Cant seem to get motivated... so much stress.. blah!
Smileyange
Posts: 5
Hello,
I tried to lose weight this past year.. was getting married in July.. didn't want to be a "fat bride"...but with life comes a lot of stress.. custody stuff and just plain bleh... so I ended up a "fat bride"... so now we are supposed to go on a honeymoon, which will financially drain us, but we need to get away.. but I don't want to be a " beached whale" in Mexico... so I have 97 days to lose some pounds.. more so, just to feel better... I can't seem to stay motivated... my husband doesn't wanna change his habits, so I'm at this alone... don't have a lot of friends near.. so... its just me.. I wish I had a gym partner to hold me accountable and encourage me to stay on track.
Very discouraged....
I tried to lose weight this past year.. was getting married in July.. didn't want to be a "fat bride"...but with life comes a lot of stress.. custody stuff and just plain bleh... so I ended up a "fat bride"... so now we are supposed to go on a honeymoon, which will financially drain us, but we need to get away.. but I don't want to be a " beached whale" in Mexico... so I have 97 days to lose some pounds.. more so, just to feel better... I can't seem to stay motivated... my husband doesn't wanna change his habits, so I'm at this alone... don't have a lot of friends near.. so... its just me.. I wish I had a gym partner to hold me accountable and encourage me to stay on track.
Very discouraged....
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Replies
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I too am in the game alone. Often I will modify what I make as opposed to what I make for my family. I separate pasta when cooking (so I know exactly the 2 oz that I get) and make the rest for them etc. I have a lot to lose, and have a goal of losing atleast 10lbs by end of Oct! We can do this together0
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we eat out often... he thinks it costs the same. I prefer homemade food, cause I know what I am putting in it. I have had a gym membership for a year.. and was consistent for 1.5 months, ive only been twice since... still pay for it. which is dumb.. but I am convinced i will use it... but its so hard to go alone.. feel like a freak.. and actually do something.. yuck!0
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I'm sorry you don't have much support at home. You have about 3 months before your trip. I'm sure you can make some good head way before then. Try not to make too many changes at once so you don't get overwhelmed. One or two every couple weeks might work better and help you stay motivated.0
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No one can motivate you but yourself. If you can't find motivation from within, then, you must somehow come to terms with that, accept it, and move on. Only then, will you be able to achieve your gaols.
You must be strong and willing to sacrifice things you love. Otherwise, you will yo-yo.0 -
Im fat and I like food..... thats my problem.0
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Motivation is a day to day battle. There are days when I just don't give a crap but then the little voice in my head starts to reason with me. My advice to you is to log absolutely everything you eat and drink. Make sure you are measuring correctly and stay under on your calories. If you're doing that, you will hold yourself accountable and will have success. If you don't, you are setting yourself up for failure.0
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I think you are very pretty, but if you don't want to be a "beach whale" like you said, that's the motivation right there. If you think your goal is worth having, it is worth fighting for.
I find an interesting audiobook is awesome for the gym. I only allow myself to listen to it in the gym when I'm working out, so everyday I can't wait to go!
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It is hard to go it alone. I'm single so at least I don't have to deal with having someone eat differently in front of me, but I still struggle with motivation. With me at least it has gotten better over time. I backslide less and less now. Having someone there would help, but being part of the community here will help. It's nice to know there are others out here facing the same challenges that we are.0
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You're not alone. I also feel so stressed and not happy with my life in the moment which causes zero motivation to stop eating and start working put again. Quite opposite, I want more and I don't have any wish to work out. And I had gastric bypass 3 years ago and lost 60 kg (150 lbs) but gained 20 kg (50 lbs) back. I realy have to start doing something about it.0
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No one can motivate you but yourself. If you can't find motivation from within, then, you must somehow come to terms with that, accept it, and move on. Only then, will you be able to achieve your gaols.
You must be strong and willing to sacrifice things you love. Otherwise, you will yo-yo.
It's sadly true. Sometimes it helps to lead by example, you just have to push through it and do it for you.0 -
stop giving yourself options and excuses. Make a plan and just do it whether you want to or not. sucks..but there it is. The good thing is the if you stick to it, you'll start to like going to the gym, and WANT to go...and then it won't be so hard. You have to look at things in small, manageable portions. One day at a time, and eventually you conquer all.
