Struggling to return after 20lb regain

kiela64

I lost 50lbs last year.

During the winter all my good habits fell apart. They didn’t go easy but with construction at home and schedule changes I stopped doing everything that was good for me. I’ve finally weighed in and I’m up 20lbs.

I’ve been trying to log and get back into the rhythm but I am struggling a ton. I feel exhausted all the time and when I feel sad I just want to eat comfort food.

I don’t know how I did this before, I feel like a different person. I don’t have the hope and lightness of heart I used to. The sun is back but I don’t feel any better or more motivated. I hate that this happened and I just keep focusing on how much I suck to have relapsed like this at all...

rosebarnalice

As a life-long yo-yo compulsive eater/ dieter with as much as a 60-lb swing, I know Hope and Lightness of heart (what I call "the zone" ), and its evil stepsisters Self-loathing and Defeat (what I call "the pit").

After nearly 2 years of maintenance, I've slid about 8 lbs into the pit over the past 4 months mostly by being lazy about my daily self-care habits, and so am trying to turn it around with a "fake it til you make it" approach.

I load up my shopping list with produce, I log (even when it's not pretty--and there have been some days it has been REALLY ugly), I say my morning affirmations out loud to myself in the mirror and my evening gratitude list at night to myself before I fall asleep, I lay out my walking clothes every night (even though I've only managed a walk about 2 - 3 days per week), and I keep my embroidery basket next to the TV to keep my hands occupied and out of the pantry in the evening.

I don't feel I'm in "The Zone" right now, but I know that these habits are the ones that make me feel good when I AM there, so I'm doing my best to march out of "The Pit" the best way I know how.

Soof65

Hi Kiela, been there, done that, got the t shirt (in every size........) like you I have lost weight - usually I lose 5 - 6 stones (70 - 84), congratulate myself and then it all goes to hell. Over the years I have lost some much weight that I should be invisible!!!
Having lost 6 stones over the past couple of years, suddenly it's creeping back on.
Today is the start of another week and I am determined this time to get back on track and get it sorted. l have had issues with family illness recently and have used the fact that I am not getting home until late as an excuse to eat whatever I want. No more.
Over the weekend I made large pots of vegetable curries, chillis etc that I can freeze in portions. No excuse now that I don't have anything in to eat when I get back from the hospital visit.
Find some sort of exercise that you like, I am going back to the gym tonight (yes Adam (my trainer), I will be there), do yoga class once a week - you don't have to bend ultra bendy and slim if you get the right teacher - and longer walks with our dog whilst it's still light at night. Unfortunately, once it's dark at night there's no dog walking - Staffies love their sleep and if it's dark it must be bedtime!
I am going to try and make one change every day, even if it's tiny - walk a few more steps, go up and down the stairs a couple of times at home if I feel the urge for food, things like that.
Always thought 'comfort food' was a misleading description, it makes you feel better at the time but over time it just makes you fat (just my opinion).
Sticking to a 'diet' is horrible and despite what all the cheery magazines say, it is a diet and all that rubbish about you can eat what you like as long as count the points/sins/pixies whatever it's fine doesn't work in the real world.
Hope you can find a way back, suspect you, like me, feels better somewhat lighter but the devil is in the detail !
Good luck

Terytha

Sometimes life gets really stressful and hard and then it gets better, but we don't. We've accumulated too much negativity and tired and it doesn't go away. We just can't bounce back.

It's really easy to blame yourself for not just cheering up and working harder. What's really not easy is recognizing that it actually isn't your fault, and you might need to ask for help.

Think about it. There are resources you can make use of and people who are knowledgeable about this stuff. Your life is way too important to spend it feeling bad about yourself.

Or to paraphrase someone else, it's like breaking your arm and trying to punch it until it gets better.

kiela64

rosebarnalice wrote: »

As a life-long yo-yo compulsive eater/ dieter with as much as a 60-lb swing, I know Hope and Lightness of heart (what I call "the zone" ), and its evil stepsisters Self-loathing and Defeat (what I call "the pit").

