On May 4th I stepped on the scale and realized I was closer to 400 pounds than I'd ever been: 360.
I decided that I need to be kinder to myself and stop eating the things that made me feel weighed down, bloated, tired, and gross. I really focused on how foods made me feel rather than thinking of them in terms of "good food" versus "bad food", because it's not a healthy way for me to view it. It leads to me being hard on myself and beating myself up when I have "bad food", which always spirals into binge eating.
Since then, I've made an effort to not eat food that made me feel bad and ate more things that gave me energy and sat well in my stomach. I've learned by doing this that I may have some food intolerance issues besides lactose, so I'm glad I am learning things about my body!
In the past six weeks I've gone on vacation to visit my family, been put on new meds that can make you retain water (including a short course of prednisone), and gone over on my calories a couple of days. Regardless, I stuck with it, never let the number I saw on the scale discourage me, even if it moved up (and it did!), and kept focused on how I feel.
Finally, this morning, the scale read 339.8! I even stepped off and back on just in case it was wrong. 20 pounds seems like nothing when you have 200+ pounds to shed, but it's the longest I've ever logged my food and the most I've ever lost in one sitting. It may be just a drop in the ocean, but small as it is, it's something worth celebrating!
Now how do people celebrate small wins without food?!