Cat calls while working out
maureenseel1984
Posts: 395 Member
So I decided to go for a walk this morning while I had my coffee. It's miserably hot here in Baltimore city so I decided to wear my sports bra and shorts. This is saying a lot given that I felt very self-conscious/had body image today after indulgent day with my husband yesterday.
So as I'm walking and enjoying being outside when some guy on a bike (50's-60's) whistles at me and shouts something I didn't quite catch.
Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.
So as I'm walking and enjoying being outside when some guy on a bike (50's-60's) whistles at me and shouts something I didn't quite catch.
Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.
16
Replies
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Ugh. Know that the unwelcome attention can happen regardless of how you are dressed, and the shame is his, not yours. If it helps, imagine that he shouted: "I've been fired from every well paying job I've had due to my inability to be appropriate around my female coworkers. Had to sell my car, and now this bike is my only mode of transportation."57
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A lot of men are pigs and even some women are.... I would never do that myself.9
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OP - I'm sorry this happened to you. You are allowed to react to it however you feel appropriate. You certainly don't have to feel flattered by it. Just know that you didn't do anything wrong, the guy who did the catcalling was in the wrong.
[edited by MFP mods to remove quote]32 -
You didn't "ask for" or "deserve" catcalls/ unsolicited remarks from some jerk because how you were dressed. He behaved inappropriately, and that's it.
[edited by MFP mods to remove quote]18 -
Don't pay attention to bottom feeders like that. They don't know any better.
❤7 -
maureenseel1984 wrote: »
Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.
No. No. No.
People of any gender can be bloody idiots. You did nothing wrong, have nothing to feel gross, self conscious or ashamed about.
There are people out there who are sincere in wanting to call out a compliment and just have no idea how to do it appropriately, and there are those who are dull enough to think their idiocy is actually appreciated.
You don't need to pay attention to either, or let them and their actions and words take away from your enjoyment. Don't give them that power over you.
[edited by MFP mods to remove quote]11 -
Maybe he was just yelling at you for walking on private property.17
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tauntonmom wrote: »Ugh. Know that the unwelcome attention can happen regardless of how you are dressed, and the shame is his, not yours. If it helps, imagine that he shouted: "I've been fired from every well paying job I've had due to my inability to be appropriate around my female coworkers. Had to sell my car, and now this bike is my only mode of transportation."
I
this. So true. 3 -
maureenseel1984 wrote: »
Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.
No. No. No.
People of any gender can be bloody idiots. You did nothing wrong, have nothing to feel gross, self conscious or ashamed about.
While this is undoubtedly true, I do think we do ourselves a bit of a disservice if we don't recognize that the vast, vast, majority of this inappropriate behavior is done by men.
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maureenseel1984 wrote: »
Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.
No. No. No.
People of any gender can be bloody idiots. You did nothing wrong, have nothing to feel gross, self conscious or ashamed about.
While this is undoubtedly true, I do think we do ourselves a bit of a disservice if we don't recognize that the vast, vast, majority of this inappropriate behavior is done by men.
I wrote exactly what I meant to say.7 -
You did nothing wrong. He was a h*ckin' idiot. There's always one. I'll leave it to the "Girl you regret talking to at a party" to say it best:
And, of course, Granger -
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Hi, maureen
I think it's great that you are getting out there and I hope that you continue on with the morning walks, you've absolutely nothing to feel ashamed or gross about!
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This would make sense if I was on private property...instead of a public sidewalk in downtown Baltimore.4
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A lot of women do not enjoy being catcalled and it actually makes them feel worse and self conscious. Sometimes we just want to exist in the world doing our thing without having to be treated as objects.
[edited by MFP mods to remove quote]21 -
maureenseel1984 wrote: »
Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.
No. No. No.
People of any gender can be bloody idiots. You did nothing wrong, have nothing to feel gross, self conscious or ashamed about.
While this is undoubtedly true, I do think we do ourselves a bit of a disservice if we don't recognize that the vast, vast, majority of this inappropriate behavior is done by men.
