Being called fat

stephiecedillo

Why does it hurt to be called fat so much? I use to be 145 before I had my son who just turned 4 on Jan 25th. I have a thyroid problem that I’ve been dealing with for years before the baby and how I found out was that my weight always fluctuated. I’ve always been comfortable in my skin in 150s but since I had my son I haven’t lost not just 3lbs. I had him at 220 and I haven’t lost anything. I know I’m not a workout guru and never have ever claimed to be but I consider myself active enough, I guess we’re it was enough to work before. Today walking with my son I accidentally knocked over some crazy persons drink and she said I needed to watch we’re my fat *kitten* was going. The father of my child constantly cheats on me and they all call me fat and ugly. I was a waitress, bartender and cocktail waitress my whole life. I’ve always been humble bc I Have always been the biggest one out of everyone but never been called fat. I think I will always be fat but I don’t care about a guy or anything what if one of my sons friends teases him...I just don’t want to be today

thatjodiegirl

I am so sorry you're feeling this way. I think most everyone on this board has felt like you felt at one time or another. Please know that it is not too late for you to make changes. There is a ton of support on this board. You can read my story by clicking on my profile.

As for the people who are mean to you, shame on them. Karma is very real. But don't focus on them. Focus on you. You can do it!

I just sent you a friend request.

MikePTY

I am sorry to hear about all of that. First off, you mentioned the father of your child as "cheats" as in the present tense and that you are still with him. I hope you drop him like a ton of bricks if that is the case. Nobody deserves to be disrespected by their partner like that. You are better off alone than with someone like him.

Second know that you can lose weight, and that very many people here have most a ton of weight and transformed themselves in ways they never thought possible. Set yourself reasonable calorie goals using MFP's calorie goal for you. Focus on eating at that. If you stick with it, I feel confident that you will see results. It is not always quick, and not always easy, but transformations are happening here every day.

rheddmobile

First of all, someone mean enough to insult a stranger over an accident would have found something to call you even if you were a fitness model. It’s natural to be upset when faced with that sort of hostility, but don’t take it to heart. You aren’t responsible for the ugliness inside of other people.

Are you happy with your current weight? If you want to lose weight, it is possible, even with a thyroid condition. Get a checkup and make sure your thyroid medication is at the right level first, it makes everything much easier. Then just log everything and eat within your calories. It does work!

If you aren’t ready to lose weight right now, you should not have to lose weight to receive decent treatment from your partner and friends. Sometimes just lifting up your head and pointing out how others are behaving can help: “That isn’t nice and I don’t like it when you say that.” If you get anything back other than an apology, remove the other person from your life.

I’m so sorry you had to deal with this and if you want to talk, I’m here to listen.

noodlesno

I wish I could give you a hug. I am so sorry you are having a horrendous day/time. To echo some of the previous messages, the crazy person would have called you names no matter what you look like, it is just unfortunate that they managed to find a trigger word for you.

I know you have not asked for advice so please ignore the next few sentences if you don't want it. You sound pretty incredible; hard-working, empathic, great mother...etc. However, you don't seem to know this and you don't give yourself enough credit. Maybe it is time to be a little less humble and a little more kick *kitten*. You are amazing and you/and other people should treat you as such!!!

88olds

People are nuts. I can’t explain lashing out at others over an accident. Maybe that person was having a bad day. No matter.

Try this. I didn’t love my 285 lb self. But somehow I managed to summon just a small bit of self respect. Just a few basics. You can build as you go. For me it started with the notion that I just didn’t need to settle for things. Now a lot of life is not within our immediate control. But you have to start somewhere. Start with stuff you can control right now today.

Easy for me to say being just an anonymous person online, but sounds like your cheating, verbally abusive partner has to go. I know- one more chance. You’re likely just prolonging the pain. No name calling, no cheating. Get out. And btw, he’s the kid’s dad, he’s paying. Change the locks. As soon as he’s gone, today, tomorrow, go to the right authorities for child support. Get ready, it will be an ugly mess. But it seems like your path to self respect. Try it. You’ll see. Respecting yourself gets to be a habit.

jules8203

I'm having the same exact issue (with the thyroid). Before I had my daughter, I was on average 135 lbs. At 25, I had dropped to 103. At 26, became pregnant with my daughter and found out that my thyroid was overactive(hyper). Between that and a few other medical issues, I had my daughter three months early. Two weeks before I had an emergency cesarean section, I was admitted into the hospital because my blood pressure was so high and due to medications, they wanted to keep an eye on me. After I had her, I had a my thyroid eliminated and now it's underactive(Hypo). I do take medication for it and have lab work done every few months. But my weight has been up there ever since. I now average 180 (I'm 4'11"). You are definitely not alone there.

