Disappointed - got to my goal, and threw it away

Imomw2016

I spent 3 years working on losing the weight. I did it slowly so I could maintain it. I got to my goal on my 50th birthday, and then a series of of life problems happened all in a row. I am now 20 lbs heavier in just 8 months. I’m back to where I started 3 years ago. I’m so disappointed in myself.

I’m looking for supportive MFPrs who have gone through similar situations to commiserate and encourage each other.

The good thing is, I know exactly what to do - the bad thing is, I can’t seem to stop beating myself up for creating this problem.

Katmary71

Just accept it's happened and stop beating yourself up, that negativity isn't going to help anything! Look forward and think of the positive changes you're going to make instead.

I gained my weight because of chronic pain, surgeries, and being bedridden for years. I'm currently down 90lbs from my highest with about 10 more to go. It hasn't been easy, but has been so worth it.

workin_onit

Oh I have *so* been there. More than once! So...here’s what I have done (and continue to do):

I say to myself “I cannot change what’s been done. I can choose a new path now, having nothing to do with where I’ve been.”

Currently I have lost 56 pounds. 35 of those pounds I have gained and lost 3x. But now I feel different. Can’t say why exactly but...there it is!

Good luck to you!! Add me as a friend if you’d like 😀

elisa123gal

Feel lousy and pout for a day...then pull yourself up and just get back to what you know will work. 20 pounds isn't really that much weight..and you could take it off much faster than three years...really you could be close by Christmas. Just get it done. You can do it!!!

RoseJaneNB

Oh me too. I lost it by my 40th. Not huge amounts but what I worked hard for. Then I gained it again. Not sure if I can blame hysterectomy, menopause or just being a greedy cow.... oh and wine. How’s about we just pull ourselves together and start again. Today. We can be svelte and ready to wow in a few months.... my trouble is I swing between “I can do this!” To “life is too short, have a glass of wine!..”.... sigh. It’s never easy is it.... I’m debating a crash diet for a few days to shift a bit of weight and atleast make myself feel better....

RoseJaneNB

Ok I want to loose 15 pounds btw. Some think that’s not a lot. But I swear my body tries so hard to cling on to it...

Imomw2016

Thanks everyone - solid advice. And exactly what I’ve told other people when they’ve asked me how I kept the weight off, when they fell off the wagon. I’d just say “just get back on, leave the past behind.”

Now it’s my turn to follow my own advice!

LyndaBSS

Just wanted to give you a gentle hug. ❤

LemonSweetie

I'm in this same boat right now! Worked hard for 5 months last fall and lost 10 pounds (it was So Slow!), and now am starting again in the same month, one year later, same weight .... 10 pounds heavier than I want to be. Again. So frustrating. I have been trying to tell myself that I know what to do and not to feel too emotional because that's certainly not going to help now. But it's a bit depressing to think of starting that hungry process all over again!

hixa30

I spent 3 years as well, I lost 28 kg. One of the hardest things I've ever done. I slowly regained 26 kg over 4 years. Apparently I was "on a diet" through those 4 years.

I happened to read ages ago about yoyoers, and the people who are now at goal weight and have been for some time went through what we're going through. Multiple times at goal weight before it stuck.

diamonddaveperry

I have yo-yo'd two or three times from 225 to 190-ish over the last five years. This time I've made it stick and I'm at 187.

Failure is inevitable. Don't beat yourself up because we've all done it. All you can do is build toughness from it. Build those mental callouses so that when life throws you the inevitable problem you can stick to your fitness instead of letting it become the first thing to go.

The difference this time has been joining a fitness group that has pushed me physically and mentally farther than I ever thought I could go. You may not have that opportunity, but you can challenge yourself to do something you think is impossible right now--a 5k, a triathlon, a cycling event, a long hike, whatever. Something where you say "I could NEVER do that" but then go and do it. We can all be so much more than our doubting minds tell us we can be. Not overnight--but very quickly.

Good luck and God bless.

88olds

Well, how do you connect the dots between “life problems” and gaining 20 lbs? And how are you going to deal with that going forward?

You didn’t create this problem. Try this- I try to think of things regarding weight and fitness as helpful or unhelpful to my goals.
Step back. So you hit your number on the scale, somethings disrupted your routines, and you responded in unhelpful ways. Right now kicking yourself for your current circumstances doesn’t do anything to advance your program.

