the wedding reception ,but I'm not working my ..... off all week to throw it all away because it is the 'weekend". The last time I checked the calendar after every Friday a Saturday comes. That means every weekend can't be a free for all. I've got too much weight to lose to take "weekends or vacations off". One wrong meal can be the meal that takes me down the road to the cycle of overeating. I can't say it won't happen that's why I'm in the shape I am in now. I'm determined next year this time I will not be obese so if at anytime someone feels I need to regroup and refocus please let me know.

TabiHerbalifeCoach

I see a lot of challenges that go on here, what if we started, i know it sounds corny, but a tough love challenge, a group that expects from each other not the soft nice words but real accountability. Each of us could set our goals, and once or twice a week check in with each other wither those goals were accomplished or not and if we are giving our selves excuses then it will be the right place to check that. I'd be game for that.

NewImprovedCnbethea1

Feel free to call me out when I need it. Even though we aren't real friends say on the street or anything your help is greatly appreciated because it's helping changing a part of my life that some of my other friends don't want to be a part of!! So I need the real deal the good the bad and the ugly!!

I totally agree it's only aiding there bad behaviors but I don't know how people will take it but I am going to be straight up they will thank me later........So thanks for the wake up call your right on with this one!!

lilmissy2

I agree with you too. 'Tomorrow is a new day' is often how people gain loads of weight. That is, start the day 'dieting' end with a binge and tell themselves it doesn't matter because tomorrow the diet will start. I like it when I see statuses saying they messed up or ate something in particular that is high in cals and someone comments something like 'make sure you only have a super light dinner' or 'you should try to get a work out in before the end of the day'. Sure, sometimes you will never burn off as many cals as you splurged on but at least it would hopefully curb what could otherwise turn into multiple messing up episodes while waiting for tomorrow.

HealthyChanges2010

I would think that being a true MPF friend means being a bit more honest with people, that if someone is screwing up royal that you don't give the same lame comment, that you could be a little more forthright and tell them what they REALLY need to hear. Is it just me? Am I just being insensitive? Or is it just one of those things you think but don't talk about?

Unfortunately it's not talked about enough in my thoughts. Then when it is brought up ppl freak out and say someone is being insensitive when truly what they are is caring about another member's life!!

No, you're definitely NOT the only one, it gets old, tis true and I think after awhile we sometimes stop responding because if everyone on the thread says, ohhhhhhhh it's ok, don't feel guilty, I did the same thing all week, I'm going to a bbq tonight and going to pigout one more time and then come Monday...blah blah. I don't mean that disrespectful but it happens nearly everyday, ok wait, every single day if you watch the threads.

I agree it's awesome to be supportive but I hope that MFP can go beyond what friends in RT can do, instead of going on a binge with you and saying ohhhhhh skip the 'diet' you look fine (because the friend doesn't want to be fat alone) it's my hope that we can use tough love on here. When someone see it's we can learn to freak out less and learn tough love is what it takes to make changes in our life, permanant changes, not 'diet' changes like in the past.

Dunno what can be done about it except I suggest noone give up we just get power in numbers and not get passive but realize do we really want someone to pat us on the back when we eat 6 brownies and say, ooohhhhhhh Honey it's ok, I had 7 earlier and I'm gonna really work out hard tomorrow. Hey what about today? Plus who cares what the other person ate, it's about the OP, not all the rest of us bringing up our less than stellar eating of the day.

Ok, that is all I could on but have no clue how to fix the situation.
Thanks for starting a thread about it, perhaps those in the situation will read it and see themselves or their friend in it and perhaps change up what they are doing or say to a friend and begin to REALLY give help not enable.

I don't want someone to enable me, I want true friends that tell me to get my act together if that's what I need to hear.

Oh yea, I said I was done:blushing: :laugh:
Becca:flowerforyou:

HealthyChanges2010

I see a lot of challenges that go on here, what if we started, i know it sounds corny, but a tough love challenge, a group that expects from each other not the soft nice words but real accountability. Each of us could set our goals, and once or twice a week check in with each other wither those goals were accomplished or not and if we are giving our selves excuses then it will be the right place to check that. I'd be game for that.

Love it!

Michellerw1

I 100% agree with you. I know if I personally was on a self pity tangent I would want someone to snap me out of it and give me some real advice and not just say it will all be ok.

Sassy I totally would be down for a tough love challenge...or maybe an "Honest Advice" thread...

Bethany28

I just started in June, but I agree with you....just read my siggy. I am all for the tough love group if we get that going!!

jaxi54

I see a lot of challenges that go on here, what if we started, i know it sounds corny, but a tough love challenge, a group that expects from each other not the soft nice words but real accountability. Each of us could set our goals, and once or twice a week check in with each other wither those goals were accomplished or not and if we are giving our selves excuses then it will be the right place to check that. I'd be game for that.

This challenge would be a great idea! A very interesting thread ~ we must try to find a happy medium with our comments and/or encouragement though. What works for one doesn't necessarily work for all. I know some people who need to be encouraged regardless or they would just give up ~ it's a tough card to play. I definitely like people to tell it like it is, the bigger the bat the better!

Yurippe

I see a lot of challenges that go on here, what if we started, i know it sounds corny, but a tough love challenge, a group that expects from each other not the soft nice words but real accountability. Each of us could set our goals, and once or twice a week check in with each other wither those goals were accomplished or not and if we are giving our selves excuses then it will be the right place to check that. I'd be game for that.

Love the idea.

About two week after I came back to MFP in March I joined a support thread (which is currently in it's 16th week). Just having that thread to come back to every day with posting my progress on a challenge or my weight has been a huge motivator to keep me going. This week I've done absolutely horrible at the challenges and I would have appreciated if someone got on my case on Tuesday and told me, "Come on! You can do better than that!"

pfenixa

I definitely agree, which is part of why I don't generally post on those kinds of threads. Half the time it's "Hey, I messed up but I'm not really asking for help either," so it just kinda looks like we're trying to throw a pity party. It's the threads where someone is specific that I feel they give a deeper insight to their trouble and then I feel I know more about them to say something. The way I figure it, before I joined this site and gained all the extra weight I made enough excuses for myself to not try and lose weight. Now that I cut out the excuses, there's no reason to go to a place where everyone is trying to lose weight and make excuses for those other people. Be encouraging, but be honest. Weight loss is tough at times, but it can definitely be done.

jackpotclown

You guys definitely have some good ideas, and I'd say run with them. I'd join any support group that looks to be more honest with themselves as well as others. When it comes down to it, my thoughts are simple: I am here as a result of my actions, eating habits, and exercise (or lack thereof), so the last thing I need is someone telling me it's ok, because while it may happen once in a while (you know it does/has but you really wish it wouldn't), after a while it's not ok. Ultimately it's a destructive path to self-loathing, and I can't see enabling or encouraging that kind of behavior, because the behavior itself is what needs to change. Anyway, I welcome any new friends that can appreciate true honesty and encouragement

NancyMoedt

I agree, Tough Love rules.

I think for me, it's all about the attitude. When you care enough for someone, we want to help them out. It's like a parent disciplining a child, maybe.

Some of us are still new at this and some are pros at this. I would love to have someone kick me in the *kitten* when I needed it.