I asked my Primary Care Doctor to see a nutritionist as well. She directed me to this exact site and gave me a goal of 1400 calories. I also wound up getting a gym membership. She also gave me other websites to check out for exercises, recipes, etc. With kids, you might not always find the time to go to the gym. Logging everything in for food on this website holds you accountable and in that regard, it helps. For me, I can go back and see what I've been doing and this is what I like about it. Also, be honest with your PCP. There could be a chance you have a mild form of depression.

As far as your significant other cheating, I'm sorry. Many of us have been through that, myself included. Just remember, at the end of the day, the only person you can control over is you. I wish you the best and good luck.

missysippy930

People can be very cruel and insensitive. Many of us have experienced this ourselves.
There is no justification for rudeness. Some people just have no manners and lash out at others because it makes them feel better about themselves. You can’t do much about strangers, but you can eliminate your child’s father. Let him know how you feel about this. If it continues, get him out of your life, as much as you can with sharing a child together.
As for losing weight, you can do this, and you are more than worth the effort it will take, sweetie!

pinuplove

Regarding the rude comment from the stranger, I know it hurts but try to remember it's a reflection of the type of person they are, not you.

As for your relationship, consider long and hard the type of behaviour you want modeled for your child(ren). If you think they don't or won't pick up on that, think again. They will see how you are treated and key off that.

mstarks01

You don't deserve being treated the way you are. Just try to remember that they are the ones who have to carry around that misery in their brains. How sad for them. You, however, can choose to be happy. Choose happiness for yourself and let others despair as they will.

k8eekins

stephiecedillo wrote: »

Why does it hurt to be called fat so much? I use to be 145 before I had my son who just turned 4 on Jan 25th. I have a thyroid problem that I’ve been dealing with for years before the baby and how I found out was that my weight always fluctuated. I’ve always been comfortable in my skin in 150s but since I had my son I haven’t lost not just 3lbs. I had him at 220 and I haven’t lost anything. I know I’m not a workout guru and never have ever claimed to be but I consider myself active enough, I guess we’re it was enough to work before. Today walking with my son I accidentally knocked over some crazy persons drink and she said I needed to watch we’re my fat *kitten* was going. The father of my child constantly cheats on me and they all call me fat and ugly. I was a waitress, bartender and cocktail waitress my whole life. I’ve always been humble bc I Have always been the biggest one out of everyone but never been called fat. I think I will always be fat but I don’t care about a guy or anything what if one of my sons friends teases him...I just don’t want to be today

The liberties of life's reality-reels. What we all forget is, outside ourselves, no one really has to respect you and they're allowed to not. When anyone chooses to bodyshame-stamp, how you process and reconfigure it to benefit you, is entirely on you. I've always been of the mind, that if anything were to be remotely offensive, that just maybe, there's an ounce of a conscience, or a sense of consideration. My sister would turn to me, and without any hesitation, she'll remind me that what I forget is, that people don't have to care and to not have a care, allows for grave disrespect and they're allowed those liberties. It's about how you handle yourself because of what was triggered or what may have been triggered, that determines the outcome. You choose.

Beyond how they see you - how do you value yourself? What does your reflection look like? What are you going to do about it? Where will you start?

jennifer_417

Please believe that I mean this with kind intentions, but you've got waaay bigger problems here than being called fat. My guess is that you've absorbed so much pain that you had to let it out somewhere. That's why it hurts as much as it does, because there's a lot of pain under the surface trying to work it's way out.

JeromeBarry1

The "why" of it hurts so bad is called social defeat.
From https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0031938401004905
"Victims of bullying are known to suffer from depression, anxiety, sociophobia, loss of self-esteem, psychosomatic diseases, and other behavioral symptoms."