Now that I've given you the pep talk, I need to hear it for myself.
ugh.0 -
I'm in it alone. I've used my son as motivation for what I've done. I have a long way to go, but I'll get there. Like Eric Thomas says, "what's your why?" Find your why and it'll be easier. Realize you can do this and if you want it, you will. If I can do this, you can too. Don't look at the overall you need to lose. Break it up. Set smaller goals. Achieve those and move on to the next. You got this.0
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No one can motivate you but yourself. If you can't find motivation from within, then, you must somehow come to terms with that, accept it, and move on. Only then, will you be able to achieve your gaols.
You must be strong and willing to sacrifice things you love. Otherwise, you will yo-yo.
^This. I, too was it at alone. No friends that wanted to jump on the fitness train with me. And although I have the most supportive fiance, he worked long days and was too beat to be hitting the gym with me. He is already a fit guy with being a baseball player so he definitely offered some great advice. But having said all that, it is up to YOU. You don't need friends to keep you accountable. You need to keep YOU accountable. Think about how amazing you will feel, how you will be becoming the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. The motivation won't always be there but you just need to push through!
And you don't need a gym membership. Start walking/jogging. Invest is some dumbbells and workout dvd's(Gotta love Jillian Michaels) you can create and modify any program to suit you.
The keys that made me successful were: Portion Control, Moderation, Substitution, Exercise and Healthy Eating.
Watch those portions. Moderate how often you have guilty pleasures or that "Not so good for you" food. Substitute unhealthy snacks and meals for something healthier( i.e. Swap ice cream for Yogurt(frozen or regular), Swap chips for veggies and hummus, etc) Try to eat healthy at least 85% of the time. And try to get in at least 30-60 minutes of exercise a day.
I hope this helps!
Good luck!0 -
Motivation cannot be found on (or in) a computer screen. If you really have the desire in your heart to change your lifestyle and lose weight, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find excuses.
It may help you to simply start logging everything right now, just to see your eating patterns and where your numbers lie. Start weighing and measuring everything as other users have stated. Be completely and totally honest. Use the MFP calculators to figure out what numbers you need to lose weight. Then determine whether or not you are willing to make the changes needed to hit your numbers. Either you're ready to do it or you're not.0 -
I also get stressed. I have two kids with no family near by and we are struggling to make ends meet....We can't really afford healthy food so I have been trying to find the healthiest most economical items possible and freezing our produce.
As for the stress I have found a gym with free classes for 20$ per month and shared my struggle of this weight with my spin class instructor
I reached out to a cousin who is a personal trainer for support as well.
Maybe just knowing everyone around you wants to see you succeed is the motivation you need....
Maybe its the swim suit or posting pictures of swim suit models on the fridge....
Whatever it is find it lady 0 -
A bit long-winded... sorry.
The good news is you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be better.
++See where you can make small changes on things that aren't so important to you.
(Don't even think of taking chocolate out of my diet!!!)
--Reducing quantities
--Swapping out things instead of eliminating them.
++Focus on what you should eat not what your shouldn't.
++Eating your nutritious foods first. Your body will be more satisfied and have less cravings.
++Every couple of weeks see where you can make another couple of small changes.
If you completely revamp your diet, it's way easy to revert to old ways in times of stress. (and who doesn't have stress?)
If you make a series of small changes, food still offers you some sense of comfort.
sort of a comfort continuum, and after a while the first small changes will seem comforting in themselves.
You don't have to be perfect you just have to do better.
++Rather than being uberstrict with the target MFP set for me. (I swear this saved my life.) I was happier once I gave myself a range:
ROCK BOTTOM: 1200 cal
TARGET: MFP Calories for lose 1 lb a week (when that hit 1200 I changed to lose 1/2 lb per week)
TOP OF RANGE: Maintain Calories for my GOAL Weight.
(SAFETY VALVE: Maintain Calories for CURRENT Weight - remember to keep updating this number as you lose)
++Only worry about it 1 lb at a time.
Forget I *NEED* to lose 20, 30, 50, 100 lbs. I'm only worried about 1 lb the next one. I'll worry about the others later.
