Will Losing Weight Bring Back My Personality?

elizabethtodd1992

Tonight during training I realized how much of my personality I’ve hidden or lost because of my weight gain. I remembered how bubbly and goofy I used to be and I realized how serious and subdued I am now, because I don’t want to draw attention to myself. I don’t want people to notice me or have anything to say about me.

I guess I realized just how much I started to hate myself and punish myself just because I stopped liking how I looked. And now here I am. I don’t like how I look or act...

I sobbed when I got home. I’m so mad at myself. And I feel so sad. And yes, I’m also happy that I’m now finally doing this and doing it right. But... will losing the weight bring me back to the PERSON I was? Or will I just look like her but still be the “fat” me?

Has anyone else felt this way? Do I even make sense? I feel so sad and lost right now. And I ate ~1,000 over my calories today so that’s definitely not helping my mood either.

gallicinvasion

I know this exact feeling!

elizabethtodd1992

@gallicinvasion It’s good to know I’m not alone!

Cahgetsfit

Yeah. I think I was a bit like that too. I also was depressed, so that didn't help, but now I feel SOOOO much better and more like my old self than I did when I was fat.

nwnightowl206

I know how you feel, my dad is a very superficial person and makes mean comments about overweight people, so when I gained weight I felt worthless, it is slowly getting better as I loss it once and for all, but I have a ways to go. Good luck on your journey.

elizabethtodd1992

@Cahgetsfit thank you, it helps to hear that it comes back to you. I’m really looking forward to feeling that way again

elizabethtodd1992

@nwnightowl206 oh yeah. My mom would always comment about my bigger cousin and say mean things. One day I realized I was as big as my cousin, or at least getting there, and it did not feel good to think about my mom’s comments. Or really, it doesn’t feel good to think about anyone’s comments. I can only imagine what people say behind my back... And I can’t wait to hear their comments when I lose it.

zebra626

I completely understand where you are coming from, I feel much the same. Kinda feels like with every kg I've gained a little of "me" dissappeared. I don't even know who I am anymore. 😢 I do know I'm too embarrassed to visit my folks because being fat is the worst crime

elizabethtodd1992

@zebra626 I have definitely tried to get out of family visits, both blood and in laws. We have a big family trip coming up and today I was seriously contemplating how I could get out of it. So sad because I should be excited! I want to work on being happy and loving myself without the weight loss though. I feel like that will be a major key to me actually achieving my goal weight.

pinuplove

I realized (afterwards) that I felt invisible and therefore had started acting invisible. I'm never exactly outgoing, but being comfortable in my own skin goes a long way toward helping me at least pretend I'm not completely socially inept

seltzermint555

It's not too often that I feel "touched" by a post on My Fitness Pal but this did it. So many feelings! I seriously hope that you get *you* back! I really think you will, too.

As for me, I was always my typical self and very hyper and talkative and so on. But not until I lost a major amount of weight (around 80-90 lb I guess) did I realize that I was holding back a lot because of my body. Kind of hard to believe honestly, since I'd been well over 200 lb since my later teens...but once I lost a lot of weight in my mid thirties, I started to feel more comfortable with my body again for the first time since I was about 13 or 14. Now I'm always jumping, running, dancing, being goofy and silly around people (other than just my closest like husband, parents, best friends). I completely forgot what it was like to be one of those people who would physically act out some silly scenario, but that's definitely who I am. I just didn't do that for about 20 years. I also would FREEZE when anyone brought out a camera. No matter how much fun I was having, for many years I'd just clam up and not want to move near the photo taker and would obsess over how my body was positioned, if I looked fatter from this angle or that, etc. I swear I'm not even a super-vain person, I was just paranoid about my body and weight issues.

Diatonic12

Being overweight can stop us from doing so many things. We can allow it to interfere with our quality of life and overall well being. It can affect our relationships. Once we figure out what food represents for us we can choose to do something completely different. Keeping it off is the really hard part. Rebound weight gain with friends represents something more than food. There is no such thing as the finish line once the weight is gone. It will be a lifelong confrontation with ourselves to not fall back into the solace we find with food or the big role that it plays. I wish you well. We can learn to moderate ourselves with food and you can get yourself back.

azulvioleta6

To a great extent, this is up to you!

Certainly being active and putting a focus on taking care of yourself will help you to feel better, even if you do not lose weight.

Could you be depressed? Sometimes this is something that sneaks up over time.

elisa123gal

I have known people who have lost weight and seemed like they turned into a happier easy going person.

I wish you didn't feel sad about your breakthrough...and that's what it was.. now you can make real change and get your happy back. You can do it!!!

ms_maruska

I don't want to sound pessimistic but it won't happen by itself. It sounds like your weight gain has had a psychological impact on how you see yourself and how you (maybe subconsciously) want to present yourself to others. I don't think it can just go away like it hasn't taken a toll on you. It obviously did. But that is also the good news - you have become aware of this change and you are aware now how you would like to be and who you would like to be.