I wrote exactly what I meant to say.
Women do it too-whether it is more or less frequently. It doesn't matter. Why can't we just look at each other and see people and...treat them as such?11 -
By 50 he should certainly know how to behave in public - apparent he does not. You did nothing wrong, he did! Enjoy your walks and dress appropriately for the weather. Ignore the morons.4
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Having hit my mid 40s, one of the best things about getting older is that I get less attention from jerks. It's glorious! There's not a lot of perks to getting older, but that's absolutely one of them.
And there's no compliment, no flattery, in having some random inform you that you're worthy of his creepy attention.
And it's not just the creepy comments, because we all know that there's a lot of creeps who will totally flip if you don't seem appreciative of their attention. They'll switch from compliment to threatening obscenity in a heartbeat, and sometimes even violence. So it's a perfectly normal and sensible reaction to be instantly nervous, on your guard, and hoping that there's people around in case it all blows up.
So no. Just no.
[edited by MFP mods to remove quote]16 -
You feel how you feel. And I think trying to stop feeling that way can be counterproductive: ie. I'm not angry/embarassed/ashamed, no! not at all! I'm mad/empowered/etc. It's: feel how you do, then try to untangle the feelings.
A lot of people on here (myself included) are here because we don't deal with feelings head on, but often comfort ourselves with food. Part of learning to lose weight and be healthier will need to include dealing with feelings if people are going to be successful in the long term. So I think coming here was a great action to take. Often the way to get through it with negative emotions is to acknowledge it to yourself (say to yourself: i feel really self conscious! or he scared me! -lots of times you have an automatic reaction of fear when someone yells, no matter what they were yelling) then talk about how you feel. it won't make it go away but it's a way to feel more secure and to process the emotions you are having.
keep walking and enjoy yourself! people are not always polite or appropriate, but it shouldn't stop us from doing exactly what we want to do whenever we want to do it.8 -
I completely agree with you. The main point I wanted to get across was that anyone else doing something offensive and wrong does not in any way, shape, manner or form make you less than. You're not.maureenseel1984 wrote: »maureenseel1984 wrote: »
Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.
No. No. No.
People of any gender can be bloody idiots. You did nothing wrong, have nothing to feel gross, self conscious or ashamed about.
While this is undoubtedly true, I do think we do ourselves a bit of a disservice if we don't recognize that the vast, vast, majority of this inappropriate behavior is done by men.
I wrote exactly what I meant to say.
Women do it too-whether it is more or less frequently. It doesn't matter. Why can't we just look at each other and see people and...treat them as such?
8 -
You feel how you feel. And I think trying to stop feeling that way can be counterproductive: ie. I'm not angry/embarassed/ashamed, no! not at all! I'm mad/empowered/etc. It's: feel how you do, then try to untangle the feelings.
A lot of people on here (myself included) are here because we don't deal with feelings head on, but often comfort ourselves with food. Part of learning to lose weight and be healthier will need to include dealing with feelings if people are going to be successful in the long term. So I think coming here was a great action to take. Often the way to get through it with negative emotions is to acknowledge it to yourself (say to yourself: i feel really self conscious! or he scared me! -lots of times you have an automatic reaction of fear when someone yells, no matter what they were yelling) then talk about how you feel. it won't make it go away but it's a way to feel more secure and to process the emotions you are having.
keep walking and enjoy yourself! people are not always polite or appropriate, but it shouldn't stop us from doing exactly what we want to do whenever we want to do it.
This almost brought me to tears. Very insightful. My go-to for dealing with negative feelings in the past has been to skip the next meal...see how little I could eat that day. When my anorexia got bad I was thin and boyish...almost like becoming invisible, smaller...I didn't stand out.
It's been a while since something like this happened to me-there are some drunks near our house that call out sometimes...I usually say something insulting to them back but now I'm realizing that makes me no better.13 -
You made a choice today to get dressed to beat the heat as you worked out for your health and fitness. You didn't ask for a man to treat you like an object and embarrass you and make you feel like you asked for it..
