Self Sabotage
JordanS9592
Posts: 94 Member
Confession time. In my comfort zone, I am lazy, and I eat like a ravenous beast. After losing 14 pounds, I gave myself “permission” to eat whatever I wanted for a day on Sunday. This was stupid for me, because this is how I blew it the last time I lost 60 pounds and gained it all back. I can see the cycle repeating itself, as this week, it has been exceedingly harder to say no to the foods that make me gain weight. Case in point, I went over my calories yesterday by 2000, and skipped working out for the first time in over a month. I can already feel a layer of fat growing from the binge yesterday. These are the most discouraging times for me, and the hardest to overcome. I’m grateful to have this community for support I didn’t have before. I make no excuses. I take full blame for my own failure. Now I want to move forward. Any words of encouragement or advice are greatly appreciated.
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Replies
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So...maybe...just maybe your daily calorie goal is too low.
That's what causes me to overeat, so maybe go back in and rework your calories. If you eat a bit more all week you may not have that big of an Over Day.
With that said, I have a day or two every week when I eat 1000 over and it hasn't led to weight gain. I do know that after many years of tracking, though. One day won't make you gain weight.3 -
@cmriverside I appreciate that, but what I’m saying is I usually turn one day into every day quickly. I’m trying to turn it around this time before it gets out of hand. My calorie goal is not too low, as I lose about 2 pounds per week at 328 pounds with an intense 6 day exercise regimen.0
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JordanS9592 wrote: »Confession time. In my comfort zone, I am lazy, and I eat like a ravenous beast. After losing 14 pounds, I gave myself “permission” to eat whatever I wanted for a day on Sunday. This was stupid for me, because this is how I blew it the last time I lost 60 pounds and gained it all back. I can see the cycle repeating itself, as this week, it has been exceedingly harder to say no to the foods that make me gain weight. Case in point, I went over my calories yesterday by 2000, and skipped working out for the first time in over a month. I can already feel a layer of fat growing from the binge yesterday. These are the most discouraging times for me, and the hardest to overcome. I’m grateful to have this community for support I didn’t have before. I make no excuses. I take full blame for my own failure. Now I want to move forward. Any words of encouragement or advice are greatly appreciated.
There is not a layer of fat growing from your binge. An extra 2000 calories on one day, held against the deficits you had for the rest of the week, probably still has you in a deficit for the week. All you will gain is perhaps some temporary water weight or digestive bulk that will slowly fade.
I second what @cmriverside suggests, if you are aiming for the fastest pace possible, and yo-yo dieting is a pattern for you, perhaps you should consider a slower rate of loss that allows you more satisfying meals every day and less need to worry about will power.
Also, next time don't give yourself permission to eat whatever you want. Give yourself permission to eat to a certain calorie level. Maybe something to allow you a bit more volume or an extra indulgent treat that simply rarely fits in any calorie plan. Maintain control, just loosen the reigns.
Hang in there...6 -
Oh, okay. All or nothing is a problem and I get that.
It's hard to be at a calorie deficit for a continuous period of time and it's not in your head. Have you read the first couple pages of the Refeed thread? I think it would help you.
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10604863/of-refeeds-and-diet-breaks/p1
The other thing is that over eating can increase appetite over the next day if you let it.
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@cmriverside Wow, I have never heard of diet breaks before. Perhaps I should consider taking one to avoid what has happened to me in the past. I could adjust my goal to weight maintenance for one week on the app, then switch back after one week. This could help with keeping this going for a lifetime.6
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And just to add...
You said you gave yourself permission to eat whatever you wanted. And you did that, right? So how was it a failure?
Sometimes you just need to accept that real life means going off plan sometimes. That's not failure, it's just how it works. People who lose weight and keep it off aren't perfect. In fact, I'd bet they have "off plan" days more frequently than people who keep stopping and starting. But IMHO they know that they have the rest of their lives to get to a healthy weight and stay there. There is no "end" to the plan, it's a continuous process. If I eat too much today, it just delays seeing a certain number on the scale for a day. No biggie.
I'm currently in maintenance. I still need to eat the right amount of calories, it's just a slightly higher amount than when I was losing. Some days I go over, some days I'm under. Some days i eat like an idiot, and that's okay.
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JordanS9592 wrote: »Confession time. In my comfort zone, I am lazy, and I eat like a ravenous beast. After losing 14 pounds, I gave myself “permission” to eat whatever I wanted for a day on Sunday. This was stupid for me, because this is how I blew it the last time I lost 60 pounds and gained it all back. I can see the cycle repeating itself, as this week, it has been exceedingly harder to say no to the foods that make me gain weight. Case in point, I went over my calories yesterday by 2000, and skipped working out for the first time in over a month. I can already feel a layer of fat growing from the binge yesterday. These are the most discouraging times for me, and the hardest to overcome. I’m grateful to have this community for support I didn’t have before. I make no excuses. I take full blame for my own failure. Now I want to move forward. Any words of encouragement or advice are greatly appreciated.
