Feeling old and unpretty
bishopjulia
Posts: 205 Member
in Chit-Chat
On the 24th was my 36th Birthday. And today I feel old and ugly. I am losing weight at a really slow pace like snail slow, was 232 now 222. Yesterday I was in a store and two beautiful young ladies walked in, they where perfect in all the perfect places.... and there was dumpy short me. I felt so unpretty walking out of the store beside them at the same time. My husband sitting in the car and all that’s going through my mind is “why would he want me when he could have that?” Does anyone else feel the same. Do men feel this way sometimes. I don’t know... today is a blah day, maybe I can turn it around.
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bishopjulia wrote: »On the 24th was my 36th Birthday. And today I feel old and ugly. I am losing weight at a really slow pace like snail slow, was 232 now 222. Yesterday I was in a store and two beautiful young ladies walked in, they where perfect in all the perfect places.... and there was dumpy short me. I felt so unpretty walking out of the store beside them at the same time. My husband sitting in the car and all that’s going through my mind is “why would he want me when he could have that?” Does anyone else feel the same. Do men feel this way sometimes. I don’t know... today is a blah day, maybe I can turn it around.
yeah. I have felt this way.
I would like to tell you I became strong- minded and confident and it had nothing to do with outward appearances, but truthfully I felt better and better as I took better care of myself and also as I lost the weight. (I’m at goal-ish.)
I also wish I could tell you that feeling never comes back but sometimes it does. I do have some weapons to fight it though. Get really good at something, especially something physical, and do it. You’ll feel powerful, beautiful, and strong. Sex with someone who really digs you is also helpful.
ETA: I’m 12 years older than you and I mostly feel really good now.
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Oh wow is that you? You’re pretty high gorgeous, in fact never mind. I’m just gonna go back to my boiled eggs and exercise all my chins.3
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I hope you can find your inner goddess.
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Wait until you have to take your gorgeous fit beautiful teenage daughter clothes shopping. Ugh. I’m short and fat and only have old clothes (because we are broke and I keep getting fatter) so I am 100% the elephant in the room and if is so embarrassing. So get used to it. However you are losing weight and that is wonderful!!! Even if it’s slow take it. You are still young5
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There will always be people that are younger, prettier and fitter than I will ever be. But also, I am younger, prettier and fitter than a lot of other people. That’s just life. It’s an unnecessary waste of your precious, limited time on this Earth to have to worry about comparing yourself to others, it’s a never-ending, futile waste of your energy. Instead, put that energy into being the best YOU you can be! Pay attention to those that love and cherish you and love and cherish them back, they are the ones that matter the most. 8
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RunsWithBees wrote: »There will always be people that are younger, prettier and fitter than I will ever be. But also, I am younger, prettier and fitter than a lot of other people. That’s just life. It’s an unnecessary waste of your precious, limited time on this Earth to have to worry about comparing yourself to others, it’s a never-ending, futile waste of your energy. Instead, put that energy into being the best YOU you can be! Pay attention to those that love and cherish you and love and cherish them back, they are the ones that matter the most.
This.
Whenever I get to comparing myself with others, I remind myself that someone else might be comparing themselves to me. Comparison is indeed the thief of joy. If we always have to be "better than" how can we ever just be happy being ourselves?
I think everyone has those days. And I used to question myself a lot about why my husband would want me over someone else...then I remember all the STUFF we have together (not material but emotional)...the inside jokes...the memories...the L-O-V-E LOVE! Remember that marriage isn't just about looks and sex...I wanted someone to grow old with. Neither me or my husband look the way we did when we first met...or when we first got married...but every year we have more of that good stuff. Memories, experiences, heartache, joy...what makes life with another person so worthwhile.5 -
My husband, who was gorgeous, felt insecure about his looks and self worth quite often. His ex-wife had pounded it into him again and again how unattractive and worthless he was. After awhile, he believed it.
