Eating too much is why I'm fat.

OneRatGirl

Ugh. I asked for some advice on contraceptive options on a PCOS forum.

All I've got is about low carb and how the reason I can't lose weight is my PCOS/IR, despite them currently being managed and it due to me overeating. I've noticed before on there it's never anybody's fault, it's always PCOS. Not the 4000 calories a day I've been stress eating lately. Jesus Christ, ridiculous ideas about weight loss annoy me. And if I could control my eating better I obviously would. Right now, I'm struggling.

Yes IR can cause issues and lower your metabolism. Yes, that can mean people can eat 1200 a day and not lose. But if I'm overeating and can't lose, THAT'S WHY. And I lost without issue when I controlled my calories better for a few months. My IR is controlled right now.


This thing of constant excuses why people can't lose weight without ever considering it's because they're just eating too much is ridiculous and so ingrained in culture now. It's unhealthy. And for years I kidded myself that it wasn't my fault. Taking responsibility is the first time I've lost any. And I'm annoyed that people are so damn focused on telling me it's because of what I'm eating (carbs) or my disease, instead of answering the question I was asking.


I'm not sure if this is the right forum. I just needed to post somewhere where people understand that 99% of the time, sensible calorie restriction will cause weight loss. And maybe similar situations of people trying to tell you it's everything but the amount you're eating? Has anybody else had people do this?

Strudders67

People telling you that are probably trying to be nice. It's now so un-PC to fat-shame anyone and people are scared of saying it how it is.

Until I lost quite a bit, no-one ever commented on how much I weighed - but everyone has commented on the fact that I've lost it. I knew I was overweight and I knew it was because I was eating big portions of pasta and too many cakes, biscuits, crisps etc. Cutting my portion sizes has helped enormously.

steveko89

+1 for a great rant. I'm with you 100%, there's almost always some excuse, that's rarely valid.

My example: January-July 2017 I spun my wheels at or around the same weight. I was working out (lifting only) very consistently, using a well-reviewed chest strap heart rate monitor I'd gotten for Christmas. I was logging, but not as accurately or completely as recommended and eating back the 100% of the calories I was getting from my workouts (650-900 cals/hour, allegedly. Man was I killing it in the gym! I thought.. probably). Based on the imperfect math fat should've been falling off, even at just the high end of the healthy weight range for my height. More than a few suggested that all I needed was some cardio or to "sweat the weight off". A few others suggested I was eating too much protein, too many carbs, too many processed foods, too much dairy, or too many artificial sweeteners. It was around this time I discovered the r/fitness subreddit and the treasure trove of information that is the wiki over there. It was here I found a TDEE calculator that uses daily weight and intake to generate a black-box style TDEE number. For data quality, it required that I log 100% accurately (or at least as close as practical) and daily weigh-ins. Given my scientific bent, turning these actions into required data collection struck a chord. The resulting TDEE number (effectively, "maintenance" calories) turned out to be a few hundred calories lower than what I had been getting with my "measured" exercise output on top of the calories MFP gave me to lose weight. Confirming I certainly hadn't been eating in a deficit, I dropped my calories requisite to what this new TDEE number suggested and haven't put on my HR monitor since. Without changing anything else, from mid August 2017 to mid-late January 2018 (so through Football season, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and general midwest winder; all oft-cited for wrecking weight loss efforts) I dropped 11 lbs by simply eating less.

Diatonic12

@Strudders67 Spot on. No one says a cotton pickin' thing until you've lost about 60 or 70 lbs. Nothing. I don't know if it's really that unnoticeable or not easily observed. That's a really good color on you. What have you done. Ooooo, I dropped about 85 lbs. That is all.

