“Don’t lose anymore”
ChelseaBits
Posts: 20 Member
People have been pretty supportive for my entire weight loss journey. But as I’m getting closer to my goal weight I’m hearing “don’t lose anymore” from more and more people. I started at 242lbs and am at 156 now. I am still about 5 pound over the top range of the healthy weight range, and I’d like to be closer to 140, nothing crazy thin or anything. I am just so tired of hearing that phrase over and over again. Does anyone else hear this? What is your response?
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Replies
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I get the same comments..
You're close to the goal so just say you are done and on maintenance now ..4 -
No one has to live in our body. Yaass, you will hear this. Some of it is doublespeak and some are backhanded compliments. You don't want to get too skinny now. I receive the majority of these comments from individuals who watch every morsel like a hawk. I don't feel the need to justify myself. Simply smile and keep tooling along.4
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Someone said (in public and loudly) YOU NEED TO EAT A CUPCAKE. Everyone turned to stare at me and I felt so judged. I laughed it off but I am also getting the "you need to stop now" comments. Nope, no stopping me! 11 more lbs to go!6
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I get it all the time. And before that I got a lot of, "Don't lose too much!". I'm still 30-50lbs off my goal. I feels unsupportive but I know it's not meant to be that way. I usually tell them I don't have a goal weight and I'm going to eat more and gain some back once I find where I want to be.2
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You do you. Let them do them. ☺2
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I guess it would depend on who it is and my history with that person.
Most people I just ignore because really, Nunyabusiness. Some I tell to stop, some I change the subject.
It really is no one's business. Some people have no sense of personal boundaries, but if you bring up weight loss or food/calories/exercise etc, then maybe stop doing that. If it becomes an off-limits-change-the-subject subject, they'll get the hint.
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I think for some people, it's hard to adjust to the new you because they are used to seeing the previous heavier you. It can be jarring to them. Over time they will adjust. Their comments are likely well-meaning, but still unnecessary. I think for some people, it's an odd way of complimenting you and letting you know that you are now "thin".
Silly story but I remember the first time I rode a roller coaster after losing 130 lb, my husband was also at his leanest ever (having also lost a lot). We sat down and the worker tightened the rail across our stomachs twice because it wasn't tight enough on the first go...and he said, "Y'all need to eat a cheeseburger!" and that cracked me up because for about 15 years I had avoided amusement parks out of fear of not fitting on rides.
Sometimes you can't win!!
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It's the sort of thing nobody would say to me, because they can imagine how I might react. You don't need to be polite when responding to rudeness.
I think this is one area where I actually have a distinct advantage because I'm socially tone deaf
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I did get this a lot, and I honestly think people are just trying to be polite. What else are they going to say? "You're still fat"? Haha
I, too, struggled with the compliments, though. My weight loss counselor said when people start noticing and commenting on your weight loss, that's when you tend to get lazy and self sabatage.
I keep reminding myself that I am losing weight for my own health, not for validation by others.4 -
About 5 years ago, I lost over 50lbs in 8 months. I went from 222lbs to 168lbs. I wasn't at my goal yet and still had about 30lbs to go and was still overweight for my height. But I remember getting those comments all the time. I think its just a way for people to give you like a back handed compliment.
For others it may just be a shock to see a thinner version of you. I mostly ignored the comments because I found I would get too annoyed trying to defend myself. It wasn't worth it. Just do you!1 -
What I say in my head, and really should say out load is:
"If you care so much about my health and well-being where were you when I was 100 lbs. overweight and you didn't say a peep."
It can mean many different thing depending on the person, but definitely one is a backhanded compliment that reflects very poorly on the person who says it.7 -
You should tell them what you told us. "According to the medically endorsed BMI chart, or Body Mass Index for healthy weight." I'm actually at the top end of my healthy weight range and if I lost another 20 pounds, a medical doctor would still not consider me underweight. So, thanks for your concern, but I'm gong to lose to the middle of my healthy weight range as my personal goal." ...and drop the mic.1
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"That's between me and my doctor."
The worst question: a couple of years ago, I achieved a normal weight and a neighbor wanted to know if I'd lost the weight because I was seriously ill/dying (I'm 5'3" and was 140 lbs at the time, high end of normal). I'm a polite person by default, but believe it's okay to hit back with sarcasm or say you're appalled they would even ask.
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seltzermint555 wrote: »Silly story but I remember the first time I rode a roller coaster after losing 130 lb, my husband was also at his leanest ever (having also lost a lot). We sat down and the worker tightened the rail across our stomachs twice because it wasn't tight enough on the first go...and he said, "Y'all need to eat a cheeseburger!" and that cracked me up because for about 15 years I had avoided amusement parks out of fear of not fitting on rides.
This is hilarious. I love it. Thanks for sharing! 