It took the love of me, my stepson, his co-workers and friends and my family to show him otherwise.
So yeah, men do feel that way, too.7 -
yes, men feel that way too. they are too short, or soft, or have a muscle group they don't like, can't grow a beard, etc. they've had partners who've told them over and over again that such and such is wrong with them.
they can get body dysmorphia just like a woman.2 -
you look pretty to me....
*shrug4 -
I know it sounds sort of trite and ridiculous but there really are rooms for all kinds of pretty in the world.
As for the whole youth topic...one of my male friends put it well, even though what he said was taken a bit offensively by some ladies. "It's easy to be hot at 22, not as easy to be hot at 42" - this was meant as a compliment to a woman we attended high school with. She's never been a conventional beauty. In our teens she was the awkward tomboy selling dime bags. But at 42, she is fit and healthy and has bright eyes and a great smile.
I think it's pointless to compare yourself to someone much younger, taller, thinner, whatever. Working on oneself is awesome but it's good not to let yourself get caught up in what you are not especially if it's beyond your control such as age, height, or general build/body type. That would be like me crying over my midriff bulge and ignoring that I've gone down like 12 sizes and have great legs. No point in it.7 -
seltzermint555 wrote: »I know it sounds sort of trite and ridiculous but there really are rooms for all kinds of pretty in the world.
I think it's pointless to compare yourself to someone much younger, taller, thinner, whatever. Working on oneself is awesome but it's good not to let yourself get caught up in what you are not especially if it's beyond your control such as age, height, or general build/body type. That would be like me crying over my midriff bulge and ignoring that I've gone down like 12 sizes and have great legs. No point in it.
Agreed 100%. There is no point comparing yourself to others. Try to be the best you that you can. Taking care of yourself will boost your self esteem. Conventional standards of beauty are crap imo. Also, there is more to a person than looks.
When I was younger, I was always made fun of for being short and my looks criticized in different ways. It used to bother me as I’m a sensitive person by nature but now I just don’t care and love myself. It is a process.5 -
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I hope I can find my inner Goddess too! I used to have it , I lost it 😔 am trying. It’s not like everyday I feel poopy. There are days I feel like a sex kitten too. But lately I have lost a little of that kitten. I guess sometimes events in a persons life can cause low spells5
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maureenseel1984 wrote: »RunsWithBees wrote: »There will always be people that are younger, prettier and fitter than I will ever be. But also, I am younger, prettier and fitter than a lot of other people. That’s just life. It’s an unnecessary waste of your precious, limited time on this Earth to have to worry about comparing yourself to others, it’s a never-ending, futile waste of your energy. Instead, put that energy into being the best YOU you can be! Pay attention to those that love and cherish you and love and cherish them back, they are the ones that matter the most.
This.
Whenever I get to comparing myself with others, I remind myself that someone else might be comparing themselves to me. Comparison is indeed the thief of joy. If we always have to be "better than" how can we ever just be happy being ourselves?
I think everyone has those days. And I used to question myself a lot about why my husband would want me over someone else...then I remember all the STUFF we have together (not material but emotional)...the inside jokes...the memories...the L-O-V-E LOVE! Remember that marriage isn't just about looks and sex...I wanted someone to grow old with. Neither me or my husband look the way we did when we first met...or when we first got married...but every year we have more of that good stuff. Memories, experiences, heartache, joy...what makes life with another person so worthwhile.
Comparison is indeed the thief of joy - this is so very true. Don't torment yourself like that, it's not a competition. I miss the way I looked at 30, but I've grown a lot as a person and like myself better at 42. You're beautiful and comparing ourselves to other people is just a negative waste of time.
The same things I hated about myself when I was younger, I've learned to mostly embrace because they make me unique.4 -
There are all different kinds of gorgeous out there...so comparing becomes so hard on ourselves. And everyone hates on their bodies at some point! I teach high school and it’s insane to me how much self-hate and comparison is going on with beautiful and healthy teenagers...Odd are those 22 year olds are also shaming themselves and wishing they had aspects of your body too (when I was young I was naturally thin as a rail...and man did I have low self esteem wishing I had boobs and a butt like other women!).
