It's a mental battle

maiomaio71

What strategies do you all use to just keep going, keep counting day after day? I've lost 22kg over about 6 months. I have a lot more to go. I'm just so mentally tired of counting calories all the time, seeing it come off so slowly, seeing how far I've still got to go. I'm wondering if I should eat at maintenance for a few days but I'm terrified of not re-starting at 1407 again. In 6 months I've only gone over my allocated calories twice, by about 100 cals each time. What works for YOU to keep going? I know we're all different, but I'd love some new ideas. I've got a hypnosis app I'm going to use tonight. I've booked a "reward" massage on Saturday for my 20kg gone. I now need help to keep going for the next 20. I fit in "treats " when I need to and exercise for extra calories when I feel I need something extra. But I'm starting to lose my mojo and it's making me panic a little. I. The past, this is when it all goes south. Just wondering what strategies work for others that I can try. Thanks in advance 😄😄

NovusDies

You are pushing yourself too hard if you have only gone over 100 calories twice in 6 months. Understanding that it is a mental battle is one thing but you need to manage your mental state better.

Do you understand the difference between your calorie goal and your maintenance calories? Maintenance is the number of calories that you can eat that will result in next to no loss or gain in weight. Taking time off for holidays, special occasions, vacations, DIET BREAKS, and just an odd day here and there for me usually means eating my maintenance calories or depending on the occasion more.

Accepting that weight loss is slow can be hard and to slow it down a little more seems counterintuitive but adherence is more important. Adherence is managing yourself and your needs.

maiomaio71

Thank you for replying. I'm just worried that if I do eat at maintenance for a few days that I'll let it all slip and that will be the end of my hard work. Does that make sense?

emmamcgarity

For me I listen to podcasts to help me stay motivated. I particularly like “Half Size Me” and “WhysAdvice by Fatdag” for different reasons. There are many others out there as well.

It does sound like you are ready for a planned diet break. Eating at maintenance for a few days or even a few weeks would be a great break. Dieting is stressful on your body. When I take breaks, I still track. I just intentionally go over my calories. The first few times the numbers turned red on my diary were stressful for me. But over time it has helped me develop a better psychological view of my food log. I no longer feel like a failure if I go off plan. I just track it and move on. I now feel more in control and like I have the freedom to choose going over my calorie goal for one or two days to attend social events. Don’t be scared.

goldthistime

maiomaio71 wrote: »

Thank you for replying. I'm just worried that if I do eat at maintenance for a few days that I'll let it all slip and that will be the end of my hard work. Does that make sense?

Could you up your calories in a regimented way so that you feel psychologically like you aren’t “letting it all slip”?

concordancia

It sounds like you exercise only when you want to eat more?

Try finding an exercise that you enjoy. Improving at yoga or making new milestones on my bike really help keep me motivated to eat well. There are somethings you just can't do with an enormous butt and so so muscles.

xxzenabxx

It sounds like you need a diet break. Why are you scared of going off the rails? You’re gonna have to maintain your weight anyway (one day in the future!) so why not learn how to maintain it along the way? That way you will finish your diet break ready for a fresh start and you will find it easier to adhere to. Remember this is a LIFE long journey not a short 1 year journey. The fact that you have only gone over 100 calories twice shows me that you definitely need a controlled diet break. Eat at maintenance for 2 weeks but still track your calories.

kimny72

maiomaio71 wrote: »

Thank you for replying. I'm just worried that if I do eat at maintenance for a few days that I'll let it all slip and that will be the end of my hard work. Does that make sense?

This is not a question you need to answer here, but one you DO need to give some thought. What are you going to do to maintain? At some point you need to learn to eat at your maintenance calories without losing control, if you want to keep the weight off. Practicing while you lose is a worthwhile endeavor

You're losing at a pretty rapid pace. Perhaps slowing down a little bit for the rest of your plan will help you get away from the "all or nothing" mentality. Just something to think about, congrats on your success so far!

NovusDies

maiomaio71 wrote: »

Thank you for replying. I'm just worried that if I do eat at maintenance for a few days that I'll let it all slip and that will be the end of my hard work. Does that make sense?