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I got the same comments. Started at 226 and when I got to about 160 (the high end of "normal" BMI) I started to get the "don't lose anymore weight!" I basically acknowledged for their comments with a neutral comment and changed the topic. I've ended up at about 140 +/- 2 lbs and strangely enough don't get those comments anymore. Maybe because I've been at this weight for about 6 years.0
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I get this, too. I generally try to assume good intent, but I have a good 25lbs to go to get to a healthy BMI (I've lost almost 80). I just tell them that my primary care provider and I have discussed my goals, and we're both comfortable with it.3
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I've had the same but I just say "well my BMI still says overweight, so I'm going by that"
Can't argue with facts....
I'm close 25.6 but still overweight.
I was obese so loving the new weight but I'll stop when I want, not when others tell me too.
And FWIW I eat icecream most days 😀0 -
Noise. Try to tune it out. I can’t believe how much noise there is in weight loss.1
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I got the same comments. Started at 226 and when I got to about 160 (the high end of "normal" BMI) I started to get the "don't lose anymore weight!" I basically acknowledged for their comments with a neutral comment and changed the topic. I've ended up at about 140 +/- 2 lbs and strangely enough don't get those comments anymore. Maybe because I've been at this weight for about 6 years.
Same here! I'm still in the high 160s, but started over 300. After six years at my current weight, the comments have stopped. I posted a photo recently from when my husband and I first met and I was 90 lb heavier than I am now...a bunch of friends were saying "what the HECK I don't remember you ever looking like that!?" and that was around my weight for almost all of my twenties and at the beginning of my thirties I'd been even heavier. People just get used to you being at a certain weight I think. My friends obviously remember that I used to be much, much bigger, but I think they see me so much at my current size that they have kinda forgotten HOW much bigger.0 -
My inner mantra is something that my trainer and nutritionist posted a number of months ago:
"Don't worry about what I'm doing. Worry about why you're worried about what I'm doing."
It helps me remember that the person who says "don't lose anymore weight" tells me much more about themselves than about me when they make that comment. Or it could be some sort of canned response.3 -
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If it was someone who was truly concerned about my well-being, and arguably had a close enough relationship to me to comment, I mostly went with "my doctor and I are happy with my progress and weight goal" (which was true).
I think a lot of this relates to 3 things:
1. People are used to seeing us heavier, so we look "wrong" thinner.
2. So many people are overweight these days, that overweight looks pretty normal, and a healthy weight looks relatively thin, maybe scary thin.
3. Realistically, after quite a bit of weight loss, many of us have a little bit of loose facial skin that hasn't had a chance to shrink back yet, and other visible signs of the weight loss process that can - as in my case - make us look a little haggard to others for a while. It's no big deal in reality, but it alarms people. (I definitely looked better a few months after hitting goal weight, even though at the same body weight.)
Don't let it throw you, it's completely normal, and - as others have said - people generally get over it once you've been at goal weight for a while. But yeah, it's weird.2 -
I understand what you're saying, but the person who said this to me was a neighbor who lives a block away and sees me walk my dog all the time. Their tone was nosy.
I also thought it was obvious I wasn't ill -- I'd started jogging, regularly took off to hike in the mornings with my neon shirt and sneakers on, etc.
One of my big -- no, huge -- problems is being polite and feeling I can't say no to people. I'm really and truly not obligated to answer all questions and make everybody else feel comfortable.
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It isn't a backhanded compliment, but the person who said is more than likely used to you being the weight you were, as you lose the lbs and slim they find it hard to get use to it. Just ignore and continue. Another well known comments as you get slimmer is "you don't need to diet" or "you can afford to eat this cake/24" pizza/200lb tub of ice cream" etc etc etc, they have no idea how hard you are working/have worked, don't let them sway you from your goals.3
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I’ve been asked multiple times if I was ill/dying. Loose skin in the face/neck isn’t exactly flattering. One person who is rather large asked me why I would even want to lose weight. To her, it implied that I was unhappy and could no longer freely eat. I mentioned to an acquaintance that I wanted to lose at least 45 more pounds, and she asked where I thought I had 45 lbs to lose. I’m 5’6” and weigh around 207/208. Truthfully, I could lose 60-70 more pounds and be considered a healthy weight.
I agree with others. People have seen me at 268 for so long that they can’t visualize me at a healthy weight. It’s going to take time for them.
Connie in KY5 -
Truth is, most people don't like when people are successful. Also, misery loves company.4
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I used to get this, when I lost weight before, I didn’t really understand what people were talking about (I still saw myself as 15+kg overweight). Was still in healthy BMI though so just shrugged it off. I never really understand why others comment on people’s weight, it’s such a personal thing. Just keep doing what you’re doing and ignore unhelpful comments ☺️1
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I agree with what someone said above that sometimes weight loss can make your face look haggard, which can make it seem alarming for you to lose more. I had an acquaintance who lost weight fast prior to her wedding, and if I hadn't known better I would have thought she was seriously ill, her face was so gaunt-looking. The change in her was shocking, and personally I thought she looked better before. She was pretty fit to begin with. Of course I kept my mouth shut, but this might be why some people are saying things to you.1
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I had a complete stranger who happened to be sitting in our company say Your a very stylish woman but you need to eat more! I told him "I eat plenty, I just don't eat rubbish"2
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