Pick out things you love about your body and focus on them when you start to feel this way!3 -
Age is one of those things that happens to everyone. When I see young attractive people I think of little time they will be that way and wish them the best with it. It's a stage in life I wouldn't go back to for anything. Those same women you were watching have their own insecurities you can't see. One's hair is too frizzy and the other is worried her right boob is a weird shape. You feel frumpy, old, tired... OK, we all feel that way sometimes, and those women you were jealous of will too someday. The key is to remember your own value and not worry about others.
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FeelinFooFoo wrote: »bishopjulia wrote: »I hope I can find my inner Goddess too! I used to have it , I lost it 😔 am trying. It’s not like everyday I feel poopy. There are days I feel like a sex kitten too. But lately I have lost a little of that kitten. I guess sometimes events in a persons life can cause low spells
I can totally relate to this. And yeah I agree, life can change the way you feel/view yourself. I'm only 32 and I'm already planning on becoming a cougar! I know I'm not getting any younger, but I'm looking on the bright side, age brings wisdom and more experience so I'm gona use that to my advantage! You can buy a nice new lip gloss and be young and pretty, but ya can't buy experience 😋
For the record I'm not looking to date younger men, but if a young pretty girl turns my man's head, I will be reminding myself that she ain't me, she a kitten, I'm a cougar hehe. Even if sometimes I need to fake it, it helps some. I also invested in some nice make up for myself and letting myself see myself as sexy instead of frumpy. I think a lot of it is just all in the mind.
A few years ago I was thin and at my goal and felt invincible and swore I would never put the weight back on ... but things in life happened some of it very traumatic ... and here I am now. I feel wore out and tired and to be honest I’ve kind of lost myself. I used to love photography, playing dress up lol and combining the both. I agree with you about seeing myself as sexy instead as a grumpy frump. Fake it till I make it.
Also I wish I could hug each and every one of you who have posted a comment🥰🥰🥰
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bishopjulia wrote: »FeelinFooFoo wrote: »bishopjulia wrote: »I hope I can find my inner Goddess too! I used to have it , I lost it 😔 am trying. It’s not like everyday I feel poopy. There are days I feel like a sex kitten too. But lately I have lost a little of that kitten. I guess sometimes events in a persons life can cause low spells
I can totally relate to this. And yeah I agree, life can change the way you feel/view yourself. I'm only 32 and I'm already planning on becoming a cougar! I know I'm not getting any younger, but I'm looking on the bright side, age brings wisdom and more experience so I'm gona use that to my advantage! You can buy a nice new lip gloss and be young and pretty, but ya can't buy experience 😋
For the record I'm not looking to date younger men, but if a young pretty girl turns my man's head, I will be reminding myself that she ain't me, she a kitten, I'm a cougar hehe. Even if sometimes I need to fake it, it helps some. I also invested in some nice make up for myself and letting myself see myself as sexy instead of frumpy. I think a lot of it is just all in the mind.
A few years ago I was thin and at my goal and felt invincible and swore I would never put the weight back on ... but things in life happened some of it very traumatic ... and here I am now. I feel wore out and tired and to be honest I’ve kind of lost myself. I used to love photography, playing dress up lol and combining the both. I agree with you about seeing myself as sexy instead as a grumpy frump. Fake it till I make it.
Also I wish I could hug each and every one of you who have posted a comment🥰🥰🥰
Girl, it’s hard to survive traumatic experiences and take care of yourself...but you survived it. You are a strong and powerful woman for doing that—and that’s fierce and sexy!