Pamela_Sue

I really get it. I am hypothyroid (low thyroid) and diabetic. If you go to one of the Facebook groups for low thyroid, almost everyone falls into the trap of using this as an excuse for why they can't lose weight. They just accept it and have no intention of even trying. When in fact, you can lose weight with both conditions. It may be a slower process for some when you have medical conditions, but it is still very possible. I am glad to see you are facing this reality head-on. Don't let the naysayers stop you from success!

kshama2001

OneRatGirl wrote: »

Ugh. I asked for some advice on contraceptive options on a PCOS forum.

All I've got is about low carb and how the reason I can't lose weight is my PCOS/IR, despite them currently being managed and it due to me overeating. I've noticed before on there it's never anybody's fault, it's always PCOS. Not the 4000 calories a day I've been stress eating lately. Jesus Christ, ridiculous ideas about weight loss annoy me. And if I could control my eating better I obviously would. Right now, I'm struggling.

Yes IR can cause issues and lower your metabolism. Yes, that can mean people can eat 1200 a day and not lose. But if I'm overeating and can't lose, THAT'S WHY. And I lost without issue when I controlled my calories better for a few months. My IR is controlled right now.

This thing of constant excuses why people can't lose weight without ever considering it's because they're just eating too much is ridiculous and so ingrained in culture now. It's unhealthy. And for years I kidded myself that it wasn't my fault. Taking responsibility is the first time I've lost any. And I'm annoyed that people are so damn focused on telling me it's because of what I'm eating (carbs) or my disease, instead of answering the question I was asking.

I'm not sure if this is the right forum. I just needed to post somewhere where people understand that 99% of the time, sensible calorie restriction will cause weight loss. And maybe similar situations of people trying to tell you it's everything but the amount you're eating? Has anybody else had people do this?

For sure, this is the right forum. This is the anti "There, there, it's not your fault" forum LOL

kshama2001

Ps - re contraceptive options, of all the methods I've tried, my favorite by far is a partner with a vasectomy.

glovepuppet

This is my favourite thread ever.

steveko89

Diatonic12 wrote: »

@Strudders67 Spot on. No one says a cotton pickin' thing until you've lost about 60 or 70 lbs. Nothing. I don't know if it's really that unnoticeable or not easily observed. That's a really good color on you. What have you done. Ooooo, I dropped about 85 lbs. That is all.

In general I find the range of comments I get very interesting. They don't happen as much as they used to as changes are slight. In the first year or two I started lifting I'd hear "don't go and get too bulky now" and "if you lose any more weight you'll just look small" from different people on the same day.

NovusDies

My views do not apply to people that have mental baggage or disorders that need tools or treatment.

Usually the most obvious first way to tell if a weight loss/health website is a scam is when they tell you it is not your fault.

I view accepting responsibility as the first step to getting rid of the myths that help keep a person from making forward progress. I believed many of them myself and I was convinced I could not lose weight like other people.

xxzenabxx

As some else with PCOS I couldn’t agree more. Yes it might be a bit harder but you still need to be a in a calorie deficit. Period. Too many people looking for excuses. I eat lower carb but these days I’ve been eating up to 200g because I’ve been very active and I’m lifting weights and circuit training. Nothing can make 3000 calories of food magically disappear. You have to eat less. Even then I’m definitely not starving myself. Two days ago I ate rice and 2200 calories. Just focus on getting more veggies and cutting down on sugars because they can make you more hungry due to IR. Also for stress management I would look into deep belly breathing and yoga. They’ve really helped me. Sleep better too if possible.

Terytha

Even my doctor shrugged and said maybe it was genetics.

Its frustrating because CICO seems like both extremely common knowledge, and something that literally nobody knows/talks about. I'd have lost weight years ago if people had stopped enabling me by telling me it wasn't my fault and just explained how it worked.

Yeah, I was eating pretty "healthy." I was also eating enough for two or three people. I didn't know. It was easier to believe it wasn't my fault and I didn't research it because why would you research something you know is true? I've never googled whether the ocean is actually salty though I've never tasted it. I just accept the words of people I trust to know better.

Lady_Grell

I really like this thread.

