not feeling comfortable in public
nasr25
Posts: 214 Member
I really wanna start walking outside and i just feel like everyone is looking at me. I seriously lost all confidence i wasn't like this a few years ago but again i wasn't this big either. When I took a walk today my shirt was flying all over the place and I felt ashamed cause what was underneath wasn't all that pretty lol. How in the world do people do this. Is it just me or is there anyone that can relate? I am sure there is so tell me how you guys deal with it.
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Replies
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If it makes you feel any better I can pretty much guarantee my appearance is much worse than yours and I am out there walking. Most people are too busy in their own lives or worried about their own appearance to pay that much attention and the ones that do if they have a negative thought... I don't care.19
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You are far from the only person to feel this way. If you spend enough time on these forums, you will see a lot of posts like yours. First, I would say that most people aren't looking at you or even if they do, you are just part of a passing moment in their lives. Secondly, ask yourself this. Even if people are looking, does it really matter? Do you know these people? Are their opinions really important enough to your self-image to keep you from doing something that you want to do? To keep you from doing something that is good for your health? What if they are looking at you and thinking something positive? What if someone sees you and wishes they had the confidence to go out walking like you are doing?
I'm sure I spend a lot of time looking ridiculous when out walking. Especially when I actually work on learning to run. Shirt flying up, my terrible form, red faced and sweaty. And yes, there is a decent chance that at least one person I know or pass on a regular basis will see me. But I'm doing this for my own physical and mental health. Therefore, any negative opinions they may have are irrelevant.17 -
Honestly, when I see someone overweight out walking or jogging my thought is always "Good for him/her! They are taking care of themselves!" I doubt people spend a lot of time thinking about other people they don't know, but if they do it's not always negative.35
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I really wanna start walking outside and i just feel like everyone is looking at me. I seriously lost all confidence i wasn't like this a few years ago but again i wasn't this big either. When I took a walk today my shirt was flying all over the place and I felt ashamed cause what was underneath wasn't all that pretty lol. How in the world do people do this. Is it just me or is there anyone that can relate? I am sure there is so tell me how you guys deal with it.
It is very much a self inflicted, self conscious thing, which is both good and bad.
The reality is that very rarely are people paying any mind to anyone else, let alone being judgemental while doing so.
So in that respect you have nothing to worry about.
Though, being your own mind - sometimes thats the hardest thing to shift.
Might I suggest wearing something you feel less conspicuous in? (IE - not a skirt if its windy) and perhaps just popping in some headphones and your favourite music/podcast. It can work wonders for shutting out the rest of the world and keeping your mind occupied.
The other thing to say is that these things are always hardest at first, but get much easier with practice.
Saw a comment the other day, an actor talking about getting in shape for a superhero movie, who said
"The first day is the hardest, then the second day is the second hardest, and the third day the third hardest... so basically once you have been doing it a while it gets easier and easier..."
Which rang true for me.1 -
Lots of us feel that way. But the truth is, it's almost always just in your head. People aren't out on the street judging everyone. 99% of the time, they could trip over someone and not even notice them
. Everyone is caught up in their own little worlds, and probably feel just as self conscious about themselves as you do! 12 -
You do it by being consistent and being your own cheerleader. Be proud of yourself for taking steps to improve your health and tell yourself that regularly. The more positive thoughts you have the better.
Pretty much everyone is self-conscious about something or other at any given time. You take care of you and ignore the rest.2 -
Two points to my answer:
1. Whenever I see someone who is overweight doing some exercise I only feel admiration. So yes, I might look, but my thoughts will be positive.
2. Not sure how old you are, but I'm assuming younger than me (49). I used to care what strangers thought of me. Now I couldn't care less. This is a much nicer place, but I know it's not an easy place to get to.
Good luck, enjoy your walking!9 -
I agree with the other posters. When I see someone exercising who is overweight, I also admire them and think, "way to go". And the more overweight they are, the more admiration I feel.
I attended a small college while in my 50's, surrounded by 20 year olds. For the longest time, I was very self-conscious. Then it occurred to me one day, they really don't have the slightest interest in me. Most people are doing their own thing and just aren't that interested in what other people are doing.7 -
I had a look round the gym today as I was on the treadmill and there were skinny folk, oldsters, youngsters, one person being assessed who must have been 18 stone, and plenty of us overweight and middle aged. Apart from me being nosey, no one was paying any attention to anyone else, certainly not judging. I do know exactly how you feel, because the first time I went swimming since reaching my highest weight, I thought everyone would stare at me. Nope, no one cares. Go for it, you are doing it for yourself.5
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samhennings wrote: »
Might I suggest wearing something you feel less conspicuous in? (IE - not a skirt if its windy) and perhaps just popping in some headphones and your favourite music/podcast. It can work wonders for shutting out the rest of the world and keeping your mind occupied.
