Coworker told me I looked "pale" and to stop losing weight...
peachvine29
Posts: 400 Member
I am currently 26F, 5'7.5'', and 138 lbs., small frame.
Highest weight: 200 lbs. (Jan. 2017)
Start weight: 190 lbs. (Feb. 2018)
Goal weight: 125-130 lbs.
I've lost all the weight through calorie counting at a rate of about 0.8 lbs. per week. I've done strength training and some cardio throughout.
Recently, I have begun to have low energy and moodiness, so I decided to take a 2 week diet break at maintenance or a little higher (1,750+).
I'm at the point where people are telling me that I don't need to lose any more weight. I know I do. They don't see me with my shirt off, and are just used to seeing me bigger. I have plenty of belly, back, chest, and thigh fat to lose.
Today, two coworkers (one who sits right next to me and then her boss) were talking about how I look "pale" and that I don't need to lose anymore weight. My coworker sees me eat all day, she knows I eat plenty. She's the one who hardly eats. They acted like they were genuinely concerned and it embarrassed me.
I don't want to be oblivious to the fact that I am too thin, but I really don't think I am. I know I look way better in clothes but still have 10 or so pounds to lose I feel (I'll know when I get there).
I am going to get a physical in a couple of weeks and will talk to my doctor about my ideal weight. I have been eating at or above 1,500 net calories for months now while working a sedentary office job, I think I'm good.
On another note, I know that some have suggested I may be in recomp territory. I think I definitely need to lose a bit more fat before I'm there. What do you guys think? Any what do you say to people to people who insist you stop losing fat when you don't feel finished?
Highest weight: 200 lbs. (Jan. 2017)
Start weight: 190 lbs. (Feb. 2018)
Goal weight: 125-130 lbs.
I've lost all the weight through calorie counting at a rate of about 0.8 lbs. per week. I've done strength training and some cardio throughout.
Recently, I have begun to have low energy and moodiness, so I decided to take a 2 week diet break at maintenance or a little higher (1,750+).
I'm at the point where people are telling me that I don't need to lose any more weight. I know I do. They don't see me with my shirt off, and are just used to seeing me bigger. I have plenty of belly, back, chest, and thigh fat to lose.
Today, two coworkers (one who sits right next to me and then her boss) were talking about how I look "pale" and that I don't need to lose anymore weight. My coworker sees me eat all day, she knows I eat plenty. She's the one who hardly eats. They acted like they were genuinely concerned and it embarrassed me.
I don't want to be oblivious to the fact that I am too thin, but I really don't think I am. I know I look way better in clothes but still have 10 or so pounds to lose I feel (I'll know when I get there).
I am going to get a physical in a couple of weeks and will talk to my doctor about my ideal weight. I have been eating at or above 1,500 net calories for months now while working a sedentary office job, I think I'm good.
On another note, I know that some have suggested I may be in recomp territory. I think I definitely need to lose a bit more fat before I'm there. What do you guys think? Any what do you say to people to people who insist you stop losing fat when you don't feel finished?
5
Replies
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Since the comments are happening at work, you can point out that they're inappropriate and depending on how you feel about it, inform them that you will go to HR to report the comments if they don't stop.
Recomp wouldn't be a bad idea for you, honestly. Bringing up the low energy to the dr is a good idea. Did the 2 week diet break have any noticeable effect on the low energy?13 -
It's good to talk with your doc about where you are at currently. Based on your picture, I'm thinking that eating at maintenance while doing a progressive strength training program will get you to the body you want if what you are after is just losing a bit of fluffiness. Just my two cents.21
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MichelleSilverleaf wrote: »Since the comments are happening at work, you can point out that they're inappropriate and depending on how you feel about it, inform them that you will go to HR to report the comments if they don't stop.
Recomp wouldn't be a bad idea for you, honestly. Bringing up the low energy to the dr is a good idea. Did the 2 week diet break have any noticeable effect on the low energy?
The OP was given that suggestion 6 days ago.
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OP I am concerned about anemia if your coworkers think you look pale. Can you get in to see the doctor any faster?
ETA: I realize you posted a picture but I can only tell if someone is pale by seeing their face which you have wisely omitted.4 -
MichelleSilverleaf wrote: »Since the comments are happening at work, you can point out that they're inappropriate and depending on how you feel about it, inform them that you will go to HR to report the comments if they don't stop.