I've struggled with my weight for years, but for the longest time I didn't want to accept responsibility. I would bring up the fact I have an underactive thyroid, PCOS, and take steroids (kidney transplant). When doctors would bring up my diet, I'd get defensive and say, "I don't eat that much." It wasn't good for me at all. I had all these excuses, but I still had all the weight.

It wasn't until recently that I got honest with myself. I took a good long look at my real eating habits. I was right in a sense. I didn't eat that much. I've always had a small appetite. What I hadn't accepted before was my tendency to want to grab something sweet when I was upset, snacking while watching TV and wasn't really hungry, and drinking a bit too much Dr Pepper.

I had to come to upset that my own actions were the real cause of my weight. Sure, I had things that affected my metabolism - might make it easier for me to gain and harder to lose, but the core of the issue was my habits. I think it was just easier for me to blame something I couldn't control.

Since taking responsibility, I've 'tweaked' the way I eat. I didn't have to change much beyond only eating when hungry and drinking more water, but I've already lost 21lbs. The moment I took responsibility, it just worked for me.

Diatonic12

@steveko89 Ain't that the truth. You'd like to say Oooo, just shut the hail up. You don't want to get too skinny now. I've never been 'skinny' in my entire lifetime. Not everyone has our best interests at heart and that includes those closest to us. That's why I like all of the birds of the same feather here. We understand one another.

thanos5

hey OP...

steveko89

Diatonic12 wrote: »

@steveko89 Ain't that the truth. You'd like to say Oooo, just shut the hail up. You don't want to get too skinny now. I've never been 'skinny' in my entire lifetime. Not everyone has our best interests at heart and that includes those closest to us. That's why I like all of the birds of the same feather here. We understand one another.

I find it really interesting how different word choices can garner opposite reactions. For instance, if I'm talking with my Mom and say "I'd like to lose 5-8 lbs" she'll flip out that I don't have that to lose and would be underweight (not true). However, if I say "I'm trying to lose a bit more fat" I get praised for being so dedicated; the juxtaposition couldn't be more stark.

AnnPT77

The "there, there, not your fault" problem is aggravated by the so-called "experts" these days who deprecate calories as a reason for weight gain/maintenance/loss (or perhaps it's blog/media writers who represent the experts as saying calories aren't the issue).

It's inobvious to most of us that those calorie-deprecators are trying to sell us something: Books, exercise programs, exercise equipment, training programs, diets, supplements . . . or just use our clicks and eyeballs to make money.

If we figure out - like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz - that we had the power to change things all along, and just didn't know it, their income stream decreases. Uh oh.

So, on the consumer side, the acceptance of excuses as an easier way to cope is marching down the aisle to a fractious but persistent marriage with the seller's vested interest in keeping us powerless so we'll buy their magical solutions over and over.

MikePTY

I don't really think it has to go to an either or extreme. I don't agree with either the "no matter what I do, I can't lose weight" crowd, or the "well just stop eating so much" crowd. Weight loss is always just about calories in vs calories out. I am sure there is some medical mystery case out there of some person who really can't lose weight, but the vast vast majority of people who "can't lose weight" just haven't been able to successfully maintain a calorie deficit. So yes, from a factual standpoint, what most people need to do is just get their calories under control.

But that being said, I also understand that not everybody faces the same things. Things that may be easy for me aren't so easy for others, so I'm sympathetic to that, and I try not to be flippant of the challenges they face. My wife also has PCOS, and she is losing weight now because like everyone else, it is calories in vs calories out. But she still faces some unique challenges that make it harder. It's harder to prep cook and eat well when she is tired all the time, or when she suddenly crashes and get dizzy and needs to eat something right away. It's harder to go to the gym and be active when she is often in pain or even doing a little activity that she hasn't properly prepared for can wipe her out for the day. As she's lost weight, she's gotten better with these things, and is starting to win more often with them. But that doesn't mean they aren't still a factor. Sure, she got big because she ate too much, and she's losing because she's not eating as much, but her PCOS certainly played an assisting roll in her getting that way. For some people with more difficult medical conditions, it can play even more of a roll.

