Addicted

ddgx300

I write this because I feel like I have nowhere to go, no one to talk to about this. I feel ashamed of myself. I feel addicted to food. I eat and I feel better about myself as a person. I instanly feel like a decent human being when I eat. I never feel full, I could eat all day and never stop it takes extreme self control not to do that. I will eat until I throw up if I dont concentrate hard enough. I am in the military and I constantly get told how fat I am, by almost everyone. It hurts me inside. I hide it but I cry myself to sleep sometimes. I hate myself. I hate how I feel. All the time. Except for when I am eating or about to eat. I wish I had the guts to kill myself some days. I think of my kids and that seems to get me through. I don't feel good enough, and I dont feel like I deserve to breathe the same oxygen that other people breathe. I know what is making me gain weight but I can’t stop. I am just to weak of a person. If I tell the doctor I am addicted to food he will tell me how stupid I am, yet he will tell me I am obese. I don't like who I am anymore and I am constantly sad. I try to work out and eat right and I will do great for a couple months at a time. I just can’t seem to make it stick. I wish people could see how much I hurt on the inside. I wish that I had help, I wish I didnt have to constantly eat to feel happy inside. I feel like a loser for writing this here. I just wanted to get it out maybe I will feel better tommorow.

Moon_Stone

ddgx300 wrote: »

I write this because I feel like I have nowhere to go, no one to talk to about this. I feel ashamed of myself. I feel addicted to food. I eat and I feel better about myself as a person. I instanly feel like a decent human being when I eat. I never feel full, I could eat all day and never stop it takes extreme self control not to do that. I will eat until I throw up if I dont concentrate hard enough. I am in the military and I constantly get told how fat I am, by almost everyone. It hurts me inside. I hide it but I cry myself to sleep sometimes. I hate myself. I hate how I feel. All the time. Except for when I am eating or about to eat. I wish I had the guts to kill myself some days. I think of my kids and that seems to get me through. I don't feel good enough, and I dont feel like I deserve to breathe the same oxygen that other people breathe. I know what is making me gain weight but I can’t stop. I am just to weak of a person. If I tell the doctor I am addicted to food he will tell me how stupid I am, yet he will tell me I am obese. I don't like who I am anymore and I am constantly sad. I try to work out and eat right and I will do great for a couple months at a time. I just can’t seem to make it stick. I wish people could see how much I hurt on the inside. I wish that I had help, I wish I didnt have to constantly eat to feel happy inside. I feel like a loser for writing this here. I just wanted to get it out maybe I will feel better tommorow.

Do you have anyone that you can talk with regarding your feelings that can help you find coping mechanisms other than food?

Thoughts of suicide as a coping mechanism is no joke or even fantasizing about it. I truly hope you reach out to someone for your sake and your kids.

Doctors are professionals and I think that if you ask for help, you will receive it without judgement. Asking for help is the first step and there is nothing to be ashamed about doing that when thats needed. Its a brave first step. Everyone struggles at some point.

suzanne6094

Hello, addiction in all forms are very real! it is hard to break the cycle and it takes a lot of self discovery and courage to explore why the addiction is there in the first place, what void are you replacing with the food ??

Your not alone, many suffer with you out there, wanting to break the cycle but not knowing how to, trust me, I have been there and when I was stuck there, I never thought it possible to break it.

I think the people in the military abusing you and calling you FAT really need to take a look at themselves, just like depression, addiction is very real and it is not something you can just shake off.

But with courage and dedication and will you can do something about it.

Why not use this platform, create a support group and take it one day at a time... Be brave write here how you feel,

Beauty is kindness that lives in the heart, its not our body type of face.

You need to start being kind to yourself first, listen to the messages you speak over yourself and then try to correct that, take it one day at a time.

Take that first step knowing you are worth it.

My children are my rock... but they love us just the way we are, that being said, HEALTH is important and looking after ourselves, so we can be good example for them.

Thank you for reaching out.... Your life is worth living... don't compare to others... and to the past!!!

All the Best, please keep writing here....