Relapse help?? :(

I had anorexia for about 5 years, from 12 to 17 years old. I'm 18 now and I'm physically recovered. Previously, it was my family members who called me skinny and taunted me, making the competitive side of me recover from anorexia. However, now, I'm about 130 pounds and I think I'm a little overweight because I'm about 5'2, and now my relatives are constantly telling me to lose weight. While I'm already eating healthy foods, not starving myself and I exercise at least 4 times a week for about an hour each time, they are now saying that I'm trying to lose weight wrong, exercising doesn't seem to be working for me, that my butt is getting bigger and it's gross, etc. It's really hurtful and it makes me really tempted to go back to eating nothing and starving myself. The rational part of me stops me from doing so because I know how harmful it is for my body and how it damages my metabolism and my long term health.

At the same time, I really want to lose a lot of weight and stop them from commenting on it. I feel really insecure because of all this and it makes me feel depressed and shy and I don't even want to talk to people anymore because I feel like I'm an ugly fat blob that no one loves. I don't know what to do?

I think anorexia has screwed up my metabolism so it makes it harder for me to lose weight :(

Replies

  • Joannesmith2818
    Joannesmith2818 Posts: 438 Member
    That weight doesnt sound over weight to me. DO NOT listen to your family members, what they are saying is so destructive, especially considering your past. I know its hard and hurtful, but dont allow them to push you down the wrong path. You clearly know in your head that you do not want to return to your old habits, just concentrate on your health and exercise for fitness.

    :) you will be fine, just listen to the logic in your head :)
  • Honestly, you need to get into counseling before you even attempt to lose weight. Anorexia kills.
  • andypandy1109
    andypandy1109 Posts: 42 Member
    dont listen....other people have no idea what is good for you...eat well eat healthly and mayby a little more exercise if you can manage it.....
  • CarolynB38
    CarolynB38 Posts: 553 Member
    just listen to the logic in your head :)

    I totally agree with this. You know what to do so don't let other influence you and dissuade you from what you know is best.

    Perhaps you need to find some supportive friends. It doesn't sound like your family are being very supportive, knowing what you have been through. Be strong and don't let them get to you. You might also find some counselling helpful. It is a very difficult thing to recover from so please get all the help you can to get you through this.

    I doubt you look as bad as you think :flowerforyou:

    Have you tried weight training. Lifting can really help with fat burning. It will also help you to tone up those muscles and get a really nice shape. I will warn you though, not to rely on the scales while you are doing this but to use a mirror instead (if you feel you can look at it objectively) and maybe a measuring tape.

    Do you feel happy to open your diary? If you do, we may be able to help there. Of course, don't feel you have to open it if you don't feel comfortable doing so.

    You can do this sensibly. You are doing well so far, just keep listening to the good 'voice' in your head.

    Take care

    Carolyn
  • _quirky_girl_
    _quirky_girl_ Posts: 27 Member
    I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles. With so many people commenting on your body I could see how you could feel confused, insecure and self conscious. I hope you have support for your eating disorder and that you can turn to more than just this forum for help. That being said, I offer you this: You are worthy of love and acceptance, from yourself and others, at exactly the weight you are right now. Eat healthy, exercise and surround yourself with people who help you feel good about yourself to keep your mind, body and spirit in shape. Be gentle with yourself.
  • conniemaxwell5
    conniemaxwell5 Posts: 943 Member
    It sounds like you have a family that tries to control you. Eating disorders are often the result of the individual feeling like they don't have control of their own lives. Get counseling to help you learn to cope with people trying to control you and to learn how to control your own life in a healthy way instead of falling back into old patterns.
  • jetlag
    jetlag Posts: 800 Member
    What the hell is wrong with those people? How dare they tell you you need to lose weight!?

    Ignore them and starting lifting, if you don't already. It will change the shape of your body in positive ways and give you a sense of control that doesn't centre around restricting calories.
  • Miffylou
    Miffylou Posts: 307 Member
    I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles. With so many people commenting on your body I could see how you could feel confused, insecure and self conscious. I hope you have support for your eating disorder and that you can turn to more than just this forum for help. That being said, I offer you this: You are worthy of love and acceptance, from yourself and others, at exactly the weight you are right now. Eat healthy, exercise and surround yourself with people who help you feel good about yourself to keep your mind, body and spirit in shape. Be gentle with yourself.

    Fully agree with what has been said here.

    For your height you are at the perfect weight.. You already know the consequences of not eating in a healthy way. Be strong and be healthy, it's your body not there's.
  • Beej731
    Beej731 Posts: 7
    I am sorry to hear that your family is not being supportive of you right now. I was diagnosed with bulima a few years back and my best advice to you is to seek out a good professional who deals specifically with your disorder. Not only will they help you to think clearly but will also find you a support system. Perhaps you were underweight for some time that you do not realize that you are at a healthy weight right now. (your BMI does not show you being overweight at all), It sounds like you accept that you had an ED, now you need to continue to get stronger mentally and your body will follow
  • pusspot
    pusspot Posts: 12 Member
    That weight doesnt sound over weight to me. DO NOT listen to your family members, what they are saying is so destructive, especially considering your past. I know its hard and hurtful, but dont allow them to push you down the wrong path. You clearly know in your head that you do not want to return to your old habits, just concentrate on your health and exercise for fitness.

    :) you will be fine, just listen to the logic in your head :)

    Soooooo agree with this
  • Fuzzipeg
    Fuzzipeg Posts: 2,297 Member
    Like most if not every one here, I agree you are at a very good weight. You are probably getting used to feeling more healthy and seeing yourself differently, that can take time.

    stay as strong as you have been to get to this point. I for one would be proud to have you in my family with all you have managed to achieve, this far. The future should hold many very good experiences for you.
  • sharonfoustmills
    sharonfoustmills Posts: 519 Member
    Don't listen to others about your weight. Listen only to your doctor. I think you need to go back to the doctor for some help. Good luck on your journey to wellness.
  • Honestly, you need to get into counseling before you even attempt to lose weight. Anorexia kills.
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
    At 130, I promise there's nothing gross about your body. I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I would suggest you find a counselor or therapist to speak with. You can probably find someone at school/on campus who can help you. If your family is unsupportive, they don't need to be involved.
  • jaecamp1
    jaecamp1 Posts: 120 Member
    You should sit down with your family and ask them to stop making comment about your weight or figure. If they know about your ed they really should be more sensitive, if they don't maybe you need to tell them so they understand. I would assume that your family that loves you just do not understand how much this hurts you.

    If you feel like you may relapse do not start dieting again. You will have a very skewed view of food, weight etc for a long time. Even if you feel okay with it at first, those old behaviors creep back in and before you know it you're right back where you started.
  • sharonfoustmills
    sharonfoustmills Posts: 519 Member
    Your family are the ones who need psychological help at this point. 130 pounds for 5'2" is perfect weight. You don't need to lose weight.