There is not a layer of fat growing from your binge. An extra 2000 calories on one day, held against the deficits you had for the rest of the week, probably still has you in a deficit for the week. All you will gain is perhaps some temporary water weight or digestive bulk that will slowly fade.
I second what @cmriverside suggests, if you are aiming for the fastest pace possible, and yo-yo dieting is a pattern for you, perhaps you should consider a slower rate of loss that allows you more satisfying meals every day and less need to worry about will power.
Also, next time don't give yourself permission to eat whatever you want. Give yourself permission to eat to a certain calorie level. Maybe something to allow you a bit more volume or an extra indulgent treat that simply rarely fits in any calorie plan. Maintain control, just loosen the reigns.
Hang in there...
Quoted for Truth.
Big Picture is important:
Normal way of eating:
M 1000 cal deficit
T 1000 cal deficit
W 1000 cal deficit
T 1000 cal deficit
F 1000 cal deficit
S 1000 cal deficit
S 1000 cal deficit
= 7000 cal deficit
This week
M 1000 cal deficit
T 1000 cal surplus
W 1000 cal deficit
T 1000 cal deficit
F 1000 cal deficit
S 1000 cal deficit
S 1000 cal deficit
= 6000 cal deficit
3500 cals = approx 1lb of fat
So in theory you'd lose 1.7lbs instead of 2lbs.3 -
The fact that you acknowledged what happened to yourself and us is a good thing. You also have great insight as to what your past behavior has been. That's major, Jordan.
You got this! 😀3 -
@LyndaBSS I always enjoy your encouragement3
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JordanS9592 wrote: »@cmriverside Wow, I have never heard of diet breaks before. Perhaps I should consider taking one to avoid what has happened to me in the past. I could adjust my goal to weight maintenance for one week on the app, then switch back after one week. This could help with keeping this going for a lifetime.
Just so you know...whenever I did it, it was difficult to go back to the deficit. My body and mind didn't like it at all. So there's that.
Even these days, 11 years into Maintenance, if I have a couple big eating days in a row it can take quite a bit of discipline to go back to maintenance calories. The body is amazingly good at saying, "Feed. Me."4 -
I have gone through the same situation as you. One day of "eat anything" completely derailed me and I gained all of my weight back, and quickly. One thing that's helped me is unlimited maintenance days. When I feel like having a treat, I can have something small that puts me at maintenance, and I can basically go into a deficit again when I up for it. This allows me to have the things I want without feeling like I'm under pressure to "stay on track", while at the same time not derailing my goals. For me, maintaining is moving forwards because it is practice for maintenance.4
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@cmriverside What do you think I should do? I already messed up this morning, eating two saisage egg and cheese bagels, and two hostess pastries. I still have a thousand calories to spare. If you were me, given my history, how would you proceed?0
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JordanS9592 wrote: »@cmriverside What do you think I should do? I already messed up this morning, eating two saisage egg and cheese bagels, and two hostess pastries. I still have a thousand calories to spare. If you were me, given my history, how would you proceed?
stop thinking like you messed up is step 1...you dind't mess up - you are still within your calorie count for the day5 -
JordanS9592 wrote: »@cmriverside What do you think I should do? I already messed up this morning, eating two saisage egg and cheese bagels, and two hostess pastries. I still have a thousand calories to spare. If you were me, given my history, how would you proceed?
Did you log it? I assume you did, since you have 1000 calories left. If not, go log it now.
Commit to logging everything, no skipping, cheating or forgetting, for a week or two. Don't even worry about what you are eating or the calorie amount. Just log what you are eating. Then, after a week or so, look back over your food log. What foods weren't worth it? Either they didn't taste that great or didn't keep you full long or whatever. Start subbing those foods out with something that better helps you meet your goals. Keep logging, and review your diary weekly, and make those tweaks. Eventually you'll find a sweet spot.
Read this thread, too. It's gold.
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants/p1
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JordanS9592 wrote: »@cmriverside What do you think I should do? I already messed up this morning, eating two saisage egg and cheese bagels, and two hostess pastries. I still have a thousand calories to spare. If you were me, given my history, how would you proceed?
Yeah, Jordan I agree with quicksylver, log everything and stop beating yourself up!
The sausage egg and cheese bagels were a good breakfast choice.
Log it, and start planning the rest of your day. Can you have a light lunch and then protein and vegetables for supper? The day is long. Take a walk. If you go over, so be it. I think it's important to learn from every single thing that happens.