I second the headphones suggestion! Listening to an interesting podcast or a good audio book will help keep your thoughts from wandering to destructive places. I have found this to be a good way to keep myself from internally churning over some other stresses in my life while I walk, when my mind could otherwise wander there, so hopefully it could also help you. When I walk outside and need to have some more awareness of my surroundings I usually put only 1 headphone in or wear one of those Bluetooth headsets that sits in 1 ear - works perfectly fine for spoken word media like books and podcasts. I also enjoy playing Pokemon Go or Harry Potter: Wizards Unite or other games that encourage a walking component as a great motivator and entertainment while you walk.
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When I take my fat butt out walking, sometimes jerks yell rude things at me from trucks.
When my skinny friends go out walking, sometimes jerks yell rude things at them from trucks.
Rude jerks actually don't care what you look like, they just like yelling BS at people and being "funny."
Don't let those people decide how you spend your time. They do not deserve that much power over you. The other people are either not looking at you, are looking past you, maybe they like your shirt, maybe they like your hair, either way. The rude jerks don't deserve a second of your time and everyone else is probably too caught up in their own lives to care about you, or maybe they're thinking something nice.26 -
Here's what I did when I weighed 300+ pounds: I walked in cemeteries.
Cemeteries are usually empty of people (the living ones), pretty and well landscaped, have paved paths and serve as a great reminder that life is short and the walk is good for you. I was lucky and my cemetery was a beautiful, small, 19th century example with lovely headstones, monuments and rolling hills.
I first did this because I lived in a pretty rural location and was profoundly self conscious--I didn't want anyone to see me. I literally drove about 1/4 mile to get to the cemetery at 6am when I was sure no one would be there, then walked for a short while and drove home. I usually just wore a casual dress as I had never been to a gym and did not own proper workout clothes.
I have lost some weight (100 pounds with more to go), and I'm still not a fan of athletic pursuits, but it does get a bit easier if you keep doing it. And I have definitely reached the point where I assume no one notices me in the first place, and if they do, I don't care at all what they think! When someone yells "FATASS!' out their window at me, I get to gloat and know that I can lose weight, but they will always be stupid.18 -
Thanks everyone this is all awesome stuff and inspiring. I appreciate you taking time to share.6
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I really wanna start walking outside and i just feel like everyone is looking at me. I seriously lost all confidence i wasn't like this a few years ago but again i wasn't this big either. When I took a walk today my shirt was flying all over the place and I felt ashamed cause what was underneath wasn't all that pretty lol. How in the world do people do this. Is it just me or is there anyone that can relate? I am sure there is so tell me how you guys deal with it.
I feel the same which is why I just bought a stationary bike. I feel like I gave in to my fears but I just could NOT get outside. Good for you for actually doing it!!3 -
When I take my fat butt out walking, sometimes jerks yell rude things at me from trucks.
When my skinny friends go out walking, sometimes jerks yell rude things at them from trucks.
Rude jerks actually don't care what you look like, they just like yelling BS at people and being "funny."
Don't let those people decide how you spend your time. They do not deserve that much power over you. The other people are either not looking at you, are looking past you, maybe they like your shirt, maybe they like your hair, either way. The rude jerks don't deserve a second of your time and everyone else is probably too caught up in their own lives to care about you, or maybe they're thinking something nice.
This. I've been heckled a handful of times from people in cars (and once an awkward but complimentary exchange from a car), but unless someone really makes an effort to get my attention, I'm too busy being in the zone and jamming to my tunes (metal and punk rock mostly) to notice the people going by. For me, if I see someone out walking/running, my first thought is usually 'oh, I should probably go for a walk tonight too'.3 -
everyone else already gave the standard confidence and 'ignore everyone' advice so I will pipe in with something way more shallow. First, if your shirt is flying up when you walk it's not a good workout shirt lol. Invest in some workout clothes you love, that fit great and flatter. It's easy to think who cares what i'm wearing just walking around the block but if you're having self image doubts, believe me it's going to make you feel way better about yourself if you're not in old sweats or whatever. Wear something cute and fun designed specifically for working out. Get cool looking and comfy runners. Even put on a bit of makeup if you wear it - yes I'm one of those women that wears makeup to the gym, not a full face but a bit. Judge away but it makes me feel better to not cringe every time i look in the mirror. I like to look put together whenever I'm out of the house and the gym is no exception, if I had to look like a royal mess every time, I'd dread it much more than I do already lol. And once all that's done, stick in some headphones, put on your best RBF and don't look at anyone around you8
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What @alohajils said. We have a National cemetery on on side of town, and a Confederate on the other. (Someone donated what became the National cemetery land for both, but the Confederates were hard headed and wouldn’t bury theirs with the Nothern dead, hence two.)