Once I found ways to lessen the stress, I found it way easier to focus on the process and let the results follow. (It's what worked for me some people need the stress to get them motivated. Me I get scared and overwhelmed and don't see the big goal as achievable. )
Food is not the enemy. You need nutrition to fuel your body and make it strong.
Oddly enough, on my journey here I've reduced guilt over food.
I have the occasional treat and I fully enjoy it with no guilt involved.
The thing is since I'm not eating crap all the time, now the occasional treat is just that a TREAT it's special and I enjoy it so much more than when I was unconsciously shovel junk food into my face.0 -
If your looking for help you can add me as a friend. I'm on here daily.0
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You need to find a better goal. Not saying that to be rude but from concern and from past experience. Pretty much every time I dieted in the past it was to hopefully lose so much weight before an event - wedding, reunion, whatever. Never stuck. Why? Because it was a fleeting and vain goal. What happens after your vacation? Will you just go back to your old ways and keep the rest of your weight on or worse, regain and keep gaining?
Think instead of lifelong goals - better health, better fitness, have more self confidence and not worry/panic every time you have an event wondering about others judging you for being the fat bride or beached whale...
Your hubby doesn't have to be in this with you in order for you to succeed. Mine isn't and would be perfectly happy living on steak with instant potatoes or mac & cheese for dinner every night with the occassional pizza or chinese mixed in. So it's up to me to plan and prepare dinner so it's mostly healthy choices. This also gives me a convenient excuse for when he wants to order pizza and I haven't planned for it with my calories - sorry honey, I have to cook this chicken or it'll go bad, we'll order pizza tomorrow. We still eat a lot of things that are yummy, I just make them healthier with some little changes - use leaner meats, low fat dairy, whole grain pastas, and add extra veggies. He rarely notices the difference.
Log your food consistently, get some activity in, eat healthy foods, plan meals as much as you can.0 -
we eat out often... he thinks it costs the same. I prefer homemade food, cause I know what I am putting in it. I have had a gym membership for a year.. and was consistent for 1.5 months, ive only been twice since... still pay for it. which is dumb.. but I am convinced i will use it... but its so hard to go alone.. feel like a freak.. and actually do something.. yuck!
know you feel like a whale, but you gotta just say the heck with it, and take your booty to the gym.
this is what I looked like when I started at the gym about 18 months ago
dillons party by crochetmom2010, on Flickr
I've only lost about 34 pounds, but my body has changed in amazing ways. My fitness has improved more than I ever imagined it was possible. I don't have workout buddies, but I am definitely part of the gym family. A handful of staff know me by name, and other members walk up to me and tell me how great I am doing...or ask me my opinion on equipment!
photo grid by crochetmom2010, on Flickr0 -
Self motivation is a hard thing. I remember when I first started, I felt so out of place at the gym. I was really overweight and had next to no stamina. I'd look around and see all these cut, chiseled bodies and would get absolutely depressed. One thing that helped me was getting a monitor. There are a lot of them out there and I'm not saying one is better than another. For Christmas, I received the Nike+ fuel band. It let me set my pace and goals on the bracelet - and I didn't have to share with anybody. I started simple - by walking around the block, or walking to the store instead of driving (half a mile round trip). Each day you meet your goals, you get little "attaboys" from a little cartoon character. After you've hit five in a row, he stops showing up so frequently. That was all cute. What really did it for me is that I'd decided to burn a certain number of calories a day, and the bracelet would be a constant reminder of how well I was or wasn't doing. As I was getting ready for bed, if I saw I was short a few points, I'd get my shorts on and go around the block once or twice until my bracelet lit up with a colorful "GOAL!" That was a fantastic feeling, and I'd get to bed feeling like I accomplished something. Little by little, I started increasing my daily goals. My stamina and energy levels started to go up. I started at 1500 Nike fuelpoints a day (combination of calories, steps, etc). When I was up to 2500 fuel points a day, I started going to the gym and doing cardio. I'm now at 4500 points a day. I typically go to the gym 8 times a week for 90 mins - 2 hrs at a time. Even now, my constant reminder is the little bracelet on my hand. When I'm feeling like I "don't feel like working out", I press the button and see how far I have to go to make my daily goal. That's usually enough to get my gear and my keys. When I have a great day, I treat myself to a favorite sloppy food - but keep within my daily allotted calories.