Tomorrow try planning ahead!2 -
cmriverside wrote: »JordanS9592 wrote: »@cmriverside What do you think I should do? I already messed up this morning, eating two saisage egg and cheese bagels, and two hostess pastries. I still have a thousand calories to spare. If you were me, given my history, how would you proceed?
Yeah, Jordan I agree with quicksylver, log everything and stop beating yourself up!
The sausage egg and cheese bagels were a good breakfast choice.
Log it, and start planning the rest of your day. Can you have a light lunch and then protein and vegetables for supper? The day is long. Take a walk. If you go over, so be it. I think it's important to learn from every single thing that happens.
Tomorrow try planning ahead!
Good point.
@JordanS9592 - I pre-log my entire food day before breakfast. I pack my breakfast, lunch and snacks for work and usually have a good idea what dinner and dessert (I plan a dessert into every day. Life without dessert isn't worth living.
Usually it's a little chocolate or ice cream.) will be. So I log it all. Then if someone brings cookies or doughnuts or something to work, I can look at my diary and see how or if I can make it fit. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. Sometimes I can't and still eat it anyway - not often, but once in awhile.
ETA: And another thought! Do you know what your maintenance calories are? If you don't, find out. Knowing my maintenance calorie limit did a lot for my peace of mind. When I'm losing, I'm generally shooting for about 1800 calories. But my maintenance calories is about 2300. So, if I go over 1800 once in awhile, no big deal!3 -
[quote
ETA: And another thought! Do you know what your maintenance calories are? If you don't, find out. Knowing my maintenance calorie limit did a lot for my peace of mind. When I'm losing, I'm generally shooting for about 1800 calories. But my maintenance calories is about 2300. So, if I go over 1800 once in awhile, no big deal![/quote]
This. It is really beneficial to know what your maintenance calories are. Then you can plan a 'maintenance day' ahead of time, or when the need arises. When I do go over my calorie deficit, I feel so much more in control when I manage it, stay within my maintenance calories and don't just go whole hog and throw in the towel. And I call it a 'maintenance day', not a 'cheat day'. Don't like that phrase.1 -
JordanS9592 wrote: »@cmriverside What do you think I should do? I already messed up this morning, eating two saisage egg and cheese bagels, and two hostess pastries. I still have a thousand calories to spare. If you were me, given my history, how would you proceed?
Break the cycle, work on more positive mentality.
This is pretty much how my regain happened
The only parts of the cycle I can control is my response to emotional/stressful situations so I'm learning to cope using tools other than reaching for the fridge and forgiving myself if I slip up.2 -
Balance in all things lead to sanity and peace of mind. ...In every aspect of life.
so you weigh 328 pounds exercise like crazy...binge like crazy.. on..off..on ..off..rinse repeat.
You need to change your approach. How about exercise less. How about eat ONE meal off a week. Not one day off a week. Be honest with yourself. See what makes you fail and take the roadblock out of your life and put something in its place that helps you achieve your fitness goals.
You are not powerless..this is 100 percent in your control. Start making changes you can live with and succeed with. You can do this!4 -
I found inspiration reading this. I maintain my weight but would like to lose. I'm going to try pre logging food. Seemed to be fun when I did it previously. Would find I need extra calories at end of day. I would eat it hour before bed. Probably not good0
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I found inspiration reading this. I maintain my weight but would like to lose. I'm going to try pre logging food. Seemed to be fun when I did it previously. Would find I need extra calories at end of day. I would eat it hour before bed. Probably not good
It's totally fine. Weight loss is about the total number of calories you eat, not what time you eat them. I eat right before bed every single night. Hasn't slowed me down in the least.1 -
JordanS9592 wrote: »@cmriverside I appreciate that, but what I’m saying is I usually turn one day into every day quickly. I’m trying to turn it around this time before it gets out of hand. My calorie goal is not too low, as I lose about 2 pounds per week at 328 pounds with an intense 6 day exercise regimen.
I'm going to go all squishy and psychological here. Think about the bolded: "I usually", "I'm trying".
Self-definition is really important. Subtle, but important.
Can you find "I used to" (instead of "I usually") and "I'm going to" (instead of "I'm trying"), as a way to think about it? (In addition to the actually actionable things others have suggested, of course, which are very smart.)
One day is a drop in the ocean, as long as we don't follow up by pumping more into the ocean with a giant firehose.
You decided to eat more than usual one day. That's all. It's no big deal. It's just food, not a moral failing.
