Why do some people suck?
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ItsMeTy
Posts: 13 Member
I just need to vent. People this week have mistaken me for my husband’s mother and last night someone saw me with my daughter (a preschooler) and said that I have a cute granddaughter. Ugh! How do I stay positive/motivated when my husband along with complete strangers think I’m old besides overweight? Or in other words, how do I go about my day without wanting to maim someone for their comments?
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Replies
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Hm. Meditation? Prayer? Therapy?
I mean, people are dumb. We all talk before we think sometimes. I try to let it go and move on. Not much you can do about them.2 -
Your husband thinks you're old? That's really weird.
People have always thought of me as younger, sometimes a lot younger. I found it interesting but never really cared.
Do you dress or make up yourself in a way that might make you appear older?11 -
I would flip the switch. Them's fighting words and I would use them every single day to turn everything back around in your favor and send that tidal wave right back where it came from. Let them eat your dust, you will not be deterred. Use it, silently fight against that negativity and let them eat all of those words. Don't tell anyone what you are doing. Keep your secret all to yourself and you will come out stronger on the other end of all of this.
I use music to flip the switch. I just have to share this one with you because this is you. Fight, you win.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ll1DrlZgqk 4 -
I don't know how old you look so this is not meant to be hurtful.
Speaking for myself...I will sometimes let myself go. Hair style, clothing, attitude etc etc and I not only look "older" but find myself acting "older". I think sometimes when we are overweight we forget that we can look more youthful, livelier more energetic by giving ourselves a little makeover. Just because we need to lose weight doesn't mean that we can't pamper ourselves with a new look.
Recently I noticed that all my clothes were looking as if I had been wearing them for years...I looked rather "worn". So I sat down and started ordering some clothes. I was already losing weight so I didn't want to spend a lot so I looked for clearance items. It is the best thing that I did for myself. I took more pride in myself and weight loss became easier.
Sometimes I think that we get this mindset of...I am fat so what difference does it make what I look like. For me...it made a big difference in just the act of caring about myself.
Once again I am not trying to be rude nor mean to offend I just know that when I let myself go I "feel, act, look old".
One last thing...it is not what people say or do...it is how you react to those things. Be yourself.29 -
I stopped caring what other people thought about me when I started taking my health more seriously. Honestly, worry about what YOU think... not others. Let it roll off you like water off a ducks back.2
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I agree that no one is trying to hurt you...yet I understand why these comments do. When I get feedback I dislike from objective random people, I push my hurt aside and take a good look at myself and see if I'm missing something that I can fix. This has happened with me, with my appearance and also with my behavior. You could consider it a blessing in disguise and try to adjust a few things to make yourself look more your true age. Hair, fresh new make up.. in style clothes.. happy attitude. and yes.. losing weight and being fit makes people look younger and more vital.
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I run into the same problem occasionally. I am in my 40’s and after I lost my hair to chemotherapy it came back white. Going through chemo was traumatic for me and I did not want to add anymore chemicals to my body so I left my hair white. While I get compliments on the color I do run into the occasional person who thinks I am Grandma to my 10 year old. Her teacher at school was the worst. My 16 year old was learning to drive so I let her drive to pick up her little sister. When we pulled up in the car line the teacher spoke to my 16 year old instead of me about an update with my youngest. My 16 year old and I laughed about it on the way home. Then a couple months later she sends an email concern to my 16 year old instead of me. Which I thought was weird. After that while I was at work the school called to ask me to pick up my youngest because she was sick. When I got there the teacher looked at me funny. I said to her “ I don’t believe we ever properly met. I’m Lauren’s mom. I wanted to introduce myself since you keep addressing my other daughter who is 16” she was very apologetic and ever since then we get along very well. Turns out she is one of my favorite teachers. I agree with the other posts. We make the choice to be angry or to worry about what other people think. My best advice I can give to you is to find a teenage girl and ask them to help you with hair, makeup, and clothing choices. To this day I still refuse to dye my hair but my teenage daughter loves to do makeovers that make me look hip and younger! It has really helped for me! Good luck to you! I know how discouraging that can be ☺️8
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I think these are all good answers. You basically have the choice to try to freshen up physically, or freshen up mentally. If you decide you’re happy with the way you are physically and mentally now, there’s nothing else to do but try to stay away from people who voice their assumptions. There are people woth a lot more class who will sooner get to know who you are than guess.1
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I like all of the other answers too...and this comment might get me some hate, which is fine. But I think ONE reason a lot of my friends in their 30s and 40s have been mistaken for their kids' grandmothers before is totally unrelated to their looks. These women are fashionable, current, pretty, and mostly quite fit. But they are usually comments from people in a different frame of mind because they're from a place or time when women had their kids very young like 16-22 and not much older. So they see a pretty 39 year old and think she must be the grandmother of her toddler kid. It's rude and thoughtless and wrong, but it happens A LOT! More than you would think.