It does and right now because you are somewhat fatigued it is a concern because mentally you may not have the best feelings towards your approach. The bigger problem may be that fatigue overcomes you and instead of doing things in a controlled manner you rage quit altogether. Been there and done that many times.

You could try as @goldthistime suggests and do something in between first. I chose to have half deficit days between Christmas and New Years because I really did not want to be at full maintenance that long but I wanted a few additional treats.

I run my 7 day deficit in 6 days and so I have eaten maintenance or close to it once a week for my entire journey so far (16 months). I mention it because when I am suggesting going in and out of maintenance to you it is something that I have done more than 65 times already. As such I cannot entirely relate to your reservation and thus my advice may not be completely on point.

I do think telling yourself that taking time off from your deficit is part of your plan is helpful. It is not a detour or a pause to your weight loss it as necessary as all those days you have been in a deficit. Since I have bailed on so many plans in the past it helps me to think that this plan encompasses all possibilities except completely returning to my old weight gaining habits.

Azurite27

I find that as long as I log all my food I can stay on track even if I go over for a day or two. It's when I let myself just start eating off plan and not even logging it that I allow myself to keep making excuses and end up taking weeks or months to get back on track.

I'd agree to try a week or two with a high daily goal, whether that's maintenance or something inbetween, but continuing to count to see if that is a little easier.

lexusjade

I've had to re-orient myself on what is important. And I get it, it's hard when you have a goal and you are working hard but the goal seems so far away, especially when you have a long weight loss journey. Every day is mental for me. Some days are better than others but I am working on my mindset to accept my way of eating as not a punishment but a learning experience. Learning how to eat proper portions, learning how to reward myself without it always being centered around food, and learning how to find and maintain activity I enjoy. I do think when you are eating at a deficit for months, it can literally fatigue you and so I allow myself to eat closer to maintenance once a week. My weight loss is slow and steady but I really don't feel deprived. I'm down 60 lbs.

NovemberSkye

What got you motivated to start in the first place? Besides following all the other wonderful advice on here (diet breaks, lowering your deficit, longer-term thinking), keep in mind what got you going initially.

Also, if you are PLANNING to eat more or give yourself a break, then it's still all part of the diet and weight loss journey. You are not going off the rails at all. If you are being mindful about your decision to eat more.

Personally, I have one day a week where I have a whatever lunch and dinner, including a dessert. It's a great mental break from counting calories. It's also the day I do my intense cardio and lifting session to get in a little extra calorie burn. This one day of eating freely makes feel content the remainder of the week when I am tracking and eating at a slight deficit. And since I do it weekly, I never feel compelled to go crazy for that one day since I know it will come again next week.

maiomaio71

Thank you all. I think you've hit the nail on the head with telling me to plan ahead. If I plan to eat at maintenance or plan to have a higher calorie day then I can see it as part of the journey. I feel much more relaxed now. It might seem crazy to some but I'm determined to do this. It's interesting to see how many of you plan to eat more occasionally. I thought we had to eat at a deficit all the time till we hit goal! Appreciate the insight 😊

NovusDies

maiomaio71 wrote: »

Thank you all. I think you've hit the nail on the head with telling me to plan ahead. If I plan to eat at maintenance or plan to have a higher calorie day then I can see it as part of the journey. I feel much more relaxed now. It might seem crazy to some but I'm determined to do this. It's interesting to see how many of you plan to eat more occasionally. I thought we had to eat at a deficit all the time till we hit goal! Appreciate the insight 😊

I used to think the calorie goal was the line that should never be crossed too. You can do that (as you know) for quite some time but I was never able to do it even as long as you have now. It was too much pressure and there would always be resentment about food at holidays or special occasions that I couldn't enjoy the way I wanted.

It doesn't help that the scale almost always goes up after you have had more food which reinforces the idea that any calorie over goal will be met with a swift penalty. I didn't understand that was just (mostly) water weight not weeks of progress undone by one pepperoni pizza. It was a trap that kept catching me.

corinasue1143

NovemberSkye wrote: »

What got you motivated to start in the first place? Besides following all the other wonderful advice on here (diet breaks, lowering your deficit, longer-term thinking), keep in mind what got you going initially.