And now you’re in a place where you understand how you got through that and that you need to start taking care of yourself and nurturing your inner back from all of that trauma too. So, focus on you and what you can do to help you Bc you are strong and amazing...no 22 year old could have handled your year
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I don’t know if everyone feels this way, but I know I sure as hell do.2
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FeelinFooFoo wrote: »bishopjulia wrote: »FeelinFooFoo wrote: »bishopjulia wrote: »I hope I can find my inner Goddess too! I used to have it , I lost it 😔 am trying. It’s not like everyday I feel poopy. There are days I feel like a sex kitten too. But lately I have lost a little of that kitten. I guess sometimes events in a persons life can cause low spells
I can totally relate to this. And yeah I agree, life can change the way you feel/view yourself. I'm only 32 and I'm already planning on becoming a cougar! I know I'm not getting any younger, but I'm looking on the bright side, age brings wisdom and more experience so I'm gona use that to my advantage! You can buy a nice new lip gloss and be young and pretty, but ya can't buy experience 😋
For the record I'm not looking to date younger men, but if a young pretty girl turns my man's head, I will be reminding myself that she ain't me, she a kitten, I'm a cougar hehe. Even if sometimes I need to fake it, it helps some. I also invested in some nice make up for myself and letting myself see myself as sexy instead of frumpy. I think a lot of it is just all in the mind.
A few years ago I was thin and at my goal and felt invincible and swore I would never put the weight back on ... but things in life happened some of it very traumatic ... and here I am now. I feel wore out and tired and to be honest I’ve kind of lost myself. I used to love photography, playing dress up lol and combining the both. I agree with you about seeing myself as sexy instead as a grumpy frump. Fake it till I make it.
Also I wish I could hug each and every one of you who have posted a comment🥰🥰🥰
Life changes, people change and I have kinda came to the conclusion that my attitude towards myself has to change. Things that seemed to come so easy before, just seem out of reach some days. But I know I want it back, and usually when I want something, I get it haha. 😂
I think it's about approaching it a little differently which is hard if your not feeling it. (I know, I'm going through it lol) I am focussing on my relationship and letting my trust and love with him help me through it. Also, taking better care of myself, self care has helped a lot. But I'm still not there. I had to accept I won't ever feel exactly the same as before, because I'm different now. It's a work in progress. ❤
I actually really enjoyed being able to talk about this too because its something that bugs me too. Here is to being happier with ourselves. 😊
That’s another thing “trust” in a relationship. This is a ‘me’ problem due to very bad experiences in the past. It’s the “what ifs” that some times get the best of me. I’m working on it. I also enjoy being able to talk about issues that seem to plague most of us as human beans. 🥰3 -
I've been tall and thin all my life and I'm horrendously insecure. (Having had a partner that cheated doesn't help). By the way, ageing and thinness don't go well together, so you may actually want to hang onto a few pounds.
When I was in my mid-20s I was in a bridal party with a woman who was slim and tiny and gorgeous and chose the perfect outfits always, and I felt diminished in comparison. Our mutual friend the bride told me that this woman was so embarrassed about having ugly bunions that her boyfriend had never seen her without socks. There's always something to hate about ourselves, if we choose to focus on the flaws. And that's what we do, we zero in on them and magnify them until they consume us.
I've run into her since and she's still slim and tiny and perfect, and I wonder if she's ever had sex without socks
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I've been tall and thin all my life and I'm horrendously insecure. (Having had a partner that cheated doesn't help). By the way, ageing and thinness don't go well together, so you may actually want to hang onto a few pounds.
When I was in my mid-20s I was in a bridal party with a woman who was slim and tiny and gorgeous and chose the perfect outfits always, and I felt diminished in comparison. Our mutual friend the bride told me that this woman was so embarrassed about having ugly bunions that her boyfriend had never seen her without socks. There's always something to hate about ourselves, if we choose to focus on the flaws. And that's what we do, we zero in on them and magnify them until they consume us.