I also have a friend who was 27-28 years old with punk clothes and GREEN hair, at the park swinging with her 2 kids who were maybe 3 and 1 at the time - and someone said "Are you their grandma?". Weeks earlier someone thought she was their sister. Don't sweat it.
Edited to add: I'm 42 and think I look my age and always have...not a whole lot older or younger. But when I was newly married to my first husband, I was 26 and he was 24 and someone at the supermarket totally mistook me for his mother. I was MORTIFIED. She tried to save face saying he looked like a kid who played football with her son but I didn't buy it. So you are not alone!7 -
I run into the same problem occasionally. I am in my 40’s and after I lost my hair to chemotherapy it came back white. Going through chemo was traumatic for me and I did not want to add anymore chemicals to my body so I left my hair white. While I get compliments on the color I do run into the occasional person who thinks I am Grandma to my 10 year old. Her teacher at school was the worst. My 16 year old was learning to drive so I let her drive to pick up her little sister. When we pulled up in the car line the teacher spoke to my 16 year old instead of me about an update with my youngest. My 16 year old and I laughed about it on the way home. Then a couple months later she sends an email concern to my 16 year old instead of me. Which I thought was weird. After that while I was at work the school called to ask me to pick up my youngest because she was sick. When I got there the teacher looked at me funny. I said to her “ I don’t believe we ever properly met. I’m Lauren’s mom. I wanted to introduce myself since you keep addressing my other daughter who is 16” she was very apologetic and ever since then we get along very well. Turns out she is one of my favorite teachers. I agree with the other posts. We make the choice to be angry or to worry about what other people think. My best advice I can give to you is to find a teenage girl and ask them to help you with hair, makeup, and clothing choices. To this day I still refuse to dye my hair but my teenage daughter loves to do makeovers that make me look hip and younger! It has really helped for me! Good luck to you! I know how discouraging that can be ☺️
I have an acquaintance (42) who has daughters aged 19, 17, 7 and 7 (twins). She says when she goes out with her twins AND either of her older girls, people always assume the teenager(s) are mom to the twins. Which is kind of nuts of course since they would be 12 or 10 when those girls were born. But when she goes out with JUST the twins, no one ever assumes she is grandmother to them. It drives her NUTS! And her hair is black. You're definitely not alone.
I also remember being 15 and with my male friend (also 15) in the mall pushing my nephew (1 yr old) in a stroller and people were giving us so many dirty looks and then one nicer lady said "He looks like his daddy!" because my friend and nephew both had blond hair, lol.0 -
I think a lot of things can be aging. People slip into styles of hair and clothes that make them feel bland, so they don't glow. Find something that makes you glow. When someone has no inner glow, they look older and feel older. Change hairdresser, go clothes shopping with someone who has a totally different style to you, experiment with your makeup like you did as a teenager, try on some statement jewelry? It doesn't need to outlandish, it doesn't need to make other people happy, it just needs to make you smile. Nice underwear makes you look younger, even if you wear a baggy sweater over the top, because you know you're wearing nice underwear.
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seltzermint555 wrote: »I run into the same problem occasionally. I am in my 40’s and after I lost my hair to chemotherapy it came back white. Going through chemo was traumatic for me and I did not want to add anymore chemicals to my body so I left my hair white. While I get compliments on the color I do run into the occasional person who thinks I am Grandma to my 10 year old. Her teacher at school was the worst. My 16 year old was learning to drive so I let her drive to pick up her little sister. When we pulled up in the car line the teacher spoke to my 16 year old instead of me about an update with my youngest. My 16 year old and I laughed about it on the way home. Then a couple months later she sends an email concern to my 16 year old instead of me. Which I thought was weird. After that while I was at work the school called to ask me to pick up my youngest because she was sick. When I got there the teacher looked at me funny. I said to her “ I don’t believe we ever properly met. I’m Lauren’s mom. I wanted to introduce myself since you keep addressing my other daughter who is 16” she was very apologetic and ever since then we get along very well. Turns out she is one of my favorite teachers. I agree with the other posts. We make the choice to be angry or to worry about what other people think. My best advice I can give to you is to find a teenage girl and ask them to help you with hair, makeup, and clothing choices. To this day I still refuse to dye my hair but my teenage daughter loves to do makeovers that make me look hip and younger! It has really helped for me! Good luck to you! I know how discouraging that can be ☺️
I have an acquaintance (42) who has daughters aged 19, 17, 7 and 7 (twins). She says when she goes out with her twins AND either of her older girls, people always assume the teenager(s) are mom to the twins. Which is kind of nuts of course since they would be 12 or 10 when those girls were born. But when she goes out with JUST the twins, no one ever assumes she is grandmother to them. It drives her NUTS! And her hair is black. You're definitely not alone.
