Overeaters Anonymous: Fasting, Not Fasting

Azadi

Hi, my name is Azadi and I am a recovering bulimic.

Tonight starts a fast day in my religion which commemorates the destruction of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. It is one of the two major fasts of the year, during which you eat and drink nothing, not even water, for 25 hours.

Judaism takes medical exceptions very seriously. It has been determined between myself, my sponsor, and my rabbi, that I must not fast for now. Fasting for me has always led to bingeing, and until 2 years ago, always led to purging, and it is only by the grace if God that I've been able to, with great difficulty, keep myself from purging over the past two years after breaking a fast. My rabbi understands that it is a great danger to me, and his recommendation, which I am obligated to follow, is that I not fast.

I am a religious person. Fasting has come to be very meaningful to me, and this day of mourning for all of the tragedies that have befallen our people is important. Beyond which, this year in particular, certain things are happening in the Jewish world, especially in Israel, regarding the ways in which we are treating each other, which make the fast seem all the more significant. Our tradition is that the Temple was destroyed because of senseless hatred between people. This year I am hearing all over my Jewish world the all-too-palpable connections being made between the 9 days of mourning leading up to the fast, and the extremism which threatens us as a people and a nation, and which has already turned so many of us cynical and bitter. "Fast for the Jewish people," I keep hearing, "even if you haven't fasted before, even if you don't believe in fasting for the destruction of the Temple. Fast for what we are doing to ourselves and to each other, and pray that we learn our lesson before we tear ourselves apart."

The Jewish people has a long tradition of fasting in times of crisis. It is the one thing that anyone can do, even if there is no positive action you can take to directly affect a situation. We traditionally fast in times of drought, persecution, war, destruction, in repentance for sin... I feel so helpless right now. I don't know what to do, and I don't know what I can and what I cannot change here. I can't even do the one thing that anyone could do, the thing that we as Jews are always called upon to do in a time of crisis. This feels shattering. I feel shattered. Which I suppose, in context, is appropriate.

I think what I will try to do is to eat foods symbolic of mourning... boiled eggs and lentils. This will be the first time that I am intentionally not observing a major fast. It feels strange because, for most people who get medical exemptions from fasting, the issue is that fasting is difficult for them. In a sense, I have the opposite problem. Restricting and starving myself is much too easy for me. I feel guilty. I have a feeling it will be difficult to eat tonight and tomorrow.

Thank you for letting me share.

rero

hi

im sorry that you had to go through all that. its difficult when religious matters clash with physical/worldly and sometimes even when the obvious answer is to stay true to our faith we have to take a moment to really see whats ahead of us. if fasting would trigger a downward spiral then i doubt Anyone would want use to do so since we're meant to treasure ourselves. don't feel guilty just look at it as another test/task for you to overcome just like those who are fasting just given to you in a different way.

best of luck Azadi

byHISstrength

First, congratulations for your accomplishment of not bingeing or purging in over 2 years. God is so good and He provides the strength we need to get better.

About your fast, have you thought about fasting from something other than food/water? From what I understand, God cares more for the condition of our heart, and fasting is giving up something of great importance to demonstrate our trust in Him being able to nourish us and take care of us. Fasting is a time to wholly commit a time of prayer to God. You can still do that.

Well, I know that our faiths are a bit different, as I am a born-again Christian, but I hope this helped.

Grace and Peace,
Lisa

sabrinafaith

Azadi, if you speak to a rabbi and tell him you are recovering from an eating disorder, they will tell you not to fast. It is detrimental to your psychological and physical health.

Call your rabbi and ask!!!

CasperO

<<snip>>About your fast, have you thought about fasting from something other than food/water? From what I understand, God cares more for the condition of our heart, and fasting is giving up something of great importance to demonstrate our trust in Him being able to nourish us and take care of us. Fasting is a time to wholly commit a time of prayer to God. You can still do that. <<snip>>

She makes a good point. Would another sacrifice be meaningful for you? Is there something else you could give up for this period of time?

leavinglasvegas

<<snip>>About your fast, have you thought about fasting from something other than food/water? From what I understand, God cares more for the condition of our heart, and fasting is giving up something of great importance to demonstrate our trust in Him being able to nourish us and take care of us. Fasting is a time to wholly commit a time of prayer to God. You can still do that. <<snip>>

She makes a good point. Would another sacrifice be meaningful for you? Is there something else you could give up for this period of time?

I was going to suggest the same thing basically.