I've run into her since and she's still slim and tiny and perfect, and I wonder if she's ever had sex without socks
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FeelinFooFoo wrote: »bishopjulia wrote: »FeelinFooFoo wrote: »bishopjulia wrote: »FeelinFooFoo wrote: »bishopjulia wrote: »I hope I can find my inner Goddess too! I used to have it , I lost it 😔 am trying. It’s not like everyday I feel poopy. There are days I feel like a sex kitten too. But lately I have lost a little of that kitten. I guess sometimes events in a persons life can cause low spells
I can totally relate to this. And yeah I agree, life can change the way you feel/view yourself. I'm only 32 and I'm already planning on becoming a cougar! I know I'm not getting any younger, but I'm looking on the bright side, age brings wisdom and more experience so I'm gona use that to my advantage! You can buy a nice new lip gloss and be young and pretty, but ya can't buy experience 😋
For the record I'm not looking to date younger men, but if a young pretty girl turns my man's head, I will be reminding myself that she ain't me, she a kitten, I'm a cougar hehe. Even if sometimes I need to fake it, it helps some. I also invested in some nice make up for myself and letting myself see myself as sexy instead of frumpy. I think a lot of it is just all in the mind.
A few years ago I was thin and at my goal and felt invincible and swore I would never put the weight back on ... but things in life happened some of it very traumatic ... and here I am now. I feel wore out and tired and to be honest I’ve kind of lost myself. I used to love photography, playing dress up lol and combining the both. I agree with you about seeing myself as sexy instead as a grumpy frump. Fake it till I make it.
Also I wish I could hug each and every one of you who have posted a comment🥰🥰🥰
Life changes, people change and I have kinda came to the conclusion that my attitude towards myself has to change. Things that seemed to come so easy before, just seem out of reach some days. But I know I want it back, and usually when I want something, I get it haha. 😂
I think it's about approaching it a little differently which is hard if your not feeling it. (I know, I'm going through it lol) I am focussing on my relationship and letting my trust and love with him help me through it. Also, taking better care of myself, self care has helped a lot. But I'm still not there. I had to accept I won't ever feel exactly the same as before, because I'm different now. It's a work in progress. ❤
I actually really enjoyed being able to talk about this too because its something that bugs me too. Here is to being happier with ourselves. 😊
That’s another thing “trust” in a relationship. This is a ‘me’ problem due to very bad experiences in the past. It’s the “what ifs” that some times get the best of me. I’m working on it. I also enjoy being able to talk about issues that seem to plague most of us as human beans. 🥰
I have trust issues with my man in the past, I sometimes wonder if that's what bleeds into my self image/doubt. Our experiences shape us after all. I am learning to heal and hope I come out the other side like an untamed tigress/cougar. I'm not fussy lol.
Yes I do think these experiences bleed into our self image. It’s hard to love ones self when someone that was suppose to love you/ respect / protect you... ended up abusing / cheating / or hurting you. Yes it bleeds into your soul and Rips it apart. And your left trying to figure out how to love yourself again, to hug yourself again to say good things about your self again. Breath again 🥰
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I've been there. I'm 36, and am short. I go walking and see these tall gazelle like 20 somethings run past me, and I feel like poop. I just keep walking, and know I'm me, and im pretty in my own way.3
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After all the positive comments and great advice I feel good at the end of the day. It started out feeling horrible and ended up like this....
Thank you everyone ... hugs!!
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Like the bad stuff, Good things tend to build upon each other as well - glad you found some today 👍 Happy to see this lovely picture.1
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Jdismybug1 wrote: »I've been there. I'm 36, and am short. I go walking and see these tall gazelle like 20 somethings run past me, and I feel like poop. I just keep walking, and know I'm a me, and im pretty in my own way.
What’s funny is I’m a tall gal and I have gotten envious of short gals in the past...my feet and hands are so big...I feel like sometimes disproportionate...and my hips are wider...I’ve been envious of how petite the features are on short women...smaller and more defined!
So, grass is always greener, eh?
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I happen to feel pretty today.
.... just sayin'
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