Both make perfect places to walk in- beautiful, safe, well maintained, and full of bird song. They feel friendly to walk in, and the maintenance guys smile and ignore, if they look up at all. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve run acrost other visitors.
I enjoy visiting them every time, and often daydream about the boys buried there, and what their stories were. Coincidentally, one of my walking buddies knows one of the Connecticut boys story, since her nephew now lives in his family home and researched him, and we often stop briefly and tell him “good morning”. I’ve tried to talk her into leaving him a letter and a photo of his home.
We are also fortunate enough to have a fabulous walking/biking path. If you go before 7 or 7:30, you own the thing Sunday through Monday. Lots more people out on Saturdays. And if you do run acrost someone else, all they’re gonna do is lift their fingers in a salute without breaking stride and forget about you the next instant.
Having been the obese woman in yoga classes for the last ten years, all I can do is assure you that the self consciousness will go away. It really does. It’s like exercising a muscle. It gets better with use.6 -
Btw, if you have a community Facebook or nextdoor.com group, see if anyone is interested in forming a walking group. You’ll have a dozen people at first, and with a few weeks it will whittle down to two or three regulars who rotate with you. Walking is a lot more fun, and you go further and faster before you know it, if you’re with company.4
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I used to be an avid road cyclist -way back before there were distracted drivers everywhere on their cell phones. I had bottles, apple cores and empty pop cans thrown at me. Then I started jogging on sidewalks. The things people yelled out their car windows to me are unrepeatable in this forum. I was not heavy. There are idiots everywhere. Doesn't matter what you look like or what you're doing. Don't be deterred!!!0
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When I started, I was 330 lbs and felt kinda self-conscious on the walking trails, all filled with fit people wearing Under Armor spandex to show off their perfect glutes, and space-age synthetic t-shirts with Tour de France logos and whatnot. There I was, in my 3X bronze-age cotton t-shirt with cat claw holes, stretched around my belly, and an old pair of shorts, the one pair of shorts I could squeeze into. I started thinking of myself as a living, breathing "Before" picture -- performance art, you could say -- to eventually be followed down the road by an "After" picture. The thing about those Before & After pics is, the bigger the difference between them, the more impressed people are. That made me feel better. I imagined one of these days Mr. Under Armor Pecs and Ms. Lululemon Thigh Gap would come up to me on the trail and say, "Wow! You've come a long way!" But of course they won't, because as everyone above says, nobody notices anybody out there; they're just doing their own thing and couldn't care less what other people look like.
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When I started, I was 330 lbs and felt kinda self-conscious on the walking trails, all filled with fit people wearing Under Armor spandex to show off their perfect glutes, and space-age synthetic t-shirts with Tour de France logos and whatnot. There I was, in my 3X bronze-age cotton t-shirt with cat claw holes, stretched around my belly, and an old pair of shorts, the one pair of shorts I could squeeze into. I started thinking of myself as a living, breathing "Before" picture -- performance art, you could say -- to eventually be followed down the road by an "After" picture. The thing about those Before & After pics is, the bigger the difference between them, the more impressed people are. That made me feel better. I imagined one of these days Mr. Under Armor Pecs and Ms. Lululemon Thigh Gap would come up to me on the trail and say, "Wow! You've come a long way!" But of course they won't, because as everyone above says, nobody notices anybody out there; they're just doing their own thing and couldn't care less what other people look like.
You know, and hopefully this won't turn the OP off, but I did have one woman stop me on my walk. I mean, I've walked outside for years so see a lot of the same people even tho I keep to myself but there was this one woman who stopped me one day after about a year or so of passing each other. She didn't speak much english and I'm always in my own little world but she made the sign of running her hands up and down in front of her. Now, thinking about it, damn woman, I have hips! but she was telling me she noticed how much weight I'd lost. Which felt good.
People aren't staring but some do notice the positive.5 -
Anyone who has unkind thoughts isn't the sort of person whose thoughts should matter.
If you can afford to, you deserve to buy yourself workout clothes that make you comfortable. It's an investment in yourself.
You're braver than I am! I do all my running (and most of my walking) at 5am, because I hate being watched. You're not alone in feeling uncomfortable3 -
I really am enjoying these posts and i am taking all the advice. The thing is I need to lose the weight there is no backing out from this. I feel like its unfair to my wife, kids and of course me to not live a life where i am happy with myself. I mean my kids and wife go to the park and i stay home cause i get into my own head. Not anymore though I have to force myself.7
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I really am enjoying these posts and i am taking all the advice. The thing is I need to lose the weight there is no backing out from this. I feel like its unfair to my wife, kids and of course me to not live a life where i am happy with myself. I mean my kids and wife go to the park and i stay home cause i get into my own head. Not anymore though I have to force myself.