Wearing shorts and a jogging top is no big deal. He is an idiot.17 -
I just...I feel bad for other women or men who go through the same thing.
I didn't grow up in the Mid Atlantic so I was accustomed to dry heat during the summer (cool mornings/evenings and hot days-days when if you wear a tank and shorts you're fine). Once I moved out here and went through my first Maryland summer I noticed how big of a difference it is. The humidity is just unbearable. The only way I can still get outside and exercise is by wearing as little as I feel is decent.
This sports bra I was wearing was no such thing. It was almost like a crop top...and running shorts that weren't even that short.
God I don't even have that great of a figure-not that it would change anything or make it ok. I just...didn't figure what I was wearing would draw attention at all.4 -
maureenseel1984 wrote: »So I decided to go for a walk this morning while I had my coffee. It's miserably hot here in Baltimore city so I decided to wear my sports bra and shorts. This is saying a lot given that I felt very self-conscious/had body image today after indulgent day with my husband yesterday.
So as I'm walking and enjoying being outside when some guy on a bike (50's-60's) whistles at me and shouts something I didn't quite catch.
Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.
I'm deeply disappointed and bothered that you and everyone else in this thread who jumped on the bandwagon to demonize this man when you clearly stated you had absolutely no idea what he was shouting at you. Being that you do not know what this man shouted, this was a non-issue.
He very well may have been whistling to grab your attention to shout "Hey watch out for the dog *kitten*", "loose dog", "pot hole", "theirs a wasp near you" or something of the nature but you chose to automatically assume he was cat calling you which is pretty narcissistic.
I'm well aware that leering and cat calling is problem for women but I'm also not ignorant enough to make gross assumptions when I'm presented without clear cut facts. Over the years I've witnessed women full of themselves ignoring men because they assumed the man was approaching them when in fact the man was just alerting them to something, like the woman walking around with toilet tissue hanging off her azz.
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BasedGawd412 wrote: »maureenseel1984 wrote: »So I decided to go for a walk this morning while I had my coffee. It's miserably hot here in Baltimore city so I decided to wear my sports bra and shorts. This is saying a lot given that I felt very self-conscious/had body image today after indulgent day with my husband yesterday.
So as I'm walking and enjoying being outside when some guy on a bike (50's-60's) whistles at me and shouts something I didn't quite catch.
Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.
I'm deeply disappointed and bothered that you and everyone else in this thread who jumped on the bandwagon to demonize this man when you clearly stated you had absolutely no idea what he was shouting at you. Being that you do not know what this man shouted, this was a non-issue.
He very well may have been whistling to grab your attention to shout "Hey watch out for the dog *kitten*", "loose dog", "pot hole", "theirs a wasp near you" or something of the nature but you chose to automatically assume he was cat calling you which is pretty narcissistic.
I'm well aware that leering and cat calling is problem for women but I'm also not ignorant enough to make gross assumptions when I'm presented without clear cut facts. Over the years I've witnessed women full of themselves ignoring men because they assumed the man was approaching them when in fact the man was just alerting them to something, like the woman walking around with toilet tissue hanging off her azz.
Oh dude...you must not be familiar at ALL with the kind of whistle I'm talking about.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SF2SA6uRhKw
And also...thanks for making yourself look quite ignorant. 24 -
BasedGawd412 wrote: »maureenseel1984 wrote: »So I decided to go for a walk this morning while I had my coffee. It's miserably hot here in Baltimore city so I decided to wear my sports bra and shorts. This is saying a lot given that I felt very self-conscious/had body image today after indulgent day with my husband yesterday.
So as I'm walking and enjoying being outside when some guy on a bike (50's-60's) whistles at me and shouts something I didn't quite catch.
Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.
