Ladies who've gone from "fat" to "fit," this question is for you.

coffeexxeyes

Hey ladies,

There is something I am struggling with a bit, and I want to reach out to see if your experience is similiar.

For those who have lost significant weight, how long did it take you to get comfortable in your new body? I feel very awkward sometimes, and I'm not even at my goal weight yet.

As I get fitter and more trim, I get more attention from men, and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I enjoy blending in and going unnoticed, and carrying some extra weight usually helps me do that. However, I don't want to let this feeling sabotage my journey to being the fittest I've ever been.

Can anyone relate? Thank you for your time. ❤

springlering62

Oh, wow. Where to start.

I’ve lost 75 since last September. My brain has yet to catch up. Sometimes-most the time- I see “old me” in the mirror. Like this morning my belly draped over my waistband. I never give myself credit that the waist size is about ten sizes less. My brain focuses on the negative too often.

But an hour before that I was in front of a reflective window at a class, and didn’t recognize the reflection. I was puzzled because I was the closest one to the glass, til I realized I was looking at myself. It catches me at the strangest times.

I’m very shy, I have a hard time looking people in the eye, however, the way I was brought up, you smile and acknowledge everyone you pass on the street. I do see the interest in some of the men’s eyes, but have a hard time recognizing that it’s meant for me. I can’t meet their eyes, and so I pretend I don’t see them. I always feel they must be looking at a person behind me or something, and if it’s even remotely possible it’s for me, it makes me knot up inside, because I don’t want to be noticed, yet I’m compelled to say, “hello” and smile sweetly. It’s nuts, and I can’t break the habit.

I have a fellow board member who has become very “hands on”. The next time he starts the hugging and I swear, everything short of the pinch test, non-confrontational me is going to blow a gasket. He thinks he’s complimenting me, but he just makes my flesh crawl.

My lovely trainer commented the other day how happy she was to see me looking in the mirror. She says I wouldn’t do it when I first started working with her. She’s right. I was terrified of the person in the mirror. Now I’m still not looking at “whole me”. I watch the muscles flex. I’m looking at parts, but at least I’m looking now. Whole Me still frightens Old Me.

However, on the flip side, I feel amazing. I am the marvel of my neighborhood. I swear there’s a couple of Gladys Crabapples taking notes on how often I walk to the gym. I can’t believe how everyone feels the need to comment on my workout regime.

I know if I want to go to the pool, I can hold my own up as well as any woman there, probably all of them. Now that I can, I just don’t care to go.

A young woman introduced herself to me at class this morning as a friend of my kids, and also as an instructor somewhere else. I - very deliberately- kept banging it out while she wilted, and that made me feel even better afterwards.

I’m more confident out and about. If someone’s looking at me, it’s not because I’m overweight. It’s probably because they want to look like me. I know. I used to look at the other trim ladies and wonder “what it would be like....”

Right now, life is like this strange mental DQ blizzard of ridiculous insecurities and gross overconfidence.

All of this is to say, no you are NOT alone, doll.

That is one bad *kitten* owl, btw.

coffeexxeyes

springlering62 wrote: »

Oh, wow. Where to start.

I’ve lost 75 since last September. My brain has yet to catch up. Sometimes-most the time- I see “old me” in the mirror. Like this morning my belly draped over my waistband. I never give myself credit that the waist size is about ten sizes less. My brain focuses on the negative too often.

But an hour before that I was in front of a reflective window at a class, and didn’t recognize the reflection. I was puzzled because I was the closest one to the glass, til I realized I was looking at myself. It catches me at the strangest times.

I’m very shy, I have a hard time looking people in the eye, however, the way I was brought up, you smile and acknowledge everyone you pass on the street. I do see the interest in some of the men’s eyes, but have a hard time recognizing that it’s meant for me. I can’t meet their eyes, and so I pretend I don’t see them. I always feel they must be looking at a person behind me or something, and if it’s even remotely possible it’s for me, it makes me knot up inside, because I don’t want to be noticed, yet I’m compelled to say, “hello” and smile sweetly. It’s nuts, and I can’t break the habit.

