Getting more confidence

EJConnor2018

I'm really terrible with my thoughts of myself, I cant help but think I'm disgusting fat ugly. I know I'm at a perfectly healthy weight for my height but I'm ugly and I know it, if ever got over 200lb I'd probably kill myself. I dont want to think this way anymore and I know my boyfriend really hates it. How do you feel good about yourself? How are you confident in yourself? I really need help.

ceiswyn

I'm so sorry, that sounds awful. It sounds like the help you need isn't something that internet strangers can provide, though Do you currently have a therapist?

One thing I find helpful with low self-esteem is to do things that result in 'achievements' that make me feel good about myself. Learning a new craft or skill, for example, or achieving a new 'best' in a physical skill.

tinkerbellang83

EJConnor2018 wrote: »

I'm really terrible with my thoughts of myself, I cant help but think I'm disgusting fat ugly. I know I'm at a perfectly healthy weight for my height but I'm ugly and I know it, if ever got over 200lb I'd probably kill myself. I dont want to think this way anymore and I know my boyfriend really hates it. How do you feel good about yourself? How are you confident in yourself? I really need help.

That's a lot of mental anguish, the problem is it's not your weight that needs fixing, it's your mind you need to work on. Have you sought out any professional help about your thoughts? It is really worrying that you think being over 200lbs would mean you need to kill yourself. You clearly have some disordered thinking going on and should get help sooner, rather than later from a therapist/counselor/psychologist.

I am 240lbs and I am pretty confident about my body, yes I need to lose weight to ensure I remain healthy as I get older, it's something I've been working on over the last couple of years, but I am currently healthy (all health markers good and I don't have any medical complaints), my body can do amazing things:

• I can hike for miles on end.
• I can lift pretty heavy things.
• I have learnt to row in the last year and now teach other people.
• I have an hourglass shape that a lot of people would kill for.

EJConnor2018

ceiswyn wrote: »

I'm so sorry, that sounds awful. It sounds like the help you need isn't something that internet strangers can provide, though Do you currently have a therapist?

One thing I find helpful with low self-esteem is to do things that result in 'achievements' that make me feel good about myself. Learning a new craft or skill, for example, or achieving a new 'best' in a physical skill.

Yes I do have a therapist and a psychiatrist they dont help much mainly because I dont trust them to take me seriously or I think they will take me too seriously and lock me up again thinking I have anorexia. I dont have any crafts or skills to do and my environment isnt too good to do much in. All I can do is workout and eat healthy.

EJConnor2018

tinkerbellang83 wrote: »

EJConnor2018 wrote: »

I'm really terrible with my thoughts of myself, I cant help but think I'm disgusting fat ugly. I know I'm at a perfectly healthy weight for my height but I'm ugly and I know it, if ever got over 200lb I'd probably kill myself. I dont want to think this way anymore and I know my boyfriend really hates it. How do you feel good about yourself? How are you confident in yourself? I really need help.

That's a lot of mental anguish, the problem is it's not your weight that needs fixing, it's your mind you need to work on. Have you sought out any professional help about your thoughts? It is really worrying that you think being over 200lbs would mean you need to kill yourself. You clearly have some disordered thinking going on and should get help sooner, rather than later from a therapist/counselor/psychologist.

I am 240lbs and I am pretty confident about my body, yes I need to lose weight to ensure I remain healthy as I get older, it's something I've been working on over the last couple of years, but I am currently healthy (all health markers good and I don't have any medical complaints), my body can do amazing things:

• I can hike for miles on end.
• I can lift pretty heavy things.
• I have learnt to row in the last year and now teach other people.
• I have an hourglass shape that a lot of people would kill for.

I already have a therapist and psychologist, and they dont help much as stated above. In my mind getting 200lb is definitely merit to kill myself. It means I gave up, that's not a healthy weight for me and I'd be useless if I let myself get like that. It's great you're happy with yourself but I could never be happy like that.

tinkerbellang83

EJConnor2018 wrote: »

ceiswyn wrote: »

I'm so sorry, that sounds awful. It sounds like the help you need isn't something that internet strangers can provide, though Do you currently have a therapist?

One thing I find helpful with low self-esteem is to do things that result in 'achievements' that make me feel good about myself. Learning a new craft or skill, for example, or achieving a new 'best' in a physical skill.

Yes I do have a therapist and a psychiatrist they dont help much mainly because I dont trust them to take me seriously or I think they will take me too seriously and lock me up again thinking I have anorexia. I dont have any crafts or skills to do and my environment isnt too good to do much in. All I can do is workout and eat healthy.

Given the content of your original post, it's understandable that if you have said similar things to them, they would be concerned about your mental health. You really need to find a way to work with someone on your mindset. My gut feeling here is that you maybe just don't want to believe that they are right. Especially when you are referring to yourself as fat and ugly whilst acknowledging you're at a healthy weight.

EJConnor2018 wrote: »

tinkerbellang83 wrote: »

EJConnor2018 wrote: »

I'm really terrible with my thoughts of myself, I cant help but think I'm disgusting fat ugly. I know I'm at a perfectly healthy weight for my height but I'm ugly and I know it, if ever got over 200lb I'd probably kill myself. I dont want to think this way anymore and I know my boyfriend really hates it. How do you feel good about yourself? How are you confident in yourself? I really need help.

That's a lot of mental anguish, the problem is it's not your weight that needs fixing, it's your mind you need to work on. Have you sought out any professional help about your thoughts? It is really worrying that you think being over 200lbs would mean you need to kill yourself. You clearly have some disordered thinking going on and should get help sooner, rather than later from a therapist/counselor/psychologist.

I am 240lbs and I am pretty confident about my body, yes I need to lose weight to ensure I remain healthy as I get older, it's something I've been working on over the last couple of years, but I am currently healthy (all health markers good and I don't have any medical complaints), my body can do amazing things:

• I can hike for miles on end.
• I can lift pretty heavy things.
• I have learnt to row in the last year and now teach other people.
• I have an hourglass shape that a lot of people would kill for.

I already have a therapist and psychologist, and they dont help much as stated above. In my mind getting 200lb is definitely merit to kill myself. It means I gave up, that's not a healthy weight for me and I'd be useless if I let myself get like that. It's great you're happy with yourself but I could never be happy like that.

Happiness & self worth are not tied to your body shape/size and that is why you need to work with your treatment team and come up with some way to deal with your anxiety, because it's not a healthy train of thought.

People gain weight for all sorts of reasons, not necessarily because they gave up on anything, in my case it stems from a back injury after a fall, I slowly became less active whilst I was in a lot of pain but didn't adjust the amount I was eating. It's a simple fix - I now just have to eat a little less and move a little more until I get the weight off, it was disappointing to realise how much I'd gained, but it was far from the end of the world.

You can be happy and still seek to improve yourself, it doesn't mean you don't care.

lynn_glenmont

Have you told them that you don't trust them? It's unlikely you'll make much progress with a therapist you don't trust, and a good therapist would want to try to address that, or possibly see if they can find you a therapist you could trust. In either case, you should tell them.

IsETHome

I know Im at a perfectly healthy weight for my height but Im ugly and I know it, if ever got over 200lb I'd probably kill myself.” wrote:

Easy there......many of us are over 200 — and very confident and feel smart and attractive. Confidence can be boosted by looks but it comes from more than that, from doing the right things, making good choices, making the world a better place, being creative. Work with a therapist or coach if you can. update... I just read you are working with some professionals, if you don’t trust them - tell them why, get to trust or find new practitioners.

Practice focusing more on things that make you happy....gardening, reading books whatever.