Recomp wouldn't be a bad idea for you, honestly. Bringing up the low energy to the dr is a good idea. Did the 2 week diet break have any noticeable effect on the low energy?
The OP was given that suggestion 6 days ago.
Since I have increased my calories I am already feeling better. The first couple of days I ate crap and a lot of fast food and way over calories (didn't log it all) but now I am eating nutritious foods. I will stay on the diet break until the two weeks is up. I know I should still talk to my doctor too.11 -
peachvine29 wrote: »MichelleSilverleaf wrote: »Since the comments are happening at work, you can point out that they're inappropriate and depending on how you feel about it, inform them that you will go to HR to report the comments if they don't stop.
Recomp wouldn't be a bad idea for you, honestly. Bringing up the low energy to the dr is a good idea. Did the 2 week diet break have any noticeable effect on the low energy?
The OP was given that suggestion 6 days ago.
Since I have increased my calories I am already feeling better. The first couple of days I ate crap and a lot of fast food and way over calories (didn't log it all) but now I am eating nutritious foods. I will stay on the diet break until the two weeks is up. I know I should still talk to my doctor too.
I think that is a good way to start a diet break, tbh. It is as much a mental break as it is a physical break and being in a big surplus of calories certainly kicks it off. Nothing wrong with some fun food (I don't call food crap).
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peachvine29 wrote: »MichelleSilverleaf wrote: »Since the comments are happening at work, you can point out that they're inappropriate and depending on how you feel about it, inform them that you will go to HR to report the comments if they don't stop.
Recomp wouldn't be a bad idea for you, honestly. Bringing up the low energy to the dr is a good idea. Did the 2 week diet break have any noticeable effect on the low energy?
The OP was given that suggestion 6 days ago.
Since I have increased my calories I am already feeling better. The first couple of days I ate crap and a lot of fast food and way over calories (didn't log it all) but now I am eating nutritious foods. I will stay on the diet break until the two weeks is up. I know I should still talk to my doctor too.
I think that is a good way to start a diet break, tbh. It is as much a mental break as it is a physical break and being in a big surplus of calories certainly kicks it off. Nothing wrong with some fun food (I don't call food crap).
Yeah you're right... fun food.
I am glad I started off that way because it was very satisfying and I was feeling very happy and energized after. The mental break so far is nice. 5 -
OP I am concerned about anemia if your coworkers think you look pale. Can you get in to see the doctor any faster?
ETA: I realize you posted a picture but I can only tell if someone is pale by seeing their face which you have wisely omitted.
The anemia could be a concern since I also have the low energy... They said June 10 was the soonest appointment, I could check again... I am also trying to stay out of the sun and wear sunscreen every day for my skincare as I have some brown spots on my face. So yes I am way more pale than I usually am.
Thank you for the advice.3 -
did you colour your hair recently? I have dark brown hair, but if I colour it blonde, I look pale. It's weird. Just ignore people. Could be the make up if you wear any, your skin could actually be improving and changing the tone of your skin on face, so you may need updated makeup. I hope your 2 week maintenance break goes well. It's always good to follow the advice of a doctor. and yes, ignore people, it's one thing to give concern, i.e, 'are you well? you are looking pale, do you need time off?' opposed to 'Are you eating? you look pale, eat more.' the latter is just offensive.2
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peachvine29 wrote: »peachvine29 wrote: »MichelleSilverleaf wrote: »Since the comments are happening at work, you can point out that they're inappropriate and depending on how you feel about it, inform them that you will go to HR to report the comments if they don't stop.
Recomp wouldn't be a bad idea for you, honestly. Bringing up the low energy to the dr is a good idea. Did the 2 week diet break have any noticeable effect on the low energy?
The OP was given that suggestion 6 days ago.
Since I have increased my calories I am already feeling better. The first couple of days I ate crap and a lot of fast food and way over calories (didn't log it all) but now I am eating nutritious foods. I will stay on the diet break until the two weeks is up. I know I should still talk to my doctor too.
I think that is a good way to start a diet break, tbh. It is as much a mental break as it is a physical break and being in a big surplus of calories certainly kicks it off. Nothing wrong with some fun food (I don't call food crap).
Yeah you're right... fun food. I am glad I started off that way because it was very satisfying and I was feeling very happy and energized after. The mental break so far is nice.