Don't give up. Stay focused. It gets better and, eventually, will be a lot of fun.0 -
Never look back. Always look ahead.
Tell yourself no more excuses. Stress is a part of life and you have to choose how you want to deal with it.
You want to look fab at the beach and you have 3 months to really do something about it.
And trust me I get it! My husband gave me the biggest wake up call - He said, "just because you are eating healthy and trying to lose weight doesn't mean you have to torture the rest of us to eat healthy and lose weight".
At that moment, I realized that only I could make the changes and sometimes the small changes might not seem so significant but they are and they add up overtime.
Tips:
So now, when we come home from my son's hockey game, the family does drive through at McDs but I don't get anything because I will eat a turkey sandwich with some lettuce, cherry tomatoes and dijon mustard on some dark rye or whole wheat bread as soon as I get home (it's a staple in the fridge for me). I can't believe McDs has the audacity to charge so much for what they call "food".
I order Perrier water instead of Coke. Dressing on the side of my salad. I love Milestones and they have this Mediterranean dish that comes with 2 chicken breasts. I only eat one and brown bag the other one. Just because it's there doesn't mean you have to eat it
When I have the munchies because I'm watching a movie and want to do some mindless eating I will eat celery or cucumbers.
Now don't get me wrong. This past Monday I caved and had a coke, chocolate and potato chips but I didn't allow myself to feel bad. I'm allowed to have indulgences because I don't eat like that everyday
And, Jillian Michaels is your friend. If you do one of her workout videos and watch what you will eat you will look fab in 3 months 0 -
I'm certainly in a similar situation as you... lots of good intentions (the ones they say pave the road the hell?!?) but not enough follow through. I too have a rarely used gym membership. My poor excuse... I hate having to fit my workout into 30 mins then getting showered and changed to come back to work... But mornings and evenings are not convenient (and the gym is too crowded). And I'm busy at work so it's just easier to sit at my desk. How pathetic, huh?
Lorenzo made a good point in saying that the motivation has to come from you. I started doing something a few months ago and I've started seeing results! That's my inspiration to continue - the changes in the way my clothes fit and the gradual lessening of the number on the scale. Go back and read your inspirations and motivations - or if you didn't fill them in, think about it and do it now.
I found that logging my food and exercise made a huge difference in my awareness of what I was (and wasn't) doing. Certainly made me more aware of just how much I was eating. It's sbsolutely easier when YOU are doing the food preparation. I'm more likely to NOT track my food if I've eaten out. And, as you pointed out, much less aware of what's gone into it. But having support at home also helps. Can you explain to your husband how much this means to you and ask for some help from him? Tell him you'd like to cook for him more and suggest you cut down (not out!) the amount you eat out. Is it just dinner that you eat out for? What about breakfast, lunch and snacks? Do you have control over those? If so, be sure you track those accurately and pay attention to the numbers so you can make good choices.
Exercise is still where I fall short. So this is advice for me too... Surely you can walk/jog on the treadmill at the gym or ride the stationary bike without feeling like an idiot. What else is stopping you from using your membership? I've joined one of the fitness challenges on this site and am finding that helpful in getting me moving a little more. Some accountability! What else do you think will help to get you more active (be realistic)? What small changes can you make?
You have three months - you can do a lot in this time. What can we do to help you?0 -
So many great comments here and I am not sure that I can add too much to any of this. My favorite is that we can't motivate you that comes from within you.
I don't go to the gym, maybe some day down the road but I am getting started by making a habit of exercise. I like videos, 30 day shred, I have some biggest loser workout, I also have just dance for the wii at that will leave me sweating I swim in the pool.
These are all things that I enjoy right now. Maybe as my self confidence improves I will hit the gym. The point I am trying to make is just do some form of activity you enjoy. Keep trying until you find something.
What I have learned in the past is that unless you find that perfect exercise partner they for the most part suck. They let you make exscuses or you let them make exscuses. Somebody doesn't show up so the other is by themselves.
But I love exercising alone - it is my time to process my day, my thoughts, my hopes and dreams.
What we have in common is that I eat out probably about 7-10 meals a week. You can still lose weight and eat out. It's not the best way but it can be done.