During Ramadan, those who are exempt for fasting for medical conditions still follow the other guidlines of the fast. Like, they have a rule that says if you break the fast and eat, you must feed one hungry mouth for each time you break it. (The fasting is based on knowing what it feels like to go hungry, so if you don't go hungry, you should feed someone who is. I know its not the same as your fast, but just giving an example of a way to supplement the meaning) They also fast from things other than food and drink. Like gossip, gambling, swearing, negative thoughts.... things you really shouldn't do anyway, but during this time you focus more on consiously staying away from the negative things in life.

I like your thought on sticking to foods symbolic of mourning. That is a great supplement. Maybe spend some extra time in meditation and prayer, volunteer in a way that symbolizes the meaning of your mourning as well. You are not alone, many others are unable to fast for medical reasons. Possibly go to a local hospital or home and see if you can't find someone else who cannot fast and spend some time praying and mourning with them. They may feel just as guilty as you and could use the support.

I'm not of the same faith either, but I do believe that when it comes down to it, God is looking for our hearts more than our motions of life. I'm sorry this is hard for you. We all support you and send our love!

aippolito1

Azadi, if you speak to a rabbi and tell him you are recovering from an eating disorder, they will tell you not to fast. It is detrimental to your psychological and physical health.

Call your rabbi and ask!!!

Read her post. She already said her rabbi told her she cannot fast because of this.

About your fast, have you thought about fasting from something other than food/water? From what I understand, God cares more for the condition of our heart, and fasting is giving up something of great importance to demonstrate our trust in Him being able to nourish us and take care of us. Fasting is a time to wholly commit a time of prayer to God. You can still do that.

I agree!! Periodically in youth group, we'd be encouraged to fast from something in particular, not necessarily food. One time, my sister and her best friend fasted from media for one month. This meant magazines, music (including radio and CDs), and tv. When they got back to using these everyday things, they realized how little they really needed them and how much they overused them before.

Azadi

Thank you everyone for the support and advice!

Fasting in Judaism has more elements than just abstaining from food and drink. There are also restrictions on washing, anointing, sexual activity, and wearing leather. I am observing these elements of the fast, and trying to remain focused on the message of the day. I'm limiting my food to boiled eggs and lentil soup, as I mentioned, which are foods symbolic of mourning, and water.

As I've been working to maintain awareness of the meaning of today, discussing it with other Jewish friends, rabbis, rabbinical students, yeshiva students, I've reached some insights which turn out to fit extremely well within the 12-step program I am working. In terms of historical narrative, today is a day of mourning for the destruction of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. It is I think, however, a mistake to get caught up in the literal narrative, as the real meaning is much deeper and, possibly even much more accessible to we moderns who may not relate to a practice of religion which includes a Temple service with animal sacrifice.

The rabbis, in discussing the reasons for the destruction, do not cite the cruelty of the Roman occupation, geopolitical history, empire building, failed revolutions... no, they cite senseless hatred. They tell a story of gossip and cruelty, lack of communication and dishonesty, grudges and revenge, and indifference on the part of onlookers as the reasons that our Temple and our holy city were destroyed, and we were exiled from our land.

What is the Temple really? Was it a building? A practice of worship? A pilgrimage site? A center of economic stimulus? Yes, all of these things, historically. But the Temple more fundamentally is a picture representing that for which we strive-- the unification of heaven and earth, the reunion of God to God's people, the unity of all people in praise, labor and love. What destroys that? Baseless hatred. Whether we are talking physical-literal, or transcendent-metaphorical, it is hatred that brings about destruction. Lack of love, blindness to the Other, to the Self, the I, in each individual, that makes life tragic. It is blindness to the transcendent Truths, to Martin Buber’s model of human relationship, which causes God to hide God’s face from us, leaving us broken and abandoned and starving. Framed in these terms, then you have the metaphor right there in the tradition: the Temple is destroyed because of Sinat Chinam, baseless hatred. Tisha B’Av is the day on which we remember what happens when we forget how to love. And so we fast and mourn, and we remember that we must love each other… because lack of love brings about destruction, heartbreak, unbearable pain.

In working the 12-steps, one is to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of oneself. One is to seek out their own feelings of resentment, jealousy, anger, and see how these shortcomings have led us to behave badly toward our fellows. One is to take down a list of those whom they have harmed through their own shortcomings and, regardless of the other person's behavior, strive to make amends to that person. In 12-step, we strive to have love and compassion for every single person we encounter, because when we forget how to love, we turn back to our destructive behaviors, be they with food, alcohol, narcotics, gambling, sex, whatever our disease.

Fasting is symbolic. It is a vehicle by which we are supposed to gain more insight into our spiritual condition. I need to accept that it is a vehicle that is not currently available to me, that to fast would be antithetical to the purpose of this day. Today is a day on which to remember destruction that we may learn how not to engage in it. We remember hatred that we may always remember to love.

Thank you for letting me share.