No Support at home

nitestar7580

I'm having a hard time getting support from my husband. He is also over weigh. He will say things like "I need to do something about this so I don't get diabetes " and pat his belly. Then I'll ask if he wants to go for a nightly walk and he will decline. We have a gym membership, currently neither of us are using it. I recently has a schedule change at work so I am planning on going after work. I use to go on a regular base until my schedule at work changed. My husband says he has gym close in his jeep, but never goes. I asked if he would like to meet me there after I get off work and he said he doesn't want to waste the gas once he is home. I'm worried he will asked as if he is mad at me when I start going again. He has be shaved this way before. Saying g thing like " Hope you had fun" in a very sarcastic way. I want to get myself back in track, but someday I really need him to back me up. If I'm having an off day it is even harder to ignore his attitude.

carlaringuette

I have a very thin hubby who trys to be supportive in a sideways controlling way so I can relate.

Here's what I do. Go straight to the gym on the way home, do not pass Go! Pack your gym clothes the night before and most importantly do this for you.

Once he starts seeing your results he might just get inspired and join you. That's what I am hoping so my hubby can gain weight.

He may be a bit jealous that you've found your motivation and he hasn't found his yet.

Everyone is on their own journey. He'll get there.

enyagoboom

in the end, your health is your business. we want our spouses and partners to be in sync with us, but when they're not we have to go it alone.

find a way to acknowledge his comments and respond with kindness, and then move on. For example a sarcastic "Hope you had fun" is acknowledged with I did have fun, or it was a hard workout but I'm glad I went, and then sincerely ask him how is he feeling. Listen, respond, and move on. Work on shutting down the negativity, and if you cannot shut it down, shut it out. He needs to find his why.

AustinRuadhain

Hi there! I am with @carlaringuette on this -- go to the gym and eat what works for you. Maybe let him know that you aren't out to try to make him do anything. If he wants to make a change, he will. If not, he won't.

And maybe -- your call -- let him know about the ways in which you'd like his support. You could share your fears about your own health, and let him know about how you'd like his help. When I started, I sat my husband and son down, explained my fears about my health getting worse and my dying young if I did not do something, and then asked them to do without a few foods in the house that were triggers for me (ice cream in the freezer was hard for me). And as @enyagoboom says, be prepared to acknowledge what happens, and stay committed to your own health.

If your husband does not look like being helpful, you might also look for other sources of support -- a friend, a family member, a workout partner, groups like this on MFP (I am a member of this one, and love it).

JeromeBarry1

All that, and calories, too. Stay in a calorie deficit. Lose weight.

FitGamerSmoak

My husband supports me but he needs to lose weight too. But then again his body. I just do me and I’m like hey I’m going to the gym or this class or a run. It’s not about him...it’s about you.

So do you he will either follow along or not and in the meantime get support from others here, friends, and support yourself. Like the other said, go to the gym and do not pass go.

whmscll

There is a whole other thread going on about unsupportive spouses, you would benefit a lot by finding that.

jacqui2494

My husband is also overweight. He sits in front of the TV eating rubbish, buys food that I think is unhealthy. I have tried but I have given up. I just ask him not to buy stuff I like as I will eat it. At the end of the day, we have to paddle our own canoe. He does go to the gym at least but not enough care about what he eats.
You need to lead by example and just encourage him to join you at the gym. Healthy eating is 80%, so you can also just concentrate on that.

cmsavells

My problem is my aunt. She doesn’t understand that I track in MFP because I can’t trust myself to remember what I have eaten. She yelled at me one day last week as I was scanning barcodes -“You’re taking this to extremes. This isn’t healthy!” Two hours later I’m eating a bowl of strawberries - plain strawberries, no sugar, no Redi-Whip, just strawberries. I swear she says, “I really think you have had way too much food today and should put those strawberries back.” I was about 200 calories under my daily goal. I just wanted to cry!

Connie in KY

hunkofmexican

nitestar7580 wrote: »

I'm having a hard time getting support from my husband. He is also over weigh. He will say things like "I need to do something about this so I don't get diabetes " and pat his belly. Then I'll ask if he wants to go for a nightly walk and he will decline. We have a gym membership, currently neither of us are using it. I recently has a schedule change at work so I am planning on going after work. I use to go on a regular base until my schedule at work changed. My husband says he has gym close in his jeep, but never goes. I asked if he would like to meet me there after I get off work and he said he doesn't want to waste the gas once he is home. I'm worried he will asked as if he is mad at me when I start going again. He has be shaved this way before. Saying g thing like " Hope you had fun" in a very sarcastic way. I want to get myself back in track, but someday I really need him to back me up. If I'm having an off day it is even harder to ignore his attitude.

Get a New Husband ..... !,

Life is too short already if your unhealthy and unmotivated future X husband is being sarcastic towards your escape plan Show him up by going anyways to the Gym and losing 15 pounds right in front of him while you give him the silent treatment when ever he makes light of your efforts...... , best of luck to you and yourself, cause only you can lose your weight !

puffbrat

Sounds less like he isn't supporting you and more like you want him to lose weight and get in shape himself but he isn't motivated. You just do you. If he does get snarky when you start going to gym, snap back with something like "Yes, I feel great but it would have been even better if you joined me." Have you tried changing the conversation from you both needing to lose weight and get into shape to just being about getting out of the house and doing things together? My husband is skinny and fit. When we go for walks, hikes, bike rides, or otherwise workout together, it is for the purpose of enjoying each other's company and doing something that makes us both feel good.

rheddmobile

Lemme tell you, as someone who is now diabetic, it’s better to fix the problem before it’s too late, because diabetes is a permanent illness and there’s no going back from it. I can control my diabetes with diet and exercise so as to limit health problems, but I can’t ever go back to eating whatever I want to, because my pancreas and liver’s responses to glucose are permanently damaged.

My husband was not all that supportive until after I was diagnosed. Seeing me very ill made a big difference to him, but we also had a talk. I explained that diabetes was a condition with a high mortality rate and that controlling it was literally a matter of life and death, and that anyone who wanted me to die was my enemy. That what I needed was for him to make it easy to do the things I needed to do, and not to make it harder. That meant I would not cook food I didn’t plan to eat. If he has snacks I can’t eat, he puts them where I don’t have to look at them. He eats at mealtimes instead of walking around 24/7 scarfing down snacks. And if I say I am going to work out, he doesn’t say anything negative.

This worked for me. My husband has been nothing but supportive since we had this conversation. And he has lost thirty pounds himself, and gotten into much better shape, just from being around me and doing some of the same activities.

Regardless of your husband’s attitude, as others have said, you do what you need to do. “I’m going on a walk, would you like to come?”

And I would not put up with snarky ‘tude about whether or not I had fun at the gym for one second, my husband would be picking his teeth up off the floor. Not literally - because it would not happen.

MrsTitus2

I would say maybe get rid of the membership and just walk around the block with your husband, you both need to get healthy together and dont take no bull from him.