How do you get your mindset right?

swilki84

For about two months now I've been fiddling around starting this or that but not sticking to anything - I don't know what's wrong with me.

I've tried big pushes to lose weight 4 times before over the past 15 years or so - what always happened was that I managed to lose weight then failed to maintain and ended up slowly gaining back more than I originally lost, then started again... It's like this time I can't make myself because I'm terrified I'm going to end up worse than before and I really don't know how to shake that feeling and get myself on track. Any advice?

zoedayan7

I don't have any magic answer... I have done the same (over a similar period). But I am starting again abd telling myself I'm going to show myself I CAN lose it.. And have set a little goal about when I might start to look at how to keep it off. Using this system is one of those ideas... But its not 'real' yet.
I think you're near deciding to take the plunge.. Because you read and posted. Please join in and keep us company

erekstrusinski1989

Willpower is like any other aspect of your body or mind, use it or lose it. It gets stronger with training, the more you use it. You just have to set baby step goals and keep making attempts until it becomes your new normal.

cbstewart88

I think if I knew the answer to that question - I would be a billionaire!! The steps for success I think are different for every person. For me personally, the answer was: exercise! Once I started working out faithfully and rigorously - not only did I begin to feel better physically - but my mental outlook improved tremendously. That allowed me to eat wisely and not fill so deprived or resentful about it. And when I do slip up a bit - I don't sweat it, shrug it off, and just move on.... exercise just seemed to jumpstart by brain - LOL.

88olds

The past does not control the future.

Mindset? Move your body and your head will follow. Try to break your plan into a set of things to do. Make your goals about doing those things. Weight loss is a skill set. Mostly about problem solving.

Do you keep a food diary? Use a food scale? Aim at a modest calorie deficit? Do some sort of moderate exercise? Do some sort of weekly official weigh in and track your long term trend?

If you don’t do those things, try them. Make your food diary priority number 1. Log everything into your diary no matter what. Over your number? Wildly over? Log it all. If your diary is the center of your program you will never be off track again. The process is more important than the numbers.

You exercise? I think it’s overrated as a weight loss strategy, but exercise is a great teacher of incrementalism. Incrementalism is the key to lasting weight loss.

I was paralyzed by the fear of trying and failing. And there’s only really one way out- try and succeed. Identify the things you need to do to work your plan and set about doing them. When the voice in your head tries to tell you its hopeless push back. That voice cannot see the future. And it’s that voice that’s keeping you stuck.

Last- don’t be discouraged because you struggle. Just try to string together some modest losses week to week. A downward long term trend that you can actually live with is your best friend in weight loss. Keep looking until you find it. Never quit. It’s all doable. You can.

Commander_Keen

swilki84 wrote: »

For about two months now I've been fiddling around starting this or that but not sticking to anything - I don't know what's wrong with me.

I've tried big pushes to lose weight 4 times before over the past 15 years or so - what always happened was that I managed to lose weight then failed to maintain and ended up slowly gaining back more than I originally lost, then started again... It's like this time I can't make myself because I'm terrified I'm going to end up worse than before and I really don't know how to shake that feeling and get myself on track. Any advice?

Write down, what went wrong. Now you have a game plan of what not to do.
Write down, of how you were successful. Now you have a game plan of what to do, and not to do.

swilki84

Thanks all

Ducks47

Regular weigh ins will help you notice if you're weight starts creeping up again. It's a life long thing to monitor. I always tell myself if that guy can do it then so can I.

cemetree

Look at it as changing your relationship with food and the way you eat vs a diet

elisa123gal

I know how you feel. It takes so much willpower and work to lose weight..and after you've done it a few times, it is almost like you feel like you've used it all up for your lifetime.

I am here to tell you it comes back.. thank goodness. Do you want to be overweight and getting heavier as your life goes on? That's the only other alternative you really have ..and I think down deep you know that...and that is what's scary.

You know you can lose the weight because you've done it before.. now you've got to figure out how you failed at maintaining. Did you weigh yourself every week? Did you incorporate exercise and being more active as a tactic to keep the weight off? Did you throw away all your old bigger clothes so you had nothing to wear when and if your clothes got tight?

Did you do those things? If you didn't do those things.. do them this time and you will be successful.

Also.. for me exercising is what is helping me to keep the weight off this time...I don't think I could do it through just diet ..it is too restrictive for too long.

swilki84

Thank you, I'd not looked at my discussions in a while and just came back to this post to see these messages. I found it really inspiring.

emmies_123

Step 1: Understanding that the number on the scale is controlled by how much I eat. It helped reminding myself that I could eat what I want, just not how much I want. Made it habit to weigh/measure everything, and pre-logging when I can really helps so I can make a decision before I make a mistake.

Step 2: understanding that you can lose weight without having to exercise. Exercise just helps you feel healthier, and it can give you a bit more wiggle room in daily calorie limit, but it was too much for me to try to control my eating habits and begin exercise at the start. When I was ready to exercise, I made a set time of day (I work office job so this was easier for me than others), and made myself do it. After a few weeks it wasn't so hard, the habit was forming.