After nearly 2 years of maintenance, I've slid about 8 lbs into the pit over the past 4 months mostly by being lazy about my daily self-care habits, and so am trying to turn it around with a "fake it til you make it" approach.

I load up my shopping list with produce, I log (even when it's not pretty--and there have been some days it has been REALLY ugly), I say my morning affirmations out loud to myself in the mirror and my evening gratitude list at night to myself before I fall asleep, I lay out my walking clothes every night (even though I've only managed a walk about 2 - 3 days per week), and I keep my embroidery basket next to the TV to keep my hands occupied and out of the pantry in the evening.

I don't feel I'm in "The Zone" right now, but I know that these habits are the ones that make me feel good when I AM there, so I'm doing my best to march out of "The Pit" the best way I know how.

That's a really great system.

I've gone in and out of the habit of knitting. I find because I need to do some counting and pay attention to the stitches, I can't do it mindlessly/while doing other things like other people seem to. It requires my entire focus and I get bored XD

Out of curiosity, how do you say affirmations and a) not cringe to high heaven, and b) not be afraid someone will hear you? I don't live alone, so I'm always concerned I'd be overheard.

kiela64

Soof65 wrote: »

Hi Kiela, been there, done that, got the t shirt (in every size........) like you I have lost weight - usually I lose 5 - 6 stones (70 - 84), congratulate myself and then it all goes to hell. Over the years I have lost some much weight that I should be invisible!!!
Having lost 6 stones over the past couple of years, suddenly it's creeping back on.
Today is the start of another week and I am determined this time to get back on track and get it sorted. l have had issues with family illness recently and have used the fact that I am not getting home until late as an excuse to eat whatever I want. No more.
Over the weekend I made large pots of vegetable curries, chillis etc that I can freeze in portions. No excuse now that I don't have anything in to eat when I get back from the hospital visit.
Find some sort of exercise that you like, I am going back to the gym tonight (yes Adam (my trainer), I will be there), do yoga class once a week - you don't have to bend ultra bendy and slim if you get the right teacher - and longer walks with our dog whilst it's still light at night. Unfortunately, once it's dark at night there's no dog walking - Staffies love their sleep and if it's dark it must be bedtime!
I am going to try and make one change every day, even if it's tiny - walk a few more steps, go up and down the stairs a couple of times at home if I feel the urge for food, things like that.
Always thought 'comfort food' was a misleading description, it makes you feel better at the time but over time it just makes you fat (just my opinion).
Sticking to a 'diet' is horrible and despite what all the cheery magazines say, it is a diet and all that rubbish about you can eat what you like as long as count the points/sins/pixies whatever it's fine doesn't work in the real world.
Hope you can find a way back, suspect you, like me, feels better somewhat lighter but the devil is in the detail !
Good luck

The first thing I did was make chili! It worked really well for about a week, and I've absolutely curbed my purchases out. However I'm still overeating on foods in the house that are comforting but not junk (eg toast and peanut butter). I miss yoga. The classes are unfortunately not at a time I can make, and you need to register before the start of the season. (excuses...ok so AND? what else can I do?)

However, there are some included programs at my gym - I haven't been to the gym in aaages. I haven't kept up with my physiotherapy so I'm nervous about injury. But I'm also not getting down and doing my physio exercises either.... There's an aquafit class tonight. I've been to one class before. It's awkward as I'm the youngest person there, but with my knees being so bad I know it's safe and I won't get hurt. I can also go swimming if I miss the start time.

Absolutely. And I know there are studies that showed waiting a few minutes, or eating a low-cal healthy food (eg an apple) all had the same "feel better" effect as indulging in overeating behaviours. I just get so down I don't care and I just want it. I need to work on that.