I'm deeply disappointed and bothered that you and everyone else in this thread who jumped on the bandwagon to demonize this man when you clearly stated you had absolutely no idea what he was shouting at you. Being that you do not know what this man shouted, this was a non-issue.
He very well may have been whistling to grab your attention to shout "Hey watch out for the dog *kitten*", "loose dog", "pot hole", "theirs a wasp near you" or something of the nature but you chose to automatically assume he was cat calling you which is pretty narcissistic.
I'm well aware that leering and cat calling is problem for women but I'm also not ignorant enough to make gross assumptions when I'm presented without clear cut facts. Over the years I've witnessed women full of themselves ignoring men because they assumed the man was approaching them when in fact the man was just alerting them to something, like the woman walking around with toilet tissue hanging off her azz.
OH and I forgot to include the rubber-necking.
And trust me. Narcissist? I pretty much think I am crap so...thanks...6 -
BasedGawd412 wrote: »maureenseel1984 wrote: »So I decided to go for a walk this morning while I had my coffee. It's miserably hot here in Baltimore city so I decided to wear my sports bra and shorts. This is saying a lot given that I felt very self-conscious/had body image today after indulgent day with my husband yesterday.
So as I'm walking and enjoying being outside when some guy on a bike (50's-60's) whistles at me and shouts something I didn't quite catch.
Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.
I'm deeply disappointed and bothered that you and everyone else in this thread who jumped on the bandwagon to demonize this man when you clearly stated you had absolutely no idea what he was shouting at you. Being that you do not know what this man shouted, this was a non-issue.
He very well may have been whistling to grab your attention to shout "Hey watch out for the dog *kitten*", "loose dog", "pot hole", "theirs a wasp near you" or something of the nature but you chose to automatically assume he was cat calling you which is pretty narcissistic.
I'm well aware that leering and cat calling is problem for women but I'm also not ignorant enough to make gross assumptions when I'm presented without clear cut facts. Over the years I've witnessed women full of themselves ignoring men because they assumed the man was approaching them when in fact the man was just alerting them to something, like the woman walking around with toilet tissue hanging off her azz.
LOL for real??? This is the epidemy of "I'm not a mysoginist but..."20 -
BasedGawd412 wrote: »maureenseel1984 wrote: »So I decided to go for a walk this morning while I had my coffee. It's miserably hot here in Baltimore city so I decided to wear my sports bra and shorts. This is saying a lot given that I felt very self-conscious/had body image today after indulgent day with my husband yesterday.
So as I'm walking and enjoying being outside when some guy on a bike (50's-60's) whistles at me and shouts something I didn't quite catch.
Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.
I'm deeply disappointed and bothered that you and everyone else in this thread who jumped on the bandwagon to demonize this man when you clearly stated you had absolutely no idea what he was shouting at you. Being that you do not know what this man shouted, this was a non-issue.
He very well may have been whistling to grab your attention to shout "Hey watch out for the dog *kitten*", "loose dog", "pot hole", "theirs a wasp near you" or something of the nature but you chose to automatically assume he was cat calling you which is pretty narcissistic.
I'm well aware that leering and cat calling is problem for women but I'm also not ignorant enough to make gross assumptions when I'm presented without clear cut facts. Over the years I've witnessed women full of themselves ignoring men because they assumed the man was approaching them when in fact the man was just alerting them to something, like the woman walking around with toilet tissue hanging off her azz.
Because the foolish womenz don't know what different tones of voice or body language are expressing, and people always use wolf whistles to warn of danger.12 -
BasedGawd412 wrote: »maureenseel1984 wrote: »So I decided to go for a walk this morning while I had my coffee. It's miserably hot here in Baltimore city so I decided to wear my sports bra and shorts. This is saying a lot given that I felt very self-conscious/had body image today after indulgent day with my husband yesterday.
So as I'm walking and enjoying being outside when some guy on a bike (50's-60's) whistles at me and shouts something I didn't quite catch.
Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.