I have a fellow board member who has become very “hands on”. The next time he starts the hugging and I swear, everything short of the pinch test, non-confrontational me is going to blow a gasket. He thinks he’s complimenting me, but he just makes my flesh crawl.

My lovely trainer commented the other day how happy she was to see me looking in the mirror. She says I wouldn’t do it when I first started working with her. She’s right. I was terrified of the person in the mirror. Now I’m still not looking at “whole me”. I watch the muscles flex. I’m looking at parts, but at least I’m looking now. Whole Me still frightens Old Me.

However, on the flip side, I feel amazing. I am the marvel of my neighborhood. I swear there’s a couple of Gladys Crabapples taking notes on how often I walk to the gym. I can’t believe how everyone feels the need to comment on my workout regime.

I know if I want to go to the pool, I can hold my own up as well as any woman there, probably all of them. Now that I can, I just don’t care to go.

A young woman introduced herself to me at class this morning as a friend of my kids, and also as an instructor somewhere else. I - very deliberately- kept banging it out while she wilted, and that made me feel even better afterwards.

I’m more confident out and about. If someone’s looking at me, it’s not because I’m overweight. It’s probably because they want to look like me. I know. I used to look at the other trim ladies and wonder “what it would be like....”

Right now, life is like this strange mental DQ blizzard of ridiculous insecurities and gross overconfidence.

All of this is to say, no you are NOT alone, doll.

That is one bad *kitten* owl, btw.

Thank you so much for the honest reply! I can totally relate to the "what would it be like" comment. 🥰😭

lalalacroix

I've gone from obese to fit, although technically I'm still 5 pounds from being a healthy weight.

I get a lot of comments from people about how much weight I've lost and how skinny I am now. Overall that is fine with me although sometimes a little embarrassing.

A new thing that is happening is that a lot of guys are talking to me and even randomly offering to buy me things. On one hand it is a bit flattering but on the other it's obviously only because of how I look which says what exactly about how I used to look?

I will add that my confidence is much better. When I was obese I always felt embarrassed about how I looked. Now I feel good about myself and I'm sure that changes the way everyone sees me.

I'm not used to any of this and not sure how long it will take until I adjust.

ceiswyn

I went from obese to fit.

...based on the fact that I hesitated before typing 'fit' there, despite the fact that I spent yesterday hiking sixteen miles with over 3000 ft of ascent, I'd say that I've still not entirely got the hang of my new bod.

However, my challenges have in some ways been the opposite of yours. As a morbidly obese woman, I was accustomed to getting a lot of attention. Bad attention. Insults shouted from moving vehicles, mockery from groups of bored teens or children, general disgusted looks from passers-by; I'd started avoiding going out because I'd run out of the ability to cope with the constant emotional bombardment. As a 'thin' woman I get a lot less attention, and it's largely positive. People smile at me in the street. I actually get fewer men pestering me now that I'm more conventionally attractive; I guess fetishists and predators no longer see someone who might be low on self-esteem and easy to talk into bed.

rainbow198

Congrats on your progress OP!

I lost 80 pounds 7+ years ago and have maintained since then. It took me about 2 years of maintenance to get completely used to my new body after being chubby/overweight most of my life.

I remember seeing my reflection in windows or in photos and not recognizing the person I was seeing. I still thought I was that bigger girl in my head.

Being more aware of my surroundings in general was one thing I had to get used to. One example - I love walking everyday on a track, trail, park or in my neighbourhood. I quickly found that I needed to switch up my locations and times that I go and keep an eye out on who was walking behind me. There were too many instances when some men learned my schedule and tried to bump into me to talk to me.

That's another thing, at times I miss blending in. Now random people talk to me and smile/stare at me, hold the door for me etc., but at the same time I do get a lot of random free things and work opportunities which never happened when I was obese.