Maybe I'm all wrong because I don't know you and others are saying the complete opposite but I'm saying this from personal experience. I have only recently realized that others saying to me that 'this too shall pass' or 'it'll get easier' or 'you have always been shy or introverted'.. it's made more damage as I kept waiting for the old me to fall from the sky. After years of doing that, I realized that I really need to start making small changes toward who I want to be, just like little changes with the diet in order to lose weight and make a physical change.

You said you're sad and that's ok, you need to process this. But try and see this realization also as a good thing as this is the first step you have already made to change yourself for the better, and happier you.

MostlyWater

Interesting discussion.

How about comediennes who are no longer funny after they've lost weight? It does happen.

I was so grumpy during a diet that my kids were sure I was in menopause I wasn't even 40 then).

Terytha

You might want to consider therapy. Weight gain didn't change your personality, poor self esteem did. And having your self esteem rely on your weight is not good for you. There's no guarantee that weight loss will change much either. Once we find one reason to hate our bodies, we tend to keep finding more.

You're not alone. The larger my physical size became, the smaller I tried to shrink my presence. But that's no way to be. Its exhausting. You are a wonderful person who should feel proud to stand out at any size.

elizabethtodd1992

seltzermint555 wrote: »

It's not too often that I feel "touched" by a post on My Fitness Pal but this did it. So many feelings! I seriously hope that you get *you* back! I really think you will, too.

As for me, I was always my typical self and very hyper and talkative and so on. But not until I lost a major amount of weight (around 80-90 lb I guess) did I realize that I was holding back a lot because of my body. Kind of hard to believe honestly, since I'd been well over 200 lb since my later teens...but once I lost a lot of weight in my mid thirties, I started to feel more comfortable with my body again for the first time since I was about 13 or 14. Now I'm always jumping, running, dancing, being goofy and silly around people (other than just my closest like husband, parents, best friends). I completely forgot what it was like to be one of those people who would physically act out some silly scenario, but that's definitely who I am. I just didn't do that for about 20 years. I also would FREEZE when anyone brought out a camera. No matter how much fun I was having, for many years I'd just clam up and not want to move near the photo taker and would obsess over how my body was positioned, if I looked fatter from this angle or that, etc. I swear I'm not even a super-vain person, I was just paranoid about my body and weight issues.

That's exactly it! My trainer was playing Spice Girls and dancing around in the gym and I wanted to join so badly but I just wouldn't let myself. The not-overweight version of me was always dancing and being goofy. It makes me feel a lot better to know I'm not the only one who went through this and that it does come back once I'm feeling more comfortable in my skin. Thank you

elizabethtodd1992

azulvioleta6 wrote: »

To a great extent, this is up to you!

Certainly being active and putting a focus on taking care of yourself will help you to feel better, even if you do not lose weight.

Could you be depressed? Sometimes this is something that sneaks up over time.

I think depression might definitely be playing a role. I've been going through a lot of life changes beyond weight gain and it all seems to be piling up.

elizabethtodd1992

elisa123gal wrote: »

I have known people who have lost weight and seemed like they turned into a happier easy going person.

I wish you didn't feel sad about your breakthrough...and that's what it was.. now you can make real change and get your happy back. You can do it!!!

A breakthrough! What a great way to look at this! I'm finally seeing what's been going on and that will allow me to work on it. Thank you!!

elizabethtodd1992

sign_painter wrote: »

I don't want to sound pessimistic but it won't happen by itself. It sounds like your weight gain has had a psychological impact on how you see yourself and how you (maybe subconsciously) want to present yourself to others. I don't think it can just go away like it hasn't taken a toll on you. It obviously did. But that is also the good news - you have become aware of this change and you are aware now how you would like to be and who you would like to be.

Maybe I'm all wrong because I don't know you and others are saying the complete opposite but I'm saying this from personal experience. I have only recently realized that others saying to me that 'this too shall pass' or 'it'll get easier' or 'you have always been shy or introverted'.. it's made more damage as I kept waiting for the old me to fall from the sky. After years of doing that, I realized that I really need to start making small changes toward who I want to be, just like little changes with the diet in order to lose weight and make a physical change.

You said you're sad and that's ok, you need to process this. But try and see this realization also as a good thing as this is the first step you have already made to change yourself for the better, and happier you.

