Exceeded my goal and then..

Siege_Tank

I've been at this game for a while. Took me a forever to figure out how to stop deceiving myself and accurately count every bit of food I was eating. Had to learn all about abstaining from alcohol and other distractions that I used to replace my food cravings. But I did it. My original goal weight was 150, down from 215. I hit 147 about a year ago, and I was elated, overjoyed. But then I started looking in the mirror. I based my goal weight on images of other success story people around my same height. Everyone I knew and saw on a regular basis would say things like "hey, you're lookin good" but, they treated me the same. I had this expectation that once I lost my fat I would be more accepted in social circles, become more popular/get less *kitten* socially.

It was so discouraging to see that I looked almost exactly the same as when I started, there was just less of me everywhere. It seemed like a negative feedback loop, every time I tried to gain muscle my hunger would win after a few days of strict discipline and I'd become strongman lookin. I finally gave up for about 6 months and turned to alcohol to plug the reward holes I wanted filled.

I'm back and more determined than ever to hit my aesthetic goals and finally enter a competition and conquer my fears. Biggest question is how do I reward myself? I've tried about everything imaginable and it seems like it's akin to the problem of being unable to tickle oneself. Thanks for reading, and any thoughts are appreciated.