Read your OP again:JordanS9592 wrote: »Confession time. In my comfort zone, I am lazy, and I eat like a ravenous beast. After losing 14 pounds, I gave myself “permission” to eat whatever I wanted for a day on Sunday. This was stupid for me, because this is how I blew it the last time I lost 60 pounds and gained it all back. I can see the cycle repeating itself, as this week, it has been exceedingly harder to say no to the foods that make me gain weight. Case in point, I went over my calories yesterday by 2000, and skipped working out for the first time in over a month. I can already feel a layer of fat growing from the binge yesterday. These are the most discouraging times for me, and the hardest to overcome. I’m grateful to have this community for support I didn’t have before. I make no excuses. I take full blame for my own failure. Now I want to move forward. Any words of encouragement or advice are greatly appreciated.
Would you talk about a close friend that way (lazy-ravenous beast-stupid-blew it-blame-failure)? Is talking about yourself this way helping you?
"I am lazy". No, you're not. You've been doing a great job being accountable, and you've lost fourteen pounds.
"I skipped working out for the first time in a month". No, you took one rest day, which is a good plan. It's not the first time in a month, it's the only time in a month! (Rest days are good thing, now and then; just not every day. ).
Over and over in your post, it sounds like you're focusing on the (perceived) slippery slope under your feet, and you're imagining yourself slipping, imagining it so vividly you can almost feel it, it almost feels certain . . . .
No. Just No. Stop catastrophizing. (Easy to say, but if you're going to do it, gotta start with saying it.)
Don't "take full blame for your own failure". Just resume your normal healthy routine. Since it isn't failure, blame is irrelevant (burns no extra calories, either ).
This is new-Jordan operating here, not old-Jordan. Just return to your normal healthy routine. Habits are habits because we do them.
Your healthy routine can change, you can take a diet break, whatever: You make choices, going forward, in your own self-interest. What you used to do is irrelevant as a focus. You're not that Jordan anymore. It'll be fine, because you're taking responsibility for making change in your life. You're making good decisions, and taking the actions to support them.
Best wishes! :flowerforyou:9 -
Hmm everyone has said nice things but honestly the real core thing is figuring out why you allow yourself to binge eat and go backwards. Once that is removed then you can go forward.1
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The all-or-nothing mentality is something I've fought for years. I used to think that if I had a "bad" food day, that I should just throw in the towel for the rest of the week and "start over" next week. Now, I have learned to just log it and get back on track the very next meal. See the big picture like some others have said. The math will show you that in the grand scheme, you're probably still in a deficit or at maintenance. And even if not, oh well! Oh, and DO NOT weigh yourself for at least a week after a binge or heavy calorie day. Water retention is a thing and it's a spirit-killer. It's so hard, but I have a feeling you're going to beat this.1
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HeatherLeAnn622 wrote: »The all-or-nothing mentality is something I've fought for years. I used to think that if I had a "bad" food day, that I should just throw in the towel for the rest of the week and "start over" next week. Now, I have learned to just log it and get back on track the very next meal. See the big picture like some others have said. The math will show you that in the grand scheme, you're probably still in a deficit or at maintenance. And even if not, oh well! Oh, and DO NOT weigh yourself for at least a week after a binge or heavy calorie day. Water retention is a thing and it's a spirit-killer. It's so hard, but I have a feeling you're going to beat this.
Maybe that's right for you but weighing daily is actually what stopped it from being a spirit-killer for me (and many others here), once I started to see how normal water retention it helped me not to freak out over the fluctuations, I started to realise that logically I had not eaten 14000 calories above maintenance that would be necessary for to have gained 4lbs in fat and instead learned to trust the process.1 -
tinkerbellang83 wrote: »HeatherLeAnn622 wrote: »The all-or-nothing mentality is something I've fought for years. I used to think that if I had a "bad" food day, that I should just throw in the towel for the rest of the week and "start over" next week. Now, I have learned to just log it and get back on track the very next meal. See the big picture like some others have said. The math will show you that in the grand scheme, you're probably still in a deficit or at maintenance. And even if not, oh well! Oh, and DO NOT weigh yourself for at least a week after a binge or heavy calorie day. Water retention is a thing and it's a spirit-killer. It's so hard, but I have a feeling you're going to beat this.
Maybe that's right for you but weighing daily is actually what stopped it from being a spirit-killer for me (and many others here), once I started to see how normal water retention it helped me not to freak out over the fluctuations, I started to realise that logically I had not eaten 14000 calories above maintenance that would be necessary for to have gained 4lbs in fat and instead learned to trust the process.
That's great that it helps you and many others. I guess I was just speaking to the fact that the OP said she could literally "feel a layer of fat developing " after one night of extra caloric intake. That, to me, speaks to a mentality that they truly believe they can gain fat from a one-time binge, which isn't the case. Obviously, I'm no expert or doctor, so yes, to each their own. Thanks for your insight.0
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