Feel free to friend me.0 -
I read a book a few months back that said most of us know "how to" lose weight. We just have to get to our "want to" lose weight mode. And only you know what it's going to take to get there. But I am confident that you can do it.
Incidentally, I got married last June, BEFORE I lost the weight and when my wedding photos came back and I looked three months pregnant (and wasn't), that's where I personally found my "want to". We all have our own. And once the "want to" kicked in, there was no stopping me.
One piece of advice. You called yourself a couple names in your post that you would probably never let someone else call you (or at least you shouldn't let anyone call you). Be kind to yourself. You deserve it. Now I know you probably used those descriptors just to make the point that you want to change from where you are to where you want to be. But I'll say it again. Be kind to yourself. You are far more than a number on a scale or the number on the tag in your clothes.
Best wishes on reaching your goals. You already have everything within you that you need to get there. Now go find it!0 -
Only you can motivate yourself, I am the same but something in my head just 'swtiches' and suddenyl im in the zone and strict and disciplined. Right now I'm not in that place but I've got to force myself to get to that place. Don't worry about going to the gym alone, probably most of the people at the gym are alone! I used to go with a friend and she would hurry me on every machine and want to leave so I found it easier going on my own!0
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Do it for yourself, your health as well as your looks. Start now that you have a motivation. Remember that it's a marathon not a sprint. Take each day one at a time and the pounds will come off. Good luck.0
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Motivation cannot be found on (or in) a computer screen. If you really have the desire in your heart to change your lifestyle and lose weight, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find excuses.
It may help you to simply start logging everything right now, just to see your eating patterns and where your numbers lie. Start weighing and measuring everything as other users have stated. Be completely and totally honest. Use the MFP calculators to figure out what numbers you need to lose weight. Then determine whether or not you are willing to make the changes needed to hit your numbers. Either you're ready to do it or you're not.
^^This is right on!0 -
Thanks for all the input... its not about just looks.. I want to feel better.. my mom has been in a motorized wheelchair since she was 46 or so... and I am 33.. dont want to do the same... and I wont.. I just have this mental block.. dont know why and not sure what has built it... I for the most part eat healthy... i am rarely active I know that is an issue... and some days Im a go get em.. but most.. im like why bother getting out of bed... im tired of being tired all the time.. and I guess I am my own worst enemy.. My husband.. says he loves me no matter what and prefers to not change.. he likes to smoke cigs and drink when he can... so then we go out.. and I end up feeling even more like crap.. I have begged that we not go out at least as often... but he just says.. I dont love him for him... its so depressing and exhausting.. then I am dealing with an alienator of an ex husband and his wife who are trying to ruin my relationship with my youngest son as they have done with my eldest.. so by the end of the day.. im pooped. I now work super early now so AM is not an option to work out.. I know it seems like excuses.. and I see it.. first thing first tracking... I appreciate all the comments.. and look forward to sharing the success.0
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Sorry that you are dealing with so many stresses in life. Sometimes those, and seeing the pain others are dealing with, are enough to provide you the boost you need to kick your own butt in gear. It says this on my page, but one of the things that really lit a fire in me was having knee pain and realizing I could end up on a cane if I kept living the way I was for the rest of my days. There is a morbidly obese lady in my workplace that uses a cane and even had to move her desk downstairs because she can no longer climb stairs.
As far as having everyone join your party, you're just going to have to dig down and decide what's more important to you--pleasing/pacifying others or doing what you need to in order to improve yourself. Sometimes, being that role model can help spur others on to a healthier lifestyle. Once you start making changes and gain confidence, I think you'll find that it creates a positive chain reaction in that your confidence will help change the outcome of some of the stressful situations you're currently dealing with.
Best of luck!! Feel free to add me as a friend 0 -
Is it possible for you to eat your largest meal away from your husband- - -prepared at home of healthy ingredients that you like? If you are not hungry when you go out, you are more likely to make better choices no matter what he is eating. Check menus for the places you are going ahead of time.
You could also try some new places. A lot of restaurants offer both healthy options along with more indulgent choices. Sometimes, I enter what I am planning to eat into my diary ahead of time to see how it adds up.
I hope that gaining a sense of control over what you are eating increases your confidence in following your plan and makes you feel vacation sexy!
Good luck. And have a wonderful trip! Eyes on the prize, girlfriend.0
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