I'm deeply disappointed and bothered that you and everyone else in this thread who jumped on the bandwagon to demonize this man when you clearly stated you had absolutely no idea what he was shouting at you. Being that you do not know what this man shouted, this was a non-issue.
He very well may have been whistling to grab your attention to shout "Hey watch out for the dog *kitten*", "loose dog", "pot hole", "theirs a wasp near you" or something of the nature but you chose to automatically assume he was cat calling you which is pretty narcissistic.
I'm well aware that leering and cat calling is problem for women but I'm also not ignorant enough to make gross assumptions when I'm presented without clear cut facts. Over the years I've witnessed women full of themselves ignoring men because they assumed the man was approaching them when in fact the man was just alerting them to something, like the woman walking around with toilet tissue hanging off her azz.
FYI slamming people for making gross assumptions while you are making gross assumptions isn't going to end well for you lol.17 -
OP, read this link below and I think it will make you feel a bit better. This just happened here. I laughed my *kitten* off lol.maureenseel1984 wrote: »BasedGawd412 wrote: »maureenseel1984 wrote: »So I decided to go for a walk this morning while I had my coffee. It's miserably hot here in Baltimore city so I decided to wear my sports bra and shorts. This is saying a lot given that I felt very self-conscious/had body image today after indulgent day with my husband yesterday.
So as I'm walking and enjoying being outside when some guy on a bike (50's-60's) whistles at me and shouts something I didn't quite catch.
Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.
I'm deeply disappointed and bothered that you and everyone else in this thread who jumped on the bandwagon to demonize this man when you clearly stated you had absolutely no idea what he was shouting at you. Being that you do not know what this man shouted, this was a non-issue.
He very well may have been whistling to grab your attention to shout "Hey watch out for the dog *kitten*", "loose dog", "pot hole", "theirs a wasp near you" or something of the nature but you chose to automatically assume he was cat calling you which is pretty narcissistic.
I'm well aware that leering and cat calling is problem for women but I'm also not ignorant enough to make gross assumptions when I'm presented without clear cut facts. Over the years I've witnessed women full of themselves ignoring men because they assumed the man was approaching them when in fact the man was just alerting them to something, like the woman walking around with toilet tissue hanging off her azz.
OH and I forgot to include the rubber-necking.
And trust me. Narcissist? I pretty much think I am *kitten* so...thanks...
https://www.boston.com/news/crime/2019/07/27/cambridge-jogger-chased-down-male-flasherCAMBRIDGE, Mass. (AP) — A runner captured on video chasing down a man who exposed himself to her says she turned the tables on him to make him feel afraid.
Aia Polansky says she didn’t hesitate to run the man down after he pulled down his pants as she ran along the Charles River in Cambridge, Massachusetts, on July 18.
Surveillance video released by Massachusetts State Police shows the unfazed and infuriated 33-year-old former Israeli army soldier sprinting to overtake the unidentified man.
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I knew this post would escalate!
Anyhoo, OP, sorry you felt like *kitten* due to some dude. It's hard to feel confident in little clothing when the society we are in dictates what is acceptable or not.
Random tangent - I live in Australia - here, I am very self conscious and rarely wear just my crop to the gym or wear crops out in public because I feel like everyone has this image that to be in a crop you must be like one of those young Instafit models and i'm a 43yo lady with no six pack. On the beach however, I have always, even when fat, worn a tiny bikini and don't give a *kitten* because beach.
However, when I am on holiday in Brazil (where originally from), I wear short shorts and crop tops and go to the gym in crops and don't give a *kitten* because over there women of all sizes and shapes wear this stuff out in public and no one cares. So I feel "safe" wearing it too.
As for the cat calling, for me personally, after being fat and invisible for many years, if someone cat calls me I embrace it and it makes my *kitten* day that I am no longer a fat invisible old lady lump. Like massive grin and spring in my step for the rest of the day.
But, everyone is different and how they deal with attention is different. That's just my 2c.6
This discussion has been closed.
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