Find some small immediate steps that can move you forward. And consider that its a two part process, part 1 is the number on the scale, part 2 is living your life. Sometimes those things are just not easily compatible. But making your life better will eventually support your program. Keep trying. Persistence is the #1 thing in weight loss. Never quit.

zimborunner

Thank-you for posting - exactly where I am but much worse. Started at 41, lost 30lbs, started running, never been a runner, but completed 4 1/2's and 4 full marathons over 8 years. A new pair of trainers hurt my knee, I ran less, put on weight, knee hurt more etc. etc. Then "life problems" and poof, I'm 52 and 40+ lbs up, my heaviest ever. I beat myself up...every...single....day. Never been thin, with terrible body image issues, but I did look good at one point - sad to only acknowledge that now.

Thanks for all advice, I'm turning a new page today. Pre menopause hot flashes is no fun, I've logged my food intake, and I'm going to do as
@workin_onit said
“I cannot change what’s been done. I can choose a new path now, having nothing to do with where I’ve been.”
and as
@88olds
Persistence and NEVER QUIT.

mistyloveslife

Boy do I know all too well how you feel. I have been a 20 pound yo-yoer for years. In 2014 I had a tragic fall during a mud/obstacle course run. I was fit and felt wonderful. I was close to my goals. In that fall I broke my foot. Bad. I had reconstructive surgery with a plate and 13 screws. I was non weight baring for 5 months. 3 months of therapy and within a couple months of that, I couldn't walk enough to even get groceries. So, in 2016 I had the plates and screws removed and had to have pins put in for a joint fusion. During that process I gained 40 pounds. I vowed in 2018 to clean up my act. I ate clean. Enjoyed healthy foods that I had never tried in my life. Lost 33 pounds. Felt wonderful. Life happened at the end of last year. I gained 24 pounds in a matter of no time. I find myself 47 pounds from goal again... I've beat myself up terrible the last few months. I'm all but 9 pounds from regaining it all back. I vowed I'd never see 200 again and I meant it. And guess what? The healthy foot that was in awesome shape after weight loss is super angry again. So my motivation is healthy feet. I can't go back. Add me if you want. Maybe we can motivate each other and not look back! Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels!

javajeanie2017

So glad I found this thread! You all are putting words to how I feel. I know it’s never good to beat yourself up for missing goals or gaining back what took us so long to lose.... but I feel like I dropped low enough this time that I am past feeling disappointed or helpless - I’m mad. Not an unhealthy mad - but just mad enough that As an intelligent, active member of society that I allowed myself to get to this place, mad enough to adamantly feel like I won’t let myself get to this place again. Mad enough to remember this feeling when the chips and beer start calling my name.
We are all fighting a tough battle - good to have people around us who know how we feel!

StatChicBayes

In a similar boat - gained back over 50 pounds so that I was at a heavier weight than when my twins were born. Lost weight to where I was pre-pregnancy, but changes in work led me to prioritize work/family over me so gained all weight plus another 10 back over 9 years. Had a wake up call vis-a-vis health that made me realize that I really needed to turn things around. I no longer have that pressure at work so have been able to make more me time. I know that I need to incorporate exercise and have made changes in diet what will be sustainable long term. I am now back to what I weighed in 2011 - still have 25 pounds to get to my ultimate goal, but all of the people here really help with handling the ups and downs, setting lots of mini goals to celebrate the successes, and learning more about the intricacies about losing fat. Add me as a friend if you want more support!

aimjolie

I have been at my goal several times. However, over time I would gain 20lbs and then get disgusted and slowly again lose the same 20lbs. Losing weight is hard but trying to maintain that goal weight is even harder. You can eat a little more but not go overboard. I just say to myself this is a lifetime battle. You have to be viligiant. So I watch carefully Monday to Friday. Then on the weekend, I can have that restaurant dinner and I can have a dessert. But just know you can not eat whatever you want 7 days a week. You can have a cookie or two but not the whole bag like I used to do. There is no getting around it that maintaining is difficult. Try to keep in the 5lb range from your goal. Once you hit 5lbs over your goal, cut back before it gets to 20lbs and then like me, like me feel disgusted with yourself.

Imomw2016

You are all amazing - thank you for some great advice and perspective! Please feel free to add me - sometimes I can’t add new friends.

emalethmoon

Four years ago I lost 90lbs and now I've gained 50 back. What can you do but try again?

Jinxy2010

I'm with you there. Lost 60 lbs just 10 lbs short of my goal about 5/6 years ago. I went through the happiest yet hardest 6 years of my life and I gained all 60 lbs plus 40 lbs more. Started over a couple weeks ago and going to make the effort to keep it up this time around. I feel for your struggle and I wish you luck with it this time around!