Seeking advice (but not really)

ssurvivor

I don’t belong to any WL social groups (map doesn’t really count because we all have different health goals) but every once in a while, someone will post a question because they want to lose weight. However, they give a “yeah...but” response to most replies or don’t react to air-tight advice.

My first reaction is that they aren’t serious about wanting to make changes. But now I’m really curious: is it possible that they are so overwhelmed by their seemingly insurmountable goal that they can’t see beyond the enormity of the task?

I’m trying to show compassion, but this situation is completely foreign to me. Thx.

LyndaBSS

I don't think they're overwhelmed. It sounds like they are waiting to hear the answer they want. Everything else is arguable.

NovusDies

Meh. I don't worry about it. Some people are ready to change their lives and some are not. Many people are scared they will never lose and that fear creates blind spots in their common sense. I should know. I was one of them.

naomi8888

Most people don't like to be outside of their comfort zone. Unfortunately that's where the change occurs.

So many people on here say they want to lose weight but don't want to track and measure food. They want to get fit but they don't want to be out of breath... When they want it badly enough they'll make the change.

apullum

ssurvivor wrote: »

I don’t belong to any WL social groups (map doesn’t really count because we all have different health goals) but every once in a while, someone will post a question because they want to lose weight. However, they give a “yeah...but” response to most replies or don’t react to air-tight advice.

My first reaction is that they aren’t serious about wanting to make changes. But now I’m really curious: is it possible that they are so overwhelmed by their seemingly insurmountable goal that they can’t see beyond the enormity of the task?

I’m trying to show compassion, but this situation is completely foreign to me. Thx.

I think you are being very kind with your interpretation

Some people really do not want to hear that weight loss takes effort and dedication. They’ve heard a lot of messages, usually from advertising, that there is an easy solution, and they want that easy solution.

Some people just want confirmation of their own biases. The MFP boards aren’t a good place if that’s what someone wants

But I’m sure there are people who are overwhelmed by the idea of weighing and logging everything. It can seem like a huge hassle for people who aren’t used to doing it. It can also be a big wake up call when you start weighing your food and realize just how much you had really been eating. Not everyone is interested in that rude awakening.

Danp

To me it feels like many people think they need to suffer for their progress and therefore any advice that they received that makes it sound too simple or too easy gets dismissed. It's almost as if they feel like any weight they lose has to come through suffering, sacrifice, misery and struggle or it is somehow not 'valid' and they didn't 'earn it'.

I also think may people chose the 'hard road' because they're afraid. Making things difficult to the point of being near impossible gives them a convenient excuse to fail without feeling responsible. It wasn't their fault, it's just too hard to (stick to 1200 cals/eliminate X food/eat 100% perfect 100% of the time/follow whatever extreme rule). Where if they took the advice and did things the "easy" way they're left with two possibilities
1. They don't succeed and have to take responsibility for that rather than blame 'the process'. This scares them or;
2. They might actually succeed which, oddly enough probably scares them even more.

There's also a third group, kinda related to the first group, who feel like they need to be punished for their weight. Losing weight becomes and exercise is contrition, penance and self flagellation. They're less focused on actually losing weight and more focused on making themselves pay.

ssurvivor

apullum wrote: »

Some people really do not want to hear that weight loss takes effort and dedication. They’ve heard a lot of messages, usually from advertising, that there is an easy solution, and they want that easy solution.

Some people just want confirmation of their own biases.

That's a very interesting perspective. I belong to several professional and lifestyle groups so it never occurred to me that, when posting an off-topic question, someone might be looking for a very specific answer

ssurvivor

Danp wrote: »

To me it feels like many people think they need to suffer for their progress and therefore any advice that they received that makes it sound too simple or too easy gets dismissed. It's almost as if they feel like any weight they lose has to come through suffering, sacrifice, misery and struggle or it is somehow not 'valid' and they didn't 'earn it'.

I also think may people chose the 'hard road' because they're afraid. Making things difficult to the point of being near impossible gives them a convenient excuse to fail without feeling responsible. It wasn't their fault, it's just too hard to (stick to 1200 cals/eliminate X food/eat 100% perfect 100% of the time/follow whatever extreme rule). Where if they took the advice and did things the "easy" way they're left with two possibilities
1. They don't succeed and have to take responsibility for that rather than blame 'the process'. This scares them or;
2. They might actually succeed which, oddly enough probably scares them even more.

There's also a third group, kinda related to the first group, who feel like they need to be punished for their weight. Losing weight becomes and exercise is contrition, penance and self flagellation. They're less focused on actually losing weight and more focused on making themselves pay.

That's actually quite sad, really.