In my experience I had no issues with possible self-sabotage. There were just too many pros and benefits to being fit and at a normal weight and I was enjoying it. In fact it made/makes want to keep working hard to stay in shape. This has just been my experience however.

deputy_randolph

I was a "fat kid" growing up. At 14, I weighed close to 200lbs (at like 5'nothing). By the end of highschool, I had lost close to 50lbs. I was much cuter (really I was cute the whole time...just a little overweight). I had ZERO interest in dating any boys at my school due to history. At that point, everyone assumed I was a lesbian. Honestly, that was fine with me; it gave the boys a ego-saving reason to explain the rejection. I learned at an early age to be a little blunt with males to make them lose interest.

Fast forward 20 years, I've gotten used to male attention. I generally just ignore (I'm married and not interested). Sometimes (paricularly at the gym), I get a little extra looking. I just stare back until men look away. This usually does the trick. I think it makes most men uncomfortable, and they take the hint that it's not a flirty stare.

It takes awhile to get used to the new you. I still think, "What is this guy looking at?" Then I remember that I'm cuter...

WandRsmom

I am super awkward. Some days I am all about looking cute and getting looks ( I am married and not interested in actual flirting or conversation etc but the looks are OK SOME days. Then I have days where I spend my time anxious and uncomfortable because of the same looks.

Its A rollacoaster of emotion around here lol. So I guess I am of no help but I understand you.

cmriverside

I hovered over the "hug" response on every one of the replies, then I realized almost all of them (and me too) have said they don't like the attention. If one more person tries to hug me (other than in cyber space) ...

I think I remained overweight in part to deflect the lifelong attention from men. It's exhausting and intrusive and I hate it.

I'm in my mid sixties and just recently I had to start wearing a ring (even though I'm single by choice) to try to deflect - AGAIN.

Guys - give it a rest.

springlering62

My new thing is looking at women and (instead of coveting their figure) wondering how old they are. (I’m 57.) I find it fascinating that my age seem to be a “bridge” generation. Some have aged exceptionally well. Others of us look like they’ve aged like the previous generation. It’s a shock to be talking to someone who looks like a granny, and realizing they are my age.

I hope that makes sense. It’s like the threshold for “middle aged” and “senior” moved up for some, but not others in the Baby Boomers strata.

It seems to be tied to weight, but even more to activity level. The ones who are out there humping it, just look younger.

You know, the old saying was, “women dress for other women, not for men”. That is so true. I’ve had years of comparing myself to or admiring other women for one reason or another, whether for their figure, their clothes, their hair, their style, or whatever. I am so damn tired of it, but don’t think I’ll ever get over it. I’m just a people watcher. It’s just so endlessly interesting. Everyone is so uniquely and individually different.

adotbaby

I started gaining weight at puberty, and was overweight most of my life. When I was in my early 20s, that was the fittest I had been to date. Then I got married and had kids, and got heavy. In March 2018, I started MFP, and have lost 65 pounds. Now, I actually weigh less than when in my 20s, but I feel better since I worked so hard to get here. Granted, when I was young, I had no rolls or extra skin. I have gotten so many positive comments from people on my success, and have slowly become used to seeing my new image in the mirror, after months of double-takes, not recognizing myself. After a lifetime of not being happy with weight, I've had a breakthrough, and finally feel good about how I look.

seltzermint555

I wasn't going to post here because I feel like I'm definitely more skinny fat than those who call themselves "fit", but after reading the OP I feel like I can relate for sure.

Losing 130+ lb has been a weird thing in a lot of ways and even after maintaining for 6 years, I'm still not completely used to my body. I was always a big kid/teen and actually hadn't been my current size (5'8" and women's US size 10) since age 13-14, and reached it again in my late 30s. I am now 42.

Honestly - I think I always got male attention, but the type of attention is what has changed the most. I think when I was plus-sized, the men who hit on me were generally acting like they expected me to be thrilled with their attention and interact with them, smile, say thank you, etc. Now, I feel like they make appreciative comments and are unfazed if I ignore them, or actually expect me to ignore their comments or compliments. And I don't mean anything horrible like overt sexual remarks...I'm talking about "you have a pretty smile" or "I love that dress". There was more aggression involved somehow when I was heavier, and I find that really disturbing when I stop to consider it!