I appreciate your honesty because you are so right. I realized after I posted this last night that I need to work on loving myself and letting myself "be me" around others again. Losing the weight will maybe give me a little more confidence, or at least not make me paranoid about others thinking I'm fat, BUT I won't be that goofy person again unless I truly learn to love who I am and be comfortable no matter what. Thank you for your input!

elizabethtodd1992

Terytha wrote: »

You might want to consider therapy. Weight gain didn't change your personality, poor self esteem did. And having your self esteem rely on your weight is not good for you. There's no guarantee that weight loss will change much either. Once we find one reason to hate our bodies, we tend to keep finding more.

You're not alone. The larger my physical size became, the smaller I tried to shrink my presence. But that's no way to be. Its exhausting. You are a wonderful person who should feel proud to stand out at any size.

Thank you! My low self-esteem was definitely a contributor to my weight gain, so I doubt I'll be successful at losing the weight unless I take care of myself in that way.

apullum

When I got close to my goal weight, I completely changed my hairstyle and clothing style. I prefer a more androgynous look and I had wanted to present myself like that for a while, but didn’t think I could wear the clothes/hair I wanted when I was fat. All the things that fit me were loose, feminine styles that didn’t reflect how I felt. I got the confidence to express my gender the way I wanted when I felt happier with my body.

elizabethtodd1992

apullum wrote: »

When I got close to my goal weight, I completely changed my hairstyle and clothing style. I prefer a more androgynous look and I had wanted to present myself like that for a while, but didn’t think I could wear the clothes/hair I wanted when I was fat. All the things that fit me were loose, feminine styles that didn’t reflect how I felt. I got the confidence to express my gender the way I wanted when I felt happier with my body.

That’s been a huge motivator for me, being able to express myself more through the clothes I wear. I kind of stopped letting myself buy new clothes when I realized how much weight I’d put on. Maybe not the best thing but now I am REALLY looking forward to my goal weight (but really goal size) shopping spree!

It’s so nice to hear how many other people are feeling the exact same way I am. We’re all in different circumstances but this weight loss process really is a unifying experience. Congrats on your success!

LeannJeffers

I was doing a search today on self-esteem and came across this post. This is exactly how I'm feeling! I lost 50 pounds 8 years ago and kept it off for the longest time. Then I quit smoking and even though I didn't increase my eating habits the combo of getting older and my metabolism slowing down was enough for me to gain almost all the weight back. I'm so frustrated with myself. I don't want anyone to see me in a bathing suit because I hate the way I look! I look back at my "skinny" days and I can't understand why I can't lose the weight. I workout 4 days a week and I track everything. Sometimes I wonder if I'm stuck because my mind won't let me lose the weight. I know that sounds silly...

88olds

@LeannJeffers If you aren’t losing, its because you aren’t in a calorie deficit. There’s no other reason. There are a couple of approaches to this. Are you using a food scale? If you aren’t, get one and use it. Are there a lot of calorie counting gray areas in your logging? There will almost certainly to be some. Look at those. Do you eat back exercise calories? You can cut back some of those. Or just try an experiment, pick a number and cut some calories.

But don’t do this- don’t get out of whack because the calculators haven’t given you a number that works for you. People go to pieces over the calculators. But the calculators are only based on statistics and averages. And no one is exactly average. There’s no way to know exactly how many calories we are using unless we are hooked up in a lab. So between the inexact nature of the calculators and the some gray areas in counting, sometimes the number we are given doesn’t quite work. Adjust it and keep going. Calorie counting doesn’t have to be perfect to work.

middlehaitch

@LeannJeffers as well as the good advice @88olds gave, metabolism decline as we age is only about 50-100 cals per decade. Not a large enough drop to make a big difference on its own.

Check that you have your most recent stats entered in MFP as it does adjust the cals according to age.

The most common way weight creeps up as we age I’d that we get more efficient in our daily movements, so move less.

(Think of when laundry used to be up and down stairs a few times collecting items when you were younger and not quite as well organized vs a few years of doing the same chore and having streamlined it so you have everything gathered and just go up and down once. Less energy expended)

With the lower daily movement also comes muscle loss, this speeds up a little if you are over 40, so keep using those muscles either through intentional exercise, or daily activity.
Muscle burns are not large, but losing a few cals through muscle loss, then the few you lose through age, it can start to add up.

It is great that you are working out, but make sure your exercise isn’t negatively affecting your daily activity and lowering your NEAT.

(ie: you get back from the gym and collapse on the couch for the rest of the evening because you don’t have the energy to do your normal activities)

Here is a good thread to help increase your daily activity, if you think it has dropped, I know mine had between the ages of 30-50.

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10610953/neat-improvement-strategies-to-improve-weight-loss/p1

Cheers, h.

geraldaltman

I can't speak on weight loss and how it affects personality except to suggest losing as a positive reflecting the same in that. I can speak that losing for me has had a positive affect on my disposition but not nearly as much as having hip replacements, getting thru rehab and PT successfully and beginning (again) moving and living freer. The change in my disposition has been dramatic and startling! And I am really enjoying it.