I also remember being 15 and with my male friend (also 15) in the mall pushing my nephew (1 yr old) in a stroller and people were giving us so many dirty looks and then one nicer lady said "He looks like his daddy!" because my friend and nephew both had blond hair, lol.
Oh my gosh! That is too funny 😂 thank you for putting a smile on my face!! The story about your nephew is priceless.
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You are going to look back on that comment and treasure it some day when you have reached your goals and feel AMAZING! It will show you how far you've come!!! Those comments are the best, trust me!!!!4
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seltzermint555 wrote: »I like all of the other answers too...and this comment might get me some hate, which is fine. But I think ONE reason a lot of my friends in their 30s and 40s have been mistaken for their kids' grandmothers before is totally unrelated to their looks. These women are fashionable, current, pretty, and mostly quite fit. But they are usually comments from people in a different frame of mind because they're from a place or time when women had their kids very young like 16-22 and not much older. So they see a pretty 39 year old and think she must be the grandmother of her toddler kid. It's rude and thoughtless and wrong, but it happens A LOT! More than you would think.
I also have a friend who was 27-28 years old with punk clothes and GREEN hair, at the park swinging with her 2 kids who were maybe 3 and 1 at the time - and someone said "Are you their grandma?". Weeks earlier someone thought she was their sister. Don't sweat it.
Edited to add: I'm 42 and think I look my age and always have...not a whole lot older or younger. But when I was newly married to my first husband, I was 26 and he was 24 and someone at the supermarket totally mistook me for his mother. I was MORTIFIED. She tried to save face saying he looked like a kid who played football with her son but I didn't buy it. So you are not alone!
Absolutely this. My mom was 40 when she had me and even when I was born people assumed she was a grandmother. It will also depend on cultural traditions. Some cultures see 40 as grandparent age (source: family friends from the Philippines say this).3 -
I lost 60 pounds once and someone told me I looked happy and my skin had cleared up.
People just don't know how to talk about bodies and body issues, just like they don't know how to talk about mental health issues.
It doesn't matter your weight or age, someone will always have a *kitten* opinion. People suck sometimes but YOU don't. It's hard. I know.2 -
Thanks for all your help, everybody!1
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I realise this is an older thread, but as you checked back in yesterday, I would just like to add my experience. I've had similar situations but from both ends, at the same time. So my weight & way I dressed were similar. I know constant pain & weight gain
didn't help. But there were often wide variations.
I became physically disabled, when pregnant with my youngest. I was only 30 years old, with 3 sons aged 7, 6 & 2 and a new born daughter.
I needed a mobility scooter, to get around. If out with more than 1 of my children, everyone thought they were my children.
Often I was out with only my daughter, from 2 to 4 years. Most of the time people would take 1 look at us. (I'm presuming, they saw scooter), 9 out of 10 people would think I was her grandmother. Usually voiced it, to my daughter, assuming to be friendly. Would say something along the lines of, "are you enjoying your ride with grandma". To the point, my daughter got so annoyed, she reply "it's my mum" rather indignantly.
Yet I also have a much older step daughter (larger age gap between hubby & I). Who at that time my daughter was 3, had 2 young girls, aged 2 & 4. We have a wonderful close relationship & her little girls call me Nanna. During that same period, I would go out with just 1 of my granddaughters, on my scooter, from time to time. (I was same age 33, weight, way of dress etc). These times, whenever they called me "Nanna" while out. Nearly everyone responded with, you don't look old enough to have grandchildren.
At times, during this period, I was also asked to verify my age, to rent 18 videos. In a supermarket, when trying to buy wine at the age of 40, they insisted I provide ID as I didn't look over 25!
So throughout my 30s I was asked to prove I was over 18, or over 25. That I was "grandma" to 1 child, if they guessed relationship. But if child spoke of relationship, then there was no way I was old enough to be a "grandma".
So in the end I took it with a pinch of salt, and we would all laugh at the situation, because of the extremes. If someone was particularly rude, then I just thought they were the 1 with the problem.
I must admit, these days (now 52), as my sight & condition has worsened. I'm usually out, in a wheelchair, with my son (aged 28) helping as my carer. A couple of times, he has been taken as my husband.
In general, I find most people don't mean to be rude, they either don't look properly. Or with such a diverse range of relationships, in todays world, it can be hard.
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Hello, Everyone, I am doing a lot better these days. I have lost 49 pounds so far and don’t look as tired or haggard. Unfortunately I haven’t been to a lot of places due to covid. I hope you are all doing well. Thanks for the support!11
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