I feel much much better not only physically lighter (less pressure on my bad knees makes life so much better), but when I'm exercising I feel stronger, I stand straighter, I sleep better, and I have more energy. I know the way out is through. But my god do I feel Wrecked atm.

kiela64

Terytha wrote: »

Sometimes life gets really stressful and hard and then it gets better, but we don't. We've accumulated too much negativity and tired and it doesn't go away. We just can't bounce back.

It's really easy to blame yourself for not just cheering up and working harder. What's really not easy is recognizing that it actually isn't your fault, and you might need to ask for help.

Think about it. There are resources you can make use of and people who are knowledgeable about this stuff. Your life is way too important to spend it feeling bad about yourself.

Or to paraphrase someone else, it's like breaking your arm and trying to punch it until it gets better.

I love this, thank you. My SO and parents keep telling me I'm busy and I've been taking on a lot, but aside from the last couple weeks I don't really agree (and also those 2 weeks represent a nearly-normal level of work at 27.5h plus school (4h of class plus homework). But for me, it's been a lot. I'm not sure what to ask for help, but maybe ensuring some externalized motivating factors might help like a group fitness class....

truffaandrea

I'm happy knowing that I'm not alone. I lost 30lbs but as a teacher on summer vacation, my schedule has changed. I have much more free time and I'm eating when I'm not hungry, so I've gained 7 lbs. I also find that if I eat something that I think is supposed to taste good, but I find it bland (think cake) I have to take a second piece just to make sure I didn't imagine its blandness. I also love pizza way too much.

I am supposed to go for blood tests to check all the overweight related issues but I think fear of what may come, is driving me to eat. There are so many delicious, low calorie options in the summer but they're just not appealing at the moment.

kiela64

truffaandrea wrote: »

I'm happy knowing that I'm not alone. I lost 30lbs but as a teacher on summer vacation, my schedule has changed. I have much more free time and I'm eating when I'm not hungry, so I've gained 7 lbs. I also find that if I eat something that I think is supposed to taste good, but I find it bland (think cake) I have to take a second piece just to make sure I didn't imagine its blandness. I also love pizza way too much.

I am supposed to go for blood tests to check all the overweight related issues but I think fear of what may come, is driving me to eat. There are so many delicious, low calorie options in the summer but they're just not appealing at the moment.

Same! I keep thinking things will taste good and they don't and I go for more. it's such a weird thing!

emagee77

kiela64 wrote: »

Terytha wrote: »

Sometimes life gets really stressful and hard and then it gets better, but we don't. We've accumulated too much negativity and tired and it doesn't go away. We just can't bounce back.

It's really easy to blame yourself for not just cheering up and working harder. What's really not easy is recognizing that it actually isn't your fault, and you might need to ask for help.

Think about it. There are resources you can make use of and people who are knowledgeable about this stuff. Your life is way too important to spend it feeling bad about yourself.

Or to paraphrase someone else, it's like breaking your arm and trying to punch it until it gets better.

I love this, thank you. My SO and parents keep telling me I'm busy and I've been taking on a lot, but aside from the last couple weeks I don't really agree (and also those 2 weeks represent a nearly-normal level of work at 27.5h plus school (4h of class plus homework). But for me, it's been a lot. I'm not sure what to ask for help, but maybe ensuring some externalized motivating factors might help like a group fitness class....

LOVE that you emphasized that for YOU, it is a lot. I'm constantly criticizing myself for how tired and lazy I feel at the end of the work week "normal" people work and then do fun things every weekend, and my job isn't that hard- it's a desk job. But what my psychiatrist always tells me is that there really isn't a "normal". It's all based on you and how you're wired and nobody is exactly the same, so comparing your abilities to other people is not only self destructive, but also pointless. Still have to remind myself of that a lot, so I love that you said that

Also I totally feel you, I had a bad eating day today and I can't stop thinking about it and feeling guilty. It can be so discouraging and hard to go back after you feel like you've "messed up". I'm an all or nothing kind of gal, trying so hard to change that. I know that's not how life works..