PCOS is also a disease that affects a lot of people in very different ways, from mild cases to very strong cases. My wife used to be in a PCOS group on FB that they eventually shut down because it just devolved into everyone yelling at and judging each other when one couldn't empathize with another because their experiences were different

So I don't think anyone should be complacent, and just think that weight loss is out of their control. But recognizing individual challenges is important. And I can empathize with those that have them.

wmweeza

Diatonic12 wrote: »

@Strudders67 Spot on. No one says a cotton pickin' thing until you've lost about 60 or 70 lbs. Nothing. I don't know if it's really that unnoticeable or not easily observed. That's a really good color on you. What have you done. Ooooo, I dropped about 85 lbs. That is all.

No one said anything to me until i hit 85 lbs lost. I think part of it is some people aren't observant, but other people are polite and don't want to offend

NovusDies

MikePTY wrote: »

I don't really think it has to go to an either or extreme. I don't agree with either the "no matter what I do, I can't lose weight" crowd, or the "well just stop eating so much" crowd. Weight loss is always just about calories in vs calories out. I am sure there is some medical mystery case out there of some person who really can't lose weight, but the vast vast majority of people who "can't lose weight" just haven't been able to successfully maintain a calorie deficit. So yes, from a factual standpoint, what most people need to do is just get their calories under control.

But that being said, I also understand that not everybody faces the same things. Things that may be easy for me aren't so easy for others, so I'm sympathetic to that, and I try not to be flippant of the challenges they face. My wife also has PCOS, and she is losing weight now because like everyone else, it is calories in vs calories out. But she still faces some unique challenges that make it harder. It's harder to prep cook and eat well when she is tired all the time, or when she suddenly crashes and get dizzy and needs to eat something right away. It's harder to go to the gym and be active when she is often in pain or even doing a little activity that she hasn't properly prepared for can wipe her out for the day. As she's lost weight, she's gotten better with these things, and is starting to win more often with them. But that doesn't mean they aren't still a factor. Sure, she got big because she ate too much, and she's losing because she's not eating as much, but her PCOS certainly played an assisting roll in her getting that way. For some people with more difficult medical conditions, it can play even more of a roll.

PCOS is also a disease that affects a lot of people in very different ways, from mild cases to very strong cases. My wife used to be in a PCOS group on FB that they eventually shut down because it just devolved into everyone yelling at and judging each other when one couldn't empathize with another because their experiences were different

So I don't think anyone should be complacent, and just think that weight loss is out of their control. But recognizing individual challenges is important. And I can empathize with those that have them.

I agree with you and I don't think the lesson here should EVER be to judge someone else for how the weight got there. I don't even think it is that helpful to judge yourself. You can't change the past. You should objectively evaluate how you get to be where you are and then make a plan to correct.

As I said I think understanding that eating in a surplus being the root cause (for most) for the weight gain helps to cut through the noise. It a hopeful lesson to learn because it means the opposite will lead you where you want to go.

deputy_randolph

You know what's funny (not really funny...more like odd)...when I was fat (in the 90s), I was constantly told that being fat was my fault (especially by older family members). Body-shaming was particularly popular by both older family members and strangers. I also got persistent comments about my eating habits.

In some twisted way, the negativity did work to my advantage. When I went to college, it had been engrained in my mind that "being fat was my fault," which also led to me believing that my weight was entirely under my control to change. I lost 65lbs.

I still dislike the family members that called me fat though...and I take joy in their weight gain (I know that's not nice...but whatever).

whoami67

I got fat because I ate too much. Sometimes I lose weight because I'm restricting calories. Sometimes I don't. It depends on what my health is doing. Sometimes my body just doesn't lose no matter how little I eat. And other times I lose weight despite eating way more than I should. The human body and its various health issues can be a mystery. But I definitely got fat in the first place by eating too much.