How to ask others to not talk about my weightloss?

ameliadlt

It seems like everytime I lose weight it becomes everyone's business. People think they are giving a compliment when they say "You've lost weight". To me that comment is just more scrutiny over my body that has been under scrutiny my entire life. I just want to enjoy my life and have my weight not be the conversation. Our culture is so body obsessed. As a woman and as a fat woman is seems like everyone assumes that my weightloss is something I am working toward as an ultimate goal and the only way I'll find happiness. That's just not the case. I am happy now.

How do I tell people who love me to stop without sounding like a dick?

jemhh

Unless people are being pushy, I wouldn't ask them not to talk about it. I'd just change the subject. Example:

Friend: You've lost weight!
Me: I have. What's new with you?

ameliadlt

Expect. Wouldn't life be better if we all spoke our truth and people worked to understand.

cmsavells

I recently had a person ask me if I was losing weight because I was sick. Her logic - fat people don’t care about themselves so I must have a serious physical illness. I cried all day. I did, quite frankly, tell her I was busting my @$$ to lose weight. Her reply - I’m so surprised.

Some people just don’t think and aren’t capable of rational thought. A nice smile and a few words of encouragement would go a long way with everybody.

Connie in KY

tiptoethruthetulips

ameliadlt wrote: »

Expect. Wouldn't life be better if we all spoke our truth and people worked to understand.

ameliadlt wrote: »

How do I tell people who love me to stop without sounding like a dick?

It seems to me you are assuming a lot by someone saying you've lost weight.

The two sentences I've quoted seem to be at odds with each other, you want to speak your truth but want to do it without people thinking different of you because they may perceive as being a dick (as you say).

It's really straight forward, be straight forward....my weight is not up for discussion or I'd rather we not discuss my weight today or any other time.

One thing to bear in mind we some times give people the impression that it's okay to talk about our weight...we talk about how heavy/fat we are, we talk about our diets, etc etc. Just make sure you don't give them in.

Booksandoceans

I hate it when people talk about my weight loss. I’m pretty direct so I sometimes say: “Please don’t talk about my body.” In other settings I say things including: “I don’t know how much I’ve lost, why?” I teach my son to not discuss other people’s bodies though he’s welcome to discuss his if he wants to, especially with me and any medical professional.

seltzermint555

jemhh wrote: »

Unless people are being pushy, I wouldn't ask them not to talk about it. I'd just change the subject. Example:

Friend: You've lost weight!
Me: I have. What's new with you?

I agree with this. I also think for most situations it's fine to say things like "Yeah, I've just been eating healthier" or "Thanks! I don't really like talking about it" and then move on quickly to other topics.

Some of the things to say like "Please don't talk about my body" are good too, but in my opinion those can come off pretty abrupt and are better used on people who are being more pushy or rude. Like if someone says "Man, you should stop losing weight or you're gonna lose your curves!" I would firmly respond, "Please don't talk about my body". But if an acquaintance just says "Looking good, you've lost a lot of weight" I think it's just enough to say "Thanks" and change the subject. Case by case.

One good thing is after awhile of maintaining, the comments slow or stop. For some people who love the attention and find compliments very motivating, this is a bad thing. But for those of us who don't enjoy the comments it can be a nice relief. I've lost well over 100 lb and for about a year it was constant attention that was mostly unwanted. Now that I've been in a maintenance range, I only hear these comments or compliments from people who have not seen me in years and that's fine with me.

I also think it's important to try to keep in mind that a lot of people (especially women, in my observation) LOVE the comments and compliments they get when they have lost weight or changed their shape through exercise and such...so a lot of the time, people probably think they're being nice to you even though it feels awkward and invasive. Hope this is a little helpful.

LyndaBSS

Yes, thank you.

Period.

If you don't make it a big deal, they won't either.

Booksandoceans

Good points! I HATE the comments/ complaints. Not everyone does. I’m a very private person and, for example, never talk about my personal life at work. I don’t like that people assume they can discuss something so personal. I was also bigger in part to medical/ very personal issues and am often asked how I lost the weight. I think it’s different if someone with whom you willingly share things comments. Also, many people like compliments about their bodies; I do not.

LoKoMi

I like the suggestions that are very brief (yes or thank you) and change the subject by asking how they’re doing. If they ask how you did it just briefly and simply say you don’t discuss it.

I believe the majority of people have good intent, even if it isn’t what you want. I’ve lost 70 pounds, and some people have told me they noticed a while back and didn’t say anything but were afraid they were being rude by NOT mentioning it. Try to think of it as if you’d made any significantly obvious change. Like going from waist length brunette to pixie pink hair. Or changing your wardrobe from blue button downs and khakis to floral skirts and tank tops. People would probably comment on that. But if you made invisible changes like lowering your cholesterol or finishing a difficult great book, nobody would know by looking and would never be able to comment.

BuiltLikeAPeep

I must be the weirdo in the room. When someone asks if I've lost weight (even if I haven't) I take it as a compliment. If they say it in a snarky way, (you know- oh you've lost weight with a smirk on their face) I reply "and it looks like you've found it" and walk away.

bjkoziara

I can understand where you're coming from. Weight is such a sensitive topic, and a loss isn't always a good thing. One time I congratulated someone on their weight loss and they busted out with "I appreciate the sentiment but I wasn't trying to lose weight, I had cancer." I've learned my lesson since.

