Such a long post all about poor me

150poundsofme

Just thought I would share. My dog of 16 years passed in Spring 2018, my mother-in-law passed in October 2018 and my Mom passed in January 2019. I am and always have been a yo-yo dieter, great at dieting and really great at binging. I did lose approx 70 lbs. over a year ago. I have just found 30 of those pounds unfortunately. The last few months I keep on starting and stopping, losing and gaining and now just gaining. Seeing all those Mother's Day cards and gifts in the stores made me sad and missing my Mom. It has been stressful because I was the only one in charge of selling my mother-in-laws house with lots of stress. There are still some more paperwork to do. I am planning on Monday to renew, restart again. I had been doing strength classes and yoga classes, all chair classes and had recently added more strength classes at the gym with weights and bands. My left shoulder is hurting and I have completely stopped all forms of exercise and have been sad. I did just have an xray and it says I have osteopena. I will hopefully be having an MRI this week to see if there is a tear. Also I have had palpitations for 2 months now, cardiologist did lots of tests, he with his stethoscope said I have a carotid bruit. a
fter the tests says it is fine, maybe from my thyroid medicine (that I have been taking for 15 years). I told my regular doctor this and he said to stop taking the thyroid medicine. I am now back on my diabetic and high blood pressure medicine I guess due to my drastic up and down weight loss/gain and now big gain. I had been off both for month and months. I go to Overeaters Anonymous but because I do not have a spiritual connection, I am not really getting it. I know I have said before that I need to find a therapist. Also want to give my heart reports to another cardiologist to review (once I can get them). Need to see a vein doctor too. I definitely have been feeling physically like crap with the weight gain. My knees are hurting more. My pants are tight and the crazy thing is I started buying clothes in the womens plus size and also the mens store (think oversized t-shirts). Gotta get myself motivated and I need to, for me, try getting off all carbs (and I don't mean carbs in fruit). I wasn't eating too many before, when dieting, but so many triggers I have. So I just identified a trigger which I hadn't realized. Every time I get in the car, that is a trigger. When in binge mode I would always stop at fast food restaurants, restaurants, supermarkets, even Walmart and buy and eat food. So I saw that when I was eating healthy and out all day and as soon as I saw fast food, I drove right in and got my usual. Compulsive overeating stinks. Well, what more can I say? Call for MRI appointment on Monday and look up and make appointment for therapist. I cannot believe that I actually went down to 175 lbs. from 254 (and I used to be 286). I only needed to lose 50 more lbs. but now it's back to 80 lbs. Ok, signing off for now.

lynn_glenmont

I'm so sorry you've had such a hard year. But look at it this way -- despite all that grief and stress, you've still down 30 or 40 lbs from when you started. Some people gain it all back and add on even more, so this is still a real victory. Also, it may help if you try to think of exercise and sticking to your goals for eating as gifts to yourself -- these are things that in the long run are going to make your life better in so many ways. That doesn't mean that you can never have fast food again. You just want to try to make those occasions conscious decisions and not uncontrolled impulses.

Best of luck. I've taken care of the estates for two relatives. One left a will and sufficient assets to make it worthwhile to hire a lawyer, and one had no will and debts that exceeded assets. They were both stressful in their own ways. Just remember, all the paperwork will be done eventually. (At least, that's what I tell myself. Last year, I got a letter from the IRS wanting to know why I hadn't filed a tax return for 2017 for someone who had been dead for four years and who had no income in the most recent tax year.)

runningforthetrain

It sounds like you have a lot on your mind. Be a little more compassionate with yourself. I get the disappointment with gaining some of the weight you lost back. But, as @lynn_grenmont said you still have lost a lot. AND more importantly you are on this site trying to stop a bigger back slide. So good for you for reaching out. Just take all these tasks and worries one at a time. Consider writing a journal & lists. Write a few to do's out tomorrow--- check out therapists on Monday... you don't have to commit to picking one or even calling. Just do one step-- like looking at local therapists online. If you haven't already check out any support groups for binge eating on this site-- there must be some. Tuesday- check out other cardiologists.... Finally, go do something nice for yourself that you enjoy-- go get a pedicure, treat yourself to some new makeup, a massage, anything that you love. Wishing you have a better day soon. Hang in there.

rheddmobile

I do the same thing with the car and the automatically falling into bad habits. It helped me to change my driving patterns - for example I stopped passing by the corner where I always used to stop for an icee. I still really strongly prefer to stop out for something to eat when I’ve been running around in the car all day, so I have found two or three places with healthy and low calorie options - grilled catfish, grilled chicken grain bowls, spaghetti, sashimi. For the most part these options are not as convenient nor as inexpensive as fast food, but they keep me from losing it. Maybe you can find a few options which work in your area. And sometimes I have fast food and make the calories work by running.

Just plain stress can cause palpitations. I would certainly get a second opinion before discontinuing needed thyroid medication.

Best of luck to you. Hope you have better days ahead.

Rodney_Mckay

That's tough.

But from what I can gather you are more than capable of taking care of yourself, you should take a moment to just think about that and let it sink in.

But you also fall off the wagon from time to time, for this reason you have to learn to love yourself and your body will thank you for it. Love, of life or for other people is a great effort and you are deserving of it.

150poundsofme

Such sweet supporting comments; thank you all so much! Taking a deep breath now. "...conscious decisions and not uncontrolled impulses". I need to tattoo that!