It gets easier. At first, I was so self conscious, I wouldn't even wear my hair in a pony tail or wear shorts. Now, my hair is usually in a really lame looking bun because I'm reeeeeeally not a girly girl and shorts that show off my really weird tan line on one leg (I wear a brace on the one foot).
I still won't wear graphic t shirts tho. I want to but, personally, I'm a compulsive reader so am always looking at the t shirts others are wearing but I don't want anyone staring at my chest.
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I really am enjoying these posts and i am taking all the advice. The thing is I need to lose the weight there is no backing out from this. I feel like its unfair to my wife, kids and of course me to not live a life where i am happy with myself. I mean my kids and wife go to the park and i stay home cause i get into my own head. Not anymore though I have to force myself.
I don't know if it is a good idea to add a lot of "what is fair to your family" pressure to yourself. If it helps that is one thing but I have found it easier to just keep my weight loss very low key in my mind so I don't think about it too much. It takes a lot of time to lose weight and carrying added stress that entire time doesn't seem helpful. I could be wrong though. I think it is better to focus on being in a calorie deficit today to help tomorrow's version of myself be a little healthier.5 -
I really am enjoying these posts and i am taking all the advice. The thing is I need to lose the weight there is no backing out from this. I feel like its unfair to my wife, kids and of course me to not live a life where i am happy with myself. I mean my kids and wife go to the park and i stay home cause i get into my own head. Not anymore though I have to force myself.
I don't know if it is a good idea to add a lot of "what is fair to your family" pressure to yourself. If it helps that is one thing but I have found it easier to just keep my weight loss very low key in my mind so I don't think about it too much. It takes a lot of time to lose weight and carrying added stress that entire time doesn't seem helpful. I could be wrong though. I think it is better to focus on being in a calorie deficit today to help tomorrow's version of myself be a little healthier.
Now that i think about what you said I agree with you. Maybe it is best not to over stress myself with thoughts of making my family happy. I just kinda wrote what i felt.
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I really am enjoying these posts and i am taking all the advice. The thing is I need to lose the weight there is no backing out from this. I feel like its unfair to my wife, kids and of course me to not live a life where i am happy with myself. I mean my kids and wife go to the park and i stay home cause i get into my own head. Not anymore though I have to force myself.
I don't know if it is a good idea to add a lot of "what is fair to your family" pressure to yourself. If it helps that is one thing but I have found it easier to just keep my weight loss very low key in my mind so I don't think about it too much. It takes a lot of time to lose weight and carrying added stress that entire time doesn't seem helpful. I could be wrong though. I think it is better to focus on being in a calorie deficit today to help tomorrow's version of myself be a little healthier.
Now that i think about what you said I agree with you. Maybe it is best not to over stress myself with thoughts of making my family happy. I just kinda wrote what i felt.
I am a big believer in being kind to yourself. I have been unkind to myself in the past and it never worked out when trying to lose weight. Now I realize that for me to stay on the path to a better me I have to be happy-ish.5 -
When I take my fat butt out walking, sometimes jerks yell rude things at me from trucks.
When my skinny friends go out walking, sometimes jerks yell rude things at them from trucks.
Rude jerks actually don't care what you look like, they just like yelling BS at people and being "funny."
Don't let those people decide how you spend your time. They do not deserve that much power over you. The other people are either not looking at you, are looking past you, maybe they like your shirt, maybe they like your hair, either way. The rude jerks don't deserve a second of your time and everyone else is probably too caught up in their own lives to care about you, or maybe they're thinking something nice.
YES! This is so so true! I actually think I get more jerks honking to startle me or yelling some rude thing now after losing 100+ as I did when I first started.
As for the OP - I highly recommend walking at dusk/dark if it's safe enough in your area. I don't know how long you've been at it, but I found that when it became a real habit for me I no longer cared much about people looking at me and I felt a lot more confident about my evening walks, even though I had well over 100 lb to lose. I also bought a couple of inexpensive exercise-type outfits that I felt comfy and confident in - mostly hoodies for fall/winter and baggy tees with longish shorts for spring/summer. It helped a lot!0 -
Until I get more comfortable with my body, I'll continue to wear a baseball hat when I run an errand. I figure if I keep my head down and I can't see them, they can't see me. 😕4
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I hadn’t left the house or been outside in so long my husband was worried that I was agoraphobic. One day I was just more determined than scared. No one seems to notice or even care, though a couple of neighbors have said hi here or there. I still have times where the voice in my head tries to keep me inside, but I just start walking and it shuts up, at least about that. Anxiety in any form is a harsh mistress, so hang in there and know that you have a lot of company.6
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