Good job. I was concerned because some people can't "unclinch" enough to embrace a diet break. I like to get in some fun food but like you I get tired of eating out of character for myself after a few days and want to eat more normally just more of it.4 -
bluesheeponahill wrote: »did you colour your hair recently? I have dark brown hair, but if I colour it blonde, I look pale. It's weird. Just ignore people. Could be the make up if you wear any, your skin could actually be improving and changing the tone of your skin on face, so you may need updated makeup. I hope your 2 week maintenance break goes well. It's always good to follow the advice of a doctor. and yes, ignore people, it's one thing to give concern, i.e, 'are you well? you are looking pale, do you need time off?' opposed to 'Are you eating? you look pale, eat more.' the latter is just offensive.
I did get highlights a month or two ago. And I think my skin really is just changing too, I look healthier in my opinion, less red and inflamed, and I am staying out of the sun. Thankyou:)5 -
I hear similar comments from people who I tell I still need to lose more weight to. I am 5’4’’ and weigh 125.0. I started this process at 146 January 1. My goal weight is 115. I’ve been 108 as a young adult so I know 115 is healthy for my smaller frame. I ignore the people who tell me I look fine as I have obvious fat on my mid section and thighs and arms. I know that 115 is healthy for my body type and I don’t intend to stop until then!!!15
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Why the the “woo”s???13
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I think you are doing the right things, by taking a diet break and seeing your doctor. I would be hesitant for you to try to resume losing much weight until you get in to see the doctor to get his/her go ahead.
I don't think you "need" to lose any more weight and a recomp could be a good option for you. Remember, you still lose fat in a recomp, albeit slowly, so feeling like you need to lose a bit more fat and doing a recomp are not incompatible with each other. But if you wanted to lose a few more pounds first it seems like you could safely do that (pend the doctors thoughts), although 130 would probably be the most I would target. 125 is a bit aggressive.
One other thing is have you gotten a high quality body fat analysis? A dexa scan would probably be the best one for your body type. That might give you some more insight into how much body fat you actually have left to potentially lose.3 -
I second the suggestion of not concerning yourself with your coworkers remarks. You are living in your skin so get to decide when you are done. If you feel uncomfortable, set a boundary.
As a morbidly obese person who has also been told that I don’t need to lose weight, I can say “people” don’t know what they are talking about. I believe they are wanting to express that they accept me. Which is nice for them. But offensive if they think that what i do with my body is about them. So again if you don’t like comments about your appearance then let them know.6 -
It sounds like you’re doing everything right. 125 lb is still safely in the normal BMI range if you decide to keep going after reaching 130. After checking with your doctor, consider slowing your rate of loss for the last few pounds. A smaller deficit eases the transition to maintenance and helps some people with hunger as BF% decreases.
It’s a drag about co-worker comments. If they say things that make you uncomfortable, just tell them the truth... “when you comment on my body and appearance, I feel really uncomfortable.” If they’re well meaning they’ll back off.4 -
Sounds like you’re doing the right thing, getting your iron levels checked and taking a diet break.
Since you asked for opinions, as far as further weight loss is concerned, while you are at a fine weight already, in my opinion you wouldn’t look too thin if you wanted to keep going for a few pounds. I think recomp sounds like a great option. It’s slower but you end up at a higher weight but a lower bf, which is good long term in that higher weight means a few more daily calories and is easier to maintain long term. Plus you would be stronger!2 -
I am also 5'7.5". Before I had kids I naturally weighed 115 and people thought I had anorexia. I didn't. I just didn't have any fat and I have a smaller frame.
After kids I ranged between 135-140. That is the ideal weight for our height.
I understand why you think you still need to lose because I felt like I still had fat then. I also know that my measurements were 34-24-36 which is almost ideal.
I am also now working my way down from 200 and my goal is 140 with recomp.15 -
Thank you everyone. In regard to possible deficiencies, and maybe iron deficiency, I just had a thought, I have been avoiding red meat since I started this process and never really ate much of it anyway. I eat almost exclusively chicken and fish. I think I'm going to try incorporating red meat in once or twice a week. And I'll see what my doc says.
