Dating and weight loss

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mscoutable
mscoutable Posts: 30 Member
in Motivation and Support
So, I have been dating more recently and have had some weird personal experiences I didn't think I would have with dating. I definitely feel more confident overall, but still notices some places I have to work on.

Is it just me or do you feel weird telling people you are dating about your weight loss at first? It is something I'm pretty free to share with friends and family, but feel weird telling a guy I'm dating. For some reason a part of me thinks that it will make me less attractive to them somehow. This is silly, but it is just something I've noticed I don't really share in the beginning.

It has also been difficult to accept compliments on my fitness. I have had a couple of guys comment on how fit I am, and I feel like I almost reject it. To me, I'm definitely not where I want to be yet. I still workout everyday and eat pretty healthy, but not sure I would call myself "fit."

Just curious if anyone else has had a similar experience or something different!

Replies

  • neugebauer52
    neugebauer52 Posts: 1,120 Member
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    I find telling people about losing weight and sticking to a healthier life style as a kind of precaution in the sense of: don't feed me, don't invite me for an unexpected meal, don't offer me sweets / ice cream / cookies / chocolates without considering my own current health concerns first. I am always told that there is lots of fun to be had without involving food and drinks.....
  • vggb
    vggb Posts: 132 Member
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    Who says you have to discuss your weight loss/diet? It's pretty personal information to share with a "date" that you are just getting to know. If you are feeling self conscious about your food choices while on a date, instead of explaining yourself, be yourself, eat your meal, and if he asks or comments, give the short answer: "I'm cutting sugar, on a diet, or "trying to lose weight".

    As far as accepting compliments, that's a self-esteem issue and it is hard for many. I was like that too. I felt embarrassed and compelled to add a personal negative about myself. It was hard but I made myself simply say thank you and smile. It got easier, sometimes I forget still.

    So don't be hard on yourself, keep moving in that positive direction and let the compliments come :)
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
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    I don't bring it up right away. but it does typically come up organically.
    compliments are harder for me to accept as i still see my body as a work in progress and not a great work as of yet. but even when i was not heavier, i had a hard time saying thank you for the compliment. i deflect
  • Dorchi22
    Dorchi22 Posts: 57 Member
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    I'd say something along the lines that I'm experimenting with healthier food to see if I'll feel less stressed at work. Weightloss is just a side-effect of that.
  • tinkerbellang83
    tinkerbellang83 Posts: 9,138 Member
    edited May 2019
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    I did a bit of online dating when I started out losing weight and increased my fitness, I included a little bit in my profile to say that I have had a bit of a lifestyle change and was quite active. I wouldn't really bring it up whilst dating unless they asked about it and I can't really see why it would need to unless you the conversation turned to that sort of thing.

    I find going out for dinner a bit of an intense thing to do when first dating, if it doesn't go well you're stuck at a table with someone you don't like for a whole meal.

    I would normally do something active or drinks.

    On a positive note, I have now been in a relationship for about 6 months with a guy I met through my rowing club who was already aware of my weight loss & fitness achievements/struggles.
  • puffbrat
    puffbrat Posts: 2,806 Member
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    vggb wrote: »
    Who says you have to discuss your weight loss/diet? It's pretty personal information to share with a "date" that you are just getting to know. If you are feeling self conscious about your food choices while on a date, instead of explaining yourself, be yourself, eat your meal, and if he asks or comments, give the short answer: "I'm cutting sugar, on a diet, or "trying to lose weight".

    As far as accepting compliments, that's a self-esteem issue and it is hard for many. I was like that too. I felt embarrassed and compelled to add a personal negative about myself. It was hard but I made myself simply say thank you and smile. It got easier, sometimes I forget still.

    So don't be hard on yourself, keep moving in that positive direction and let the compliments come :)

    I mostly agree with you except for the portion I crossed out. If she doesn't feel comfortable talking about weight loss or dieting then I think the short answer is more like, "This sounded/looks good, this is something I like to eat, or I like to practice/am working on moderation."

    OP - I was working fairly hard to lose weight when I started dating my now husband. I didn't even mention weight loss to him until we had been married for 2 years. When going out to eat, I indulged when I wanted to and felt like I had the calories and declined when I wanted to. No excuses, just "no thank you". I would mention going to the gym and we enjoyed hiking, biking, and camping together but I didn't make those about weight loss, just enjoyment or at most trying to improve my fitness to be able to do longer and harder trips. If you don't want to talk about it while dating, then don't.
  • daylily2005
    daylily2005 Posts: 203 Member
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    I was embarrassed to tell my bf of two years that I was going to start counting calories. I've gained about 12 pounds since meeting him. I had similar thoughts and felt weird and thought he would think it was weird. His response? "Yeah I could eat better too. That's awesome, how can I help?'

    If you want to bring it up, do, and own it. Nothing wrong with bring healthy! If he doesn't appreciate that then dating in the long term is gonna be awkward. Most of the things you think a guy will think come from stupid dramatic tv shows. People generally don't think that way 😁

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