I can also relate to the poster above who mentioned being more careful of surroundings and where I go alone. I never really thought about this too much in the past. After losing weight, I realized my husband (who is a big tall man) can easily pick me up and move me around, and while that's fine when it's him and we're horsing around being silly...it does concern me a little. I am pretty sure even at 300 lb, I could have been overpowered by someone (or more than one person), but I didn't feel like I could. Now I am more aware of being vulnerable. Similarly, I feel that people (men and women alike) get in my personal space bubble WAY more now and random women in stores have touched me when complimenting my shirt or whatever. This truly NEVER happened to me for about 20-25 years when I was heavier. Like, never. So when it happens I feel freaked out.

seltzermint555

springlering62 wrote: »

My new thing is looking at women and (instead of coveting their figure) wondering how old they are. (I’m 57.) I find it fascinating that my age seem to be a “bridge” generation. Some have aged exceptionally well. Others of us look like they’ve aged like the previous generation. It’s a shock to be talking to someone who looks like a granny, and realizing they are my age.

I hope that makes sense. It’s like the threshold for “middle aged” and “senior” moved up for some, but not others in the Baby Boomers strata.

It seems to be tied to weight, but even more to activity level. The ones who are out there humping it, just look younger.

You know, the old saying was, “women dress for other women, not for men”. That is so true. I’ve had years of comparing myself to or admiring other women for one reason or another, whether for their figure, their clothes, their hair, their style, or whatever. I am so damn tired of it, but don’t think I’ll ever get over it. I’m just a people watcher. It’s just so endlessly interesting. Everyone is so uniquely and individually different.

I'm a little younger at 42 but I can relate to this also. There are women my age who look like they are still late 20s and so fit and youthful. There are women like me who I feel do look our age but relatively healthy & active. Then I sadly see quite a lot of women my age who truly look at least 20 years older than they are. It is sort of fascinating to me. I definitely don't feel weight is the main factor determining this. There is a young woman in my doctor's office (a nurse) who I felt certain was my own age and she mentioned that she is 26 years old. She is of average weight but looks 40+ easily.

TheChristianSimone

I was hesitant in responding in this thread bc I'm not fit anymore but I went from fat to fit ish back to fat and I think not having a handle on the emotional things that comes with losing weight. Even at my biggest 350+, I was never ugly, I always made all efforts to look my best. Once I lost 100lbs I noticed more attention which when I was a teen I was thick but together and would get men who would stalk, or even had one get out of his car and walk to the bus stop I was on to compliment me. I have been sexually assaulted many times so I believe my unconscious reaction to it was to put the weight back on. I'm a darker-skinned black woman and for me, society doesn't see me favorable esp being bigger so it was a way to hide. Now in my 30's, I want the weight gone as it blocks me from dating and does cause harm health-wise. I know that once it's gone I will be out there in the open esp with my goals but this time I'm aware and can protect myself. Weight can protect you like a wall but it walls you in and keeps others out which means you lose both ways.

MysteriousLeigh

This probably isn't a thread for me but I'll throw my experience in. At my heaviest I was about 300lb. At my lowest I was about 160lb (I'm 5'7 btw). So I guess I was never 'fit'. What I noticed was... I felt like I took up less space in the world and that was good. I felt easier in crowds because I was less worried about squeezing through gaps and I wasn't sweating profusely through a combination of fat and anxiety; I was less noticeable. I wore skinny jeans (even though I probably shouldn't have). I felt better walking up stairs and things like that.

People didn't really compliment me; everyone around me knows my sister has an eating disorder. The only comments that I got were through her - '[her friend] messaged me, she's worried about you because you've lost so much weight'. Attention from men? Same as it's always been: zero.

I'm trying to get back to 160lb now. Put a bit back on due to unforeseen circumstances. I wanna get back in my skinny jeans, I want to feel less obtrusive in crowds again. Inside I still feel 300lb and I don't think that'll ever change, but at least my wardrobe will expand.