Was it to wear cute clothes? Go shopping to buy that one new outfit when you lose the next 20. (Mall walking is good exercise)
Was it to be more active? Do something fun you can do now. Go to the park and play.
Was it to be healthier? Make a list of future achievements and check them off as you go. (Blood pressure under ??/??)

NovemberSkye

NovusDies wrote: »

maiomaio71 wrote: »

It doesn't help that the scale almost always goes up after you have had more food which reinforces the idea that any calorie over goal will be met with a swift penalty. I didn't understand that was just (mostly) water weight not weeks of progress undone by one pepperoni pizza. It was a trap that kept catching me.

Yes, keep in mind that on the days you choose to eat a higher calorie level or just enjoy a more indulgent meal without counting, the scale is likely to go up the next day. Mine always does, sometimes by as much as 2lbs. It's usually just a combination of retained water from the extra sodium and carbs in the food and the volume of food itself. It's gone within a couple days and then by the time I do my next unplanned day it's below my previous low weight by a bit. Wouldn't want you to think an uptick means you messed up or ruined everything.

150poundsofme

Before you wrote your last post, I was going to say that you seem to know yourself and if you deviate from your plan, you will go off your food plan. But it seems that you have a good handle on it - to plan your maintenance day, etc.

NovusDies

NovemberSkye wrote: »

NovusDies wrote: »

It doesn't help that the scale almost always goes up after you have had more food which reinforces the idea that any calorie over goal will be met with a swift penalty. I didn't understand that was just (mostly) water weight not weeks of progress undone by one pepperoni pizza. It was a trap that kept catching me.

Yes, keep in mind that on the days you choose to eat a higher calorie level or just enjoy a more indulgent meal without counting, the scale is likely to go up the next day. Mine always does, sometimes by as much as 2lbs. It's usually just a combination of retained water from the extra sodium and carbs in the food and the volume of food itself. It's gone within a couple days and then by the time I do my next unplanned day it's below my previous low weight by a bit. Wouldn't want you to think an uptick means you messed up or ruined everything.

I think that continuing to count your calories is a good way to feel like it is all part of the plan. Some people really want the freedom of going off-book and if they feel they need to do it I can't say that it is right or wrong for them. It is wrong for me though. If I choose to eat my maintenance calories for a day or longer I am still working with a calorie goal it is just not the normal one. Normally even if I eat above maintenance I have a calorie limit in mind. Most often that is maintenance and a half. I like having a calorie budget because it keeps me as far from the guy I was as possible. The only time I live by a different set of rules is on vacation and even then I log.

maiomaio71

I don't think I can go off book either as then I'll lose it completely. Today I've actually felt much better....just getting it out there that I was struggling and getting positive responses has really helped. I need to log or I will just revert back to my old habits.

Hannahwalksfar

You may find that eating at maintenance for a few days and then going back will see a drop in your weight. Just keep up with working out during eating at maintenance

liz0269

I have realized that this is a lifelong journey. I accepted that I will be counting calories for the rest of my life if I am going to succeed at keeping the weight off. So for me the only thing that will change is how many calories I allow myself to eat. The only exception is when I am on a vacation but even then I log in every day. Counting calories is a part of self care now just like bathing and brushing my teeth. It's just something I do. There was a time it was a punishment for being fat but I have accepted that it's just science. I need the help to manage my eating. No shame in that. That shift in my thinking has helped me so much. Now I have days where my eating goes totally off the rails and it's okay. I log it and move on. It's part of the journey. I need to learn how to manage my eating on bad days too.

I am learning how to manage my EATING, not my WEIGHT. My weight will track my eating. I think that's the secret the media and weight loss industry doesn't want tell people because it's not sexy and destroys the need for program after program.

I just took a two week deficit break. It wasn't a diet break. That will happen when I die. As long as I am alive, I will be following a diet no matter what. What kind of diet is up to me. It can be the "eat whatever I want with zero accountability so that I get fat" diet. That is an option. Not an option I choose anymore but it's still an option.

This deficit break taught me that I can do this successfully. I was afraid of failure before. But now I know that I can be accountable for every bite. Even the bad ones. And that is why I will succeed.