You're doing great, you can definitely get back to how you were, maybe even better!

girlwithcurls2

Just keep trying. It's so cliche, but really, failure is just giving up. Even if you log the bad days (and even if they're almost all bad for a while), just do it. At some point, your brain will shift and you'll put something down before (over)eating it, because it won't be worth it.

YOU are worth it. Hang in there. So many people here can relate. Make one good decision. Then make another one. And forgive yourself when you don't

kiela64

emagee77 wrote: »

kiela64 wrote: »

Terytha wrote: »

Sometimes life gets really stressful and hard and then it gets better, but we don't. We've accumulated too much negativity and tired and it doesn't go away. We just can't bounce back.

It's really easy to blame yourself for not just cheering up and working harder. What's really not easy is recognizing that it actually isn't your fault, and you might need to ask for help.

Think about it. There are resources you can make use of and people who are knowledgeable about this stuff. Your life is way too important to spend it feeling bad about yourself.

Or to paraphrase someone else, it's like breaking your arm and trying to punch it until it gets better.

I love this, thank you. My SO and parents keep telling me I'm busy and I've been taking on a lot, but aside from the last couple weeks I don't really agree (and also those 2 weeks represent a nearly-normal level of work at 27.5h plus school (4h of class plus homework). But for me, it's been a lot. I'm not sure what to ask for help, but maybe ensuring some externalized motivating factors might help like a group fitness class....

LOVE that you emphasized that for YOU, it is a lot. I'm constantly criticizing myself for how tired and lazy I feel at the end of the work week "normal" people work and then do fun things every weekend, and my job isn't that hard- it's a desk job. But what my psychiatrist always tells me is that there really isn't a "normal". It's all based on you and how you're wired and nobody is exactly the same, so comparing your abilities to other people is not only self destructive, but also pointless. Still have to remind myself of that a lot, so I love that you said that

Also I totally feel you, I had a bad eating day today and I can't stop thinking about it and feeling guilty. It can be so discouraging and hard to go back after you feel like you've "messed up". I'm an all or nothing kind of gal, trying so hard to change that. I know that's not how life works..

You're doing great, you can definitely get back to how you were, maybe even better!

Don't get me wrong, I HATE that it's a lot for me. I'm constantly ashamed and critical of that because I know my part-time course load is typically an addition to a 40h work week that I do not do. But it's a lot of awkward scheduling and I have to acknowledge that it is a lot for me. UGH.

It's totally true though! I think finding that balance between challenging yourself to improve and being comfortable with your current limits is that sweet spot where improvement can actually happen - if I just continue to berate myself that I'm not achieving a "normal" amount of things, I just wallow and feel like ***!

that "all or nothing" mentality is the DEVIL omfg. I have it too and it's driving me bananas. I went swimming for the first time in AGES this week, and it was really awesome. But I'm sore af and I keep not stretching/doing "active rest" and berating myself for not going to the gym again. I CAN - stretch, do a yoga video, go for a walk. I don't do it because it doesn't "count" in my head as completing a task BUT IT'S TOTALLY STILL PART OF THE PROCESS AND JUST AS IMPORTANT. GRR.

And I feel you, we went out for a birthday celebration in my family today and I'm still burping pasta. Much too much food for one sitting. We need to remember one day is NOT everything - but it IS a reason to get back on it tomorrow.

Thank you! fingers crossed!!!!

kiela64

girlwithcurls2 wrote: »

Just keep trying. It's so cliche, but really, failure is just giving up. Even if you log the bad days (and even if they're almost all bad for a while), just do it. At some point, your brain will shift and you'll put something down before (over)eating it, because it won't be worth it.

YOU are worth it. Hang in there. So many people here can relate. Make one good decision. Then make another one. And forgive yourself when you don't

Thank you It does feel like I'm starting to wake up and keep going this week. It's already been a much better week. It's meant so much to have these kind/supportive messages here thank you!!