Step 3: Weigh every day. I need to do this to keep myself on the straight and narrow (aka not thinking "one little chocolate won't hurt" three times a day...), and also to help understand the fluctuations. When I started I weighed weekly, and if I caught myself on a bad fluctuation it messed with my self-esteem. Also, if/when you hit a plateau, have the mindset "at least it isn't a gain." You might get stuck for weeks for no good reason that you can see, just work on not gaining again. Don't undo your good work.

Step 4: Understand each day is it's own. If you eat more than expected today, don't let it effect your patterns tomorrow. If you are exercising and you skip a day for feeling under the weather, try again tomorrow.

I play video games, so whenever I really wanted to skip out on my new habits I tell myself "Look, you know it is easier to grind exp as you go, not have to do it all at the end. So do this thing (whatever my brain is fighting) today, so you don't have to work harder down the road"

laceygaywilson

Hey!! Hey!! This is my third journey of losing 100+ lbs!! I would lose it then have a baby!! This time I was fighting my thyroid and took me six years to lose the first 60lbs!! Last summer I turned up the heat and lost 30!! Since January I've lost 10 got it back lost 10 got it back!! BUT I can run 3 miles for the first time in my life!! I am stronger than I have been in 20 years!! Thank time I weigh in daily and have zero anxiety about the number on the scale because my goals are not Weight related!! Change up your goals!! Make them about being the best you!! Fastest you!! Strongest you!! The scale will follow!!! Then you can maintain cause you will always be able to get faster stronger and move longer!!! There is no end to the journey of being your best!! That is a lifetime challenge!!!

samhennings

Do you want to lose weight? Not a pointed question, but often people undertake things like diet due to external pressures. And then fail because deep down they arent on board with it.

Alternatively, are you ready to lose weight? I had similar when giving up smoking. Wanted to, knew I should, but just didnt have the right frame of mind to do it. Tried and failed numerous times. When I did finally quit it was just different, I was actually ready, and it was consequently actually quite easy.

If your answer is a "yes" to both, then I would suggest having a think about how you view weight loss.

Is it a thing to do, a program to follow, and then be done? Or is it a new lifestyle, a part of your daily routine with no explicit end/goals/program to follow?

I think approaching it from the right point of view is half the battle.

Weight loss is a long term thing, and having lost the desired weight so is moving into maintenance.

If you approach it with the view its a job to do, chances are its "extra work" and something you need to muster the energy to do.

If you approach it with the view that thats just how you live, you adjust and it is no longer a chore.

Early willpower (and success) can help solidify habits, which is the where I found a positive mindset most helpful. After that its just the way it is, you log your food, are a bit more mindful/purposeful about what you eat and when, and thats it...

WickedPineapple

swilki84 wrote: »

For about two months now I've been fiddling around starting this or that but not sticking to anything - I don't know what's wrong with me.

I've tried big pushes to lose weight 4 times before over the past 15 years or so - what always happened was that I managed to lose weight then failed to maintain and ended up slowly gaining back more than I originally lost, then started again... It's like this time I can't make myself because I'm terrified I'm going to end up worse than before and I really don't know how to shake that feeling and get myself on track. Any advice?

Instead of big pushes, try small / easy pushes. You can't completely overhaul your mindset overnight. You make small changes and stick with them. (I definitely agree with everyone above about aiming for a lot of non-weight related goals.) When you succeed with a small change / goal (for example, drinking more water), it gives you confidence. This leads to more small changes and eventually maybe some moderate changes.

tami139

I agree with wicked pineapple. Start small little changes everyday that's what adds up to big changes in the end if you see something and you want to eat it ask yourself if it's worth it is it really what you want to eat? try cutting out one slice of bread on a sandwich and have an open-faced sandwich instead of a whole one sugar free pudding is a really good example of changing little things at a time for snacks ask yourself if you're really hungry or if you're just bored and find little things that taste good that don't have a lot of calories that you can consume more of and of course drink lots of water. 😁 You can do this we all believed in you. It's a struggle in a lifelong journey but it can be done! One day at a time one meal at a time one snack at a time have faith

150poundsofme

All great advice. Hugs and you've got this!

mscatrina07

swilki84 wrote: »

For about two months now I've been fiddling around starting this or that but not sticking to anything - I don't know what's wrong with me.

I've tried big pushes to lose weight 4 times before over the past 15 years or so - what always happened was that I managed to lose weight then failed to maintain and ended up slowly gaining back more than I originally lost, then started again... It's like this time I can't make myself because I'm terrified I'm going to end up worse than before and I really don't know how to shake that feeling and get myself on track. Any advice?

mscatrina07

You know... I’ve been on this weight loss journey myself for a while now too. Never sticking to anything and slowly gaining the weight back. Getting into that mindset is hard. You’re always going to have good and bad days, so don’t beat yourself up. Just continue to try. I’ve been off and on here for years and it wasn’t until I finally started reaching out to other people and making some connections here that it got a bit easier. It’s tough to do it alone. The encouragement is so helpful, and seems like you have some here. Please feel free to add me. I’m always wanting to add new friends now that I know the value. It’s still a struggle some days but you can do it.