I think when I get to about 130 I will start recomping. I'm so excited to be so close to goal and figuring out my health. 8 -
You are in a totally healthy range for your height. I’m 5-7 too and I think that our range bottoms out at 130. If taking a maintenance break gives you more energy, it means you were probably eating too little. If you go back on a deficit, do no more than 250 per day or 0.5 lb per week. I think strength training would help you a lot as suggested above.10
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I am also 5'7.5". Before I had kids I naturally weighed 115 and people thought I had anorexia. I didn't. I just didn't have any fat and I have a smaller frame.
After kids I ranged between 135-140. That is the ideal weight for our height.
I understand why you think you still need to lose because I felt like I still had fat then. I also know that my measurements were 34-24-36 which is almost ideal.
I am also now working my way down from 200 and my goal is 140 with recomp.
There is no one, or even narrow range, of ideal weights for one height. That's one reason BMI is a very large range.
It makes a difference if one has broad shoulders vs. narrow, widely spaced vs. closely spaced pelvic bones, large breasts or small, etc. All of the wider bony features require geometrically more meat and skin to wrap around them, and that has weight.
Muscularity makes a difference, too, as it packs more weight into a smaller size. And that's before even getting into personal preference, which counts (as long as not medically irresponsible, of course).
For some of us, there are even medical factors (for example, being relatively lighter within a healthy range helps my lower limb arthritis pain, and - per expert advice - reduces my risk of metastatic breast cancer recurrence).
OP, I don't think you look dangerously thin in your photos. You have a doctor's appointment coming up to verify and fine-tune goal if necessary. You can get iron levels checked then.
Since your diet break is improving energy level, you're probably not in a medical crisis wrt iron or other medical factors. (One option to expedite things might be to ask the doctor's office if they can give you a blood test order in advance so the results will be available to discuss with the doc at the appointment.)
I agree with those saying recomp might be a good option for you, and that slowing loss rate is a good plan for transitioning smoothly and seamlessly into maintenance.
As far as co-workers, even caring ones, and their opinions: People get used to us having a certain look. It's unusual in real life to see a person lose weight steadily and relatively rapidly (even at a healthy rate). We start to look vaguely "wrong" to those used to our old look, and they sometimes interpret it as "unhealthy". That can be exaggerated when many of us live in a social setting where overweight or even slight obesity is the norm, rather than healthy weight.
Further, I think it is somewhat normal to look a tiny bit haggard at the end of weight loss: Glycogen is still depleted, and we often have some loose skin, especially visible facially, that hasn't had time to shrink yet, for example. Any of that will resolve in maintenance, to a large extent.
So, people make remarks. In my experience, a few weeks in maintenance resolves any actual appearance issues, and a few months has people around us used to our new look. Usually, IME, it ceases to be a topic of conversation.
For now, don't let it worry you. You're doing the right things: Doctor consult, diet break. Hang in there!21 -
You are in a totally healthy range for your height. I’m 5-7 too and I think that our range bottoms out at 130. If taking a maintenance break gives you more energy, it means you were probably eating too little. If you go back on a deficit, do no more than 250 per day or 0.5 lb per week. I think strength training would help you a lot as suggested above.
Thank you.
About 2-3 months ago I did set my goal to losing 0.5 lbs. per week at sedentary, and have been eating back my exercise calories, which I have trouble estimating but am probably underestimating.
I have been eating at 1,500 and then whatever exercise calories (before the diet break, I am now doing 1,750 or more, loosely). I've used calculations that estimate my TDEE anywhere from 1650-1750 or so. I do have a desk job but I get up frequently, at least every hour, walk on my 10 minute breaks and workout at lunch 3x per week doing a total body conditioning class for 45 minutes which I do at my highest intensity mostly (I estimate 150 cals burned, could be more though). I have been losing about 0.8 lbs. a week I think, but don't always stick to calories (usually at or over).
I also don't watch TV or sit down much at home, I am either cleaning or cooking or taking care of pets and on the weekend stay active shopping and such.
Maybe I should eat a little more than sedentary puts me at.
I have strength trained for years, maybe not very effectively though. I feel like you can't tell looking at me, maybe because I have been in a deficit and unable to really build muscle even though I really try. Since over a year ago I think I have been doing 4 days a week rotating an upper and lower body split. My weights have increased or stayed the same, not gone down. A few weeks ago my work started offering group fitness classes so I have been doing them 3x a week, They are cardio and weight training based.