Knowledge is power, so get powerful and beat the *kitten* out of those symptoms.

o0kody0o

Sorry to hear you’re having a tough time just now. First of all, you’re beautiful! Secondly, I’d maybe make an appointment with your doctor to discuss how you’re feeling and to see if he/she could maybe point you in the right direction regarding your weight loss, or lack of it, as you mentioned. Lastly, it might be hard but if your partner is cheating on you then get rid of him. I know the thought of being “alone” can seem scary but you deserve so much better. Feel free to add me as a friend. Take care of yourself 😊

laceygaywilson

Wow we sound like sisters!! My thyroid went nuts during my second pregnancy!!! When she was born 263lbs!!! Took six years to get off the 63lbs!! Just frustrated.....and on top of that I was fighting with my husband because he would not stop calling me fat!!!! Everyday!!! He knew how much it hurt me....my parents did the same when I was a kid!!! When I met my husband I weighed 254 lost 100lbs!! Gained 125 with baby#1 lost it within a year and another 25lbs....size 4 smallest ever in my whole life!!! Gained it all back with baby#2!!! The struggle was so insane after that. Thyroid hurts your motivation your energy and your over all mindset!!! Took time but I got my husband to stop...still struggle with the echo of his words BUT I got motivated I stopped thinking I'd never lose it!! I pushed through the fog the frustration and I lost 35lbs last fall!!!! Gained 9 during winter and I just lost that last week!!! Yep!! This time it's for me. I wanna feel good. I wanna be able to run and play with my kids and not hurt!!! Just know you can do it.......tell your brain and keep telling it and the body will fall in line!!!! Add me!!! Happy to help!!!!

TanyaHooton

Why does it hurt to be called fat? Because although it is a statement of fact (i.e. you carry more fat cells than you probably should), it is also used as a moral judgment of another person, and as a shaming device. Many people (not all) hold low opinions of overweight people, a belief that overweight individuals are less worthy, less disciplined, less strong, less attractive, less desirable, less, less, less and are not as valuable or worthy as someone who is conventionally attractive. And so the word "fat" is weaponized to induce shame in the victim - it means more than just "you have too many fat cells;" it also means "you are ugly, worthless, and less valuable than what I deem to be right." Never mind that they are NOT the arbiter of what is right and appropriate. Maybe they appointed themselves as the expert of everything, but they're living in a fantasy world.

Someone who will call you fat for bumping into them is someone who will call you a dumb bunny or an anorexic bimbo if you bump into them when you are underweight. So pay them no mind. It must be awful living in their world, where everyone is out to get them and there's nothing but annoyance and grief to be had.

Also, your partner sounds awful. I say lose that dead weight before even trying to lose any weight on yourself.

kimber0607

First off it doesn't matter if you are green, blue or purple...skinny or heavy or average.,..you dont 'deserve' to be cheated on and your deserve to be with someone that is committed to you and values you and tells you that you are beautiful! I hope you believe that!
I had thyroid issues as well and my thyroid was going back and forth from over active to under active....the only way I got the weight off (and it took a few years) was to count every single calorie...

((HUGS))
and that lady that called you a horrible name.....what a nasty mean-spirited nasty person!
Im sorry she hurt your feelings....
Yuck!

stephiecedillo

Thank you so much guys for the words I needed to hear, it’s taken me a few days to get back to y’all with my kid & life in general but after reading this I feel better about holding my head up high. I know you y’all are going to freak but for the past 3 years now I’ve lived in an apt with a jacuzzi, pool and WORKOUT ROOM...yes and I’ve been in them just to look. Last week was the first time I actually went into the workout room terrified about what everyone was thinking of me bc for some reason they are always the perfect looking ones? Maybe in their heads they we’re thinking things but no one bothered me or even looked my way, they we’re focused of themselves....3 years I could have taken advantage of these accommodations but I was so scared of what others would think? As far as the partner goes your right he has tore me down completely and I blame him for the lack of self esteem but I wanted a family so bad I took 4 years of mental abuse & I am paying for that as well with having issues with my son now and I’m in therapy now (which it needed to be done) Seeing my son suffer and try to protect his mommy now that is not something any 4 year old should be in and now I have to put him in therapy. The stress alone I have no idea why I’m not losing weight? I’ve had the same primary for the last 10 years and he is the one that told me I had a thyroid problem put me on meds and the weight would drop right off. Nothing. I have him do blood test every few months but he says it’s nothing. I’m begging to think I need to see a specialist all this weight is hurting my body, my mind and playing with my son. Anyways thank you guys all. I do not have the app you pay for does everyone on here have it? Is it worth it?😉

THS2HASPASSED

people are ridiculous. 4 years ago I was 472lbs and called fat many times. I never let it bother me because people just suck! Now I am a lean muscular 300lbs and yet I still get stared at and told things like "your veins are gross, too much muscle" and the famous "steroid" comments.. still I don't let it bother me. we are all humans no matter our weight or anything else so anyone that calls you a name is simply insecure within their lives for whatever reason.. you are a beautiful lady. focus on yourself and to hell with everyone else!