If moving on or changing the subject doesn't qork, try this: "I appreciate the sentiment, thank you, but it's a bit of a sensitive topic for me. I'd prefer not to talk about it if that's alright." Now they know not to mention it going forward, and you're not being a dick.

Hamolini

I completely understand and can't stand it either. Unless we're close and I've shared my personal struggle with you before, I don't want your comments. It's really none of their business.

My coworker recently learned I was in the military (I've been out for 10 yrs), and says "oh I thought you had to be in shape to be in the military". 😭 I began to justify my weight amd for weeks since I've felt terrible. I really just wanted to tell her rude *kitten* to f*** off.

LivingtheLeanDream

Just wait until they no longer notice! I used to love when people commented on my weight loss peronsally I think this is down to our own attitude - choose to see comments like this as the compliment it was meant to be.

elisa123gal

It is natural for some people to never mention weight loss; and plenty of people on the forums hate that and wonder why no one notices their loss. Then there is you.. who wants no one mentioning weight loss at all ..when it is also natural for some people to ask the question. They are not vicious people trying to hurt you.. they are simply making conversation and actually may even think they're beings supportive and paying you compliment.

saying something like.. Please don't talk about my body.. implies abuse and would come off super weird/ red flag. You may lose not only weight...but every friend and acquaintance in your life if you fired off comments like that.

Maybe you are being over sensitive. However.. if you lose all your weight. .in time the comments do stop as people get used to the new you. This is true for me... I'm a year into maintaining ... this is simply me.. no one is complimenting me.. no one is asking me anything..life goes on.

grimendale

I think the suggestions above are good ones. A lot of people are probably well-meaning, and simply changing the subject will do the trick. If not, a polite but direct statement that you'd rather not discuss it as it's a sensitive topic should get the point across. I try to make it a point to notice friends' weight loss since I know how hard it can be and how frustrated I can get when no one seems to notice. If someone were to tell me that the topic isn't one they'd like to discuss, I'd gladly drop it.

Sharon_C

I don't get the issue. What do you say when people talk about anything that you don't want to discuss? Do that.

A simple, "I have." and moving the conversation along does wonders.

On the flipside I read so many posts here from people who say, "No one has commented on my weight loss. When will people start noticing?"

In all honesty, people can't win. They're in trouble if they mention it, they're in trouble if they don't. No wonder people can't have civil discussions anymore.

ameliadlt

So, here's the thing:
1. I know ppl are just doing what they are socialized to think is complimentary. Fat=bad. So weightless must=good. Blah. I'm not assuming negative intentions.
2. I don't want to lose weight. I want society to accept and see me for who I am and not how much space my body takes up. But, realize that it's easier to change myself than society. And just want to be happy in this lifetime.
3. Don't call me overly sensitive. I am not overly anything. I just am.

4. I was unclear about the reasons why it bothers me so much mostly because I hadn't worked it out in my head yet, thank you for helping me work it out in my head. (See #1&2)

5. Thank you to those of you who made genuine suggestions and tried to understand.

💗

bjkoziara

ameliadlt wrote: »

So, here's the thing:
1. I know ppl are just doing what they are socialized to think is complimentary. Fat=bad. So weightless must=good. Blah. I'm not assuming negative intentions.
2. I don't want to lose weight. I want society to accept and see me for who I am and not how much space my body takes up. But, realize that it's easier to change myself than society. And just want to be happy in this lifetime.
3. Don't call me overly sensitive. I am not overly anything. I just am.

4. I was in clear about the reasons why it bothers me so much mostly because I hadn't worked it out in my head yet, thank you for helping me work it out in my head. (See #1&2)

5. Thank you to those of you who made genuine suggestions and tried to understand.

💗

I've noticed there are certain people on this board (usually those who have been on MFP for years) that seem to exist to be snarky. I tend to just ignore their sass and move on with my life. Best of luck 💕

ameliadlt

I'm not bothered. But thank you for your words of support.

Ainadan

Could be worse... any time I gain weight, I gain it on my hips and bust, which gives people the illusion that I have a smaller waist. This means the first sign that I've gained weight is people asking if I've lost weight. Haha.

Westieok

You can’t change people just how you react to them Just say thank you for noticing and change the subject. Have a subject planned such as “I tried a new recipe yesterday”.

Booksandoceans

I think it is so individual and context-dependent. I work in a prison’s sexually violent predators’ treatment center where there are strict rules against commenting about bodies in front of inmates. For me saying: please don’t comment on my body is the right thing to say at work. For others in other contexts they may like those comments or the commenters may mean it differently. I’ve had both colleagues who know better and inmates comment. That is not okay for me and the intentions are not always kind or appropriate.

150poundsofme

I do not like the constant comments I receive daily. My brother-in-law and a male friend looking me up and down telling me I lost weight. The people every single day that have to comment on the salad I eat for lunch, every single day questions about my salad and you are being good etc. I have been asked if I plan on losing more weight. How much did you lose? Oh I won't offer you this candy bar. Or someone picking up my name tag two different times and saying to me "Oh, you were a fatty" and Oh, you were a piggy". I can go on and on. One post someone wrote when they ask how much weight you lost (which I get that too and won't tell), to answer I don't know but "why". And changing the subject might work too. I should try that when they get all into my salads.

whmscll

Someone actually said “oh, you were a fatty” or “oh, you were a piggy”? How completely rude and mean. If this was a work situation they should be disciplined. I can’t tell you what I would say to someone who ever said something ao nasty to me. As for the salads, perhaps you should say something like “yes, it’s delicious, you should try eating salad.”