Sorry if this is TMI lol0 -
peachvine29 wrote: »You are in a totally healthy range for your height. I’m 5-7 too and I think that our range bottoms out at 130. If taking a maintenance break gives you more energy, it means you were probably eating too little. If you go back on a deficit, do no more than 250 per day or 0.5 lb per week. I think strength training would help you a lot as suggested above.
Thank you.
About 2-3 months ago I did set my goal to losing 0.5 lbs. per week at sedentary, and have been eating back my exercise calories, which I have trouble estimating but am probably underestimating.
I have been eating at 1,500 and then whatever exercise calories (before the diet break, I am now doing 1,750 or more, loosely). I've used calculations that estimate my TDEE anywhere from 1650-1750 or so. I do have a desk job but I get up frequently, at least every hour, walk on my 10 minute breaks and workout at lunch 3x per week doing a total body conditioning class for 45 minutes which I do at my highest intensity mostly (I estimate 150 cals burned, could be more though). I have been losing about 0.8 lbs. a week I think, but don't always stick to calories (usually at or over).
I also don't watch TV or sit down much at home, I am either cleaning or cooking or taking care of pets and on the weekend stay active shopping and such.
Maybe I should eat a little more than sedentary puts me at.
I have strength trained for years, maybe not very effectively though. I feel like you can't tell looking at me, maybe because I have been in a deficit and unable to really build muscle even though I really try. Since over a year ago I think I have been doing 4 days a week rotating an upper and lower body split. My weights have increased or stayed the same, not gone down. A few weeks ago my work started offering group fitness classes so I have been doing them 3x a week, They are cardio and weight training based.
Sorry if this is TMI lol
No, that's helpful. That sounds like at least lightly active in daily life, to me.
But if your actual average weekly weight loss is 0.8 pounds? Eat more.
Specifically, if you want to continue losing at 0.5 pounds a week, eat about 150 calories per day more than what you've actually been averaging. To maintain, eat about 400 more. (I'd work up to that gradually, maybe 100 calories at a time, if it were me.)
At some point, it's going to make better sense to adjust calories based on your actual, real-life data and results, rather than fiddling with calculator settings that just give you statistical estimates based on studies of other people.
3500 calories of cumulative deficit is a close enough approximation to one pound to be useful. Use that, plus your own intake/loss data and adjust as needed.7 -
Sometimes it can come from a place of concern, but I think often its because they feel intimidated or threatened because they realize that now you're competition when it comes to looks.10
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We are the same height and same age. I am about 141-142 lbs and still feel I have about 7-8 pounds to lose.. and depending on how I look I may have even more. I have plenty of people tell me I look fine as I am but I also know that when I see myself naked, there is no way I couldn't stand to lose a bit more fat all around. As long as you are healthy and your goals are realistic, do what you need to do! It's great you are also consulting with your doctor about your health instead of relying solely on your own goals or the comments made by friends/coworkers. Good job.4
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alondrakar wrote: »We are the same height and same age. I am about 141-142 lbs and still feel I have about 7-8 pounds to lose.. and depending on how I look I may have even more. I have plenty of people tell me I look fine as I am but I also know that when I see myself naked, there is no way I couldn't stand to lose a bit more fat all around. As long as you are healthy and your goals are realistic, do what you need to do! It's great you are also consulting with your doctor about your health instead of relying solely on your own goals or the comments made by friends/coworkers. Good job.
Exactly how I feel! I know clothed I look so much better, great even, but yeah naked is another story lol and I obviously have some fat to lose. Lol1 -
Besides checking your ferritin, ask your doctor to check your vitamin D. If you are avoiding the sun and wearing sunscreen, you may be deficient and that will affect your energy levels as well.6
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spiriteagle99 wrote: »Besides checking your ferritin, ask your doctor to check your vitamin D. If you are avoiding the sun and wearing sunscreen, you may be deficient and that will affect your energy levels as well.
Good idea! I will ask about that as well, very well could be1 -
brittanystebbins95 wrote: »Sometimes it can come from a place of concern, but I think often its because they feel intimidated or threatened because they realize that now you're competition when it comes to looks.
Very true. These coworkers were in their 50's and 60's I believe, so I do think they were just genuinely concerned. The one whom was most concerned is pretty overweight and I think just doesn't get that I know how to lose weight, she talks about special diets and such, but I'm approaching it healthily. They're used to seeing me very overweight4
This discussion has been closed.
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